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What would you do?

 
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Gkisses View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Gkisses Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:07pm
I mean yes and no its honorable for him to step up but not if the weight if it all falls in her lap. There are a lot of other factors that have to be addressed. Would raising this child mean pushing her desire to have her own child off to the back burner?

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f8dagrate View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote f8dagrate Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:07pm
Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

this happened to us a few years into our 'intentionally planned and meticulously crafted' LOL childless marriage. When my sister died , I became guardian to her 8 yr old son. Hub and I had already had the discussion before marriage that we didn't want any kids but we ended sorta raising one. Best laid plans and all.

This is why I think that even if you plan for everything things can still change in your marriage and you have to be able to (and willing to) adapt. At the point that a child came into the pix, hub could have said 'I didn't sign up for this so I'm out.'

eta: so no one ask what I would have done if shoe was on other foot. lol
Noooooooooooooooooooo,CryCry
I love planning.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote mizzsandra00 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:10pm
Originally posted by f8dagrate f8dagrate wrote:

Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

She does have every right to leave if thats not what she wants......but I think she will regret leaving a good dude for doing an honorable thing......

Man, probably  but that definitely would put a strain on the relationship. No way I'm in my 30's in a relationship (wanting to get married) for three years and not wifed up. Ain't nobody got time for thatCry


I don't see the timeline being that bad....more people should court for a few years.....you don't know a person until that third year......a friend of mine is getting married a month after her one anniversary.....I hope they make it but.....thats just seems too fast to me.....Sleepy
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mizzsandra00 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote mizzsandra00 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:12pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

I mean yes and no its honorable for him to step up but not if the weight if it all falls in her lap. There are a lot of other factors that have to be addressed. Would raising this child mean pushing her desire to have her own child off to the back burner?



I don't think it will TBH....even if he has his cousin....he will still want his own.....and will the state give him financial assistance?
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Gkisses View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Gkisses Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:19pm
Im not sure...could try to get child support but doubt it would be enough. Im sure he would be willing to still have the kid but she may not think its financially possible. She may fear that she'll be forced into a position shes not ready for. I just feel there are other issues going on in this relationship.



But at least this isnt as bad as the thread about bringing in 5 kids


Eta- if this is something he wants to do and its that important to him he should just do it and not make the choice hers to make. Theyre not married but they seem to be playing house..

Edited by Gkisses - May 27 2014 at 1:22pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:20pm

I didn't agree with painting her as a bad person

everyone isn't ready for a huge, unplanned commitment like that

better she be honest with herself than want to be the good person others want her to be

her true feelings would eventually show
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mangachan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:20pm
My first thoughts about this is how does she actully feel about this?  I mean, personally I wouldn't want a man with a child because that would make me question his morals an values (i.e how he felt about divorc/ sex out of marriage, etc)  so that TO ME would make this a different situation.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote goodm3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:24pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

I mean yes and no its honorable for him to step up but not if the weight if it all falls in her lap. There are a lot of other factors that have to be addressed. Would raising this child mean pushing her desire to have her own child off to the back burner?


this..im sure she'll be involved if he gets the kid. Not everyone is ready for PTA meetings, leaving work in a rush to pick him up from school, packing lunches, etc...

and we can't say that his decision to want to get the child is not based on the notion that he'll have her help.
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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 1:55pm

yeah he may think she is automatically okay with this and that she will be there

if he feels this way he needs to tell her
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Findingmyme Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 4:56pm
I would support my man in this situation, but would completely understand if she decided to leave.
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