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Forum LockedRebecca Walker on her relationship with her mom

 
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Mz.Givemehair View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 07 2008 at 2:04am
Wow QB, we both started our post with the same saying...three sides to a story. Both posted at the same time...interesting.
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QueenBee View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 07 2008 at 2:07am
Article: Worse was to follow. My mother took umbrage at an interview in which I'd mentioned that my parents didn't protect or look out for me. She sent me an e-mail, threatening to undermine my reputation as a writer. I couldn't believe she could be so hurtful  -  particularly when I was pregnant.

Question: So now is Rebecca mad because Alice did not acknowledge her pregnancy and Rebecca goes to an interview (probably already hurt and anger) spouting off how her parents were not good parents?   Would a parent not be "hurt" or "pained" to have their child go to the public and say they weren't a good parent?  But wait, only Rebecca's feelings are the issue because she was pregnant. 

Hmmm, how and what does Rebecca's pregnancy have to do with Alice threatening her that she needs to stop bad mouthing?  Yes, undermining Rebecca's reputation as a writer could also be an email that stated I will go on the networks and dispute/refute and say that your farther and I provided what we could and tried to raise you.  You had XYZ, went to this or that place, ect....if Alice did do such it would make Rebbecca look like a spoiled, privilege kid with issues and it could undermine her as an author.  IMO, it looks like Rebbecca is trying to use her pregnancy as a sympathy card.


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 07 2008 at 2:12am
Article:Devastated, I asked her to apologise and acknowledge how much she'd hurt me over the years with neglect, withholding affection and resenting me for things I had no control over  -  the fact that I am mixed-race, that I have a wealthy, white, professional father and that I was born at all.

Question:  How many parents are going to apologize when they feel they have done their best to raise you?  Did Alice feel as if she neglected, withheld affection, resented Rebecca? If not, then that's Rebecca's perception of how she viewed her life with her mother?  Damn straight an argument is going to ensue if you are asking (I think if Rebecca has those issues she was most likely DEMANDING an apology) me to apologize.




Article:  But she wouldn't back down. Instead, she wrote me a letter saying that our relationship had been inconsequential for years and that she was no longer interested in being my mother. She even signed the letter with her first name, rather than 'Mom'.

Question:  Why wouldn't Alice back down?  Was Rebecca continuing to demand an apology and tell Alice she was a horrible mother?  Is Alice not allowed to get pissed and say "You grown.  I'm not interested in being your mother (ie raise you).  It's a mute issue for me, do you!"




Article: That was a month before Tenzin's birth in December 2004, and I have had no contact with my mother since. She didn't even get in touch when he was rushed into the special care baby unit after he was born suffering breathing difficulties.

Question:  BTW, how was Alice suppose to know that Rebecca's child was having breathing issues if Rebecca cut off all connection/ties with Alice during her 8th month of pregnancy? 

As they say 3 sides to a story: Yours, mine, and the truth.  For me Rebecca's article is a disconnect.  Something is odd about a simple phone call to tell your mom you are pregnant and your mom turns around writes a letter to say she no longer wants to be your mother based off a pregnancy announcement, huh?  Confused  Unless you and your mother were having issues/disagreements way before your pregnancy.

Wrong assumption.  Many parents do not have relationships or estranged with their children (based on their children's lifestyles etc) but they are involved in the grandchild's life.  Just because your adult children do not want to act right, doesn't mean your grandchildren are to blame.  However, I am only speaking from my personal experience on this aspect.

I do because there is a disconnect for me.  I do not see how you and your mother have a somewhat relationship and the mention of a pregnancy--makes her automatically denounce you.  Rebecca's not telling the entire truth.  Now if below is true from a blog--- I can see how an argument can pursue and why Alice would disapprove of her pregnancy!



From a blog I found online:    Maybe this is useful. Rebecca's mother was not "effusive" about Rebecca's pregnancy not because she rejected the idea of a pregnancy, but because of who she was having the baby with: her Buddhist teacher who was already married and has a young child. What is a mother to do when it appears her daughter has entered into an odd threesome with a man whose prominence as a Buddhist teacher needs to be supported by the younger Walker's fame (and income)? Needless to say, the senior Walker is skeptical of this arrangement. Choyin Rangdrol went from an Oakland Afrocentric denizen to an "International Buddhist" with the help of Walker's pushing his book. And what of the white mother of Choyin's other young child? Rebecca is so obsessed with competing with Alice Walker's fame by airing her personal issues and neuroses in public, that she cannot see that she is the one who continues to alienate people with her obsessive narcissism. Most of us just get therapy.




Edited by QueenBee - Jun 07 2008 at 2:14am
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QueenBee View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 07 2008 at 2:14am
However, why try to use feminism as the reason when your real issue is with your mother or for Rebecca the lack of having a mother?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 07 2008 at 2:59am
Clap  Well researched and stated QB!

I do think that Rebecca has issues.  Everything that I have ever read which has been written by her involves her speaking negatively of her mother.  She is has no qualms about using Alice's name and connections to make a living, but yet she remains critical of her.  If I recall correctly, she changed her name to Walker and mentions the fact that she is Alice Walker's daughter every chance she gets.

It's interesting that in writing about her great family life- she neglects to mention her child's father's wife and his marital child(children).  I hope she will be prepared for the day when her child bad-mouths her for raising him in a non-traditional family..

She is also a bit delusional-  Why should Alice be jealous that she has a "rich white father".   She only has a rich white father because Alice chose to marry the man.  If I recall correctly, Alice Walker is the one who left the marriage.

Also, why would Alice Walker be competitive with her as a writer.  She is not remotely in her mother's league.  Alice Walker is a literary icon- an equally good fiction and non-fiction writer...she is some chick who can only get publicity by writing about her mother.

If I were Alice, I would cut her out of my will too.  If she despises her mother so much, why would she want her money?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 07 2008 at 11:15am
Just wow at the comments she made about her adopted sonOuch He must feel just swell knowing thats how his mom feels. Why on earth would she make that public knowledge?


I agree QB, Alice may not win any Mother of the Year awards but it sounds like there are some holes in Rebecca's story.
And if the father of her child was a married man, I don't think most mothers would be jumping for joy to hear that their daughter was pregnant by a married man.


This line is a bit troublesome to me

The ease with which people can get divorced these days doesn't take into account the toll on children. That's all part of the unfinished business of feminism.

Is she blaming divorce rates on Feminism? What does she suggest women do when faced with a marriage that is beyond repair?

Motherhood is not for everyone. While I don't like the militant attitude some people have, there will always be extremists in every cause, I can understand the frustration some women feel. No matter how much you achieve, some people will always see your life as incomplete unless you have children. Its almost as if you are less than a woman.

In any event, there has to be a happy medium. I can only hope these 2 will be able to mend their differences.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 07 2008 at 11:24am
I just feel bad when there's such animosity between children and parents.
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