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QUOTES, QUOTES,QUOTES

 
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Benni View Drop Down
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    Posted: 19 hours 6 minutes ago at 5:54pm
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs.
The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

The old woman said   "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."


Edited by Benni - 19 hours 6 minutes ago at 5:54pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 11 minutes ago at 5:49pm
lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said,   "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.   His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said,   "You're cute!"   Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute."

She asked,   "What happened to 'beautiful'?",

His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 21 minutes ago at 5:39pm
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven.
Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself.


St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven.
Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.

St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly.
When Dolly asks St. Peter why Elizabeth was let in,
Peter replies, "A royal flush beats a wild pair."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 26 minutes ago at 5:34pm
Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.

Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says,
"Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."


The mortician thinks this is strange.   Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body.   Gomer takes a look at the face and says,
"Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes."


"What?   He had two a**holes?!"   exclaims the mortician.

"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say,

'Here comes Bubba with them two a**holes.'"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 31 minutes ago at 5:29pm
Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?




A. Polaroids.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 36 minutes ago at 5:24pm
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?




They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.


Edited by Benni - 19 hours 36 minutes ago at 5:24pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 40 minutes ago at 5:20pm
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan;
"It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."

"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"

God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."

Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."

God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."

Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 43 minutes ago at 5:17pm
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?



One hundred people who don't do dick.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 hours 45 minutes ago at 5:15pm
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?



A:" A wind tunnel."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 hours 18 minutes ago at 3:42pm
"The production of too many useful things

results in too many useless people."




Karl Marx

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