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Stop Saying "I have a boyfriend"?

 
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tatee View Drop Down
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    Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 6:41am

Article on Street Harassment Angers Twitter

A woman's directive to other women to stop lying to men to avoid getting hit on is met with anger online.

 
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(The Root) -- A very well-meaning article was posted on xoJane.com about how women should react when a hopeful suitor gives them unwanted attention on the street. For many women the quickest, most effective way to get out an uncomfortable situation is to say that they're already in a relationship, whether they are or not.

Alecia Lynn Eberhardt, author of the article, cautions against this tactic, saying that "the idea that a woman should only be left alone if she is 'taken' or 'spoken for' ... completely removes the level of respect that should be expected toward that woman." The declaration of another man's claim over a woman should not, she argues, be the thing that inspires a pest to bug off.

Instead, she says, women should be honest with their pursuers, saying only, "I'm not interested" in hopes that, one day, men will stop respecting another man's "ownership" of a woman more than he respects that woman's wish to be left alone. This is a very romantic, ideal solution to a not ideal problem.

What the author doesn't seem to understand is how quickly unsolicited interactions can turn hostile. Not every approach happens with a man trying to buy a woman a drink or pay her a compliment at a bar. Women are often approached on the street by aggressive men who are far less than polite when turned down; a woman being verbally or physically assaulted for turning down a man is not unheard of. Why wouldn't someone say whatever she needed to say to escape the potential danger of such a situation?

Eberhardt also incorrectly assumes that "I have a boyfriend" will stop a man who has already decided not to take no for an answer. It won't. Too often, the way you respond to a man's approach only helps him decide how to proceed, not if he'll do so.

Women do what they have to do to ensure that they get out of threatening situations, and they should not be shamed or blamed for doing so. (The author says that she refuses to tell a man she's in a relationship in order to be left alone so that she knows that she "gave [herself] all the respect [she] deserves" -- as if women who choose to do otherwise lack self-respect.) A bar or a street, however, isn't exactly an ideal place to engage a potentially hostile pursuer in a conversation about women's autonomy. The only goal: Stay safe.

The only article that should be written about how to end or curtail street harassment is one aimed at men, telling them to learn to take no for an answer. Expecting women to change in order to change the inappropriate behavior of men is unfair, illogical and futile. Many women on Twitter spoke out, some sharing harrowing examples of how talking back -- no matter what they did or didn't say -- didn't work.

http://www.theroot.com/blogs/grapevine/article-street-harassment-angers-twitter


you can read the original article here



Edited by tatee - Sep 11 2013 at 6:46am
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CherryBlossom View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (15) Thanks(15)   Quote CherryBlossom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 6:53am
Eberhardt sounds like one of those dumb white feminists who get on my nerves so much...sorry women can say or do whatever they want to keep themselves safe..most of the time it's not enough anyway. Ermm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (11) Thanks(11)   Quote herwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 7:12am
Please don't EVER say you're a lesbian to get away, just might be your last day on earth.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 7:24am
Why they got a woman in the pic in a predator pose?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote CherryBlossom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 7:38am
lol she's frustrated
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mizzsandra00 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote mizzsandra00 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 7:41am
I aint gotta lie.....I have a pretty ass can of pepper spray......and a knife thats less than 6 inches......no need to say shyt else.......more women should carry.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote TheAwakenGod Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 7:41am
They are trying to show that black women are the most aggressive woman on the planet and that other women can easily show they do not want to mess with someone. It's pure advertisement that we are the most sexual people, but nearly don't account for rape compare to other groups.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (9) Thanks(9)   Quote Gkisses Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 7:45am
lol@"Email me".... brahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhLOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 8:30am
The only thing that has worked for me is to keep walking and acting like I don't hear them. I even sometimes will say something in a different language to make them think I don't speak English. 
On an occasion or two, I have asked for the person's number instead telling them I don't have a phone number yet and that I will call them. 

I remember while living in Brooklyn, whenever I saw dudes ready to come my way, I would stick my hand in my pocket and ball my fist up. Or, on the train I would stick my hand in my purse and hold it there. lol I didn't have much of a problem out there. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote AmiliaCabral Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 11 2013 at 8:31am
I don't give a damn about all that. I'll say whatever it takes for you to stop wastin my time and get you out my face

Edited by AmiliaCabral - Sep 11 2013 at 8:34am
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