Black Hair Media Forum Homepage
BHM BHM BHM
Forum Home Forum Home > Lets Talk > Talk, Talk, and More Talk
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - People who love too hard
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login
Angkor Cambodian Hair
 

People who love too hard

 
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  123 4>
It Always Begin With Beautiful Hair

Bootiful Cream



Author
 Rating: Topic Rating: 1 Votes, Average 5.00  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
SoutherNtellect View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 02 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 198848
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote SoutherNtellect Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: People who love too hard
    Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 6:36pm
i overcompensate, if that's insecure
i try to give what i didnt get
or what i did get and felt others should have had

(didnt read whole thread so i may be off)


Edited by SoutherNtellect - Jul 06 2014 at 6:38pm
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Jul 20 2011
Location: SupaFlyKingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 157773
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 6:02pm
Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Going back to my cousin, I guess I'm gathering from the feedback that there isn't much more I can do, other than letting her know that I'm available if she needs anything :( I just feel a little helpless here.
I wish I could force her to seek help. But she's old school and it's not the type of thing she believes in. She thinks it's for white people.
pretty much. sometimes letting people vent/talk it out and know you're there is the most you can do. she's gonna make moves in her own time. 


I guess you're right. Trouble is she ain't venting or talking it out at all. She's just stuck in a deep depression, which is worrisome (not to mention the possibility for self harm). But yes, I suppose she will make moves in her own time and there is nothing I can do to rush this process along.
Back to Top
JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Jul 20 2011
Location: SupaFlyKingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 157773
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 6:00pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


I was referring to attachment theory

you are either secure or insecurely attached

insecure attachment styles are either preoccupied, dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant

preoccupied people have a negative view of self and a positive view of others

it drives them to be clingy and it's possible they "love hard"

depends on how you are defining "love hard"


I see. You look at it from a clinical psychology standpoint.

I think it's possible to be insecurely attached in a fearful avoidant kind of way without having a negative view of yourself though. Early life experiences tend to mold how you react to people. There's a saying in French that a cat that has been dipped in boiled water comes to fear the coldest of streams...
Back to Top
nekamarie83 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Dec 28 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 168261
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:59pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Going back to my cousin, I guess I'm gathering from the feedback that there isn't much more I can do, other than letting her know that I'm available if she needs anything :( I just feel a little helpless here.
I wish I could force her to seek help. But she's old school and it's not the type of thing she believes in. She thinks it's for white people.
pretty much. sometimes letting people vent/talk it out and know you're there is the most you can do. she's gonna make moves in her own time. 
Back to Top
JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Jul 20 2011
Location: SupaFlyKingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 157773
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:51pm
Going back to my cousin, I guess I'm gathering from the feedback that there isn't much more I can do, other than letting her know that I'm available if she needs anything :( I just feel a little helpless here.
I wish I could force her to seek help. But she's old school and it's not the type of thing she believes in. She thinks it's for white people.

Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:53pm
Back to Top
ModelessDiva View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Dec 31 2010
Location: <3 <3
Status: Offline
Points: 113491
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:48pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

I see where you're coming from.....but I have to partially disagree...

love in its entirety can be a dangerous emotion....for those who dont love themselves first....whether its easy love or hard love...there are women who do stupid things over guys they barely even love...

Its about knowing your self-worth.

You can love hard and still know your self worth at the end of the day...

And maybe loving deeply is a better term than loving hard...

I would hope and expect married couples to love each other deeply...
Loving easy sounds more of a term to describe a light-hearted and cute friendship...not anything with any type of seriousness or heavy commitment.

I wouldnt dare walk down any aisle with anyone I didnt love deeply. sounds like<b style="line-height: 1.4;"> a waste....
<b style="line-height: 1.4;">




I kind of see where you're coming from as well. It's just that to me there is loving HARD and loving TOO HARD. If I'm to take myself as an example, I have always loved myself enough to walk away FAST at the first sign of disrespect (at least when I became conscious of it and stopped living in a bubble). In fact, it's always been a policy of mine. In that regard, I differ from my cousin. But it doesn't mean the experience didn't kill a part of me, I can't lie about that. And that was a cost that was entirely too high and that indicates to me that I went TOO HARD. Of course you need to care deeply about the person with whom you're walking down the isle. But the mere fact that you KNOW that you will not compromise your self-respect to remain with that person shows you that there IS some level of temperance at play. The older I get, the more I realize that love should be as deep as it is reasonable. I don't have time to entertain fairy tales.

No you're absolutely right, I agree with you here.


Back to Top
JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Jul 20 2011
Location: SupaFlyKingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 157773
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:44pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


saying it stems from insecurity sounds like you are talking about a preoccupied attachment style

didn't read the other posts so I don't know if this was mentioned


What do you mean by preoccupied attachment style?
I mentioned earlier that all the women on my mother's side of the family tend to love too hard. At the end of the day, I'm assuming there are multi-generational reasons for that.
Back to Top
JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Jul 20 2011
Location: SupaFlyKingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 157773
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:41pm
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I don't know.  I have the opposite approach to men.  I'm very strategic about life.  I love myself.  If you love me too and offer me a good life, I will eventually love you for that.  The minute that changes, I no longer love what we have together and I'm more than able to move on.  I feel like that should be every woman's perspective on relationships.  That's what I plan to teach my daughter.


I applaud that perspective That is the best approach! I wish I had understood that when I was younger, the part about being strategic. I really do. this whole love you deeply with complete abandon thing is for the birds.

Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:41pm
Back to Top
JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Jul 20 2011
Location: SupaFlyKingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 157773
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:38pm
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

I see where you're coming from.....but I have to partially disagree...

love in its entirety can be a dangerous emotion....for those who dont love themselves first....whether its easy love or hard love...there are women who do stupid things over guys they barely even love...

Its about knowing your self-worth.

You can love hard and still know your self worth at the end of the day...

And maybe loving deeply is a better term than loving hard...

I would hope and expect married couples to love each other deeply...
Loving easy sounds more of a term to describe a light-hearted and cute friendship...not anything with any type of seriousness or heavy commitment.

I wouldnt dare walk down any aisle with anyone I didnt love deeply. sounds like<b style="line-height: 1.4;"> a waste....
<b style="line-height: 1.4;">




I kind of see where you're coming from as well. It's just that to me there is loving HARD and loving TOO HARD. If I'm to take myself as an example, I have always loved myself enough to walk away FAST at the first sign of disrespect (at least when I became conscious of it and stopped living in a bubble). In fact, it's always been a policy of mine. In that regard, I differ from my cousin. But it doesn't mean the experience didn't kill a part of me, I can't lie about that. And that was a cost that was entirely too high and that indicates to me that I went TOO HARD. Of course you need to care deeply about the person with whom you're walking down the isle. But the mere fact that you KNOW that you will not compromise your self-respect to remain with that person shows you that there IS some level of temperance at play. The older I get, the more I realize that love should be as deep as it is reasonable. I don't have time to entertain fairy tales.


Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:38pm
Back to Top
uppitynegroid View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar

Joined: Jul 28 2005
Status: Offline
Points: 46193
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:38pm
I don't know.  I have the opposite approach to men.  I'm very strategic about life.  I love myself.  If you love me too and offer me a good life, I will eventually love you for that.  The minute that changes, I no longer love what we have together and I'm more than able to move on.  I feel like that should be every woman's perspective on relationships.  That's what I plan to teach my daughter.
Back to Top
Get Longer Healthier Faster Growing Hair
Get Healthier Stronger Longer Hair
Glam Twinz
Weave Connection
Little Black Scarf
Human Hair Wigs
Wefting Training
Brazilian Hair
Brazilian Hair
Wig and Hair Extension on Amazon
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  123 4>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down