Would you wait for a man to...

NJHairLuv wrote: on the real, the only thing that matters is where is the man that is looking past my damm unreached potential. how bout that.

[ak] guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurllllllllllllllll [/ak] 

YoursTruly wrote: get himself together. Let's say you're in your 30s, you own your own home, own car, great career, no kids. You meet a great man the same age as you (he's hilarious, smart, tall, dark, & handsome, no kids)....he has all the personality traits (and look) you're looking for EXCEPT he doesn't have his financial $hit together. He's looking for a better job, trying to go school, get a better car, and take care of his credit. On one hand I say help him out, motivate him, help build the brotha up....but.....on the other hand I'm like yall the same damn age so why couldn't he have gotten his stuff together by now too. Would you wait for him to get this $hit together or would you keep it moving?

Okay, you have got to think of Black men JUST like other men. They do not need your pity nor for you to prop them up because they are having a hard time. DUH! They will resent you for it in the end and dump you.

He is a man … so let him be a man. Geesh!

I think your relationship with this fella is ‘star crossed’ and ill-timed because if at this moment you are doing well, on your feet, financially, etc and you say he is trying to enroll in school so that he can gain an education and get a decent job, pay off his debt and get on his feet?

Well, then basically he is starting all over again … at ground 0.

This means you will have years and years of ‘waiting’ for him to work his way up to your level and in all that time .. do you think he is going to want to be with a woman that has to pay for dinner, pay for vacations, pay for pretty much anything that cost more than a movie and a box of popcorn? He may even have another setback have to start all over again … twice.

Nooo. Maybe it will be okay in the beginning but as you earn more, try nicer things .. the further away he will fade into the background … this will be crushing to his ego.

Likely he will meet some nice girl in school who is doing worse than him. She’s got a good personality etc. too but she LOOKS UP to him for a change so he can play the ‘man’ with her! This is the natural order of things afterall.

So then you would have wasted your prime baby-making years on a man...that has moved on without you. Maybe that was not his intention … but life happens.

I think if you like this guy, sure you can remain friends but DATE other men because you deserve to have a real relationship and move on with your life.

(Maybe in 10 years after he has broken up with several gfs and you have broken up with several bfs AND he is on his feet .. you can make a go of it. But .. this would be a BIG maybe so don't hold your breath.)

But as it stands – NO, do not wait on this man to get it together. Date other guys.

Printer_Ink wrote:  but as you earn more, try nicer things .. the further away he will fade into the background … this will be crushing to his ego. Likely he will meet some nice girl in school who is doing worse than him. She’s got a good personality etc. too but she LOOKS UP to him for a change so he can play the ‘man’ with her! This is the natural order of things afterall.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie wrote: We say to girls "You can have ambition But not too much You should aim to be successful But not too successful Otherwise you will threaten the man"

Ladies, we need to teach our sons better. Dont be insecure about the success of your woman. Let it motivate you to do better


Edited by eanaj5 - Jan 26 2014 at 8:09am

^^^^^ We also need to teach our daughters to enjoy or success alone if need be before we go dumpster diving for a man since, we have the good job , house and feel like something is missing

It depends. If he's actually trying to get it together then I probably would.