Womens, how hard is it NOT to have kids?!?!

newdiva1 wrote: lanae wrote: I'm 24, childless and keep getting approached by divorced fathers. idk what it is. Ppl w/ kids should date each other bc they have much more in common *shrugs*       but most don't want to date another person with kids.  why?  cause they want that other person to put their child first.

this is true

a few things ive read here that amaze me

wont deal with a guy with kids coz you wont be number

wont deal with a guy with kids coz he might be shagging his baby momma

wont deal with a kids whilst they themselves have a child because they wont be number one

wont deal with a guy with kids whilst they themselves have a kid because the guy with said kid might be shagging his babymomma .. but wait what??! doesnt that also mean.. (fill in ,no pun, the blanks)

the list is endless

afrokock wrote: newdiva1 wrote: lanae wrote: I'm 24, childless and keep getting approached by divorced fathers. idk what it is. Ppl w/ kids should date each other bc they have much more in common *shrugs*       but most don't want to date another person with kids.  why?  cause they want that other person to put their child first.    this is true a few things ive read here that amaze me wont deal with a guy with kids coz you wont be number wont deal with a guy with kids coz he might be shagging his baby momma wont deal with a kids whilst they themselves have a child because they wont be number one wont deal with a guy with kids whilst they themselves have a kid because the guy with said kid might be shagging his babymomma .. but wait what??! doesnt that also mean.. (fill in ,no pun, the blanks) the list is endless

 

afrokock wrote: and my personal favourite, only a real man can deal with a woman who has a child whaaat? does that mean only a real woman can deal with a man with a child?? y'all got that fuccked up mentality thing going on.

 

Edited by newdiva1 - Feb 05 2013 at 2:47am

modelbusiness82 wrote: Kocoa wrote: 30 and childless checking in. The only thing I could say about this (and I'll tell e'erbody) is: There's no way I'm having kids on my own. I am not a strong woman, I cannot take the struggle. And honestly, there's no shame in saying this and I wholeheartedly agree. Short of some crazy scenario happening (divorce, widowed, etc), I have no desire to CHOOSE to raise a child solo. I get tired of BW having the mantra shoved down our throats that we're supposed to ALWAYS be stronger than the rock of Gibraltar and ready to take on every trial and tribulation that life has to give us entirely solo - in other words "I don't need a man". Although it can be done, it's not ideal to be a single parent. It took more than one person to make the baby, it takes more than one to raise a baby.

That's down to the point for me. I've seen too many women having to chase men down trying to get them to hold down their baby while she working 2 jobs or the late shift. That ish does not even remotely look fun.

newdiva1 wrote: ^^^^@model.  I think the message got twisted over time.  My gramma used to say she didn't need a man but that didn't mean that she didn't want one.  She did what she had to do to take care of her babies while she was single. I think AA women back in the day were taught to be self sufficient in case of your man gettin' lynched, sent off to war along with the off chance of divorce.   Back in the day....to be self sufficient not only as a matter of personal pride in being able to take care of yourself but just in case.....just in case.   I think around the late 60's it morphed into you don't need a man period ....that's what alot of women started teaching their girls (for various reasons).   They would give their girl children only half of the African American Proverb.

^do you know that thought never even remotely entered my head at all? I really thought that mantra primarily came about by feminism/womanism.

@ Kocoa....my gramma is from Miss'sippi.  U still have lynchings that go on today but back when she was coming up.  It was an everyday real fear. U weren't sure if pop pop/husband/brother or whoever else would come home that day when they went to town.  Miss'sippi wasn't....prolly still ain't no joke.  My gramma picked up and went north as soon as she could. 

Edited by newdiva1 - Feb 05 2013 at 5:54am