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So I Guess I'm Screwed Now...

 
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4BFabulousity View Drop Down
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    Posted: Dec 07 2016 at 12:12pm
Okay so here's the scoop, I made a thread called "What Would You Do?" where I explained that I was living with my bf and his family and I may be wearing out my welcome. Fast forward to TODAY and now he is saying I am moving out next month to be closer to his job. He says that if he moves out I can no longer stay at the house. He said "I don't know what you are going to do since you refuse to live with your mom." He tells me to also keep job hunting. He also said "You're a big girl you will figure it out." He said he misses having his own space and and hates living at the house. It seems as though he really does not give a damn about where I end up. He knows that I could end up in the shelter but that does not seem to bother him either. I have been with him since 2006 and I actually feel rather insulted that he does not want to get a place together after so many years. What am I doing wrong?

I called my brother and I started telling him what he was saying and he cut me off and said, "I don't don't know why you're still with him, but say no more we will find you a place call me later around 6." My brother is the type that has good intentions but takes forever to do what he says he's going to do.

I currently have $3,000 saved up but in all reality that's not enough for me to move out and live comfortably. On top of that I have graduated college a year ago and still haven't landed a job. I currently work at Five Guys which obviously isn't a job where you can be on your own. At this point I really don't have much options. I may end up in the nearest shelter.

What would you do?
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NJHairLuv View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote NJHairLuv Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2016 at 1:14pm
Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

 
I currently have $3,000 saved up but in all reality that's not enough for me to move out and live comfortably. On top of that I have graduated college a year ago and still haven't landed a job. I currently work at Five Guys which obviously isn't a job where you can be on your own. At this point I really don't have much options. I may end up in the nearest shelter.

What would you do?
*Put motions, pride and your heart to the side. 
*Log off of BHM and go to the NY or CT Department of Housing website today before 4pm and find the number for Section 8, Subsidized Housing, Housing Assistance, etc. Then look on the same website for the list of "Low and Moderate Income Apartments" and print it out and start calling the places to find out what has immediate vacancy vs a waiting list.
***Apply for food stamps and medicaid. 
***Start packing and sell excess things of value on eBay for extra $$$ for the relocation.
***Call 211 (The United Way) and let the know that you just found out that you will soon be homeless and also that you need help to find a second job or a career in your degree field: http://www.211.org/

Nothing else really matters. You will figure out the other personal things on your own as any adult is expected to.

Good luck with finding a placeHeart

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote 4BFabulousity Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2016 at 1:20pm
Originally posted by NJHairLuv NJHairLuv wrote:

Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

 
I currently have $3,000 saved up but in all reality that's not enough for me to move out and live comfortably. On top of that I have graduated college a year ago and still haven't landed a job. I currently work at Five Guys which obviously isn't a job where you can be on your own. At this point I really don't have much options. I may end up in the nearest shelter.

What would you do?
*Put motions, pride and your heart to the side. 
*Log off of BHM and go to the NY or CT Department of Housing website today before 4pm and find the number for Section 8, Subsidized Housing, Housing Assistance, etc. Then look on the same website for the list of "Low and Moderate Income Apartments" and print it out and start calling the places to find out what has immediate vacancy vs a waiting list.
***Apply for food stamps and medicaid. 
***Start packing and sell excess things of value on eBay for extra $$$ for the relocation.
***Call 211 (The United Way) and let the know that you just found out that you will soon be homeless and also that you need help to find a second job or a career in your degree field: http://www.211.org/ - http://www.211.org/

Nothing else really matters. You will figure out the other personal things on your own as any adult is expected to.

Good luck with finding a placeHeart



Thank you very much!! I'm going to that website right now.
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Beauty620 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Beauty620 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2016 at 11:43am
Sounds to me like he's trying to break things off with you. So therefor let the break off begin, start by doing whatever you have to do to get on your own two feet. If shelter it is...well so be it. If you can't stay with a family member then consider it....besides they actually help you find a spot of your own in the long run, if you have no kids it won't hurt. I would definitely give him what he wants and continue my life w/o him tbh. Try finding a second job if you can. Things will get greater later...and in the future he may look back and regret his decision. 

Good Luck!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 11 2016 at 10:42pm
Now it is time to act rather than wonder what you should have done to keep this relationship. I don't know why you are "insulted" about him not even considering moving to a new place with you when there's no love left.

NjHairLuv's suggestions are good, keep searching for another job, and read the advice given on the previous thread. You cannot expect them to allow you to stay there next month. Your "boyfriend" said that it was not their problem that you didn't have money to pay rent and now he wants you out. You don't want to one day arrive at that house and find the locks changed and your things outside.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 4BFabulousity Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 14 2016 at 9:40am
Originally posted by Beauty620 Beauty620 wrote:

Sounds to me like he's trying to break things off with you. So therefor let the break off begin, start by doing whatever you have to do to get on your own two feet. If shelter it is...well so be it. If you can't stay with a family member then consider it....besides they actually help you find a spot of your own in the long run, if you have no kids it won't hurt. I would definitely give him what he wants and continue my life w/o him tbh. Try finding a second job if you can. Things will get greater later...and in the future he may look back and regret his decision. 

Good Luck!


This is how I have been feeling for a while. A good friend of mine said, I feel like if you didn't live there y'all wouldn't be together. I really don't think he sees a future with me due to the fact that all he does is talk about leaving and not bringing me with him. I do feel like a lot of the love is gone, he doesn't even let me kiss him anymore Cry. Sometimes he randomly says "I don't like you" (not sure if he really means that or if he's just messing around) and then I ask him why am I here then? then he says, "where would you go?" I feel like he is just waiting for me to get a higher paying job to end things for good. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 14 2016 at 4:22pm
Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

I feel like he is just waiting for me to get a higher paying job to end things for good. 


no hun, he ain't waiting any longer; he already gave you an ultimatum and you are supposed to be gone by next month. it is time to find another job, dig into your savings and rent a room in someone's house or rent a tiny apartment with a kitchen. he wants to move on with his life and it is time you get out of his way.


right now this may seem like a lot - cutting ties in a dead relationship, getting a new job, finding a new place, moving - but a few years from now you'll look back and realize how much time you wasted with someone who didn't love you, staying in your comfort zone paying little rent and not having any incentive to try harder.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 4BFabulousity Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 15 2016 at 8:45am
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

I feel like he is just waiting for me to get a higher paying job to end things for good. 


no hun, he ain't waiting any longer; he already gave you an ultimatum and you are supposed to be gone by next month. it is time to find another job, dig into your savings and rent a room in someone's house or rent a tiny apartment with a kitchen. he wants to move on with his life and it is time you get out of his way.


right now this may seem like a lot - cutting ties in a dead relationship, getting a new job, finding a new place, moving - but a few years from now you'll look back and realize how much time you wasted with someone who didn't love you, staying in your comfort zone paying little rent and not having any incentive to try harder.


I could see why you would say this but I do honestly feel like he is/was trying to wait until things get better for me. Last year he came to one of my therapy sessions and said to my therapist "She's a cool person I have no reason to break up with her." Then my therapist asked "Do you see a future with her?" and he said, "I'm waiting for her to finish college to...." then he didn't finish the sentence. I feel like there is a slight chance things could work out but I think he's just tired of me living there. But the crazy part about it is no one else at the house says anything. He's the main one that wants me to move out. Truthfully, if I had a higher paying job I would have left a long time ago. But if it's anything that I have learned, in order for love to work the other person has to love you back, you can't force someone to be with you. If I were to leave and then things didn't work out at that point then I would know it wasn't meant to be.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote SassyVictim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 15 2016 at 11:22am
He would have married you by now if he wanted you.. 
Please leave the relationship. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 4BFabulousity Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 15 2016 at 3:13pm
Originally posted by SassyVictim SassyVictim wrote:

He would have married you by now if he wanted you.. 
Please leave the relationship. 


Yes we have been together for a decade but yet no talk of marriage or anything like that has been going on. In fact he said to me "I'm not marrying you." But even if I did want to leave I can't because he's providing me with shelter.
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