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Being a good parent...

 
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purpulicious01 View Drop Down
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    Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 9:33am
Originally posted by trudawg trudawg wrote:

. . . and the BHM generalizations and conjecturing continues. I really wish those who are not parents would refrain before contributing unbased opinions on successfully raising children.

As a parent of twin 14 year old boys, I can honestly say it's not an easy job, nor something you're ever fully prepared for. However, being raised in a two-parent household, it at least gave me a foundation to start from. My parents admit to making mistakes raising us, just like their parents made mistakes raising them. All you can do, like all other achievements in life, is hope to do better than the previous generations.
The mistakes my parents did make, I made it a point not to make those same mistakes. For example, my parents didn't really say "I love you" very often. Therefore, I made and continue to make it a point to tell my sons I love you every chance I get. And even now, I make it a point to tell my parents I love them whenever I get the opportunity. Furthermore, I got my ass beat when I was kid and I didn't like the way it made me feel about myself. I vowed to never beat my kids, and I never have (of course they've been popped a time or two), but I try to raise them with positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement.
I think having both parents involved in a child's life is crucial, however single parent households can and do thrive as well with additional effort.
A lot of the children the OP are referring to are missing fundamental needs in the hierarchy of needs pyramid, and their parents likely never had those needs fulfilled either. It can be a detrimental cycle


 
Lamp

Quoting for emphasis. 

Well said. 
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 6:02pm
Originally posted by iSMILE13 iSMILE13 wrote:

Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

Originally posted by trudawg trudawg wrote:

  Furthermore, I got my ass beat when I was kid and I didn't like the way it made me feel about myself. I vowed to never beat my kids, and I never have (of course they've been popped a time or two), but I try to raise them with positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement.
 


I love this.

 
this is one way I parent...it works for my household.



This. The fear and trauma I remember VERY well from my childhood and my mother basically beating me up for anything, usually me not even knowing what I was beaten for ultimately fuels my sisters and I to refrain from physical punishment when it comes to punishing my nephews.
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 6:00pm
I think it is taught because kids will drive you NUTS! LOL

Even being a parental auntie to my nephews requires me to remember what I learned in being patient and loving!
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iSMILE13 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote iSMILE13 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 4:50pm
Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

Originally posted by trudawg trudawg wrote:

  Furthermore, I got my ass beat when I was kid and I didn't like the way it made me feel about myself. I vowed to never beat my kids, and I never have (of course they've been popped a time or two), but I try to raise them with positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement.
 


I love this.

 
this is one way I parent...it works for my household.
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Jewelsnyc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 3:55pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I didn't ask for the definition of primitive, I asked you to explain yourself in the context of this discussion.
The time it took you to go to the dictionary and copy and paste that, you could have simply used to answer the question intelligently.
LOL talk about not being able to support your argument...buss out the websters!!LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 3:52pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

First we have to define what a good parent is.
For me, Before you can be a 'good' parent you have to be a 'good' person, and in my opinion, this society doesn't teach you how to do that.

I don't really care for the word good, so I mean an introspective, analytical person who can solve problems efficiently.
One who isn't self serving, and one who can function well in the current state of the world; who understands the purpose of money fully--not as a tool for power and control but for necessity and survival.
A healthy working mind.



Clap "good" parents are birthed from "good" people. Sympathy, empathy & compasion are foreign to some.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 3:32pm
Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:

Do you believe that being a great, loving parent comes naturally or is it something that is taught?

Who is responsible for teaching our women and men how to be good parents? The state, government, relatives or the community?

Do you think the reason why these little demon seeds are terrorizing people is because their parents weren't properly taught how to raise their kids?

BHM parents, did someone teach you or did you teach yourself along the way? Would you have preferred if someone (either mom, grandma, dad, etc) guided you in raising you kids? Do you think someone trying to guide you is "over stepping or being disrespectful? 
Great topic Blaque...and tbh a difficult one to answer simply.
 
Do you believe that being a great, loving parent comes naturally or is it something that is taught?
I think it can be both. Depending on the persons disposition, it might come naturally. In addition, having solid parents, who understood the role of "good parenting." The balance between being stern and being lenient is a difficult one to keep. Also, understanding that parenting isn't a one-size-fits all, depending on the child/situtation, you adjust accordingly. That can be taught through positive role models, and if you don't have that, taking classes on pareting PRIOR to having children would be a great idea!
 
 
Who is responsible for teaching our women and men how to be good parents? The state, government, relatives or the community? I honestly feel that the education system is so flawed & out of touch with real-world issues, it isn't funny. The focus should be the end game, which is a productive citizen that can then have productive off-spring. Remembering when Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue, shouldn't be the priority. Preparing students for the technologically workforce we're becoming & being able to adjust with the very real pressures of taking care of a family, are vital tools that go ignored.
 
Currently, leaving the responsibility on the man/woman, realtives or community is a connudrum at the moment. Because the current state of our communties are a direct reflection of the lack of parenting skills and family support. Reversing the ills of this current society, would require a change collectively. You have some parents who think keeping a fresh pair jordans on their child, is what it means to be a good parent. We're so wrapped up with materialisic concepts of what success is, the value of the child is intertwined with his/her possessions. Re-setting of the moral compass would first start by divorcing the captalisitc attiude most americans have. Incorprate more support for the family (whatever that family means to you, single, two-parent whatever), with programs (like the Y etc). This would give children places to get assistance with homework, keep them safe, and aid the parents with child-care.
 
Do you think the reason why these little demon seeds are terrorizing people is because their parents weren't properly taught how to raise their kids? This my dear is such a multifaceted question, that goes in a prismatic circle...But the short summation is, we're reaping what we've swen.  Transistioning from the Industrial age to the digital one has left a huge gap. Families who at one time, could work in a factory and earn good pay to take care of their family, is gone. Then add the crack epidemic, which left an indelible impact on the "family".  Children born to these parents were more often than not, left to raise themselves. Which lead to an eruption of teen pregencies, children with attention defect & emotional problems, not to mention the hood "role models" with the money, cars & clothes...it was inevtiable we'd see the back-lash we have now. But IMO this was a "designed destruction."
 
 
BHM parents, did someone teach you or did you teach yourself along the way? Would you have preferred if someone (either mom, grandma, dad, etc) guided you in raising you kids? Do you think someone trying to guide you is "over stepping or being disrespectful? Because of my caribbean background, certain things were expected. Plain and simple. Very traditional parenting, "do as your told" strict parenting. Which at a certain age doesn't work. My mom gave me a great foundation, but certain things she didn't understand because she didn't know herself. I had great examples and am thankful for those, but I lacked in other areas because of the very strict upbringing. Again striking a balance IMO is key. Also, taking a class (or research) the many "stages" your child will go through will help any parent understand the many (and I do mean many) challenges they'll face.
 
A matriarch/patriarch that has the wisdom as well as the wherewithal to dispense that wisdom in a tactful way is invaluable, but often is elusive.


Edited by Jewelsnyc - Feb 06 2014 at 3:36pm
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PurplePhase View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote PurplePhase Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 2:24pm
yeah Sm, my imaginary kids require a lot of time and attention too.


Edited by PurplePhase - Feb 06 2014 at 2:24pm
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smaison View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote smaison Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 1:42pm
but then again i guess some people don't see how hard parenting can be. cuz ive had a few people tell me that it's not hard.
but errr i guess if your kids stay in front of a tv all day and live off mcdonalds and burger king i guess it's pretty easy.
as for me the plans i have for my nonexisting kid(s) it just seems too damn hard.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote purpulicious01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 1:32pm
Parenting is a hard job and raising good children starts with us (the adults), because we set the example on how they should behave, and children follow in our footsteps. 

Accountability is key. 

I currently work at a school and constantly see students' misbehavior stems from home and their parents.

If you get a chance, I recommend reading How to Behave So Your Children Will Too by Sal Severe. Great book. 
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