The top ten ways a woman can lose her man:
10. You are not letting your man win - Men simply must be the winners. If we are not winning, then we lose our seat at the head of the table. More importantly, we lose our seat at the tribal council of manhood. This is very demeaning, and we will pitch fits over it.
9. You are forcing him to speak often - Man, good. Woman, good. Football, good. Talking......bad.
8. You are dissing his Mom way to often....Like ever - Mommy is Mommy and you are not allowed to interfere with that delicate balance. We are all Mommas Boys, and you have to respect that. Never say a word about your man's Momma, even if he does.
7. You are nagging way to often - Nagging is really annoying when you are changing oil, or watching the ball game, or sitting silently, or playing a video game, or .......
6. You have decided that you have him now, so looks do not matter - Just because we are gaga over you, it does not mean that we wish to see you in the same shirt, and Grannie panties every day for the rest of your life. Comb your hair, put on something exciting, and dance for him once in a while. The comfort level may be getting way to low for your man's tastes.
5. You are calling him at work to tell him there is a cricket in the washroom - You can insert your own scenario here, but the bottom line is that if it is not going to hurt you, you need not bother him with it.
4. You are speaking to him in code, and even you do not know what you mean - We have already discussed the problems with men talking. Need I explain our ignorance when it comes to listening and understanding? Give us short simple sentences, with clear instructions. We want to obey... we really do.
3. You are no longer willing to ignore the headaches - Sex is a must in a relationship and it will shrivel up and die if you do not pay attention to it. ("It" being sex....where is your mind?)
2. You have stopped cooking for him - Call us old fashioned or even dogs, but we love it when our women cook for us. It is a fact of manhood, and it goes back to the fact that we can not boil water. I once burnt three consecutive grilled cheese sandwiches, and would have burnt a fourth if my wife had not saved me.
The number one reason that women lose their men is..............................
1. You have not learned to forgive the fact that we are idiots - As hard as we try, we will always be men. Their is nothing that we can do about it, and we are simply lost in our own world most of the time. Much like Bart Simpson continues to touch the hot stove, we are creatures of ignorance. Save us women of the world......For we can not save ourselves.