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She almost put me in harm's way!

 
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IslandSuga View Drop Down
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    Posted: Oct 21 2012 at 3:44pm
Sorry ya'll this is long. I have this friend (30 y/o, married with 2 kids, puerto-rican and dominican), and everything is great between us, or so I thought. She knows that I'm single and my options around here are pretty slim. Anywho, I decided to tell her about me doing online dating recently. I know that not everyone agrees with it, but me being single I decided to give it a try. Although I would prefer to meet someone in an organic way, my situation doesn't give me that opportunity (for now). So for the time being I thought I'd just get my feet wet and see what happens. To me, it couldn't hurt and at least I could say I gave it a try.

So when I told her about it, she was so negative and unsupportive. She kept telling me all these horror stories she heard, etc. But she was so quick to set me up and be matchmaker in the past with people she knew (or so she thought she knew). Out of all the guys I talked to online, only one made the cut. So far he's really nice and not up my ass and he hasn't given me any red flags. He's hispanic, has a job, polite, respectful, etc. To me we're only talking and seeing how things go. We went on 2 dates so far, but he and I both want to start out as friends and take it slow. I'm not trying to rush anything. Even with setting up my profile and talking to these guys I was very very careful. It took about 2 weeks for me to give this guy my number and a month after that to go on a date.

So when I tell her about this guy she says: "be careful he might have aids" "does he have all his teeth?" "he doesn't look like any (insert hispanic country here) that I know" "he might be playing you" "how do you know he's hispanic and not just regular black (he's a dark-skinned hispanic)" "how much money does he make". She was just being awful and insulting. Because of some family issues I decided to delete my profile because I thought maybe it was the wrong time to get in a relationship, but I never broke things off with this guy. I continued to talk to him. When I tell my friend that I'm done with online dating (for now lol) she seemed so happy and relieved that I "came to my senses".

As soon as I told her I was done with online dating, she mentioned her brother in law and how he's single. He just broke up with his girlfriend at the time. She said he's gorgeous, tall, etc. She's giving me all the positives. Indeed he was attractive but after looking at his facebook profile something didn't sit right with me. The next day (friday) she invited me to go to the movies with her, her kids, husband, the brother in law, grandma and her husbands little brother so I could meet the brother-in-law. I immediately said no because I'm not trying to double date or go on a family outing with someone I don't know and especially since he's newly single. I mean let's be real since he's newly single he probably wants to fucc and aint nobody got time for that.

Last night at dinner with just me and her she goes into the real reason why he and his gf broke up. Come to find out the man is ABUSIVE! His ex gf and my friend work at the same job and she noticed that she was wearing a splint on her finger. She lied and said she cut herself grating carrots. So my friend put two and two together and realized either they got into a fight, he hit he or she hit him. So she kicked him out of the house and they broke up. So while we're talking she finally puts it together and says "oh i guess his previous girlfriends and WIVES were right and that he is abusive". SAY WHAT?! Come to find out he's been married twice and is about 28 or 30. I'm 26. So had her husband not told her what really happened between his brother and gf, my friend would've set me up with an abuser. When she asked her husband what he thought about her hooking me with with the brother in law he says "i don't think that's a good idea, he might hurt her". Exactly, just because you think someone is your family, you don't know what he's really like behind closed doors. That is your husband's brother, he knows him better than you. The clues were there that he was an abuser, but she thought the previous ex's were lying. WTF?

So my friend kept enforcing the fact about these horror stories that because these women met them online, they got their asses beat. But I could've gotten my ass beat either way, but she made it seem like an ass beating would be justified just because the guys were met online.
So now I will never talk to her about anything relationship wise because she seems to go overboard with it. There's nothing wrong with expressing your concern, but she didn't have to go hard like she did. Bitch. She gets the complete side eye and now I have to keep her at arms length.




Edited by IslandSuga - Oct 21 2012 at 3:48pm
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BoutThatLife View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BoutThatLife Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 21 2012 at 3:53pm
Wow what a bitch.its as if she either jealous of u or low key looks down on u and don't want u to have nice things. She's a shiesty ass bitch
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IslandSuga View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IslandSuga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 21 2012 at 4:03pm
Originally posted by BoutThatLife BoutThatLife wrote:

Wow what a bitch.its as if she either jealous of u or low key looks down on u and don't want u to have nice things. She's a shiesty ass bitch


I kinda thought the same thing about her being jealous, but why would she be jealous? She's been married for 11 years, she doesn't have to date anymore. sh*t, it's hard out here for a single girl. She can't be mad that I'm doing me. To be honest, it feels nice to have someone compliment you, tell you your beautiful, take you out etc. I don't see why she's tripping. I may be doing online dating, but I'm not stupid about it. I'm very careful about men I meet online (only 1) or in person.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 22 2012 at 8:08am
She is more likely not happy in her situation and wishes she can be free to do her thing like you and date again, but the mere fact that she has something you don't...husband and kids...and she knows you want eventually...in her eyes she has one up on you and she knows that when you finally do get a husband and kids..then she will be even more envious of you than she probably already is and she has nothing up on you. You'd be surprised how females be and they be the ones that seem so supportive of you and behind you all the way when all the while they are living vicariously through you and love that you are unsuccessful in an area of your life they are successful in or so it appears. Like you said..keep her out of your love life...then see what she has to talk to you about. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lilnicka4u2nv Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 22 2012 at 8:40am
   she's PR and Dom...she probably doesn't even see a controlling and abusive man as an "issue"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Prazol60 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 22 2012 at 8:48am
she asked her husband what he thought about her hooking me with with the brother in law he says "i don't think that's a good idea, he might hurt her"

So she couldn't think of this herself? Sorry but your friend sounds like a she doesn't have your best interest at heart. I would avoid talking to her about my love life.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote K_Camille Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 22 2012 at 9:17am
She is likely jealous of you and insecure.  Also, I agree with Kivey.  She probably thrives on your unsuccessful relations in love.  Should you find someone who is good to you, the hate will come full circle.  She will be on some exorcist sh+t; you will not know who hell she is. LOL   
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote used2braid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 22 2012 at 10:46am
Jealous womannn
Be careful of those kinds of females....i've had too much of those in my life and now I see that the number one red flag isnot giving you the dl when she can
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IslandSuga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 22 2012 at 11:26am
Originally posted by Lilnicka4u2nv Lilnicka4u2nv wrote:

   she's PR and Dom...she probably doesn't even see a controlling and abusive man as an "issue"
 
Yup, considering she's been abused as a child (molested) and been in abusive relationships. To her it probably seems normal
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IslandSuga View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IslandSuga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 22 2012 at 11:28am
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

She is more likely not happy in her situation and wishes she can be free to do her thing like you and date again, but the mere fact that she has something you don't...husband and kids...and she knows you want eventually...in her eyes she has one up on you and she knows that when you finally do get a husband and kids..then she will be even more envious of you than she probably already is and she has nothing up on you. You'd be surprised how females be and they be the ones that seem so supportive of you and behind you all the way when all the while they are living vicariously through you and love that you are unsuccessful in an area of your life they are successful in or so it appears. Like you said..keep her out of your love life...then see what she has to talk to you about. 
 
she aint giving up the cookies to hubby and hubby decided to tell her about some chick at work talkin about how hot she is. I told her to give up the goods more often, but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. I can't say I didn't warn her, so she can't be mad if he cheats.
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