wow

ms_wonderland wrote: @maysay, I understand that. Hell, I've felt the same way before but if you're not comfortable in your own skin around someone you're sleeping with then I don't feel that being in a relationship is a healthy option until u find someone who fits a certain maturity level.

Ok picture this...

You've dated someone for several months. Y'all are finally about to get down. For it to even have gone this far is an indicator that everything is all to the good (you're feeling good about you, he's feeling good about him, y'all are feeling good about each other). He's told you how beautiful you are to him...and not in a shallow way...but in the way that people do who've known each other for several months and are planning to build something together based on real regard.

As you undress and start to reveal more of your body to him...you see a flash in his eye. His whole face changes for just a few seconds. He's seen them and you know he's seen them...there's nothing to do but go forward because this is the real you. You know he still likes you and wants to be with you and all that jazz...but you also know that look...that visceral reaction of disgust. He can't control that...he's just been groomed in a society that says this thing is ugly.

You know that he'll never be able to recite lyrics of love songs talking about his woman's beautiful, smooth skin and think of you. Or be able to proudly say "yeah that's my girl" while you prance around in a bikini somewhere. You've lost something...well you never had it in the first place. And he still cares about you and isn't going to end the relationship over stretchmarks...but those few moments when the facade is pulled away...they hurt. And you won't forget them.

So whether it's bad acne, stretchmarks, thin/short/nonexistent hair...if folks feel the need to cover it up by any means necessary...I can't fault them for that.

Rumbera wrote: I've been on BHM long enough that everyone has an opinion.   People live in weaves 365 days a years and rarely see their real hair. But, we give that a pass.   I think that is being deceitful like makeup.

People have said similar things about weaves.

Rumbera wrote: I've been on BHM long enough that everyone has an opinion.   People live in weaves 365 days a years and rarely see their real hair. But, we give that a pass.   I think that is being deceitful like makeup.

I agree. That's why I had to show my bfs my real hair. I was responding directly to bunny saying men should know whether they're procreating with Halle berry or Fantasia

Edited by ms_wonderland - Jan 11 2013 at 1:22pm

ms_wonderland wrote: Rumbera wrote: I've been on BHM long enough that everyone has an opinion.   People live in weaves 365 days a years and rarely see their real hair. But, we give that a pass.   I think that is being deceitful like makeup. I agree. That's why I had to show my bfs my real hair. I was responding directly to bunny saying men should know whether they're procreating with Halle berry or Freddy Jackson.

tasty0619 wrote: ms_wonderland wrote: Rumbera wrote: I've been on BHM long enough that everyone has an opinion.   People live in weaves 365 days a years and rarely see their real hair. But, we give that a pass.   I think that is being deceitful like makeup. I agree. That's why I had to show my bfs my real hair. I was responding directly to bunny saying men should know whether they're procreating with Halle berry or Freddy Jackson. But the difference is you are comfortable with your real hair. What if you had alopecia? Or some other issue causing you to have bald spots? Would you or anyone else be quick to judge, or would you empathize with that person?

With the first boyfriend I wasn't. It was at a time where my hair was completely broken off from coloring, relaxing, not taking care of it under my weave etc. It was all bad believe me. I would've never gone in public without other hair on. Years later with my new guy, I had repaired my hair and didn't feel insecure.