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Was my advice bad?

 
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morenaloca View Drop Down
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    Posted: Aug 10 2013 at 6:09pm
My best friend is going through a rough time. A few months ago, she had an excellent paying job but her boss was sexually harassing her. She went to HR and three days later she was fired. Unhappy She hired an attorney and started job hunting. Nothing came of the investigation and she has been going on lots of interviews but no job yet. At first, she was living off her savings but eventually it was gone. She had to start doing things like handwashing her clothes, going to the food bank and doing odd jobs online to pay for the extra things like cell phone bill, pg&e, internet, etc.

Well, a few weeks ago she tells me she's $300 short of rent. I asked her if she's close to any family members who can help her. She says no and I completely understand because neither do I. One day soon after, she told me that her bf of 7 months stopped by her house unannounced and caught her crying. He asked her why and she explained to him about her money problems. He didn't offer to help. He just said "keep your head up things will get better". She said "how?" what can happen in the next week so that I can pay my rent?" and he replied "I don't know...want to go out to dinner tonight?" They went out and he only paid for his food.

Now normally I don't think it's the boyfriend's responsibility to take on financial burdens like this but he's always at her place. He basically lives there part time; has extra clothes in her closet, she cooks for him at leas twice a week, etc. Plus, he's a hustler. Has two jobs and owns his own business (medical marijuana delivery service LOL). the day after she told him about her rent he went shopping LOL

I told her that she should take a break from dating and just get her stuff together. She broke up with him and told him that I told her to Confused I don't think it's such a bad idea but now he is upset and she is depressed. I ended up giving her the money for her rent, btw. My dad says I shouldn't have told her that but I think I should have. That guy is a distraction.
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TOUSHA11 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote TOUSHA11 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 10 2013 at 6:32pm
She needs to take responsibility for her own actions. You gave her some advice it does not mean she had to follow it she made her own choice. If it was me I would not be with a man that can not help me out when my back is against the wall and her back surely is. He took her out and only paid for his food and at her house all the time and got clothes there but can not help her out. It is not like she was trying to go shopping she trying to keep a roof over head. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote BBpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 10 2013 at 6:50pm
lmao

He aint sh*t!! He invited her out to dinner and didn't pay for her food? That's messed up! I think you gave her good advice. But she shouldn't blame you. If she didn't really want to break up with him, she wouldn't have listened to you.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote morenaloca Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 10 2013 at 6:51pm
I feel the same way. 7 months is not a long time to me but if they are close enough to be spending the night together and if he keeps clothes at her house, he should be willing to help her out.

I cook for my bf too but only if he buys the ingredients LOL


Edited by morenaloca - Aug 10 2013 at 6:54pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 11 2013 at 8:24am
I think you gave her good advice.
 
What kind of standup man lives with a woman part time, can't even buy her dinner and has nothing to offer her financially when he sees what kind of situation she is in?
 
No, she did not have to take your advice .. but that guy did not care about her IMO and if he does not care about her .. why is he there?


Edited by Printer_Ink - Aug 11 2013 at 8:25am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 11 2013 at 4:40pm
She is not depressed because she broke up, she is depressed because of her situation. It is really sad that she was fired and no one cooperated with the investigation so her former boss would get fired.
The boyfriend does not have any obligation in paying her rent, but he could have paid for her dinner when they went out. He clearly only cares about himself, so it was good that they are done. She will find a better man in the future but now she needs to focus on what to do in order to live well, not just pay next month's rent.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Majesty02 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 11 2013 at 5:39pm
OP yes you were right to tell her the truth. That's what friends are suppose to do. Its selfish of her so called boy friend to offer that generic advice saying " keep ya head up." He obviously doesn't truly care about her. If I'm having a major financial hardship it's my mans job to help out, he should do everything he can to help me. (if feasible) Op is a good friend. But this girl was wrong to tell her boy friend about what the OP said. Sounds like she's not strong enough to make her own decisions. The boy friends got mad cause he KNEW the OP was telling the truth.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 11 2013 at 10:51pm
you did her a favor. she'll thank you later.

something tells be she may go back to him. but with a guy like that....they won't last.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2013 at 3:08am
Why didn't she just come out and ask him for the money to pay the rent? Also, when they went out to eat, did she tell him she didn't have any money and couldn't pay for her meal? Men can be jerks, but I'm pretty sure he was waiting for her to ask him...but she was being too proud and just wanted him to offer it. Some men are like that, they want to be asked...it is lame, but yea. Anyways..that is probably the advice I would have given her..to just ask him straight out for the money and then if he said no I would have given her the advice you gave. 
Did she ask you for the money or did you just offer it? 

I know we all assume that people should just automatically do stuff for us when they see us down and out, but if you don't ask..then you can't be mad because someone didn't offer it. A closed mouth doesn't get fed. The whole sad sob story is old. Speak up. People aren't and shouldn't have to be mind readers. 

S/N: I hope you gave her that money without intentions of receiving it back...or not expecting it anytime soon. However, if you do want it back...be sure to ask her once her situation is better and not before lol 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Prazol60 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2013 at 3:58am
OP you were right. I mean she is going to a food bank and he can't pay for a meal? What the heck? Did he not know she lost her job and was having problems? Bum.
Good for you on being a good person and friend helping her out. Hopefully things will pick up for her soon.
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