Black Hair Media Forum Homepage
BHM BHM BHM
Forum Home Forum Home > Lets Talk > Talk, Talk, and More Talk
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Should I be mad at my father?
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login
Angkor Cambodian Hair
 

Should I be mad at my father?

 
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 2345>
It Always Begin With Beautiful Hair

Bootiful Cream



Author
Sang Froid View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 08 2010
Location: Ethiopia
Status: Offline
Points: 314693
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:23pm
Was he sellin' dope to help take care of you?
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
keepgrowing View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 10 2006
Status: Offline
Points: 57128
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote keepgrowing Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:27pm
Yes you have a right to be mad, but don't let it keep you from being happy and sane. I hope you find the right source or means to get through this.
Back to Top
ThatGurlD View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Dec 09 2008
Location: Washington
Status: Offline
Points: 44391
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote ThatGurlD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:35pm
Hug

Sounds like your dad is getting a second lease on life.  That doesn't mean he's leaving everything from his old life behind.  Go with him on this journey.  Be the best big sister while he gets to know the phenomenal child he missed out on raising.  

Sure you have every right to be upset, but don't let your pain rob you of what you still have - a dad.  I'm sure what you're feeling is normal and will get better with time.  

It might be on you however to take the initiative in developing a relationship.  He may feel he's imposing since you are 'grown' or not really know how to get the ball rolling.  

Good luck to you OP and congrats on the younger sibling.
Back to Top
ShadyLady View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Sep 11 2011
Location: US-Florida
Status: Offline
Points: 105447
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ShadyLady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:38pm
Originally posted by ThatGurlD ThatGurlD wrote:

Hug


Sounds like your dad is getting a second lease on life.  That doesn't mean he's leaving everything from his old life behind.  Go with him on this journey.  Be the best big sister while he gets to know the phenomenal child he missed out on raising.  

Sure you have every right to be upset, but don't let your pain rob you of what you still have - a dad.  I'm sure what you're feeling is normal and will get better with time.  

It might be on you however to take the initiative in developing a relationship.  He may feel he's imposing since you are 'grown' or not really know how to get the ball rolling.  

Good luck to you OP and congrats on the younger sibling.


Every bit of this!
Back to Top
ms_wonderland View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Apr 05 2009
Location: TTT
Status: Offline
Points: 310114
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote ms_wonderland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 4:29am
I wish I could give you a hug, OP. I know how you feel. My father was not incarcerated and chose not to be there. I needed him. He had a child who is younger than me who he has a tight relationship with. He found out recently that he has another teenaged child and told someone that he would feel wrong to have a relationship with that child since he never had one with me. He reached out and I made the choice to decline his offer. I am jealous and hurt by a lot of things and I don't think I'll mend those feelings unless I find a good therapist. Your therapy may be to try to rekindle what was lost and bond over the new birth? Be there for each other and get to know one another. You'll get a father and a new sibling out of it. Atleast he wants to be there for you now. Give it a chance and time might heal it.

(didn't read the whole thread so I don't know specifics beyond the op)
Back to Top
khivey View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 22 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Status: Offline
Points: 18922
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 6:20am
Originally posted by neeneebaby neeneebaby wrote:

I'm 21 years old. My father is 41 and he is now having another child with some woman. 

In all honesty, I am horribly upset because I never got that father daughter time with him due to him being incarcerated most of my life. I'm his only child. Well I was. 

I know a lot of you are saying omg grow up. I just want my dad. =[ I feel so horrible. 


You're grown. He's grown. No you shouldn't be mad. That man missed out on being able to father you, so he wants another chance. Be happy for him. It won't get in the way of your relationship unless you carry around negative and jealous energy. I know it may be hard to share being you are an only child by him...but you will be a big part of this new baby's life as well...but not if you harbor ill feelings.
Back to Top
chinadoll77 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Feb 22 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 15044
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote chinadoll77 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 6:26am
You might not be able to get over your feelings about your dad.You can however decide to be a stable foundation for your soon to be sibling.We don't have enough information about dear dad to know if he's in a better place to be responsible for the new baby.....
If he is,be supportive,and build a new relationship with him.Yes,it will be painful at times,but anything worth having will be...
If he is irresponsible than your little sibling will need you for guidance,some security,and just because you're going be a great big sister....

I don't have many regrets in this life,my father,left my mom,they had two children together,I was only 6 months old.He died in the mid 90's,my brother has had a hard time dealing with it,I have always been indifferent to it.
In my mind we died the day that he walked out on his wife,and kids.We starved to death since he didn't see fit to send any form of support....

All of that is to say,you take the power back.You can't allow someone else to have control over your emotions,he's a flake for not being there for you growing up,but do not project that onto how you feel about yourself.
You determine how you will handle this,can you be happy at the thought of meaning the world to a little kid?
I can tell you that I honesty adored my big sister,she could do no wrong in my eyes growing up.....

Think about it,is it really that hard to embrace the idea,if you can embrace BHM like a dysfunctional family member,the baby will be a breeze...
Back to Top
nitabug View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Sep 25 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 287216
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nitabug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 6:35am
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:



You're grown. He's grown. No you shouldn't be mad. That man missed out on being able to father you, so he wants another chance. Be happy for him. It won't get in the way of your relationship unless you carry around negative and jealous energy. I know it may be hard to share being you are an only child by him...but you will be a big part of this new baby's life as well...but not if you harbor ill feelings.
Back to Top
Posh Ams View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: Dec 05 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 1430
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Posh Ams Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 7:19am
I really don't understand why you're mad OP. You should be happy and excited at the prospect of having a new brother or sister imo. You should try to treasure your father while he is here. If you want a relationship with him, do your part in establishing and maintaining one. 

Be there for the baby- I am sure you will love being a big sister as much as I do. 
Back to Top
neeneebaby View Drop Down
Junior Member
Junior Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 14 2007
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 567
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote neeneebaby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 8:44am
Sorry this is so long:

For the way things are set up my father and I have a pretty decent relationship. 
We speak 3-4 times a week and I see him a lot more than I want too. He comes over for dinner on Sundays and we watch football. In the past 2-3 years we have been establishing our relationship as father daughter. 
And even in this moment of me being upset we still spoke about it. Well he heard me rant and rave and be a brat about it until I calmed down. And then he calmly told me the story and did that daddy thing. I'm the apple of his eye blah blah. And I asked him for the larger portion of the company and we laughed. And he teased me about always having to bail me out of my ridiculous holes I put myself in. Being short on rent etc 
My dad and I do have a pretty decent relationship. At least I think so.Embarrassed

Do I have a right to be upset? Hell yes! Am I a spoiled brat? I probably am. Will I love my younger sibling? Of course I will. I have a younger sister already from my mom who is practically my child. 

It's not jealousy. It's down right hurt. We cannot go back and have those years we lost. 
Regardless of what you guys might say losing a parent and a parent not being there is a pain that never goes away. 

My dad never came to a graduation. Had missed 19 birthdays. Etc. Those wounds hurt. And it was all for his own acts. But that's another story. 
And we had spoke on those issues a while ago and moved past it.
 
I shouldn't be mad once again. & as I realize I really am not mad. I am just hurt. And I deserve the moment to be hurt. 
I personally think anyone who says I shouldn't express this hurt (in any of the ways that you guys have said it) are hurting themselves. 

No everyone story is not the same. This is mine. And it isn't that bad. However, I'm an emotional person so I often take things to heart. Which was why I came on here to vent last night!

Okay I'm rambling now. I was trying to address everyone's comments in this one response. 

Oh yes, I have seen a therapist for reasons beforehand and that has helped the relationship my dad and I have now because at first I wasn't open to speaking with him. But that's something I wouldn't mind revisiting if I feel the need is great. 
Thank you ladies and gentlemen who have responded. 
Back to Top
Get Longer Healthier Faster Growing Hair
Get Healthier Stronger Longer Hair
Glam Twinz
Weave Connection
Little Black Scarf
Human Hair Wigs
Wefting Training
Brazilian Hair
Brazilian Hair
Wig and Hair Extension on Amazon
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 2345>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down