Maybe in a few weeks I'll be ready to aim higher. To aim for class. But right now:
1. I Am Seceding from Society and Living in a Bunker!!!
Man. This guy:
early this morning, I am going to un-friend every single individual on
Facebook who voted for Obama, or I even suspect may have Democrat
leanings. I will do the same in person. All family and friends, even
close family and friends, who I know to be Democrats are hereby dead to
me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have
any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty.
They deserve nothing less than hatred and utter contempt.
strongly urge all other libertarians to do the same. Are you married to
someone who voted for Obama, have a girlfriend who voted 'O'. Divorce
them. Break up with them without haste. Vow not to attend family
functions, Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas for example, if there will
be any family members in attendance who are Democrats.
work for someone who voted for Obama? Quit your job. Co-workers who
voted for Obama. Simply don't talk to them in the workplace, unless your
boss instructs you too for work-related only purposes. Have clients who
voted Democrat? Call them up this morning and tell them to take their
PLEASE NO. PLEASE DON'T PUNISH LIBERAL AMERICA BY HIDING IN A HOLE AND NEVER TALKING. PLEEEEEEEEEASE WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
2. I Am Moving to a Capitalist Paradise Such as England, Canada, or Australia!!!
Free Republic sent the actual queen a letter via owl post:
the people of the former American colonies, would like to offer our
most sincere apology over that little misunderstanding we had 236 years
ago. Had we known that we were going to be subjects anyway, we could
have saved a lot of trouble and hard feelings.
We were under the
mistaken belief that we would be free, sovereign citizens; we believed
that our hard work would yield its own rewards without someone coming
along and taking what we built in the name of "Fairness". We thought our
laws and Constitution would protect us from a foreign born dictator,
and our freedom to worship would prevent us from becoming a corrupt,
morally bankrupt society (silly us).
Little did we know that our
own free press would intentionally sabotage, deceive and withhold the
truth from us in order to reelect a Socialist that still holds distain
for our nation and contempt for its founding principles. Nor did we
believe that there would be so many citizens dependent on government
handouts that they would blindly elect an unqualified charlatan, let
alone reelect him.
Anyway, Your Grace, we are truly sorry and
humbly sincerely beg your forgiveness. If you can find it in your heart
to forgive us and take us back, we promise never to trade British
oppression for Socialist tyranny again.
Your most humble servants,
The American People
Yes. Enjoy your socialized medicine, human genius.
3. Liberals Are Literally Monsters.
Yes. I'm sure all the sleepy grannies and the
19-year-old PoliSci majors volunteering at the polls for college credit
were simply chilling.
4. Liberals Only Won Because They Love Free Stuff.
This guy again:
I'm at the Wal-mart or grocery story I typically pay with my debit
card. On the pad it comes up, "EBT, Debit, Credit, Cash." I make it a
point to say loudly to the check-out clerk, "EBT, what is that for?" She
inevitably says, "it's government assistance." I respond, "Oh, you mean
welfare? Great. I work for a living. I'm paying for my food with my own
hard-earned dollars. And other people get their food for free." And I
look around with disgust, making sure others in line have heard me.
Dudes, if you're going to yell at me for being a
fat moocher who loves free stuff, can I at least get some free stuff?
Currently on my wish list: L-shaped sofa, a couple new bras, snacks. Get
on it, Hitler-Prez.
5. AMERICA COMMITTED SUICIDE RIP AMERICA RIP WE'RE ALL DEAD NOW GOOD THING THEY HAVE INTERNET IN HEAVEN.
Via, uh, whatever this is:
group created and expanded over time & routinely, thanks to this
Federal Government & it's various entitlement departments and
agencies, as we have stated, became the end result that decided our end.
America, as a consequence, WILL NEVER EVER AGAIN BE THE SAME.
It will now accelerate its Downhill Slide into oblivion.
won simply because those States that emulated the Federal Demagoguery
of entitlement, provided the impetus that carried this ‘man' to yet
another ominous term in which his lies and transgressions will be
The blind and decapitated in this Country are clearly running it.
here's a story from a right-wing "satirical" website (because write
what you know, guys! Comedy is your calling!) about the mass suicide of
the entire nation at the hands of our charismatic leader "Barack Jonesbama"—illustrated with actual photographs of the actual human beings who actually tragically died in Jonestown!
said that although most of the former United States took its life
willingly, duped into drinking a tainted mix of Hope, Change and
Forward, it appeared others had to been forced to drink the
grape-flavored substance, which was actually laced with lethal amounts
of cyanide. As for the President and Reverend Barack Jonesbama (aka the
"Great One" or "Chocolate Jesus", the charismatic cult leader who had so
skillfully led the nation to believe a magical, egalitarian Utopia was
possible because he studied it in college), he was found dead, too;
victim to cyanide, as well, which he had apparently laced his crystal
champagne glass of Revenge with. Reportedly found next to President Rev.
Jonesbama were his wife, Eva Michelle Obraun, his favorite set of
titanium golf clubs, and the skeletal remains of what is believed to be
his dog, Bo, seemingly having taken its life years before rather than
enduring his master's bullsh*t.
6. Everyone Is Sluts!!!!!
Beef-jerky-with-a-wig-on-it Ted Nugent had this to say on his twitter feed:
Goodluk America u just voted for economic & spiritual suicide. Soulless fools.
Pimps whores & welfare brats & their soulless supporters hav a president to destroy America.
So Obama still demands the hardest workers provide for the nonwotkers. Shared opportunitiesmy *ss.
What subhuman varmint believes others must pay for their obesity booze cellphones birthcontrol abortions & lives.
Haha u wish you shriveled old goblin.
7. But Mitt Romney Is the REAL Winner Because Chocolate Milk.
morning after the election, as conservatives everywhere were still
trying to come to terms with the reality of another four years of
President Barack Obama, the now former GOP presidential candidate Mitt
Romney was busy being a dad, husband and grandfather. A winner.
...The Romney clan can be seen drinking a gallon of chocolate milk.
Actually, I can relate. Chocolate milk is delicious ON BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE.
8. Olds be oldin'.
the radio of the 1940s there was a show called "The Shadow" about a man
with the "power to cloud men's minds" who used it to fight crime, but
Obama developed the power to so utterly charm people that, like any
successful confidence man, he left people impressed with all the
exterior aspects of him without few clues about what he stood for, what
he believed, and what his true goals are.
Timely reference, bro.
9. I AM AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC EGG AND THIS IS MY REALLY GOOD CONSPIRACY THEORY.
Via da Krove:
I think the Republicans lost in this election because of two things.
One is that the Obama campaign was very effective in keeping roughly 92
percent of the people who voted for President Obama before to vote for
him again. But they didn't do a good job of growing the electorate…The
Democrats, the the only group that they got more votes this time around
than they got four years ago were among Latinos. About 700,000 more
Latinos voted Democratic this year than the year before. But the
president succeed by suppressing the vote, by saying to people, ‘you may
not like who I am and I know you can't bring yourself to vote for me,
but I'm going to paint this other guy as simply a rich guy who only
cares about himself.'
Soooooooo...the president rigged the election by...getting people to vote for him? 'KAY.
10. A-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boooooooo. Bla-bloo-bloo-bloo-bloogh-bloogh-bloooooooogh.
Image by Jim Cooke