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Limalady 
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 Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:27pm |
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Well I help everyone I can. I email outlines, write recommendations, organize campus visits, and that won't stop for me once I've "made it."
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india100
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:29pm |
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I will help anyone willing to help Themselves . I would love to offer shelter and food to the homeless daily. No one should be without proper shelter in the US . I see mother's that are afraid of shelters due to the Rape dangers . I hope to open a free facilty in the near future .
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babycakebabe
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:32pm |
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*Yes, blacks should help blacks. Definitely. I have helped others selflessly that were looking to help themselves. I have helped people selflessly that were not looking to help themselves nor me, but those days swiftly ended.
*Sadly, in our community, I see a breakdown when this occurs:
-Sense of entitlement from person seeking help
1. Not doing due diligence b4 seeking help
2. Not offering help to or extending help to the potential mentor during mentor/mentee relationship building
3. Failure to show formal gratitude during 'help' process & after 'help' process.
Not
saying that it is a Black thing, b/c I have seen this happen in the
work place across the board, but I have seen it first hand b4 from our
own.
Just thought of tht Steve Harvey video clip where he was exposed for not thanking the couple that generously helped him when he had nothing at all and he didnt bother to acknowledge them and disappeared from their lives when their help gave him the foundation to become successful...
Edited by babycakebabe - Jan 28 2013 at 5:33pm
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Derri
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:43pm |
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You know what I want to see?
I want to see black people aiming to be more than a worker for the man.
So many of the people I meet are comfortable in a mediocre position their entire lives until they die. As long as it pays the mortgage and covers expenses, it's cool. A lot of people don't have very many goals after 'find job, buy house and car'
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dreamz
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:45pm |
 BeatriceBean wrote:
Or should their presence/example enough to motivate black people?
A "friend" and I were just having this conversation on the phone. To what extent should black people with means and access to power be helping others?
This friend says that she has tried to help other black people come up but all they do is embarrass her or stab her in the back when they have an opportunity. At this point, she will offer "lite" mentorships and that is all. She says that as much as she has tried, black people don't know how to "receive" help.
If you're on the pathway to success, does it matter to you if you have black people guiding you along your way?
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Ive had the same experience as your friend. I will still help occasionally, but i'll need to see that you've put in a considerable amount of elbow grease first.
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maysay1
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:53pm |
Derri wrote:
You know what I want to see?
I want to see black people aiming to be more than a worker for the man.
So many of the people I meet are comfortable in a mediocre position their entire lives until they die. As long as it pays the mortgage and covers expenses, it's cool. A lot of people don't have very many goals after 'find job, buy house and car'
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No shade to you Derri, for real, but this is kind of an example of what I was talking about. Telling someone, either through actually saying it or through your tone, that their dreams/accomplishments are mediocre and that they should be aiming for "more" is kind of condescending. As if having those things isn't good enough. For a lot of people, having a steady job that allows them to have a home/car/food and the ability to take care of family is the big dream. Achieving that goal is awesome. Especially in these times where doing so is really difficult. There are all sorts of ways to live...and different types of excellence.
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Derri
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:59pm |
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You're right Maysay, but I'm talking from experience about some of the people in my city. These people want more, they complain about needing more and not having more, yet they sit down and do nothing.
Some people want more, and they do more.
Some want more, but don't do more for a number of dumb reasons. I know lots of these people, they complain to me all the time, and those are the ones I am talking about. Maybe mediocre was the word that gave it a condescending tone.
Edited by Derri - Jan 28 2013 at 6:03pm
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Derri
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:15pm |
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Oh, and these people aren't putting aside anything for their children's future. (mind you, I'm sure some are, but I'm talking about these ones specifically) Some have a mentality in the Caribbean, 'every tub pon it's own bottom' and that's what they bring over here, many of them.
Anyway, in my city, when it comes to black people, I see too many Indians, not enough Chiefs.
Edited by Derri - Jan 28 2013 at 6:16pm
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goodm3
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:33pm |
I help those who are proactive in getting "it". Whatever that "it" maybe. I have found that some people want things spoon feed to them. For example, If i mention a resource to someone, sometimes they want me to email it to them or send them the registration form and contact info. Uh, how about you google for yourself?
I don't need anyone to make the play for me....just toss me the ball.
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modelbusiness82
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Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:33pm |
maysay1 wrote:
On the subject of black people not being able to receive help...
I think those of us who want to help really have to evaluate the words, tone, and shape of what that help looks like. I think most of the time it comes off as condescending and patronizing because it seems to follow the structure of "let me point out your dysfunction (because I know better) and teach you how to fix it".
No matter how well meaning, starting from a place of focusing on the dysfunction will always make the help giver appear to have a superiority complex and make the help receiver feel humiliated, embarrassed, and ashamed and therefore not open to receiving the help.
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I agree with this, but it's probably also why I don't volunteer much. People get butthurt very easily and can't accept constructive criticism but see it as an attempt to personally attack people. I'm a blunt person, because time is the one resource I have very little of. So, if I choose to help someone, I'm not going to baby them. No, I'm not going to "go in" on them but I'm not going to sugar coat what needs to be fixed either. If I'm working with you, I want you to be successful - otherwise I wouldn't bother. I'm like that with almost EVERYONE I deal with (with the exception of certain clients where cultural perceptions would make my normally blunt personality a liability). So, I've learned, if someone really wants help, they'll come asking for it. And if they reach out to me then they know my personality. Which means that they'll know that any criticism I give is out of a desire to see them do better, not minimize them. But for me to go looking for "wayward" souls to save...no ma'am.
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