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Tough Love vs. "Judgmental"

 
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BeatriceBean View Drop Down
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    Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:23pm
Why is it that you can't give anyone some tough love today without being stamped "judgmental" or "condescending"? I understand that there is a line and some things don't really need to be said, but why does it seem like real talk has to be dipped in caramel and wrapped in a bow? It's good to be someone's cheerleader but at a certain point, someone who cares should give it straight because they actually believe that this person can do better.
 
I'm just tired of seeing people (our people especially) continue to be coddled into either mediocrity or failure.
 
/End Rant
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Bunnyahh View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bunnyahh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:30pm
examples so we can speak on it?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:33pm
I stopped giving my SO tough love because he doesn't respond well to it.

I love tough love best. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Random Thoughts Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:33pm
In the 313 thread someone said the posts were being judgmental. 
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BeatriceBean View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote BeatriceBean Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:40pm
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

examples so we can speak on it?
 
A 19-year-old young lady buys her boyfriend an X-box and games for Christmas. She is not in school, works at a grocery store, lives with mother, has no car, and her family has been on the brink of eviction several times.
 
Someone hops in and says, Girl you better save that money and let him buy his own X-box!
 
Girl, her mother, her sister blow up someone's phone all damn day talking about how judgmental this person is, telling her to mind her own damn business and let the girl live.
 
Just an example


Edited by BeatriceBean - Dec 21 2012 at 2:46pm
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jonesable View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:41pm
Wth

I blame her basic family.


Edited by jonesable - Dec 21 2012 at 2:42pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Flowing-Ice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:42pm
lmao... um that isn't judgmental. 
sounds like she comes from a family which encourages her messed up priorities. 
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alynxx View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote alynxx Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:49pm
Sometimes I love BHM so much! LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote beebeexx Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:54pm
criticizing the message is the easiest way to avoid having to accept it or look critically at your own situation.
but sometimes people do try to pass of being judgey as "tough love" or "keeping it real"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SoutherNtellect Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 21 2012 at 2:56pm
depends on the person
i dont respond to tough love. i'll shut down and respond with equal or worse bluntness
9 times out of 10 the person knows what they need to do, ur tough love or coddling wont make a difference
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