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Should my man call him out?

 
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afrokock View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 5:19am
Originally posted by CherryBlossom CherryBlossom wrote:

Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Saw that peuf coming

and that's why you ftp'd the op...I c uLOL

I hope bhm didn't scare her away though and she lives to post another day
lol

The title and a quick skim was just begging for a record for the people
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CherryBlossom View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CherryBlossom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 5:30am
lol maybe she should have posted in the relationship section..Disapprove
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote nitabug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 5:38am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Sorry girls, this is long! But I need help!

First line: You don't need help. There is no need for you to try to "control" your BF. You told him about this situation and now you want to "control" his reaction. You can't really have it both ways. Imho, you told him not be be honest, but just in case he found out.

(Talking too much)



I moved to this new town last year, met this guy at my new job. At first I could tell he was kinda interested but I shut it off real quick by talking about other guys in front of him.

Again, talking too much. Instead of being a real friend and being honest, you tried to manipulate the situation by your go-to fix of talking too much. This doesn't make you a bad person, but it isn't what a good friend does. You know that he likes you but instead of being honest/compassionate, you chose dishonesty/sympathy. You didn't want to talk about guys, you chose to talk about guys to deter his behavior----see the pattern?


At first, we were inseparable at work because we both started at the same time and didn't know anyone. Eventually, we started kinda just chillin and he'd invite me around because I didnt know anyone. We were really cool and helped eaach other out for job applications, all that stuff. Hed give me advice on guys (this town I'm at is full of dirty dogsThumbs Down and im from a small town of all white peopleLOL). Eventually, he got a gf so I backed off. WAyyy off. I know how girls think and I respect the guy, so I just cooled it and stopped hanging out as much. Sometimes, we'd catch up and go for coffees but never really chilled anymore, though we still stayed close.

I side-eyed this, you 'were in a small town of whites, but now there are blacks and dirty dog thing'...telling on yourself by talking too much. Anywho, you kind of allowed the him to "have" you emotionally, but without the title. You know how girls think, because you are girl. You know what you were doing. It is almost like y'all had a relationship with out the title and sex.

Anyways, i've been with my new guy for 4 months and he's THE ONE. However, when my coworker and I go on breaks and we catch up, we kinda talk about our relationships and I'll just tell him random things about our relationship to get his input. My bad. He's always kinda remained impartial though but always gave me semi-sound advice from a guy's perspective.

People rush in to things all the time, so the 4 month/he's the one didn't bother me. Talking about your relationship to a guy that likes you...he really isn't impartial. I am not going to say he wouldn't try to be. But given yall's foundation, this conversation shouldn't have been had. (talking too much)

Last night was my last night in town before I moved back home and he invited me to his bday. I came in to his house, met his family, his gf, his boys. His gf at first was checking me hard wondering who the hell I am. But just to make her at ease, I mentioned my bf and we kinda girl-talked about our relationships and she was cool. The rest of the night was fun, chilled with his family. Good times. When it came time to go, he was like "oh, I'll walk you out to your car"

He you go again, talking too much. Like you said, she saw a red flag so you tried to make her comfortable/manipulate the situation, but talking too much again. In this entire party, you are the only one she is ice-grillin. You know why, which is why you are trying to make her feel comfortable by talking...I've come to learn that if I am making another woman uncomfortable in her home, it's time for me to leave.

I kinda knew that it was kinda awkward cuz his girls' watching me and stuff but I thought that its harmless and he was just being a gentlemen (though a bit extra). He's REALLY drunk, slurring and stuff. But as he's walking, hes like "I just wanna say that you can do sooo much better than your man. Like..your 10 times more attractive. Like..trust me on this. When you go back to your town, do you ok?! Do you."

He was
being a drunk gentleman? That's what you really thought. Be honest and say. "No, I was just rationalizing." His own chic's spidy senses were raised.

He's soo drunk that I'm like "ok...Wacko" and brush it off as him just being drunk. But then he goes, "Ok, I wanna do something but don't get mad? and he reaches over and grabs my butt!" And he starts going on like "wow ive been wanting to do that for soooo long. I've always wondered if it was fake the whole time" and I'm just standing there like "Shockedwoww... I didnt see that coming". I was just like Wow...umm.. And he was like "I'll come visit you ok? Like..3 weeks? But I'll need a place to stay, not at your parents house though..."

One of the few times that your talking could have done some good. You could have thrown in some good ol' honesty, but you didn't.

I didnt say anything but bye and left, I know I shouldve but like..wow. I was so blind-sighed because I genuinely thought he was just a friend to me. I feel stupid that the whole time I was telling him things, he took the opportunity to make a move when I literally just saw him like a brother and saw no signs. I already recognized what I did wrong there by telling him so much.

More people needed. You honestly thought you friend-zoned him? lol

I ended up writing him a long email telling him like "yoo this whole time, I thought we were friends but it sucks to think that all this time you thought I was down and "that kinda girl" and you were disrespectful"...

This is a day late and a dollar short and that whole "that kinda girl thing" is irrelevant. Even if he thought you were were "her" it was disrespectful. I don't think the message of that (long) email, i'm sure, was filled with honestly and appropriately addressed his behavior and how you really felt this whole time.

I felt really bad about it, and told my bf. My bf is pissed and since we all work together (same building, same job, everything) he wants to call him out because he says its "blatant disrespect"...

You told your boyfriend because you felt bad/guilty. You didn't care about just flat out being honest. You didn't care that he might approach him and cause a hostile work environment for your own b/f. You know he is possessive so you kind of had a clue how he would react, but now you want him to know curb his natural reactions. If it wasn't something you wanted him to address, then you should have thought about your approach.

I told him that I handled it, I cut him off and I'm outta town anyways, but he thinks that since he works with him still and he'll see him around he HAS to say something.
I was checking my phone today, and my bf admitted that he saw that my coworker had texted me something along the lines of "Hey, just read your email. I was drunk. What did I say? And basically said I see you only as a friend, thats why I put you in the friendzone" but confessed that he deleted it while I was sleeping.

If you thought you handled it, then why did you feel bad? Do you really think you had a good resolution? Even I feel it's unresolved, because your idea of handling it is really leaving.

Anyways..what the hell happened and how do I convince my bf to leave it alone?!

You shouldn't. Let him be a grown ass man and learn from his own mistakes if he made one. You should stop talking about it. You handled it right? You are just going to come off as you are taking up for him. Just don't bring it up. It's resolved. If you b/f tells you he handled it, just say "good" and give him a kiss, turn around and make a bowl of cereal.

Delete the fake friend from facebook, and block his number, and send his emails straight to the trash, don't read them.

keep us posted



Edited by nitabug - Nov 18 2013 at 6:39am
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CherryBlossom View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote CherryBlossom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 5:46am
damn, damn, damn!! nitab breaking it down!LOL
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Diane (35) View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Diane (35) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 6:20am
That's why I love nita!

oh and joilep has spoken!
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nitabug View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote nitabug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 6:25am
So many grammatical errors. I hate my phone and love/hate Swype :(
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tatee View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote tatee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 7:45am
Ermmdamn Nita, the girl was already in a headlock screaming uncle, what the hell you need to kick her in head for.Pinch
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Princess_S Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 7:56am
Thanks for the FTP Afro....that's all i got to offer. lol 

Edited by Princess_S - Nov 18 2013 at 7:56am
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nitabug View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote nitabug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 8:41am
Originally posted by tatee tatee wrote:

Ermmdamn Nita, the girl was already in a headlock screaming uncle, what the hell you need to kick her in head for.Pinch
damned if you do and damned of you don't
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote carolina cutie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 10:12am
Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

yes, elaborate on the hypocrisy.  
I ghost wrote in the post. I saw the name names thing comin'.LOLEvil Smile

*Sips messy tea*

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