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PeacefulOne 
Elite Member
Joined: Jan 06 2006
Status: Offline
Points: 19914
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 Topic: Almost a year since my DH passed...(vent)
Posted: Jul 24 2014 at 4:27pm |
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BeatriceB, I had no idea you were going through such a difficult time, such a profound transition in life! As others have stated, there is no set time, it is just one step, one DAY at a time. I know that it is hard to imagine yourself ever being happy again, but I promise you will be. There is nothing wrong with feeling your pain, just don't forget to feel the tiny joyful moments too. Allow yourself to cry, but allow yourself to smile, and laugh, and one day, you will smile more than you cry.
I have a coworker who lost her husband; he was a young, well loved man, always kind to everyone. I worked with him also. I saw her hurting so badly, I just could not imagine how she actually could work! But little by little, she started to join in again, to share stories, to talk about her kids, and to laugh at work. It has been almost 2 years now, and she still gets sad! I get sad! But we smile now when we talk about him, and knowing him was a gift to us. He will live on in us.
God will give you strength, and you will give your children strength.
Tbaby hugs to you also! Such losses are not easy, and I admire those who get through such times with dignity and grace.
sorry for the long post . . .
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Adinkrah
VIP Member
Joined: Jul 29 2005
Location: United Kingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 7260
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Posted: Jul 23 2014 at 11:36am |
BB  I'm so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need, the board is always here to lend an ear if and when you need it .
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Tbaby
Platinum Member
Joined: Feb 27 2005
Location: Delta Quadrant
Status: Offline
Points: 78715
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 7:48pm |
My mom passed recently and its really been tough for me. However I really worry most about my dad. They were literally joined at the hip so even though I grieve for my mom, I know my dad is missing his love of his life for 55 years...Relish in your memories and don't be afraid to share with your children your pain. I think you will be surprised how much they want you to share your pain with them. And every day is a new day.
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sunshine321511
Elite Member
Joined: Mar 05 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 20961
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 7:22pm |
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I heard a saying that we can never accept the loss, we just learn to deal with it. I have a spouse and I know that you are going through a lot that no one else can imagine unless they have been through it. I would consider visiting daily strength, I went over and joined myself just to have another message board for support, reading, encouragement.
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ThatGurlD
Elite Member
Joined: Dec 09 2008
Location: Washington
Status: Offline
Points: 44492
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 6:12pm |
I take care of older patients and this is a topic that comes up all the time and the most random moments. People miss their one true love. I've seen people go on to be in other relationships and when that person leaves the room they began to tell me about their late spouse and how much they miss them through tears.
When your life is so intertwined with someone else's for so many years and everything you do someway ties back to them, how unimaginably devastating it must be to have that person ripped away. I say ripped because even if it is an expected death, the intricate meshing doesn't easily detangle, it tears. Every thread with a frayed, cut off end.
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Josephuss
VIP Member
Joined: Oct 07 2013
Location: DE
Status: Offline
Points: 10519
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 5:43pm |
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I would drop some Bible quotes regarding the matter that could help you cope, but im not on that level yet. Anyhow even though I never lost anyone really close to me, I understand mental wounds take time to heal just like physical ones, and can fester for a long time if not emotionally set properly, so you shouldnt feel like youre permanently trapped in an inescapable void especially after losing someone who meant so much less then a year ago. Just dont let people with little understanding of your situation determine how you should feel, being as though you cant change your emotions at the flick of a switch. Youre still missing him, and when you think of him, you feel the effects of his absence, and even though its good to think about him, dont hang on to your grief as the only way of keeping him in your memory or it will further inprison you. I guess you gotta get to a point of not feeling guilty for wanting to move on. Im saying I guess because youre the psychologist, and im just some guy. This sounded cliché, and probably been said, but some support from an internet stranger you may, or may not like shouldnt hurt.
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nekamarie83
Elite Member
Joined: Dec 28 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 169430
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 3:50pm |
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PurplePhase
Platinum Member
Joined: Jun 08 2004
Status: Offline
Points: 232632
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 1:08pm |
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afrokock
Elite Member
Joined: May 19 2008
Location: South London
Status: Offline
Points: 1266523
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 12:57pm |
 melikey wrote:
One thing that comes through your font is that you're a tremendously strong woman. I am happy you are in better spirits. |
^^
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NuAttitude
VIP Member
Joined: Feb 19 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 7548
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Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 9:52am |
Sorry for your loss. The Grieving process is different for everyone and it has no time limit. I just wanted to let you know that there is no reason for you to apologize. It's okay to grieve and you can take as long as you like. Just as long as it doesn't start affecting your day to day activities. I'm sure you know when it is time to seek help for yourself as well as your family. Yes, you are a Psychologist. Yes, you are a mom, but also remember you are human too and you're not immune to the help and/or advice you give your clients.
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Almost a year since my DH passed...(vent)
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