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What would you do?

 
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goodm3 View Drop Down
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    Posted: May 27 2014 at 10:22am
I have a friend who is dating a guy. They've been dating almost 3 years and are on the road to getting married. (they talked about marriage and are currently looking to pre-martial counseling since things have slowed down with their work schedules)
 
Both guy and girl are 31 and 32 respectively.... neither of them have kids

Recently...the guy's little cousin(7 years old) went missing and was placed in protective custody. The state will not release him to his bio-mother, his bio-father is not in the picture...and others in the family who have stepped up have criminal records so the state will not release the little boy to them either....

Her guy has stated that he wants to get the child...but has NOT outright asked for her opinion on it.

Would you stay knowing that essentially you will be marrying a guy with a kid?

My friend has told me in the past that she only wants to have 1 child because of time and money involved with raising kids. (she didn't say this...but I think she's feels like if her SO raises this little boy, this will be her responsibility as well and I don't think she likes the idea of ready-made families)
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ThatGurlD View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (11) Thanks(11)   Quote ThatGurlD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 10:24am
It's family.  Where is this 7-year-old supposed to go?  This should be a red flag to both of them.  Her because she is seeing how big his heart is - which could lead to other "problems" down the line; and him because he's setting up to marry someone who would leave a 7-year-old in the cold for their dream life.  

Yes it is a big decision and should be discussed but it's family.  There will be many more situations to come so this one should be telling on both parts.
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jonesable View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (15) Thanks(15)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 10:30am
No time for discussion.
The little boy needed some place to go and if he would have let the little boy go into foster care that would have been disgraceful.

Ish happens.
She can either talk to him and deal with it or find her someone else.

TThat man did the right thing
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Im_oh_so_hott View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (6) Thanks(6)   Quote Im_oh_so_hott Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 10:30am
Yes i would stay, she's selfish if she'd end her 3+ year relationship because her man wants to be a decent MAN and take care of his FAMILY, IF she leaves, then he's better off without her. This kid isn't some baby he made on the side, or some random child dropped on their doorstep by a junkie.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote tatee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 10:32am
lol theyre not even engaged and theyre just talking about marriage and thinking about pre-marital counseling.  they need to start having real conversations because it sounds like they may want different things out of a family.  but like most people theyll probably wait until theyre actually married to have this conversation.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 11:39am
He should do what matters - which is to save the child from what could be traumatizing years in the foster care system.
She sounds a bit selfish. I get why she is put off by the fact that he didn't ask her opinion, but honestly, she should understand that right now his focus is on the kid.
She should stop the marriage talk for a while and let him enjoy the kid. She might like playing mommy too. Or not. Obstacles in life are what show us who people are.
Time will tell.


ps: he sounds like a very noble person with a good heart. she is an idiot.


Edited by sexyandfamous - May 27 2014 at 11:40am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 11:48am
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:


Her guy has stated that he wants to get the child...but has NOT outright asked for her opinion on it.

but I think she's feels like if her SO raises this little boy, this will be her responsibility as well and I don't think she likes the idea of ready-made families)


I wonder if he had asked her opinion if she would be honest about it. I bet he would have dumped her right there. Kid went missing, now is in foster care, probably traumatized, and she is worried about herself and her goals?!

She can leave him if she is not happy with the situation, but she has no right to tell him to not take the child in because of her.

Let him play father... a role that many men don't even consider after impregnating someone.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote mizzsandra00 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 11:56am
I would stay.... she's loves him for the same reason he wants to take in the child in.....and its family.....if the tables were turned shed want him to understand and be supportive....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote goodm3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 12:15pm
I haven't talked to her in a few days...but I am curious to know if she'd have a baby once they get married. 

If you only wanted 1 child and you took in 1..does that count or no? 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote miana79 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2014 at 12:34pm
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

I haven't talked to her in a few days...but I am curious to know if she'd have a baby once they get married. 

If you only wanted 1 child and you took in 1..does that count or no? 

The man has a good heart, whats the issue? Would she rather a cold hearted person that didn't care about jus family?
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