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ms_wonderland View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ms_wonderland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:04pm
Originally posted by Samoneisthebest Samoneisthebest wrote:

From what I see she probably hadn't even given the lack of sex a second thought until now because she's been so busy with other things going on in her life. Stress can f-up a sex drive. So there really isn't anything she could have done to stop this because she can't read minds.

But if she was intentionally avoiding sex (and was aware of doing it *not subconscious*) then she should have been open about it with her husband.

Based on the time frame it seems like they haven't been having much sex for around 6 months.  She said she gained weight in winter and has been busy with work...they also renovated their home in the spring.  I assume he works as well.  So it seems that he understood why sex slowed down in the first half of this year.  She said he had began acting cold only recently.  Each time he initiated sex she came up with a reason not to do it...that wasn't an oversight.  She just didn't want to and wasn't honest about it.  He probably thought that now that the renovations were done and she was working out(liking her body more) she would want to get back to intimacy.  He's mad.  If she TOLD him why and he was on some chauvinistic this is my coochie ish then I'd be team wife but it seems like honesty would've prevented all of this.
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Samoneisthebest View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Samoneisthebest Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:04pm
Its very possible that she just didn't include the part about him trying to talk to her about the lack of sex before producing a spreadsheet. But her post makes it seem like this was completely out of left field for her. 

Maybe there were signs and she just missed them. In which case he should have been straight forward about the issue without being manipulative.
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Samoneisthebest View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Samoneisthebest Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:22pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by Samoneisthebest Samoneisthebest wrote:

From what I see she probably hadn't even given the lack of sex a second thought until now because she's been so busy with other things going on in her life. Stress can f-up a sex drive. So there really isn't anything she could have done to stop this because she can't read minds.

But if she was intentionally avoiding sex (and was aware of doing it *not subconscious*) then she should have been open about it with her husband.

Based on the time frame it seems like they haven't been having much sex for around 6 months.  She said she gained weight in winter and has been busy with work...they also renovated their home in the spring.  I assume he works as well.  So it seems that he understood why sex slowed down in the first half of this year.  She said he had began acting cold only recently.  Each time he initiated sex she came up with a reason not to do it...that wasn't an oversight.  She just didn't want to and wasn't honest about it.  He probably thought that now that the renovations were done and she was working out(liking her body more) she would want to get back to intimacy.  He's mad.  If she TOLD him why and he was on some chauvinistic this is my coochie ish then I'd be team wife but it seems like honesty would've prevented all of this.


His ignoring her makes me believe that he is pissed off at her for not reading his mind. She said this is out of left field. He should not have waited for all this emotion to build up before addressing the issue.

The way he is handling the situation also makes me believe that at this moment (maybe not aways) that he values sex more than he values his relationship with her. 

I don't believe he is chauvinistic. These kinds of entitlements seem to cross gender lines, as you can see from the replies in this thread.

"We have sex whenever I want to have sex or else..."
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tropical-punch View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote tropical-punch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:22pm
Perhaps if he helped her out more around the house, he'd get more sex.
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maysay1 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 10:03pm
I'm the type of person who if I had an SO and we had sex once every 6 months I'd totally be like "babe we have sex ALL the time" and actually mean it because my head is in different space than the SO. And I'd need a spreadsheet or something to convince me otherwise.

I think he knows his wife well enough to know that he had to come with evidence. I'm sure it did seem to come out of left field for her, but that's just because of her perspective.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 23 2014 at 12:53am
Originally posted by Junior Jr Junior Jr wrote:

i'm 99% sure the spreadsheet was his last, desperate attempt of trying to have the convo with her...Brothas aren't making excel sheets out the blue

at least, that's what r/deadbedrooms says about spreadsheets

jr.


True

But you see the sign on the door says bhm right?

Edited by afrokock - Jul 23 2014 at 12:54am
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afrokock View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 23 2014 at 12:58am
Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

Afro, I see you mentioned the 'can't have frequent sex unless you don't have a job' theories in that Sexless Marriage thread too. Do you have a link for the thread where that was discussed, or do you need Diane to find it for you ? lol
I know who said the comment ..

Actually two people

But I just can't find it ..

It was back in 09
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rickysrose View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 23 2014 at 1:40am
well like any self respecting jamaican I've taken on several contracts/clients at the same time (2-3 jobs) and steel make time for sex

How else would I fall asleep.  Ida fell out from insomnia


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newdiva1 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote newdiva1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 23 2014 at 1:57am
Originally posted by smaison smaison wrote:

eeeewwwwwww....how she sweaty and came from the gym and not take a shower until the next day. that's nasty. 







this was my first thought.  Which in my mind means that she simply didn't want to fucc.  who marinates in their own juices (not the good juice) and then gets their sweaty butt in the bed?  That is not a good sleep.


It would have been better if she said that she didn't want to have sex rather than come up with wack excuses that anybody could see through.   I'd be hurt if my man tole me he had to take a shower first only to not take a shower till the next day before he had to go to work.  I'd feel some type of way.

I mean it's her body but....those excuses.   smh. I mean...from that spreadsheet she always seems to need a shower.


I mean come on...in the world of DVR and On Demand you're "watching your show?" 

If the sex is not good then say that sh*t.


Edited by newdiva1 - Jul 23 2014 at 2:01am
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kfoxx1998 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote kfoxx1998 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 23 2014 at 8:52am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by Junior Jr Junior Jr wrote:

i'm 99% sure the spreadsheet was his last, desperate attempt of trying to have the convo with her...Brothas aren't making excel sheets out the blue

at least, that's what r/deadbedrooms says about spreadsheets

jr.


True

But you see the sign on the door says bhm right?


LOL But I need to know if the two of you would have given a sex spreadsheet to the woman you love and how you would feel about a spreadsheet of any kind being presented to you?  In a marriage?  When a woman says she feels "gross" it probably means she's not feeling herself, not her man.  Would you ask questions and talk it out like a partner or would you open up excel? 






Edited by kfoxx1998 - Jul 23 2014 at 8:52am
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