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Trust Issues

 
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afrokock View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 6:38am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

i dont see it as trust issues per se. you don't know the man. you earn trust over time. it is not freely given bc of a title.
im the opposite,

i give you trust, and over time you either keep it or lose it
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eanaj5 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote eanaj5 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 6:49am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

i dont see it as trust issues per se. you don't know the man. you earn trust over time. it is not freely given bc of a title.
im the opposite,

i give you trust, and over time you either keep it or lose it

i think this is so backwards. How much trust can you really give someone you dont know that well. part of getting to know someone is trying to see if they are trust worthy.
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_leah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _leah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 7:02am
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

Originally posted by _leah _leah wrote:

We've been dealing for about a month and a half. It's still relatively new. No I haven't really had trust issues, I have gotten hurt before but it hasn't really affected the way I interact with the males in my life. This is the first time I've ever felt this way. 


Was it his idea or mutual to not be official? I ask because a month and a half is so soon to make things exclusive and ya'll aren't even in a relationship. I mean..why does he need to make it official now if he knows he got you on lock without being in one?

Also, I don't think he would bring it up to you if it was anything serious or a female. He could have been testing you by telling you that piece of info to see how you would react as well...or he the friend could have been more and he sensed your hesitation...the fact that he offered to buy you a ticket is one of the oldest tricks in the books..he needs to stop..knowing you aren't going to do all of that hahaha..

I don't know what to tell you at this point..he's already told you it wasn't like that, so I wouldn't bring it up again..I would however rethink this whole exclusive but not in a relationship situation you are in..don't let these dudes have it like that out here. It is okay to backtrack and if he is really feeling you he will step up and make it official, because it sounds like you want to be official, but maybe something was put out there to make you think that a dating situation like this is cool.

It was his idea to be official. The conversation went something like

Him: do you think it would be a lot to ask if we didn't have sex or date other people. 

Me: I'd already done that

Him: I'm glad we are on the same page, I really like you blah blah blah

Now I'm really not hung up on not having a title I'm not that girl & I don't think every man is like that I take it as we are making a decision to exclusively date one another to see if we could be serious later on. 
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_leah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _leah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:42am
After talking to him this morning I think you're right ^^^ eh, you win some you lose some. 
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Tbaby View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tbaby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:51am
But if you 2 are mutually exclusive and agreed to it, that IMO means you are serious already.  I get not being caught up on labels, but it does kind of sound like relationship purgatory as the other poster said.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.   Voice your concerns/uneasiness again--but based on your OP it sounds as if he knows you are uneasy about this and tried to work out a soln to help you.  That's very considerate of him.

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eanaj5 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote eanaj5 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:56am
yes OP drop him while there isnt any solid feeling invested. You will thank us later. And DONT let him sucker you back in. just let it go.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote EasterBell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:58am
Originally posted by Tbaby Tbaby wrote:

But if you 2 are mutually exclusive and agreed to it, that IMO means you are serious already.  I get not being caught up on labels, but it does kind of sound like relationship purgatory as the other poster said.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.   Voice your concerns/uneasiness again--but based on your OP it sounds as if he knows you are uneasy about this and tried to work out a soln to help you.  That's very considerate of him.

This is what I am thinking to.. You all are already BF/GF just without saying it because if you are just dating, he wouldn't say he wanted to be only with you.. You both would be free to do as you feel.. You all are exclusive, which means, in a way, you are serious and you are just hung up on that BF/GF label.. To me, to go exclusive with one means they are the one that you are going to be spending your time with and everybody else can just fall back..
 
I would say, the guy has told you what his plans are in detail. He is being upfront with you and letting you know that you can trust him or ,else, he wouldn't told you anything..
You may be a little insecure and it's kind of understandable due to your past. However, you should communicate with this guy and voice your concerns..


Edited by EasterBell - Nov 28 2012 at 9:00am
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_leah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _leah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:01am


^ I sent the first message about 30 minutes before his response. 


Sorry I know I'm divulging a lot of information, but I really do like him and if I'm overreacting I want to know. 


Edited by _leah - Nov 28 2012 at 9:02am
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eanaj5 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eanaj5 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:01am
How long have you known him for OP?
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_leah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _leah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:03am
We've known each other for about 5-6 months now but like I don't know how to explain it's not like we talked all the time but one day we just hung out and basically really hit it off. 

Edited by _leah - Nov 28 2012 at 9:03am
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