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Topic ClosedRules for Selling Your Soul to the Devil

 
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kfoxx1998 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Rules for Selling Your Soul to the Devil
    Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 3:33pm
Just in case anybody is still trying.  The comments under the article (link below) are pure hilarity but the whole article is below the link:
http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/8069/how-to-sell-your-soul-to-the-devil/

soul_for_satan

You can have power, wealth, an attractive mate and virtually anything else you ever dreamed of – by selling your soul to Satan! But how?

You must know what you’re doing when you make the deal or Satan will cheat you blind. That’s the word from Dr. Rex Touth, expert on satanic rituals and author of How to Negotiate Unholy Contracts.

Dr. Touth cites cases dating all the way back to the 16th century in which humans have agreed to spend eternity in Hell when they die in exchange for earthly pleasures while they’re alive.

“Human history and world literature are teeming with stories like that of Germany’s Dr. Faustus who sold his soul,” says Dr. Touth. “Our own American statesman Daniel Webster once debated Satan in a landmark soul-selling case in which he renegotiated the contract and had it overturned.

“Thousands have gained riches and fulfilled their fantasies.”

Here are some tips from Dr. Touth on how you can take advantage of the same opportunity:

  1. SET THE DEAL UP PROPERLY. There’s a right and wrong way to make contact with the Devil. The right way is to be alone in your room, close your eyes and say, “Satan, I summon you. I have a quality soul to sell if the price is right.” It may take dozens, even hundreds of tries but at all costs, avoid sounding desperate or needy. He’ll show up eventually.
  2. DEAL FROM A POSITION OF POWER. By far the biggest mistake people make is to underestimate how badly Satan wants their soul. It’s like precious gold to him and he’ll pay anything to get it. When he appears, get him to make the first offer, then up it.
  3. GET THE ABSOLUTE BEST. Remember, you’re going to burn in Hell forever. So no matter how badly off you are now, demand the best. For instance, even if you feel unlovable and desperate with loneliness, don’t just say, “I want the most gorgeous woman on earth and I want her to be madly in love with me.” Instead, add, “In fact, throw in 100 other women as well so I can pick and choose according to my mood.”
  4. REMEMBER TO DEMAND THE LIFE-EXTENSION CLAUSE. Satan won’t tell you if you don’t ask but you can get a guarantee of 300 years of youthful life before you go to eternal damnation. Why enjoy a mere 75 or 80 years of reckless living when you can get 300?

Religious groups worldwide are trying to ban Dr. Touth’s book. “This kind of trash is spiritual dynamite,” says a spokesman for the North American Council of Churches and Synogogues. “We can’t, in good conscience, let people read how to destroy their almighty souls.”

But Dr. Touth says we should all be aware of the facts so we can make an informed decision. “It’s your soul,” he says. “Do waht you want with it.”

What would you sell your soul for?
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Arielle View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 3:37pm
LMAO!!!!

I need to get that book.  If he can sell it to the "For Dummies" company, he will make a mint!  Of course, he probably doesn't need that since I'm sure he's already sold his soul to Satan.
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rohan View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 3:45pm
From the comments below:


God sent his son to be beaten to death, for you.
That's a sacrifice..
----------
I'm gonna do dis in a few seconds! oh for every one else that does to i'll see you in hell. Let it be known from dis *&%^$#@Een glorious day on i'll be famous!!!!!!!!!
------------
The only way to get what you wan tin life, is to take life by its pretty little pigtails and *&%^$#@E its face... I.E. take charge of your own life and make your desires happen!
------------

And this classic:

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.



OH my gosh I'm here dying Kfoxx...thanks! LOL
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kfoxx1998 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 4:33pm
Originally posted by rohan rohan wrote:

From the comments below:


God sent his son to be beaten to death, for you.
That's a sacrifice..
----------
I'm gonna do dis in a few seconds! oh for every one else that does to i'll see you in hell. Let it be known from dis *&%^$#@Een glorious day on i'll be famous!!!!!!!!!
------------
The only way to get what you wan tin life, is to take life by its pretty little pigtails and *&%^$#@E its face... I.E. take charge of your own life and make your desires happen!
------------

And this classic:

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.



OH my gosh I'm here dying Kfoxx...thanks! LOL


Wow I missed this little gem (red bold):

Now I'm over here cracking up CryLOL
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camille07 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 7:26pm
i like that the devil appreciates irony

*takes notes furiously*
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 7:35pm
“Satan, I summon you. I have a quality soul to sell if the price is right.” It may take dozens, even hundreds of tries but at all costs, avoid sounding desperate or needy. He’ll show up eventually."
 
Classic....  I love it.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 11:59pm
LOL Love it
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 27 2010 at 12:43am
If anyone is interested,
You should look up
Satan/Saturnus/Chronus/Krono
It will explain a lot if you know what you are looking for
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 27 2010 at 1:02am
Aww what the hell

Ever wonder why when you get married under God you give your partner a ring? The answer is Saturn. Saturn has rings.

The bible says remember the sabbath and keep it holy.  That's Saturnday or Saturday. It all depends if where your from.  Look up Saturnalia

Something else you should know is that black is the color of saturn
annnnnnnnnnnnd there is some more but I will have to get to it later me sleepy ttyl


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 27 2010 at 1:49am
I NEED this book!!!
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