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rell85 View Drop Down
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    Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 6:34am
I wish I could start a topic. Hi all. I want to share my thoughts on my hair right now. Right now I am done with my natural hair. I have been totally natural for about a year and a half. I really thought as it got longer it would become easier to deal with. Instead it tangles and gets knots all the time. I just found two small dreads in the back of my head that I didn't even know were there. I had to cut them off.

I HATE my hair so much. It is thick and unruly and has no curl definition. It is nappy. If I want it to lay down at all I have to absolutely goop hair gel into my hair which feels like I am wearing a helmet and also takes a long time to dry. It also seems to dry my hair out while stuff like eco styler isn't as strong and stays wet.

Oh and by the way, my hair is ALWAYS dry. It is like hay. I have tried everything to add moisture and softness. Nothing works. Whats worse is that products often do not absorb very well into my hair so it just sits on top and just looks like I didn't rinse my hair properly.

My hair doesn't look much longer than it did a year ago even though I know it's grown. It's frustrating because there is a woman at work who is Caucasian. We started work around the same time. She had hair that was shorter than mine. She began growing it out at that time we started working together. I have watched her hair progress over the past few weeks and her hair seems to be getting longer than mine and theoretically my hair should be as long as or longer than hers.

I do almost nothing to my hair. I use a tangle tamer to untangle it, but I don't have all day to sit around and do my hair and constantly be in it twisting it and trying different styles. Basically I put it in a pony tail or a bun. Still, even though I try not to mess with it too much in order to prevent breakage, I see hair all over my bathroom - tiny little naps all over the place.

Finally, my husband, who is white, told me today he thinks I would be taken more seriously in my career if I bought a wig. I am trying to get ahead at work. He said my hair makes me look like I can't afford to get my hair done. He said this in the nicest way possible but he still said it.Ouch

That's it. I'm so done. I hate my hair. To be honest my hair was happiest when it was getting pressed but forget going out into the rain or swimming. I am so frustrated. Thanks
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maysay1 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:47am
Originally posted by rell85 rell85 wrote:

I wish I could start a topic. Hi all. I want to share my thoughts on my hair right now. Right now I am done with my natural hair. I have been totally natural for about a year and a half. I really thought as it got longer it would become easier to deal with. Instead it tangles and gets knots all the time. I just found two small dreads in the back of my head that I didn't even know were there. I had to cut them off.

You are not detangling thoroughly or often enough if you found dreads in your hair. Keep your hair in stretched styles (braids, twists, etc) to avoid creating tangles in the first place and then all you have to worry about is getting out the shed hair. When you detangle, work in small sections with a lot of conditioner/product. Be gentle and thorough.

Originally posted by rell85 rell85 wrote:

I HATE my hair so much. It is thick and unruly and has no curl definition. It is nappy. If I want it to lay down at all I have to absolutely goop hair gel into my hair which feels like I am wearing a helmet and also takes a long time to dry. It also seems to dry my hair out while stuff like eco styler isn't as strong and stays wet.

Nothing wrong with nappy and no curl definition...all curly hair doesn't form obvious ringlets or coils. I suspect though that once you get your hair moisturized and under control you will be able to appreciate its thickness and whatever it looks like.

Also, all hair doesn't have the ability to "lay down". My hair won't do it unless it is straightened. In its curly state, it won't work even with gel and heat applied. So don't be frustrated if yours can't, just find something else to do with it.
Originally posted by rell85 rell85 wrote:

Oh and by the way, my hair is ALWAYS dry. It is like hay. I have tried everything to add moisture and softness. Nothing works. Whats worse is that products often do not absorb very well into my hair so it just sits on top and just looks like I didn't rinse my hair properly.

First you need to understand how to moisturize your hair and then try to find products that will give you the results you need. In the meantime, make sure your hair is clean of build up, it's probably a good idea to avoid using cones (silicones) because they can really make some people's hair super dry, make sure you use enough of your moisturizer and do it often (use more than you think you need for a while). Also, make sure to cover your hair at night and keep your ends tucked.

Here's a good place to start with learning the how's and why's of haircare (moisturizing, oils, dc'ing, etc)...
http://www.thenaturalhavenbloom.com/p/academy.html

Originally posted by rell85 rell85 wrote:

My hair doesn't look much longer than it did a year ago even though I know it's grown. It's frustrating because there is a woman at work who is Caucasian. We started work around the same time. She had hair that was shorter than mine. She began growing it out at that time we started working together. I have watched her hair progress over the past few weeks and her hair seems to be getting longer than mine and theoretically my hair should be as long as or longer than hers.
It's never a good idea to compare your progress to others because their are way too many variables and you'll always end up disappointed. Also, curly hair is not going to show length the way straight hair will because curls=shrinkage. That's just the way it is. Accept it and move on. Stretch your hair through braiding/twisting/blow drying/flat ironing.

Originally posted by rell85 rell85 wrote:

I do almost nothing to my hair. I use a tangle tamer to untangle it, but I don't have all day to sit around and do my hair and constantly be in it twisting it and trying different styles. Basically I put it in a pony tail or a bun. Still, even though I try not to mess with it too much in order to prevent breakage, I see hair all over my bathroom - tiny little naps all over the place.

Finally, my husband, who is white, told me today he thinks I would be taken more seriously in my career if I bought a wig. I am trying to get ahead at work. He said my hair makes me look like I can't afford to get my hair done. He said this in the nicest way possible but he still said it.Ouch

That's it. I'm so done. I hate my hair. To be honest my hair was happiest when it was getting pressed but forget going out into the rain or swimming. I am so frustrated. Thanks


There is a difference between benign neglect and just straight up neglect. What you are doing is neglecting your hair and the result is breakage. But getting a wig could really help you in this situation. First, I can see your husband's concern especially if the black women around you generally get their hair "done". You probably look fine with your ponytail but in comparison to others you look undone...which unfortunately matters in the workplace.

Second, I've used wigs all throughout growing out my hair. They are great for keeping a simple regimen. And they allow you to try new things without having to look crazy...I can't tell you how many times I tried a style, it looked a mess, and I was so happy I could just throw on a wig. Or I woke up late and my hair looked crazy and all I had to do was throw my wig on.

A simple regimen would be to keep your hair in celie braids all the time. Take a braid out, put conditioner on it, get the shed hair out, braid it back up. Then wash and condition in the braids. One by one, take a braid out, apply leave-in/moisturizer/oil (whatever you like), rebraid. At night cover your hair, in the morning put your wig on and go. Also if you're the type to want to deep condition for a long time, you can do it under your wig.

Sorry this is so long...hope it helps!
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femmemuscleisback View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote femmemuscleisback Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:54am
thanks MaySay for starting this thread for Sharmaine.

I'll just do a copy/paste of my reply - and i'm hoping the other ladies will chime in as well?


hey sharmaine..

you can have the best of both worlds.  wigs are not made to "hide your hair".. they should be used as a "protective style" while your hair is growing out.

i bet you must have the 4b/c hair.  no curl pattern.. quite a few of us do.

also check out the stickies on how to take care of your hair.  take a look at the natural hair inspirations. as well as the wig section.

i have 4b/c hair that i swore would not grow. but thanks to these hair boards, trial and error, research, and inspiration, i'm on a healthy hair journey.. took me 7 years.. but with the information you have today? it won't take that long.

i wear wigs as a protective style after leaving weaves, so-called weavologists, relaxers/pressing/flat ironing, and extensive traveling/stress/traction alopecia/peri-menopause, and ignorance.





Edited by femmemuscleisback - Feb 03 2013 at 11:56am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote femmemuscleisback Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:55am
hating your hair right now is okay.. we have to start somewhere in our journey. 

If it's not "acting the way we expect it to" well, it makes a person pretty damn angry.

calling it nappy right now? is okay too.. that's how you feel.  nothing wrong with that.

i used those same words before starting my hair journey - and then some.LOL  It took me a couple of years before i stopped fighting it, and learned to work with it.  If you're at the beginning of your hair journey like i was? THIS BOARD is a good place to start.

On another famous black hair forum (LHCF)? i had to be "politically correct" while venting.  Dead

for my frustration? i had over 15 pages of being flamed off of LHCF for using "certain words/phrases" that pissed some members off - to this day..Confused

One of them came over to this board about 3-4 years later - STILL pissed off when she saw me posting - and tried to let me have it - AGAIN.  now how dumb/vindictive is that?

over time, you will embrace and nurture it into growing.. it doesn't really matter what color your husband is, what matters is he cares enough to TRY to give suggestions.LOL

At this point, hun, you don't have to start a post.. you'll have to start researching.  There's a lot of material right here at your fingertips.  Find the thread, and take in all of the information.. You'll do just fine.Wink
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sharmaine73 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sharmaine73 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 4:24pm
Thank you rell85 for posting this thread for me.  Smile

I had a little melt down.  It's true.  My hair is giving me a little grief. I thought that by not messing with it as much as possible it would be happier.  But it just looks and feels terrible.  I want to thank you both for your advice.  I am not yet ready to run out and get a relaxer.  I know where that road takes you.  I just wish I could find a happy medium.  

I'm going to install a sew-in today.  Do that for a while and give myself a break until I'm ready to tackle this process again.  It's clear I need to do more and I need to detangle more often or wear a style that keeps my hair detangled but it's just too short for me right now.

Thanks so much for letting me vent here. Smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rell85 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 4:38pm
yes having dry hair is the worst no matter what hair type hard to deal with. for dry hiar i love the LOC method it's liquid, oil, and cream. L-liquid can be water mixed with glycerin and oils or a leave in for moisture even sta soft fro would work, O-oil olive or any oil you have, C-cream shea butter mix or a leave in cream or a heavy cream even a moisturizer it's really a great for dry hair. castor oil is great for dry hair on the thick side so it can be mixed with other oils so it won't feel sticky. try to moisturize your hair at least 2 times a day one in the morning then at nite if you don't do much to your hair can't expect much to happen. for cleansing try black soap works better than non sulfate shampoo it won't strip you hair at all yet it will be clean. detangle while your hair conditioner in only try to let it sit 5 mins then rinse. deep condition it will improve your hair if you don't have time add honey and oils to your conditioner. since you like gels try adding oils to that so it won't be so hard. wigs or great growing but you still have to take care of your own hair.
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rell85 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rell85 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 5:03pm
welcome that's good you're giving your hair a break and less time you will stress about it
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote femmemuscleisback Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 6:40pm
oh snap!

that was rell85 that started this thread.. my bad..Confused

thanks rell85!






Edited by femmemuscleisback - Feb 03 2013 at 6:41pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 08 2013 at 6:27pm
I would also add that getting a good hair routine down is a constantly evolving thing. I didn't do a big chop. So when I decided to go natural, I already had this mass of hair that I had to magically learn how to deal with. I started my natural journey at the beginning of 2011, and it wasn't until about early 2012 that I felt like I had really found a reggie that worked perfectly - in that, I got consistent results all the time. And even now, as my hair gets longer, I have to switch up my daily routine when I'm actually wearing my hair out.

Not knowing your hair type, try to find ppl with a similar type, or issue (i.e. low/high porosity; shrinkage issues, etc) and see what they do. A lot of times, you'll be doing trial and error, and that will suck when you strike out, but you'll never know what works if you don't try.

My best suggestions since alot of good info has already been given is:

1. Don't feel like you have to buy the most expensive products. Often those products have fillers or what some would consider controversial ingredients (i.e. cones/parabens, etc). And other times you're just paying a mark up for no other reason than the name or face on the side of the jar.

2. Find a reggie that fits your routine/lifestyle. Some people don't mind devoting literally hours to their hair on a set day of the week - every week. Some people (myself included) don't want to do that. Hair should be fun, not a chore. Figure out how much time you can really devote to your hair and be okay with that.

3. Don't do comparisons. It's tempting, but even two people with the same hair types and hair issues will ultimately come away with different results. Your own body chemistry has a lot to do with how your hair responds to various techniques or products. Don't take it as a failure that your hair grows slower than someone else's etc.

4. Research: There's a lot of info out there, and some of it conflicts. But at least if you're informed, you can make adjustments to your reggie.

5. Keep a journal: If you really want to know if you're making progress, make a journal. The depth of description is up to you. But on days where you're feeling a bit bummed about your hair, you have something to reference to bolster your gusto for being natural. When you see that you really have come a long way, it'll keep you motivated.

HTH
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Originally posted by rell85 rell85 wrote:


Oh and by the way, my hair is ALWAYS dry. It is like hay. I have tried everything to add moisture and softness. Nothing works. Whats worse is that products often do not absorb very well into my hair so it just sits on top and just looks like I didn't rinse my hair properly.

...

I do almost nothing to my hair. I use a tangle tamer to untangle it, but I don't have all day to sit around and do my hair and constantly be in it twisting it and trying different styles. Basically I put it in a pony tail or a bun. Still, even though I try not to mess with it too much in order to prevent breakage, I see hair all over my bathroom - tiny little naps all over the place.


1. Dry hair:

I had this issue BAD when I first started. As a point of reference, I'm 4a/4b so yes I do have a curl pattern, but it's small. And since I have two textures, things like WNG's are NOT an option and I have a 75% shrink rate. My APL length hair reverts to being just below my ears sometimes when I wash it.

But to combat dry hair, I had to start doing the GHE method. Usually I oil my scalp at night and massage. Then plop on a disposable shower cap and tie my scarf on. The next day take it out, and your hair will appear moist (and feel moist too). When I first started GHE'ing I did it every night for a week just to fast track the moisture. Now, I do it basically every other night in dry/cold months or up to two times a week in the summer.

2. Tangle Tamer:

Not sure if you're talking about the Tangle Teaser, but if it's anything like that, throw that thing in the trash now. At first it seems fantastic as it makes life a "breeze" to detangle. But in the long run, it'll shred ends and leave you with split ends and MORE breakage. Consider finger detangling instead or at the very least, douse your hair in conditioner or water BEFORE taking a wide tooth comb (preferrably seamless) to detangle.

Once you get your moisture issue under control, consider twist outs (Naptural85 has a ton of vids on various ways to do a twist out depending on the look you're going for). You can do them the night before, and set them with something like Eco styler or a homemade gel (flaxseed gel has a longer hold IMO than eco). In the morning, untwist them, pin where wanted and you're ready to go. And for me, those styles last at least 3 - 4 days with proper overnight care.

I have a very low maintenance routine as I also don't have the time or interest to stay in the bathroom playing in my hair all day. But as someone else said, there's a difference between low maintenance and no maintenance.
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