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Study: Spanking hurts kids in the long run

 
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FarraFace View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote FarraFace Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 24 2013 at 3:54pm
Is your sister anything like you Nini?
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Ds2nice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Ds2nice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 24 2013 at 9:53pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by Ds2nice Ds2nice wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by jmarie jmarie wrote:

My mother would beat the hell out of me just for looking at her the wrong way. She would put me in the headlock and punch me and everything. My father took custody of me because of her abuse. I told her when I grow up you'll never see my face again, and I barely saw her or talked to her until the day she died. I  beat my daughter for any little thing until she was was 3 yrs old, and one day I realized I was beating her just like my mother did me, so I stopped. My daughter and I are very close and I'm thankful she doesn't remember how I treated her when she was little. I know a lot of people probably won't agree with me.


It ain't even about agreeing or disagreeing. They don't even hear you, sadly.

 

There's a big difference btw abuse and disciplining your child.  People should be aware of the difference.  And based on the jmarie's story, she had experienced physical abuse. 

 

My mother spanked me when I was child but I didn't get spanked every hour, every day, or every week.   I was a child that learned from her mistakes.  


Honestly, that kind of reply always gets on my nerves, so I won't comment much throughout this thread. But it's A LOT of black folks out there who THINK they understand the distinction when they truly DON'T and it,s a root cause of a lot of dysfunction out there. Lots of abusers don't even realize that they have abused and it's even more so when part of it is culturally ingrained. But hey, one thing I've learned from being on BHM this long as that things sometimes do turn around. When I first joined, I remember reading things that made my stomach sink on this board and those same things are nowadays accepted as problematic... So like I said before, maybe in 10 years...


Well I disagree with you because I know a lot of black folks as well as Hispanic folks and white folks that are aware of the difference between spankings and abuse. I also believe their should be age limitations for certain disciplines. Like for example I'm don't believe military discipline is necessary or suitable for young children but I can understand when a parent prefers this option for pre-teens and teens. I don't believe in spanking a teen but I believe that military discipline and taking the fun activities away. If it gets to an extreme, then they will go to military school.

Since we on the topic of different methods, which method do you prefer? Just curious......
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Lady ICE View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lady ICE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 24 2013 at 10:00pm
Originally posted by carolina cutie carolina cutie wrote:

BHM spanking topics are becoming a staple. I enjoy the spread of factual info and personal stories.

http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/how-to-properly-spank-a-child_topic325822_page1.html

http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/how-do-you-feel-about-this-quote_topic364043_page1.html?KW=spanking

http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/how-do-will-you-punish-your-kids_topic362937.html?KW=spanking
Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:

Plucking and or pinching 1-3yrs
Popping on the hand 4-6 yrs
Spanking on the booty 6-8 yrs
Ass whooping 8-14 yrs
Fuccing my child up 15-21yrsStern Smile

quote from that first link LOLLOLLOL
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 24 2013 at 10:26pm
Originally posted by Ds2nice Ds2nice wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by Ds2nice Ds2nice wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by jmarie jmarie wrote:

My mother would beat the hell out of me just for looking at her the wrong way. She would put me in the headlock and punch me and everything. My father took custody of me because of her abuse. I told her when I grow up you'll never see my face again, and I barely saw her or talked to her until the day she died. I  beat my daughter for any little thing until she was was 3 yrs old, and one day I realized I was beating her just like my mother did me, so I stopped. My daughter and I are very close and I'm thankful she doesn't remember how I treated her when she was little. I know a lot of people probably won't agree with me.


It ain't even about agreeing or disagreeing. They don't even hear you, sadly.

 

There's a big difference btw abuse and disciplining your child.  People should be aware of the difference.  And based on the jmarie's story, she had experienced physical abuse. 

 

My mother spanked me when I was child but I didn't get spanked every hour, every day, or every week.   I was a child that learned from her mistakes.  


Honestly, that kind of reply always gets on my nerves, so I won't comment much throughout this thread. But it's A LOT of black folks out there who THINK they understand the distinction when they truly DON'T and it,s a root cause of a lot of dysfunction out there. Lots of abusers don't even realize that they have abused and it's even more so when part of it is culturally ingrained. But hey, one thing I've learned from being on BHM this long as that things sometimes do turn around. When I first joined, I remember reading things that made my stomach sink on this board and those same things are nowadays accepted as problematic... So like I said before, maybe in 10 years...


Well I disagree with you because I know a lot of black folks as well as Hispanic folks and white folks that are aware of the difference between spankings and abuse. I also believe their should be age limitations for certain disciplines. Like for example I'm don't believe military discipline is necessary or suitable for young children but I can understand when a parent prefers this option for pre-teens and teens. I don't believe in spanking a teen but I believe that military discipline and taking the fun activities away. If it gets to an extreme, then they will go to military school.

Since we on the topic of different methods, which method do you prefer? Just curious......
 
A few posters have expressed that taking away privileges is way less enviable than being hit and I wholeheartedly agree. It is so much more effective and sensible as a means of negative reinforcement and the fact that some have said that they'd rather take the beating than have their privileges taken away attests to that. Plus it makes you think about the why's of things instead of reducing you into a sore and bumpy stupor crumpled up on the floor.  You do seem sensible about this but a lot of people are not. I've mentioned my history on here before. A lot of parents that are guilty of physical abuse are GENUINELY dumbfounded when you confront them with it later on in life. They have no concept of it, especially when it's a cultural practice. Violence begets violence and it does psychological damage on a lot of kids, even if it's not immediately apparent. Everytime I get into one of these threads and see people key keying about fuccin' up their kids, it makes me wanna puke. I should know better not to click on these threads but I always end up being drawn in. This is such a huge problem in black communities, as if we don't have enough problems to deal with already. Man, I had a friend, growing up, west-indian like me, who never got hit and I used to marvel at this sometimes, it almost felt like she was from another planet because the concept was so foreign to me. The fact that she most likely was the anomaly in the community is fucced up.


Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Oct 24 2013 at 10:27pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 24 2013 at 10:33pm
Some people are gonna say it's not a colour thing, other cultures physically discipline their kids, blah,blah, blah. Well most cultures have not experienced the level of generational violence, physical, emotional and mental that black people have, especially those from the diaspora. Y'all really think that we aren't somewhat conditioned to expect the whoopings, that it's normal to brush it off like it's as innocuous as brushing your teeth? Man that's some serious naiveté right there...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote augiemoment Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 2:50am
I spank my son when he's naughty, but then i let him know why 
how the heck are you gonna discipline them? by only talking (priviledged)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Random Thoughts Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 3:02am
Originally posted by augiemoment augiemoment wrote:

I spank my son when he's naughty, but then i let him know why 
how the heck are you gonna discipline them? by only talking (priviledged)


There have been posters on here who say they have raised and disciplined their children without spanking them.

I wish we could have a discussion about alternative discipline techniques...without the snark and pissing matches.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Samoneisthebest Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 3:43am
Originally posted by Random Thoughts Random Thoughts wrote:

Originally posted by augiemoment augiemoment wrote:

I spank my son when he's naughty, but then i let him know why 
how the heck are you gonna discipline them? by only talking (priviledged)


There have been posters on here who say they have raised and disciplined their children without spanking them.

I wish we could have a discussion about alternative discipline techniques...without the snark and pissing matches.

This topic is too touchy for most people to be open minded about.

When you start speaking negatively about spanking people take it as if you are personally attacking their parents or themselves.

The " I worked for me so it must be okay" argument is flawed and deep down people know that but will never admit it. It would mean admitting that maybe their parent didn't raise then in a way that was the most beneficial to them. It would mean admitting that maybe they are actually harming their children instead of teaching them a lesson.

Folks ain't trying to hear that. I do think that spanking will slowly become less and less common as time goes on and people begin to learn more about it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 5:15am
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Is your sister anything like you Nini?

She bullies me.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote DWeird Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 6:53am
Let's be real. 90% of the time it's about instilling fear not discipline. Usually, it's a quick fix for relieving stress. "It didn't turn me into a f*ck up" isn't really good enough for me. Nobody's perfect but I'd want to do what's best for my child and I just don't think spanking is best especially if I haven't even tried other methods. 

This is slightly off topic but stop calling your children bad too. More than likely you're just a bad parent or they might have a behavioral disorder such as ADHD. Don't blame your child because you're uneducated. 

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