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mzmee View Drop Down
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Points: 39088 		Direct Link To This Post Topic: Teenage Issues
    Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:09am
I have a question for you guys and want to wonder how you would handle this situation if you were the parent/family member. But I have to give a long ass backstory first.Cry
 
My sisters, cousins and I (along with some of their friends) all have teenage daughters and once a week or every other Friday or Saturday we all get together and have a girls night. We either go to the show, mall, out to eat or chill at one of our homes and talk. Pretty much a bonding experience.
 
We've been doing this for maybe 2 or 3 years with our daughters. It's been good; the teens call us all auntie or 2nd momma and each other sisters/cousins and we've bonded a lot. We talk about boys, sex, school, employment, life lessons, teen pregnancy and us grown women shared our own experiences as well.
 
The Situation:
 
One of my Bond Sisters stated to us a few weeks ago how her daughter has become very withdrawn. She doesn't really participate in our activities (it's like it's being forced upon her judging from body language), she keeps her face in her phone, and doesn't talk to us or any of the girls anymore.
 
She also stated that on Thursday her youngest daughter found the teen's cell phone and there was a picture of her in there naked that she sent to a few boys. There were texts back and forth from one of her female friends telling her how she doesn't have to talk about anything to us; her mom doesn't know what's best for her therefore she is unable to dictate where and how she should spend her time. In these texts, it was discovered that she was pregnant and got an abortion and the boy she was seeing broke up with her because she told him she was pregnant. There was another text between her and another boy where they talked about all the sex acts they had done OUTSIDE AROUND THE SCHOOL. How they f@cked outside after school and before she went to cheerleading practice (about 45 minute timespan from school let out until cheerleading practice). It was so much sh!t my ears were bleeding when she told me.
 
I kind of felt bad because I couldn't really offer any advice to her. I'm completely shocked. I KNOW our daughters have their own lives, they're independent young ladies (teenage girls). This is just too damn extreme. It's like all the time we spent bonding, they giving their feedback (intelligently at that) and she was/is one of the leaders of the girls. How would you handle this?? Mom is LIVID!!! I really feel for her. The girl just made 16 and we all threw her a bomb ass sweet 16 last month.Cry
 
 
Sorry for the long ass post.
 
But how would you handle this. AND NO, I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER WON'T DO. THE DAUGHTER IN THE OP IS YOUR HYPOTHETICAL DAUGHTERTongue!!! NOW...
 
 
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mzmee View Drop Down
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Points: 39088 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:15am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


so sad

the  first stop would be the doctor's I guess
Oh yeah, I forgot that part. She was diagnosed with Herpes and Chlimydia (sp)
 
Apparently they have some kind of clinic at the school (not the school nurse an actual clinic) and mom said she signed the papers being under the impression from the staff that if anything were to happen like nose bleeds, menstrual starting or falls because she is a cheerleader, they would be able to see her with no problem. The "friend" in her text told the teen how she can get BC, pregnancy tests and referrals for abortion without her mom's knowledge all she has to do is tell them she doesn't want mom to know.
 
It's so much stuff.
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babyk94 View Drop Down
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Points: 33598 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:16am
This is a really tough situation and I feel for the mother, her daughter is seeking attention and validation from boys because of her low self esteem. I think she needs some type of intervention.
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EPITOME View Drop Down
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Points: 484546 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:18am
idk how i would react after i passed out from shock
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mzmee View Drop Down
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Points: 39088 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:21am
I promise the debil rose up in me and though "Beat that wainch's ass and pit her out!!" but that's not the best response. lol
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tasty0619 View Drop Down
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Points: 25246 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:22am
I would take her to my gyn, and talk to her...maybe even take her to a therapist.

Also, ya'll should have a talk with all the girls about STDs and the not so fun side of sex with plenty of gory pics. Encourage them to use condoms, and since they may already be doing it behind your back without them, maybe buy them condoms.

NVM I just refreshed and saw she has herpes Cry
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Points: 484546 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:23am
Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

I promise the debil rose up in me and though "Beat that wainch's ass and pit her out!!" but that's not the best response. lol



lol....yeah the first is rage.
then i would start to doubt myself and my parenting and trying to figure out what i did wrong
i would heavily blame myself
and then i would think back to the times when i didnt have any kids and could spend money on myself and was freeCry
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mzmee View Drop Down
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Points: 39088 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:23am
Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

This is a really tough situation and I feel for the mother, her daughter is seeking attention and validation from boys because of her low self esteem. I think she needs some type of intervention.
And see this was the reasoning behind why we do what we do. To help empower our little ladies, help with self-esteem so they won't have to seek validation. I thought we were doing well. Now I wonder if the other girls are faking the funk.
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tasty0619 View Drop Down
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Points: 25246 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:26am
How is her relationship with her father? 

You don't have to answer but that may be the cause of her attention seeking behavior.
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Points: 33598 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:28am
Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

This is a really tough situation and I feel for the mother, her daughter is seeking attention and validation from boys because of her low self esteem. I think she needs some type of intervention.


And see this was the reasoning behind why we do what we do. To help empower our little ladies, help with self-esteem so they won't have to seek validation. I thought we were doing well. Now I wonder if the other girls are faking the funk.
A lot of teens fake the funk for their parents, I'm 18 my mom doesn't know half the sh*t I've done but, I think what you guys have been doing is a good thing. I think the girl needs a therapist because there is definitely an underlying problem.
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