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CherryBlossom 
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 Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 6:25am |
 afrokock wrote:
joileprincess wrote:
ThoughtCouture wrote:
i generally side eye people who claim that they don't want to help blacks because they have been stabbed in the back embarrassed by ect. as if yt folks are so effing loyal and on point.
anyway, of course, i feel i should help others who look like me...been where i've been...ect ect ect |
ITA. Similar to how some women don't like other women for that reason alone. That sets off my radar. It also rubs me the wrong way when some people go out their way to state how they don't help other Black people or have a laundry list of requirements or hurdles for us. It should go without saying that no one wants to help an idiot or someone with no motivation.
I also think that our community puts a heavy emphasis on the struggle as a way to build character and success. A lot of successful Black people transfer their struggle rather than reaching back.
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yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!!! the struggle is overrated.
im willing to help, and i'll gladly impart career advice. i dont expect a thank you in return but at the same time i will not be someones doormat to on their journy between floors.
i also dont trust a single white soul,
do they even have souls?
i think help can come in a lot of ways im not one for cash handouts in the slightest. |
Afro, you sound exactly like someone I know
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JamCaygirl
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 6:44am |
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my parents taught me that Jamaicans were like crabs in a bucket.... i think that sentiment is what stops a lot of people helping their own...
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MissinCali
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 7:29am |
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Yes!
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TokyoRose
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 7:38am |
Limalady wrote:
TokyoRose wrote:
I have been trying to help other black folks since I was in college. I tried to help my own family and not ONE of them was willing to take it. They were too damn busy telling my parents how "uppity" I was because I was getting a college education. I wasn't going to fill out the applications for them, but I had been trying to tell them how they could go to college for free. Now, it's like fukk 'em. I now help those who WANT to be helped. I volunteered at the Human Rights Commission, and when I go back to the US every once in a while, I will still drop in to see what's happening. I still check up on organizations that help black folks. I do whatever I can. I help other black folks here in Japan with day to day and even legal advice (as it pertains to employment matters here). |
Well Tokyo, if you know any regulatory/compliance positions in human rights or development anywhere in the world, hook a sister up.  |
About as close as I can get to that is recruiter positions, but my specialty has always been employment law and workplace discrimination cases.
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newdiva1
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 8:00am |
Midna wrote:
I tend to see this with fellow Africans which I highly approve and support. But I notice there is a huge discrepancy of this in AAs and it is sad. I don't mean this from a condescending point of view, but I think the black community has been so heavily damaged by a society that has always undermined them and worked to keep them under a ceiling that all sense of togetherness has been lost.
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i've had kinda these thoughts as well. Or more along the lines of sometimes it's not that folks don't want to help but....they think (or know) there's only "so much room at the top" perhaps at their Firm or company. I've had this disussion on my job. There always seems to be the same number of AA's in upper management and higher at any given time. They'll help u only so far then it's "every manticoo for it's own puhpoy" *shrugs*
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newdiva1
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 8:15am |
afrokock wrote:
joileprincess wrote:
ThoughtCouture wrote:
i generally side eye people who claim that they don't want to help blacks because they have been stabbed in the back embarrassed by ect. as if yt folks are so effing loyal and on point.
anyway, of course, i feel i should help others who look like me...been where i've been...ect ect ect |
ITA. Similar to how some women don't like other women for that reason alone. That sets off my radar. It also rubs me the wrong way when some people go out their way to state how they don't help other Black people or have a laundry list of requirements or hurdles for us. It should go without saying that no one wants to help an idiot or someone with no motivation.
I also think that our community puts a heavy emphasis on the struggle as a way to build character and success. A lot of successful Black people transfer their struggle rather than reaching back.
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yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!!! the struggle is overrated.
im willing to help, and i'll gladly impart career advice. i dont expect a thank you in return but at the same time i will not be someones doormat to on their journy between floors.
i also dont trust a single white soul,
do they even have souls?
i think help can come in a lot of ways im not one for cash handouts in the slightest. |
@Jolie.....I do agree but at the same time it seems it has to be said. *shrugs* Some folks think that when they ask for help that you are to do any and errything for them. The laundry list is valid IMO. It's usually not stuff that's that hard. It's things that the person that needs help should have done or at least looked into already and hit a snag and therefore has to ask for help or advice. I think alot of folks are speaking from "burned" experience. Then are told that they are wrong because they didn't do enough. *shrugs* and yup...alot of black folks love "the struggle"...and that's speaking from my own experience. @Afro anybody that's asking for a cash handout ain't really lookin' for help. IMO. No shade to anybody. The information and time that anybody could/would give me would be more valuable in the long term than an extremely temporary fix.
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_ConcreteRose_
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 8:30am |
JamCaygirl wrote:
my parents taught me that Jamaicans were like crabs in a bucket.... i think that sentiment is what stops a lot of people helping their own...
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Yeah. I actually read something online where someone was explaining why people who were fat and lost weight were meaner and more judgmental to fat people. It had to do with the thought that, "well I can lose weight, why can't you?" I think you could replace lose weight with become successful and it would be the same thought process.ETA: Here's the comment. This is not to excuse it though, just explain it.
"When people are stuck in any area of their life, such as with their weight, they often have an external locus of control. They feel, on a deep level, that they are not able to control their weight, and that nothing they can do will help. We see posts on /r/loseit all the time of people saying "I can't lose weight for reason X, Y, and Z... please help me." People who are struggling with a big problem like this truly feel defeated by the problem and unable to effect change in their lives no matter what they do. Sometimes we get lucky though, and something starts to shift, and our problem starts to get better. What happens as part of this process is that you develop an internal locus of control. You start to feel that you actually have the power to do something that will make things better. This is a good, healthy thing. However, some (perhaps most?) people swing too far in this direction, at least temporarily. They start thinking that everyone is entirely, 100% personally responsible for their weight and health. Because they have a newfound internal locus of control that is so helpful to them personally, they forget about all the very real situational pressures that lead people to becoming overweight -- e.g., stress, depression or other mental health issues, busy lives, sedentary jobs, and our insanely obesigenic society, as just some examples. Now, an internal locus of control is generally a positive thing. You can't take action unless you think you have some control over the outcome. An external locus of control leads to feelings of helplessness and defeat, as well as inaction and even denial or avoidance of the problem. But it is crucial to remember that an external locus of control often better represents reality... in today's society, there are just a ton of very real, very significant external pressures that push people towards becoming obese. When you get too entrenched in your internal locus of control, you start holding too tightly to the "personal responsibility" mantra that Westernized societies cherish above all others, and you start blaming other fat people for their personal "failings." Some of the loudest voices shouting that fat people are lazy or disgusting are people who used to be fat themselves. Luckily, this is usually a temporary phase. Eventually the person develops a more nuanced view, where they can look at the personal and situational factors that lead people to sometimes get stuck in some areas. Some people never get there, of course"
Edited by _ConcreteRose_ - Jan 29 2013 at 8:32am
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babycakebabe
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 9:53am |
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I feel that you dont have to be in the upper echelon to 'help' others. You can help others even if you are not yet to entry level or have not established your own business yet. A person that is down on their luck can 'help' others. Just share what you can when you can as we all have knowledge an access to something, somewhere.
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ThatGurlD
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 10:11am |
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When I have this conversation with my parents, my dad starts using the N word. He never uses it unless a conversation like this comes up. It makes me uncomfortable like dang pops, why they gotta be nickuhs though?
Edited by ThatGurlD - Jan 29 2013 at 10:11am
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mrshairdo
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Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 10:58am |
modelbusiness82 wrote:
maysay1 wrote:
On the subject of black people not being able to receive help...
I think those of us who want to help really have to evaluate the words, tone, and shape of what that help looks like. I think most of the time it comes off as condescending and patronizing because it seems to follow the structure of "let me point out your dysfunction (because I know better) and teach you how to fix it".
No matter how well meaning, starting from a place of focusing on the dysfunction will always make the help giver appear to have a superiority complex and make the help receiver feel humiliated, embarrassed, and ashamed and therefore not open to receiving the help.
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I agree with this, but it's probably also why I don't volunteer much. People get butthurt very easily and can't accept constructive criticism but see it as an attempt to personally attack people.
I'm a blunt person, because time is the one resource I have very little of. So, if I choose to help someone, I'm not going to baby them. No, I'm not going to "go in" on them but I'm not going to sugar coat what needs to be fixed either. If I'm working with you, I want you to be successful - otherwise I wouldn't bother. I'm like that with almost EVERYONE I deal with (with the exception of certain clients where cultural perceptions would make my normally blunt personality a liability).
So, I've learned, if someone really wants help, they'll come asking for it. And if they reach out to me then they know my personality. Which means that they'll know that any criticism I give is out of a desire to see them do better, not minimize them.
But for me to go looking for "wayward" souls to save...no ma'am.
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and therein lies the problem (in my experience)...and tbh i really dont have time for all of that then again im not successful yet but im talking about school and helping ppl out with it...
if u want help, take a slice of humble pie
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