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Should my man call him out?

 
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used2braid View Drop Down
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    Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 4:08am
BHM is f**'ed



Edited by used2braid - Nov 17 2013 at 8:47pm
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afrokock View Drop Down
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Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Sorry girls, this is long! But I need help!

I moved to this new town last year, met this guy at my new job. At first I could tell he was kinda interested but I shut it off real quick by talking about other guys in front of him. 

At first, we were inseparable at work because we both started at the same time and didn't know anyone. Eventually, we started kinda just chillin and he'd invite me around because I didnt know anyone. We were really cool and helped eaach other out for job applications, all that stuff. Hed give me advice on guys (this town I'm at is full of dirty dogsThumbs Down and im from a small town of all white peopleLOL). Eventually, he got a gf so I backed off. WAyyy off. I know how girls think and I respect the guy, so I just cooled it and stopped hanging out as much. Sometimes, we'd catch up and go for coffees but never really chilled anymore, though we still stayed close.

Anyways, i've been with my new guy for 4 months and he's THE ONE. However, when my coworker and I go on breaks and we catch up, we kinda talk about our relationships and I'll just tell him random things about our relationship to get his input. My bad. He's always kinda remained impartial though but always gave me semi-sound advice from a guy's perspective.

Last night was my last night in town before I moved back home and he invited me to his bday. I came in to his house, met his family, his gf, his boys. His gf at first was checking me hard wondering who the hell I am. But just to make her at ease, I mentioned my bf and we kinda girl-talked about our relationships and she was cool. The rest of the night was fun, chilled with his family. Good times. When it came time to go, he was like "oh, I'll walk you out to your car"

I kinda knew that it was kinda awkward cuz his girls' watching me and stuff but I thought that its harmless and he was just being a gentlemen (though a bit extra). He's REALLY drunk, slurring and stuff. But as he's walking, hes like "I just wanna say that you can do sooo much better than your man. Like..your 10 times more attractive. Like..trust me on this. When you go back to your town, do you ok?! Do you." 
He's soo drunk that I'm like "ok...Wacko" and brush it off as him just being drunk. But then he goes, "Ok, I wanna do something but don't get mad? and he reaches over and grabs my butt!" And he starts going on like "wow ive been wanting to do that for soooo long. I've always wondered if it was fake the whole time" and I'm just standing there like "Shockedwoww... I didnt see that coming". I was just like Wow...umm.. And he was like "I'll come visit you ok? Like..3 weeks? But I'll need a place to stay, not at your parents house though..." 

I didnt say anything but bye and left, I know I shouldve but like..wow. I was so blind-sighed because I genuinely thought he was just a friend to me. I feel stupid that the whole time I was telling him things, he took the opportunity to make a move when I literally just saw him like a brother and saw no signs. I already recognized what I did wrong there by telling him so much. 

I ended up writing him a long email telling him like "yoo this whole time, I thought we were friends but it sucks to think that all this time you thought I was down and "that kinda girl" and you were disrespectful"...

I felt really bad about it, and told my bf. My bf is pissed and since we all work together (same building, same job, everything) he wants to call him out because he says its "blatant disrespect"...

I told him that I handled it, I cut him off and I'm outta town anyways, but he thinks that since he works with him still and he'll see him around he HAS to say something.
I was checking my phone today, and my bf admitted that he saw that my coworker had texted me something along the lines of "Hey, just read your email. I was drunk. What did I say? And basically said I see you only as a friend, thats why I put you in the friendzone" but confessed that he deleted it while I was sleeping.

Anyways..what the hell happened and how do I convince my bf to leave it alone?!

keep us posted

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (6) Thanks(6)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:03am
If I was your boyfriend I'd break up with you for not knowin' how to keep your damn mouth shut.
Stop runnin' your business to the next nigguh plz.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:25am

Well, like I said in a previous thread in the RELATIONSHIP section.. men and women can never 'be friends'. Never.

 

It's because men have such big egos in terms of 'planting their flag' and whatnot and if he thinks you are attractive enough to be seen with in public with etc ... then he thinks you are attractive enough to go boom boom with as well. (I have never seen some GREAT LOOKING guy being good friends with some UNATTRACTIVE female that looked like heck. L  Nooooo. Unless he grew up with her so he’s kind of stuck with her as a friend ..but even then as he ages – he will distance himself from her.)

 

Now initially maybe he was looking for some other kind or girl or whatever .. but in the end whether he is married or just has a gf .. he will make a play for sex.

 

Women are different though. Typically, if a guy is a friend to me .. then that's it and if he makes a play .. it's over because it would be the same as sleeping with my brother.

 

In this case yes, you shared too much about your love life with him. (Mistake number 1). In fact I have learned over the years NOT to share my love life even with girlfriends - but for other reasons. If you have something on your mind .. write a letter to yourself or post anonymously like you are on this board – but don’t give a running commentary of your love life to your girlfriends.  Never a good idea. :)

 

You told your bf about it (Mistake number 2). I mean what did you THINK he was going to do when you told him what happened? If he had just shrugged it off .. probably you would have been hurt that he did not want to step up. Men will always make a play for you – you just have to get them out of your life once they step out of line. Now, if he had tried to force himself on you .. that would be a WHOLE OTHER STORY. Then you TELL THE COPS FIRST and then you tell your bf. That will still led to a big mess .. but then .. he asked to get his ass kicked.

 

I must tell you .. this business about him being DRUNK and not knowing what he did is an age old LIE! People are always trying use drinking as an excuse for bad behavior but if you understand how alcohol affects the brain .. you would know that’s a lie. He knew what he did .., he walked you out that night because he had already planned to grab your butt. So yes, he was disrespectful .. so cut off the ‘friendship’.

 

As it is .. your bf knows. All you can do is it try to talk him out of going off but in truth .. you can’t get the spilled milk BACK into bottle no matter how much you try.

 

You are just gonna have to live with it. Your bf should confront him VERBALLY on some level since so he KNOWS he on ‘probation’ and not expect to be ‘friends’ with this guy.

 

But if your bf is some hothead NUTCASE .. that actually wants to BEAT HIM UP because he grabbed your ass – well, this tells you what kind of guy you are involved with – take a hint.

 

Good luck.

 

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tatee View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (14) Thanks(14)   Quote tatee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:31am
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I felt really bad about it, and told my bf. My bf is pissed and since we all work together (same building, same job, everything) he wants to call him out because he says its "blatant disrespect"...


Ermm
at some point you may have to admit to yourself that you wanted drama in you life and got it.  you could have easily shot him down real quick and let that be the end of it but no you wanted the drama to continue after youre gone. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (16) Thanks(16)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:35am


you told your boyfriend?



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IslandSuga View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (9) Thanks(9)   Quote IslandSuga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:39am
There was no point in telling your boyfriend especially because you're moving. Also it could jeopardize his job if he were to mess with the guy that grabbed your butt. Did you think about that? Jobs are hard to come by these days.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:52am



I don't do that tell my business about my relationship to other people thing

so I don't really know what to say but that you shouldn't have asked that guy for relationship advice
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (7) Thanks(7)   Quote eanaj5 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:20am
Never go to another MAN about you and your man. You set yourself up for that Confused
Just drop it. Tell your bf to back off, its not as if it can happen again since you moved away. There are more pressing issues in life...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Beautiful_One Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:28am
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