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FiveFeet3 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Im in love with a sociopath
    Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 2:22am
This is going to be long bit I need some serious advice. For the last two years I've been in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I truly believe the man I'm with is a sociopath. When we first met he was perfect. Everything about him. No complaints at all. Then about 6 months into our relationship, I started to notice things. Like he's extremely possessive and jealous. The first night things got physical was because we went out to a bar together and i danced with another woman. When we got home he started calling me all kinds of bitches and sluts. When i didnt respond to him, he grabbed me by my neck and choked me. After that , i mean immediately after, he went on as if nothing has happened. Time passrs by and i find out hes been unfaithful. I confront him and he tells me he did it because all women are sluts and they deserve to be treated as such. He said "even my mother and sisters are sluts. So i dog bitches out." I put him out the house and he comes home the next morning begging for forgiveness. He was drunk, didnt mean it etc. I dont know why I took him back but i regret it everyday. Since then i have had two black eyes, multiple bruises ive even fractured my foot. He hits me in front of his siblings who basically just watch this sh1t happen. His sister told me one time after an incident "i would try to help you, but if i do he'll just hit me too". Ive been kicked in the stomach (while carrying his child, ended in miscarriage) ive been spit on, slapped, pushed down stairs, hes tried to throw Me out of our bedroom window. He tried to break my arm one time for bringing up him cheating. I've lost my job, we were put out of our apartment, he's stolen my car. He's banged my head into the steering wheel while I was driving. He's thrown my clothes out in the rain. He's broken at least 4 cell phones. He's taken my keys and locked me out of the house in the freezing cold, thrown a lit book of matches at me.... now I know at This point youre thinking he's just your typical abusive piece of crap man but it gets deeper... he has confessed to me that he used to kill animals for fun. Now I had two ferrets as pets and one of them mysteriously died one day. I honestly think he killed her. Another time, about a year ago, we were dog sitting for a friend... the dog had fleas so my b/f took the dog into the woods and slit it's throat and came in LAUGHING about it. He's just NOT NORMAL. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior. Others are always to blame for his actions. Example: after he punched me in the face, the next day he joked and said "it's not that bad, it just looks like you have eye shadow on". Then tells me it's my fault he did it. I shouldn't make him so mad. I couldn't even go see my mother in the hospital after her mastectomy (she beat breast cancer!!) Because I was too ashamed to see her and explain Why I had a black eye. None of my friends talk to me any more because of him. I feel isolated from the world. If I leave the house, he comes with me. He's even hidden in my trunk before to try and catch me cheating... and I've never cheated on him before! I try to explain to him that he needs some type of help but he doesn't see it. I made him read about sociopaths and he says "you're right! That does sounds like me!" And then he starts telling people he's a sociopath as if it's a badge of honour. I want to get him the help he needs but at the same time, I know no good will come of our relationship and I need to help myself. I know I need to leave but I always feel guilty as if I'm abandoning him if I walk away. Everytime I try to leave him, he starts guilt tripping me and questioning my love for him. The easy answer is to leave but I have NO WHERE to go. I have no job anymore because of him, my unemployment has ran out, I have no savings and I just don't feel like there are any other options available besides homeless shelter or stay with him. When we're good we are great. He can be that perfect guy I fell in love with but then there's his other side. I've just been so miserable. I've lost weight, I was 130 and now I'm down to 116. I'm so self conscious of my body now because I'm so skinny it disgusts me. It's the stress getting to me. And to top all of that off, for the last month his mother, his sister, her boyfriend their one year old, his 13 year old sister and two brothers are living with us in a two bedroom, one bathroom house... not to mention his sister is pregnant again. All of the people I listed minus the infant and 13 year old are adults. The house is in my name and I don't want to break a lease and have it on my credit because I know I'll have a hard time getting another place..... I just want to get out of This situation as peacefully as possible. I know I could call the police and get a restraining order and press charges but I don't want him in jail. I want him to get the help he needs. And it's so hard hiding This from my family. My mom asks me ecerytime we speak Why I always sound so sad and I can't ever tell her the real reason. It's because I don't want her to dislike him. My family adores him and I don't want them to think he's a bad person because he's not, he just really needs help. I don't know exactly What advice I'm expecting from you all. I guess I just want to know if anyone knows of a way I can disappear safely and go on with my life, or how I can get him the help he needs. It's starting to make me feel crazy. I look at home sleeping at night and think of ways to harm him. I've become an emotionless zombie because I've detached myself from my feelings. BHM, how can I leave him or help him??
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Jewelsnyc View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 4:17am
Originally posted by FiveFeet3 FiveFeet3 wrote:

This is going to be long bit I need some serious advice. For the last two years I've been in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I truly believe the man I'm with is a sociopath. When we first met he was perfect. Everything about him. No complaints at all. Then about 6 months into our relationship, I started to notice things. Like he's extremely possessive and jealous. The first night things got physical was because we went out to a bar together and i danced with another woman. When we got home he started calling me all kinds of bitches and sluts. When i didnt respond to him, he grabbed me by my neck and choked me. After that , i mean immediately after, he went on as if nothing has happened. Time passrs by and i find out hes been unfaithful. I confront him and he tells me he did it because all women are sluts and they deserve to be treated as such. He said "even my mother and sisters are sluts. So i dog bitches out." I put him out the house and he comes home the next morning begging for forgiveness. He was drunk, didnt mean it etc. I dont know why I took him back but i regret it everyday. Since then i have had two black eyes, multiple bruises ive even fractured my foot. He hits me in front of his siblings who basically just watch this sh1t happen. His sister told me one time after an incident "i would try to help you, but if i do he'll just hit me too". Ive been kicked in the stomach (while carrying his child, ended in miscarriage) ive been spit on, slapped, pushed down stairs, hes tried to throw Me out of our bedroom window. He tried to break my arm one time for bringing up him cheating. I've lost my job, we were put out of our apartment, he's stolen my car. He's banged my head into the steering wheel while I was driving. He's thrown my clothes out in the rain. He's broken at least 4 cell phones. He's taken my keys and locked me out of the house in the freezing cold, thrown a lit book of matches at me.... now I know at This point youre thinking he's just your typical abusive piece of crap man but it gets deeper... he has confessed to me that he used to kill animals for fun. Now I had two ferrets as pets and one of them mysteriously died one day. I honestly think he killed her. Another time, about a year ago, we were dog sitting for a friend... the dog had fleas so my b/f took the dog into the woods and slit it's throat and came in LAUGHING about it. He's just NOT NORMAL. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior. Others are always to blame for his actions. Example: after he punched me in the face, the next day he joked and said "it's not that bad, it just looks like you have eye shadow on". Then tells me it's my fault he did it. I shouldn't make him so mad. I couldn't even go see my mother in the hospital after her mastectomy (she beat breast cancer!!) Because I was too ashamed to see her and explain Why I had a black eye. None of my friends talk to me any more because of him. I feel isolated from the world. If I leave the house, he comes with me. He's even hidden in my trunk before to try and catch me cheating... and I've never cheated on him before! I try to explain to him that he needs some type of help but he doesn't see it. I made him read about sociopaths and he says "you're right! That does sounds like me!" And then he starts telling people he's a sociopath as if it's a badge of honour. I want to get him the help he needs but at the same time, I know no good will come of our relationship and I need to help myself. I know I need to leave but I always feel guilty as if I'm abandoning him if I walk away. Everytime I try to leave him, he starts guilt tripping me and questioning my love for him. The easy answer is to leave but I have NO WHERE to go. I have no job anymore because of him, my unemployment has ran out, I have no savings and I just don't feel like there are any other options available besides homeless shelter or stay with him. When we're good we are great. He can be that perfect guy I fell in love with but then there's his other side. I've just been so miserable. I've lost weight, I was 130 and now I'm down to 116. I'm so self conscious of my body now because I'm so skinny it disgusts me. It's the stress getting to me. And to top all of that off, for the last month his mother, his sister, her boyfriend their one year old, his 13 year old sister and two brothers are living with us in a two bedroom, one bathroom house... not to mention his sister is pregnant again. All of the people I listed minus the infant and 13 year old are adults. The house is in my name and I don't want to break a lease and have it on my credit because I know I'll have a hard time getting another place..... I just want to get out of This situation as peacefully as possible. I know I could call the police and get a restraining order and press charges but I don't want him in jail. I want him to get the help he needs. And it's so hard hiding This from my family. My mom asks me ecerytime we speak Why I always sound so sad and I can't ever tell her the real reason. It's because I don't want her to dislike him. My family adores him and I don't want them to think he's a bad person because he's not, he just really needs help. I don't know exactly What advice I'm expecting from you all. I guess I just want to know if anyone knows of a way I can disappear safely and go on with my life, or how I can get him the help he needs. It's starting to make me feel crazy. I look at home sleeping at night and think of ways to harm him. I've become an emotionless zombie because I've detached myself from my feelings. BHM, how can I leave him or help him??


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 4:43am
I hope you are in a safe place when accessing the computer FF3...let me start off by saying...this is a turning point in your life! You've broken your silence and you are seeking help!! I'm proud of you and you are not alone!

The 1st thing you've got to understand is: HE WILL NOT CHANGE! At least with you there taking it, he will continue until one of two things happen: He kills you, or you leave. And I'm not being dramatic...I'm being brutally honest. At any moment, what he's doing can escalate to a point that you can lose your life. Do you want your child to be raised in foster care?

FF3. Your safety and the safety of your baby is most important. That should take priority over anything! I understand how/why your emotions are all mixed up, however, you have to think beyond yourself and make the environment for your child stable and safe.

Worrying about him getting help & breaking your lease are the least of your troubles. You are dealing with someone who is extremely unstable and violent. YOU MUST GET OUT. And you have to be very careful when you attempt to do so.

None of the things you've mentioned should keep you in that situation. Is going to a battered woman's shelter, with no money, no job & fearful of your mate an easy thing? Of course not, but staying is signing your death certificate.

Signs that your abuser is NOT changing:

  • He minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it really was.
  • He continues to blame others for his behavior.
  • He claims that you’re the one who is abusive.
  • He pressures you to go to couple’s counseling.
  • He tells you that you owe him another chance.
  • You have to push him to stay in treatment.
  • He says that he can’t change unless you stay with him and support him.
  • He tries to get sympathy from you, your children, or your family and friends.
  • He expects something from you in exchange for getting help.
  • He pressures you to make decisions about the relationship.
NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE UNLESS YOU TAKE THE STEPS TO CHANGE! Please understand that you are not to blame for any of this, but you need to get help honey and get out for the sake of your, mental, physical & emotional well being!

I don't know what state you're in, but if you can go to the website or call they'll have info that will help you. Listen even if you don't leave right now, just call so you can get some support.

call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

I'm praying for you! Please be safe.



Edited by Jewelsnyc - Sep 01 2012 at 4:49am
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FiveFeet3 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 5:49am
I do not have any children. We've conceived twice but both pregnancies ended in miscarriage. I am on my phone and I always clear my history. I know if he saw This he would flip and say I always make him look like the bad guy. I seriously feel like the only way I could truly get away from him would be moving to another city or even state. I tried to go to my best friends house to stay and I even hid my car in an apartment complex across the street from hers and he still found me. He puts GPS location apps on my phone so get can know Where I'm at all the time. The last time I tried to leave him, was when I was almost thrown out of the window, pushed down the stairs and my belongings were thrown in the street. I called the police on him one time when he kicked me in my stomach before my miscarriage and when the police came, they told me if they arrest him, they have to arrest and charge me with assault too because he had "wounds" as well . His so called wounds were scars on his hand from him punching a damn hole in the bedroom door and then kicking it open. He tells me if I call the police on him, I don't really love him and that he will just have me arrested too. I don't want to go to jail. Deep down I know he won't change. But I can't stop feeling like I'm doing something wrong by leaving. And please excuse my ignorance but are those battered women's shelters free?? I have $20 to my name. I just can't believe how much of a turn for the worst my life has taken. I've really lost everything. Even What was in my 401k from work is gone because I needed that to help pay bills. For the last few months I was trying to save up to move but my little bit of savings had to go to bills also it's like I'm starting from nothing all over again. He keeps track of my money, he wants to know who I got it from, Why they gave it to me etc. My whole life is monitored. I can't even get dressed without him getting mad at me. He wants me to go out looking ratchetly raggedy because I "only need to look good for one man." My life is a nitemare. And I have to fake day after day for the public as if I'm in the happiest relationship ever. People tell me all the time "I wish I had a relationship like you guys." And it makes me cringe.... I live in north Carolina and I will contact that support line when I get time to myself. I want to call now but I'm not supposed to leave the room while he's sleeping. In his mind, if I'm not physically with him, there's a possibility I could be cheating... which is close enough to actually cheating according to him. I'm so sick of living like This.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 8:31am
The shelters are free and they will help you. I would call for you if you want, just PM me and I'll do my best to help you okay?

I'm sorry I fell back asleep...poor girl! You are about to make me cry. I'm sorry for your losses of your children. I'm going to say something and this a little dose of reality...you didn't have a "miscarriage" because there was something wrong with your pregnancies...your man killed your baby! Let that soak in. You need some to give you strength to leave...to let go of the very strong mental hold that man has on you. Do not allow anyone to keep you captive, because that's what he's doing.

Let me ask you this? What exactly are you hanging on for? You are living in a 2brd with a bunch of people. You are cut off from your family, you have no friends you can confide in. Your man beats you and you can not get or keep a job in this condition...so I ask you again? What exactly are you hanging on for? Is this the life you want? Is this the life you deserve? Please understand...there is better there is more out there. I know you can't see it now, but there is!!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 8:33am
You're new so I'm not even sure if you know what a PM is...lol. It's a private message. click just above my name and a drop down box will appear. this will give you an option to send a private message (PM)
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 8:36am
I find this extremely hard to believe & think this is a troll thread. usually when someone posts an outlandish tale on the same day they joined...its ducktales
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 8:39am
In my gut I don't think it's a troll bun. she is reaching out the only way she feels safe to do so. 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 8:42am
My account is unbanned just to be able to access some important emails but I would like to say Bunny if you are not going to offer help KIM
Sometimes its easier to talk to strangers how you know this is not a regular poster who made another account to get help?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2012 at 8:44am
Wow Im so sorry you are going threw this
I agree with the above poster......You have to leave or he is gone to fatally injure you

this is info for help in NC ........Praying for your safety

North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence

115 Market Street, #400

Durham, NC 27701

(919) 956-9124 Fax: (919) 682-1449

(888) 232-9124 Nation wide

Website: www.nccadv.org

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