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Friends and Suicide

 
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swweet*suga View Drop Down
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    Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 1:06pm
yes, if thats my friend of course im going to help her....the real problem is will she be willing to listen to my advice or receive my help.
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Derri View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 1:02pm
I wanted to add that I take my feelings out of those kind of situations.
I feel nothing. What I mean by that is, I purposely don't make myself a victim.
My friend is the victim (of her/his mind) my friend is the one suffering (from his/her own mind) and my friend is the one who needs help controlling their mind instead of being controlled (by emotions).

I also have to be real when I analyze the progress, if there is any. What if there is none? I never stop telling my friend that they are the master of their mind. If they ignore me I text, I leave a message, I put a sticky note on their door IDGAF!

Even when my friend gives up, I can't. But if my friend commits suicide, I know that they just couldn't come out of the state of mind that their emotions are in charge. I hurt, I grieve, but I do not become attached to these emotions.

To keep myself in check, I purposely ignore some of my thoughts and feelings. I need to be mentally aware of the fact that whatever I feel is a choice that I get to make.

My only mission is to try to get my friend to know the same, and I am fully aware that it may not work that way for them because they just don't want it to. They cannot find their identity in the sea of thoughts and emotions that are swirling around constantly. They cannot shut their minds off or turn it down. Ahhh. Suffering is self inflicted!!



Edited by Derri - Apr 08 2014 at 1:08pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kfoxx1998 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 12:52pm
And I was angry with her for a long time for letting it get that bad ......
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kfoxx1998 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 12:52pm
In my situation I immediately wanted to help her get better but she basically snapped completely and was never herself again when she got out of the hospital.  We only grew apart because she changed into a very different person who was completely "checked out".  It was very hard for me.  There was lots of guilt too even though I couldn't have done anything.  It happened so fast. I literally felt abandoned.  Like she left me mentally and emotionally even though she was still physically there. Took a long time to recover from the shock of it. 
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Me personally, I would try to be there for them wholeheartedly. I can't imagine how I would feel if someone I considered a best friend would turn their back on me in a situation like that. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 12:39pm
Knowing me, I'd offer the solutions that helped me out of depression, knowing that people live in their minds and their perception is usually so tightly in place that it would take a lot to change.

I don't think of depression as anything more than a state of mind. Everything is a state of mind. Happiness too.
If you could change your mind, you literally change your life. I help my friends to change their minds, knowing fully well that they alone hold the switch. I try to influence, then.

I don't ever agree with negative states of mind anymore because I know too much about it now. Before I understood, now I know, and therefore fully understand. There is a difference between the two, and so likewise, my depressed friend, so depressed to the point of suicide must come to the point of knowing, and then they will understand fully.

This is where I have to have faith and hope (and I express to them that I do) that they will rise above.
Rock bottom becomes a wonderful place if you are interested in not staying there. That too, is just a state of mind.

Of course, professional help is needed, as I alone cannot take on the burden of picking someone up. I mean, I could..but it would not guarantee a favourable outcome if the person's state of mind is resisting. You have to go through something to rise above. When you resist, the thing you resist gains more energy and power. The only way to rise above something is to stop resisting it. Carl Jung said it too, and a psychiatrist could definitely piggy back on that.



Edited by Derri - Apr 08 2014 at 12:41pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Lite Brite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 12:32pm
Yeah, that's exactly why I don't blame those who choose to distance themselves. Some people do it as a way to cope or preserve their own mental health as much as possible
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Gkisses Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 12:32pm
Originally posted by beautiful-stranger beautiful-stranger wrote:



The situation I'm referring to - Person 1 saw Person 2 attempt to commit suicide in front of him - Person 1 called Person 3 (the best friend) Person 3 told Person 1 they didn't have the energy to deal with that "drama" and distanced themselves from Person 2


Giving the best friend the benefit of a doubt ill say i understand. They've probably dealt with it for some time. It is exhausting living day to day trying to save someone who has no desire to save themselves.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gkisses Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 12:27pm
Having lost a friend before this way i almost felt like it was a second chance.I wasn't given that chance before and had always lived with "what if". I had to do the therapy thing for a while afterwards in order to move on not knowing what to expect. This friend is still alive and cutting.This was a little over a year ago. I think the avg. person think love and reassurance is all that's needed but it takes sooo much more.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote whitrhymes Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 12:25pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

I had to distant myself from my suicidal friend after they attempted to do it in front of me. I found my state of mind deteriorating. This person was also a cutter. The acts would stick me all day couldn't sleep. Yet he could act like nothing ever happened. Nothing u say is the "right thing" you can never "understand". When my friend rejected every suggestion of professional help i had to walk away. I could no longer be that emotional dumping ground and remain stable minded myself. I love them beyond words but again u can onlt do so much.


All of this. There is only so much you can do.
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