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Tips for a Forcefully Dependent Student

 
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maysay1 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 10:45pm
Originally posted by Midna Midna wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by Midna Midna wrote:

I can't believe I'm saying this but I think I may join job corps. I don't know how positive the outcome will be (I'll make the final decision after plenty of research) but at least the housing and educative environment may be of help and safety.


I have just never heard good things about Job Corps...from people who were there and second hand stories. I'd almost think it'd be better to join a branch of the military.

Is there ANYONE you know who you could live with? A relative, friend, professor, anyone who needs a nanny or elder caregiver in exchange for your housing? I'm sure you probably can't rent on your own, but maybe finding roommates who are in a similar position? I know that opens you up to other sucky possibilities, but maybe it's an option. I've known some people who found great roommates through craigslist (like living with an old lady for like 300$/month who never bothered them).

Are there any public universities you could get into that have dorms? That's also an option, especially in public school systems that have some schools with super low enrollment.


That doesn't surprise me. Dead
I've been asking around while trying to skirt around the reason why but it's hard to because she has already broadcasted her version which is highly biased and exaggerated.

So family is a no go, Africans and respect for elders is huge. However, I have contacted my father and I think in terms of family, he is my best bet. He lives in Ghana however, but if he can help me in any way, he does what he can.

I'm going to be asking friends for any possible help in housing and also looking on craigslist. I feel craigslist is risky, but at this point, I'll insure myself with information and proper documentation.


Craigslist can be risky...but it can also be just fine. It can go either way. I'd definitely reach into your network first...even if it's coworkers, professors, other students, etc. You don't have to be close with a person to live with them. Who knows who might have a spare room just waiting for you.

Also, you may want to check out airbnb and couchsurfing.org (I think that's it). A lot of the same people that post their spaces on there may also be open to long term arrangements. Plus you can read reviews about them.

Obviously, all the regular caveats apply. Don't give out your personal info, make sure to have a written lease, know the tenants/landlord rights in your state, etc. etc.
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 10:46pm
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

she can probably rent on her own.. 
i just feel like money going towards rent.. especially when you have other expenses and things you wanna do.. is extra hard. 

Definitely would be hard. But sometimes you have to buy your peace. If she can find an acceptable roommate situation where she feels safe and can devote her time to school/work and not being emotionally abused, then it could be worth it.

Might have to be unconventional about it though. Find another poor student and share a studio apartment...exchange housing for housekeeping or caregiving...live in an intentional community...buy a van and live in it (lol it could work).

Ouch
i feel like just staying at home and continuing to avoid her mother would be better.. from the OP it sounded like they barely speak… 

almost everything you mentioned sounds dreadful… 
whats your location midna? 



You have no idea how hard it is to survive in that situation... i moved out and slept on a friends floor for around 8 months all while studying and I never looked back... nothing worse that having your heart sink every night you go home....

Do what you need to do Midna.... you may struggle for a time but for peace of mind and sanity its all worth it....


Thank you so much.. I've reached my limit. I'm trying to use this as motivation to work harder to leave.

It all hurts, but there's no denying I need to leave. I never once rationalized staying for her. I just waited until I gained enough financial power to. If I secure this job I'm getting interviewed for, I know life will get so much better for me. I'll have the power to save well and move out. And even if life is harder out there, at least I'll be free.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote newdiva1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 10:51pm
awww...Midna.  I'm so sorry to hear u go thru this.  I went thru this same thing with my gramma when I wanted to apply to FIDM in L.A. years ago.  I was considered a dependent.  They weren't looking for a co-signer but I needed a reference if i'm remembering correctly.  I remember telling my advisor at the school that my gramma was not going to go for it.  She insisted on speaking with her figuring it wouldn't be a prollem since she didn't have to come out of pocket for anything.

My gramma cussed her out 6 ways from Sunday and that was the end of that dream. I still get embarrassed and hurt when I think about it sometimes.  I remember being upset to the point of crying.  How u harrassing me to do something with my life and to basically get a job or go to school then turn around and Education block me?  This was the 90's so the innernets hadn't been invented yet.  It was way harder (IMO) to get school loan information especially if u had no one who had information on your side and I had no one.

I found out a couple of years ago from an aunt that I wasn't the only one she has "blocked".  I don't want to completely shade my gramma. She can actually be loving but she has another side to her.  she can be mean and vindictive to for no reason...at least no reason that we can see.

I'm sorry I have no advice but luckily the ladies in here have alot more experience with this type of stuff.

I got nuffin'  but Hug
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coconess View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 10:53pm
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:


You have no idea how hard it is to survive in that situation... i moved out and slept on a friends floor for around 8 months all while studying and I never looked back... nothing worse that having your heart sink every night you go home....

Do what you need to do Midna.... you may struggle for a time but for peace of mind and sanity its all worth it....

oh i dont….? 

dont tell me what i know about. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote OhMyCurlz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 10:58pm
I am going through the same thing. The EXACT same thing. I chose to just leave the house. I couldn't. 

Do you think you can afford a 1 bedroom apt in your area? Do you have credit (sorry to ask)? Getting in an apt can happen in a day as long as you have your ducks in a row. Have you rented before? I wouldn't be in that house any longer if I were you...or I would at least make PLANS to leave. You never want to get into an argument and she's telling you to get out of her house threatening to call the police (even though she tech can't immediately evict you she can make life harder for you). 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote newdiva1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 10:58pm
Originally posted by HunnyB HunnyB wrote:

Independent Student Status

The Federal requirements for independent student status changed in 1992. Since then, the student must satisfy at least one of the following criteria to be considered independent:

  • The student is 24 year of age or older by December 31 of the award year.
  • The student is an orphan or ward of the court or was a ward of the court until the student reached the age of 18.
  • The student is a veteran of the Armed Forces of the United States.
  • The student is a graduate or professional student.
  • The student is married.
  • The student has legal dependents other than a spouse. (Dependent means receiving more than half the individual's support from the student.)




I think this was my issue.  I remember my adviser mentioning something like having her sign away her parental rights(?) or something like that.  but I found out later that she didn't want to let me do that either because that meant she could no longer claim me on her taxes.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote JamCaygirl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 11:01pm
Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:


You have no idea how hard it is to survive in that situation... i moved out and slept on a friends floor for around 8 months all while studying and I never looked back... nothing worse that having your heart sink every night you go home....

Do what you need to do Midna.... you may struggle for a time but for peace of mind and sanity its all worth it....

oh i dont….? 

dont tell me what i know about. 


my comment was not stated to offend, i was  merely empathizing with Midna and trying to explain why your suggestion may not be so easy... if you took offense, that's on you, none was meant by me however and I think Midna saw where I was going which is good...
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coconess View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 11:01pm
you made an assumption when you know nothing about me. 

i wasnt offended.. i merely said dont tell me what i know about. 

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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 11:01pm
Originally posted by OhMyCurlz OhMyCurlz wrote:

I am going through the same thing. The EXACT same thing. I chose to just leave the house. I couldn't. 

Do you think you can afford a 1 bedroom apt in your area? Do you have credit (sorry to ask)? Getting in an apt can happen in a day as long as you have your ducks in a row. Have you rented before? I wouldn't be in that house any longer if I were you...or I would at least make PLANS to leave. You never want to get into an argument and she's telling you to get out of her house threatening to call the police (even though she tech can't immediately evict you she can make life harder for you). 


I do have credit.. but I've now put it off to a bad start.

I maxed my credit card out because she couldn't handle my dad helping me so she told me not to ask him for help and she'll pay.

Then the time to pay comes and she doesn't have money. I need my classes so I paid by credit and now I'm just slowly chipping away at the debt.
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 11:03pm
My adulthood is off to a really rocky start.

I can't stop crying..

I'm going to get up and keep moving forward but right now I need to cry everything out.
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