A tall, Blonde, hazel eyed Arian Beauty walked into my Black-owned, professionally-hood barber shop today, greeted by a cascade of compliments, as each patron’s brown eyes followed her from the very moment she got out of her car.
She had successfully made it pass the dozen Brown Skinned Beauties standing outside of the barbershop, staring daggers at her.
There are always at least a dozen Black Women standing outside my barbershop, dressed in club attire, hair freshly done, make-up on point, high heel game vicious, wearing their best body suit or mini skirt.
These Women have careers, own businesses & are in grad school, pre law, & pre med, yet they commute at least once a week to stand in front of a barbershop, like it is a night club line, for at most an hour, until a man notices them enough to approach her and ask her for her number on his way in, or out of the barber shop.
But when they saw this Stacy Keibler
looking young woman stroll onto their territory,
tossing her hair as she walked,
they automatically assumed she was
entering the nail shop right next door,
which is why they allowed her to pass them.
After she walked into the barbershop,
however, needless to say, they were noticeably disgruntled.
Before she walked in, out of the periphery
of my eye, I saw a group of Black Men,
previously all having separate conversations,
simultaneously migrate from their chairs,
and stampede towards the huge storefront
window; like a heard of antelope about
to hurdle over Mufasa’s dead corpse.
“It’s snowing out here!” – one man yelled
with a smirk, obviously referring to the fact,
the young woman was “White”.
“Ooooo the cutie got a little booty too,”
- another man generously exaggerated,
scrunching up his eyes,
mouth and; face as he uttered the words
“cutie, booty and ooooo” respectively.
“You know that’s Gus’ old lady don’t cha?”
- a barber warned, with a mischievous smirk.
Gus is one of my acquaintances.
The word “friend” or “homie” wouldn’t
be appropriate for me to use, as it
implies Gus and I being like minded.
Despite this mutually know nuance,
Gus greeted me with the “homie hug”
as he dapped up and showed love
to every man in the shop, including me.
“Ebrahim Aseem, what up young sir,” he said, greeting me.
He did this, not just as a greeting.
Rather, he wanted to flaunt something to us.
He was showing off his trophy that was
holding onto his left hand with her right.
His newly wed wife.
I knew his wife before she even became
his fiancee. I went on a double-date with her,
Gus and a Brown Skinned Eritrean Beauty
last summer, when the weather was warmer,
and the “snow” wasn’t exclusively
occupying the forecast of Gus’ heart.
She smiled at every man in the shop,
while accompanying Gus on his homie-hug rodeo.
But when she saw me, she said,
“A-braham! Omg how is your little
cheesecake catering business going?
My mother loved those Oreo Cheesecakes
I ordered from you.”
And gave me a hug, as I sat in the barber chair.
The stain of envy painted on the faces
of every man in the shop, except Gus,
resembled the color of the type of
smoothie morbidly obese men drink,
as they prepare for their “summer body”.
Green. Their faces were green with envy,
because this Caucasian goddess was giving me attention.
In the Black Male community,
there is a mental pedestal on which
many men place White Women,
as they view them considerably
more desirable than Women of their OWN race.
Gus, was not an exception to this rule,
which is why he was parading his
newly wed wife in a Black barber shop,
in front of a group of thirsty wolves.
Unbeknownst to me, this would be
a forum for one of the most racially
confrontational debates I have ever taken part of.
“Business is going well,” I responded in a
voice much deeper than her seemingly squealing-tone.
“I see you’re not wearing a wedding band Mr. Aseem,”
she continued, visibly taken aback,
“why the hell are you still dating black women?
I know a couple of my girls from the East
who would love to marry a great guy like you.”
You would expect the crowd of men to fall
silent at the echoing of such a racially loaded question right?
Well, if this is your expectation,
you’re under estimating the degree
to which many Black Men worship
the ground White Women walk on.
Those idiots smiled and chuckled,
practically giving her a pass for
such a statement. I, on the other hand,
wasn’t as forgiving.
“Why the hell am I still dating Black Women?”
I quoted, mocking her ignorance with my tone.
“Because none of them would ever disrespect
my race the way you just did.”
“She’s just keeping it real,”
Gus smirked, so smugly,
that I almost felt more
disgusted with him than her.
“No disrespect A-braham,” she explained,
piggy-backing off of her husband.
“But Black Women do indeed
disrespect your race all the time.
Twerking? Please, and not to
mention their constant sista-girl attitude.
I swear, you would think they’re
on their periods non-stop.”
Suddenly, I smiled, because I realized
what was transpiring right before my brown eyes.
This seemingly-bold woman
was not disrespecting Black Women
With her OWN words. She was being loyal
to her man’s words, albeit offensive, to his own race.
I had heard that “non-stop period” remark
repeatedly from Gus, when he would
complain about his child’s mother,
how she was so immature, so angry,
so bipolar, and yet, he was the one
who made the choice to sleep with
her immature, angry, bipolar
ass in the first place.
Many Black Men talk down about
Women of their OWN race to their
girlfriends of other races, in a
twisted effort to build those women up.
And “talk down about” is putting it mildly.
They will tell their girlfriends:
“Black Women never want to do fun things, like snorkeling with the dolphins and white-water rafting, because they’re too concerned with getting their nappy hair wet.”
“Black Women always have something smart-ass to say, even when they’re wrong, because their insecurities make them feel they always have to defensively get the last word.”
“Black Women are completely fake, hair, make-up, nails, ass, even when she’s being nice, she is only doing that to hide her anger. Everything is an act with them.”
“Black Women treat their man like she’s his mama. They baby you, constantly correct you, then have the condescending nerve to ask why you’re aren’t acting like a man.”
“Black Women want to be the man, and wear the pants in the relationship.”
“Black Women are extremely undomesticated. They can’t cook, clean, wash clothes, and have no intention to make a house or cater to a man.”
“Black Women always want to hit you with that “sista” attitude whenever you say something she disagrees with. Yet, when she’s wrong about something, she’s as quiet as a mouse, never willing to openly admit when she’s wrong.”
“Black Women are always mugging & frowning for no reason. They rarely, if ever, smile and she only smiles when she’s really mad or upset about something, which is psycho. You know she’s mad about something when she’s smiling or laughing, with her evil ass.”
Black Men tell their White Girlfriend
And any woman other then Black women
these stereotypical insults of Black Women
as a form of inception, in hopes to
pump their heads up with a
false sense of superiority.
This self racist form of incept-psychology
does not work on Strong Minded Women,
no matter her race.
Yet, it will work perfectly on any woman
who’s insecurity level is low enough
that she would allow a man
to slander any woman in front of her,
regardless of that woman’s race.
With this in mind, I directed my retort of his
wife’s ignorant assertion to Gus and her, simultaneously.”
“Do you ever question how Gus can
talk down so much about women
of his own race, when his OWN mother
is a Black Woman?,” I asked her, rhetorically.
“How can you as a woman acquiesce
to your husband’s slandering of other women,
no matter their race? And How can you
talksh*t about Black Women and call
yourself a real father bruh, you have children
by Black women. Your OWN daughter is a Black Woman.”
They interrupted me while I was speaking,
but I kept talking through their rebuttals.
“I love Black culture Mr. Aseem,” she defended,
“I plan on giving birth to mixed Black
babies with him. My husband is a strong,
Black man. I love everything about his culture.”
“Just because you choose to only date Black Men,”
I retorted, “does not mean you love Black culture.
No. You just love Blackdick.
Be honest with yourself.”
“I don’t have to apologize for loving Black men,”
she defended, carefully transposing the word
I used for “men”, to hide what was her true love.
“You just love who you love, race doesn’t matter.”
“If that’s true,” I responded calmly,
“and race indeed doesn’t matter,
why then do you question my reasons
for choosing to still date Black Women?”
“Because you’re limiting yourself, A-braham,”
she replied, mispronouncing my name for the umpteenth time.
“There is so much more out there than
what you’re subjecting yourself to.
I have a Filipino girlfriend who would
be perfect for you. She’s more on your
mental level, but if you choose to keep
entertaining ghetto, ratchet, loud, mean,
Homely-looking, weave-wearing, rude,
classless women, with an attitude,
you will be waiting a long time
to be a husband. Statistics show
Black Women are the lowest percentage
of women who marry.
I just don’t want you to
run an unwinnable race.”
“Please stop calling me “A-braham, it’s E-bruh-heem,”
I corrected, in the most polite way I could.
“The type of classless women you
just described come in ALL races.
Being uncouth is not exclusive to
Black women. Nether are weaves.
In fact, the usage of weaves &
Extensions in this country has always
been dominated by Caucasian women.
And it’s not a bad thing if White women,
or green women for that matter,
choose to wear added hair,
that’s their choice. But please understand,
not all Black women are the same,
even with that said, the classless
Black woman you just described
is far few in between.
Don’t let reality tv fool you,
nor dictate to you the cultural behaviors
of a whole race of people,
based purely off of staged television shows.”
“I’m not basing it off tv,” she defended.
“The pack of hood rats huddled up
outside is proof I’m not being racist.
Gus told me they come here everyday,
fishing for a man like you.
You and I both know, there’s a reason
none of those ratchets have yet to catch your eye.
It’s because you, like many men in your culture
are too strong, intelligent and successful
to ever give any of those girls the time of day.
They claim they want a good man,
yet have they ever had one?
Do they know how to attract and keep one?
No, because judging by their immature
mentality and poor actions,
they don’t deserve a strong,
black husband like mine.”
My mother is a Black Woman, you know,”
I replied. “She raised me in Fillmore,
just blocks away from here.
Are you saying, because my mother
grew up in a Black neighborhood,
she doesn’t deserve a strong Black husband?”
“Of course not,” she answered,
extremely apologetically. “I can tell your
mother is an amazing Black woman,
she raised and sculpted a king of a Black man.
But it is her who deserves a Good Black man,
not some ghetto, uneducated young woman,
with no class, with no career,
no degree and nothing to show for herself.
Look, I’m very sorry if you felt I indirectly
disrespected your mother in any way.
I would never disrespect anyone’s mother,
especially a good Black mother, because
I know how hard it is for them
to raise a bunch of kids by herself.”
“You know, those girls out there are
somebody’s mother,” I enlightened her.
“Every Black woman you see is
somebody’s sister, somebody’s daughter
and somebody’s mother
and they all deserve respect.”
“I understand that, I’m so sorry if I offended you,”
she apologized. “But I deserve respect as well.
Why don’t I deserve a strong black man?”
“I never said you didn’t,” I corrected.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she continued.
“I just assumed you were saying you had a
problem with my dating your friend,
because he’s a Black man and I am a White woman.”
“Well you assumed wrong,” I corrected.
“I have Caucasian ancestors somewhere
in my ancestry, so for me to feel that way
would be ignorant and hypocritical.
But for me to stop dating Black Women,
as you suggested, would not only be ignorant,
it would be a slap in the face to
my own mother, who is a Black Woman.”
“I wouldn’t go as far as to say that,” she replied.
“Gus’ mother loves me and she knows
her son choose a woman who is not afraid
to treat her son like a man.
And respect him like one.
That’s what you deserve.
You don’t deserve to be with a woman
who isn’t willing to change for you
and be submissive for you sometimes.
You have to ask yourself, is that
what you are willing to settle for
just because you want to marry
a woman the same race as your mother.”
“Is that why you think Gus married you?”
I asked her with a slight smile.
“Understand, this man loves you.
But you have to ask yourself why
have so many of the Black Men
you’ve dated felt the need to base
their love for you on slandering Black Women
as a whole? Why is the best complement
a Black Man can give you, “you treat me
like a man, while these sistas always
want to control me and act like they’re my mother.”?
That it’s self is no compliment.
It is a compliment by default.
Notice every thing these Black men
who say they “don’t date Black Women”
love about White Women is
an inverted contrast to a characteristic they as men
feel women of their own race either lack or display poorly.”
“So you’re saying I only love my woman,
because her character and personality
is the opposite of many Black Women?”
Gus asked with a smirk, breaking his silence.
“No, that’s what you’re saying every time you,
the father of a Black girl,
say that you don’t date Black Women,”
I answered. “What I am saying is for
a Black man to love a White Woman
is a beautiful thing. But for any Man
to say he doesn’t date any woman
of his own race, the same race as
his mother, that is ignorant. Love has no color.
How then can you say you choose not to love
a woman just because of her color?
Not only is that ignorant, that’s a half truth.
The truth is any Man who says they
can not date any woman of their
OWN race, because of her race,
is really admitting he is a coward.
“Oooooo,” many men in the shop responded.
“So you’re calling my man a coward?”
She snapped in shock.
“Absolutely,” I responded in my normal
deep tone of voice. “In your own bible,
It says Jesus said, ‘a man will be easier
received and welcomed in a forgiven land
than in his OWN. The excellency of wisdom
in this scripture highlights the ease one is
acclimated into a foreign environment
or culture compared to their own.
As strict as a child’s family is, rather that
child be White, Black, Dominican, Indian,
Greek or otherwise, that child knows a
family outside of their culture will always
treat them with and receive them with more ease,
in regard to confronting their
shortcomings or disciplining their misbehavior.
Simply put, Men who say they
“don’t date women of their own race”
say that, because they are too cowardly
and weak minded to be in a relationship
with a strong woman of their own race,
who will tell him when he is wrong,
call him on his B.S. and correct him.
I live in an upscale apartment building
in downtown San Francisco, right by
the Bay Bridge, and nearly all of the
White Men who live in my building
are married to Asian women.
Nearly all the Asian men who
live in my building are dating Indian women.
I’m happy they found love. Love has no race.
Yet, if these men choose to be with these
women solely because of the color of their skin,
and purely because the don’t date
women of their OWN race, they are
not only cowards, they are falsifying
their love for the women they are with.
Love has no race.
Spirits have no race.
We are all spirits, wrapped in the human
Form, like a gift wrapped inside a box.
Who cares what color the box is?
It’s the treasure inside that is to be valued, not it’s container.
People who only date “light skin people”
or only date “dark skin people” are ignorant.
I have never seen a heart love more or love less,
based on the skin color of the person the heart resides in.
Lightskin does not mean prettier.
Darkskin doesn’t mean ugly.
Lightskin doesn’t mean one is stuck-up or SOFT.
Darkskin doesn’t mean one is humble or HARD.
White doesn’t mean she’s slEASY or submissive.
Black doesn’t mean she’s Ghetto or uneducated.
Latin doesn’t mean she has an Attitude or is crazy.
Asian doesn’t mean she’s timid and weak minded.
Filipino doesn’t mean she’s irrational or homicidal.
Pretty doesn’t mean she’s Bipolar or cocky.
When we limit ourselves or judge people
based off race or the color of their skin,
we allow ourself to miss out on the
most compatible person for us.
I learned as a man, we have to stop
trying to CONTROL a strong minded women.
In that same regard, we have to STOP placing
labels on women, as “submissive” or “non-submissive”.
A weak woman and a submissive woman are not the same.
Strong women are constantly misunderstood
as “crazy” or “annoying” by weak males
who aren’t man enough to handle her.
Shes not “crazy” she’s passionate.
She’s not “bipolar” she just treats
people differently, based off how THEY treat HER.
She’s not “talking back” she just speaks
her mind, despite what anyone feels or thinks about it.
A strong minded woman will NEVER
be submissive to a weak man.
If she sees he cannot assume the Alpha role,
she will walk all over him.
A strong minded woman
will happily submit herself mentally to a
strong man who mentally DEMANDS her respect
with his mentality,
Who can respect her enough NOT to try and
change her and who can assume the ALPHA role.
The reason many men don’t wife or cuff
strong minded women,
or say they don’t date women of their own race
is, because he subconsciously
feels inferior to her intelligence.
“SHUT UP” is a term
weak men with limited vocabulary use
to silence a woman who speaks her mind.
We have to Man up our mentality.
If she talks too much,
It’s because we as men are not doing enough.
Taking control of a woman’s MIND with
our conversation will render her SPEECHLESS.
The reason strong minded women
have a smart mouth & talk back
Is not because she’s “masculine” NO.
She knows she can play a man’s Alpha role
better than him, With her intelligence.
and can we as men STOP trying to
CONTROL a strong woman?
Some men say, “but I need a woman to listen to me, not correct
Me! treat me like a MAN dammit!
First of all, how much a woman listens to us
Is NOT a reflection of how much of a man we are.
If a man feels that, he obviously has
Very low self esteem.
Second, by a man choosing ONLY
Weak, submissive women who he KNOWS
Will never challenge anything he says,
It shows he is SCARED of a woman’s strength.
If the only way a man is attracted or aroused by the
Company of a woman is if she bows down to him,
That is scary, and the early stages of
Him being on the down low. Oh, trust me.
You get off on power struggle huh?
You like a woman to treat you like you’re her daddy huh?
Yeah, that’s a weak man.
A real STRONG man can humble himself to listen to his woman.
A KING has no intention of trying to
Change or CONTROL a queen,
He WANTS his woman to be just as strong and outspoken as
Him, with her OWN mind, because he knows,
His woman’s strength is a reflection of his.
Iron sharpens iron.
As men, we have to allow our strong Woman
to be the iron that sharpens our iron.
As men, We must STOP choosing to cuff these weak women.
A weak female can never compare to a Strong Minded Woman.
A strong woman knows how
to submit herself mentally.
she’s just waiting for a strong man
to prove himself worthy
who can assume control as the alpha.
a weak man knows
he isn’t strong enough mentality
to play the ALPHA male role.
So he cuffs a weak woman
so he will be the alpha by default.
All men are not dogs.
All men are not incapable of being monogamous .
All men are not incapable of engaging in deep thought.
The reason strong women
constantly get their heart broken,
by lying cheating men is, because
those women are subconsciously attracted
to something about that weak man who
Lies & fronts, pretending to be sweet &
caring & strong when those men are really weak.
A strong woman must protect her self
from heartbreak by never allowing
a weak lying man to have her heart,
just because he throws down in bed,
or makes her feel beautiful,
or because she is so physically attracted to him.
Strong women innately have a women’s intuition.
All women can tell when they
first meet a man if he is full of B.S., lying or playing a role.
Some women simply choose to turn of her blinders
just because she is feeling him & catching feelings.
A strong woman never has to Dumb down
her strength to attract a man.
Her mental strength is like a magnet,
It will repel weak metal minded men,
And attract a strong ROCK of a man.
I refuse to stop dating Black Women,
because if I do, with those actions,
I would be telling my mother she’s not
worthy of being chosen by the type
of strong man she raised.
I would be telling my future daughter
she’s not worth enduring challenges
that a man may face in building a relationship with her.
I would be disrespecting The Holy Spirit,
who choose women to give life
and who choose life to originate on African soil.
Every human originated from the womb
of an African woman,
and for me to choose not to date any of them,
because of their skin color,
would be disrespect to the ONE who created me.
Besides, I’m not afraid of a strong minded woman.
I prefer a woman with a smart mouth and a little attitude.”
I filled my cheeks up with air,
so my barber could finish shaving my beard.
Once he finished lining me up,
I grabbed my phone,
Navigated to my ‘Notes’ app And begin
Typing up as much of the conversation as I could remember.
By: Ebrahim Aseem