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Study: Spanking hurts kids in the long run

 
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Samoneisthebest View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Samoneisthebest Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 3:43am
Originally posted by Random Thoughts Random Thoughts wrote:

Originally posted by augiemoment augiemoment wrote:

I spank my son when he's naughty, but then i let him know why 
how the heck are you gonna discipline them? by only talking (priviledged)


There have been posters on here who say they have raised and disciplined their children without spanking them.

I wish we could have a discussion about alternative discipline techniques...without the snark and pissing matches.

This topic is too touchy for most people to be open minded about.

When you start speaking negatively about spanking people take it as if you are personally attacking their parents or themselves.

The " I worked for me so it must be okay" argument is flawed and deep down people know that but will never admit it. It would mean admitting that maybe their parent didn't raise then in a way that was the most beneficial to them. It would mean admitting that maybe they are actually harming their children instead of teaching them a lesson.

Folks ain't trying to hear that. I do think that spanking will slowly become less and less common as time goes on and people begin to learn more about it.
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Sang Froid View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 5:15am
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Is your sister anything like you Nini?

She bullies me.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote DWeird Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 6:53am
Let's be real. 90% of the time it's about instilling fear not discipline. Usually, it's a quick fix for relieving stress. "It didn't turn me into a f*ck up" isn't really good enough for me. Nobody's perfect but I'd want to do what's best for my child and I just don't think spanking is best especially if I haven't even tried other methods. 

This is slightly off topic but stop calling your children bad too. More than likely you're just a bad parent or they might have a behavioral disorder such as ADHD. Don't blame your child because you're uneducated. 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote nitabug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 7:15am
Originally posted by Random Thoughts Random Thoughts wrote:

Originally posted by augiemoment augiemoment wrote:

I spank my son when he's naughty, but then i let him know why 
how the heck are you gonna discipline them? by only talking (priviledged)


There have been posters on here who say they have raised and disciplined their children without spanking them.

I wish we could have a discussion about alternative discipline techniques...without the snark and pissing matches.
I wish this too. People talk and don't hear themselves. It is funny and odd that the people ask, "well, what do you do if you don't spank?"

Even if it is followed by, or said in sarcasm, it is sad because they really don't know.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nitabug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 7:18am
I want to read that book purp posted
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sugabanana Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 7:35am
I talk more now than hit. I just don't have the energy to hit the boys. Besides they are too daggone fast for me and hubby to catch. So I don't bother unless i spoke to them about the same thing over and over again. Hubby slipped and fell while chasing one of the boys. We all couldn't hold it in and all started laughing. I learned that if I take away the hunny bunz and their iphones that "life is over" according to them.

I did have to let them know who was bauce that time they all showed out in Walmart but they never tried me again since then. The offense has to be epic in order for me to throw on my tights and scarf ready to chase them.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Naturalchick30 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 8:16am
My mom only hit us when absolutely necessary, as a last resort.  And it was only a smack on the butt with a belt.  She didn't use anything but a belt or if you got smart she would smack you on the mouth.  Most of the time we were made to stand in the corner for an hour, lol. She never took her anger out on us and mother came from an abusive home growing up.  Both parents and her grandfather who also lived in the house were alcoholics.

Edited by Naturalchick30 - Oct 25 2013 at 8:17am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (7) Thanks(7)   Quote kfoxx1998 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 8:20am
The reason we can't discuss this rationally is because everyone is not really willing to entertain the discussion *except* from an extreme standpoint.   I strongly believe that children are literally being abused and that is enough to have a conversation about it.  There are people in this thread who were indeed abused and scarred, not disciplined.  I understand that and the emotion and passion of it.   I rarely got spankings because I was obsessively a perfect goody-two shoes but I also understand that even the best behaved children have been completely abused by a parent.    I actually have a child who was physically and emotionally abused by the other "parent" w/o my knowledge and outside of my control space.  I am VERY angry about it even though that child is grown with a child.    See how we do in fact understand the difference?  Also, you shouldn't assume that parents never have any guilt associated with having spanked a child because your parent was literally a child abuser.  On the other side the fact that someone doesn't have children doesn't always mean they have nothing of value to add to the discussion.  Its really just a case of what you believe you would do faced with situation A vs what you would actually do in situation A. 

With that said i/a with the posters who said spanking is/should be a last resort used as discipline.  It is used all over the world by all cultures and making a statement that black parents are not allowed to use it due to racism, slavery and police brutality just underscores the challenges black parents face DUE TO racism, slavery and police brutality.  At what point are we as free as every other society to make our own choices based on OUR needs.

A lot of this is about instinct lets be honest.   We only need to look at nature to see that no parent (whether they are raising cubs, children, kittens or joeys) simply look at their offspring and say "oh that's interesting and cute" when their children are wandering into a den of hyenas.   Are we considering how many warnings a child is given before physical discipline is used?  Do you say it 2 times, 4 times, 6 times.   If you have a child who REFUSES to go to time out do you just walk away and say "proceed with your fun?"

Now any other effective alternatives will only be used by those of us parents who are NOT abusing our children out of anger or resentment.  It will not stop abusive savages who beat children because they are failures at life.   I see people sh*tting on the least among us every day and people have indeed beat their children to death.   Child Abusers will NOT feel anything in the discussion.  Not even guilt.  They are child abusers. 

Lets stop being extreme and accusing all parents who use physical discipline as a means of gaining cooperation of being SAVAGES and discuss EFFECTIVE alternatives that actually help the situation.

@ RT - Freedom76 is one of the posters who is able to get full cooperation from her boys w/o spanking etc.   The next question for caring parents is - What can be done if you have children who will not cooperate based on removing privileges and talking.   Do you just say - Nvm, go ahead and act a fool and let me know when you're done? 

What's next?  I would also love to discuss this and hear examples from the #nevereverspank team. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote kfoxx1998 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 8:29am
suga I obviously talk a LOT more than spankLOL.  I also refuse to spank a pre-teen or teenager because I can get whatever I want by instituting "shutting your whole life down".   I did slap my daughter like Tyson the day she called my mother a bytch.  That was instinct.  She was 16 and it was the absolute first time I remember hitting her since I had to pop her hands from touching dangerous things when she was around 1 or 2.   I felt bad but it was disrespectful as fck and I just reacted.   My mom is kind of a bytch thoughOuch
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wildfire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 8:49am
Originally posted by AshBash89 AshBash89 wrote:

Everything isn't for everybody. Discipline should be on a child to child bases. What works on one child may not work on another.



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