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Random Thoughts- Tun Up LOUD!!!

 
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missunfoolish View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote missunfoolish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 9:27am
my mom scared me last night
she was crying hysterically saying we didn't love her and if we didn't let her go die...

i thought she was just a sad drunk but i see shes way more messed up, depressed even. 
i just told her i loved her and she needs to stop talking like that

then she was sad about my gma who passed 5 years ago and how she wanted to see her again.
and then brought up that my brother has a job now and living for him.

i mean isn't this supposed to be something to be happy for? my brother having a job is good
but i felt she said that like he's growing up and soon he'll leave her
and soon i will too....

like, how am i supposed to try and leave out of state for school when she cries at the thought if we leave her, we don't love her. like, how do i not feel guilty for living my own life while i feel im making her feel that way
idk what to do. she woke up earlier with her eyes all cried out. im just really worried and her bf doesn't seem to pay her any mind when shes acting like this

but i feel like she the person she is when she's sober isn't really who she is. shes sad and depressed and idk how to deal. im the only one that went to check on her when i heard her cry... 
i dont know what to do, it seems like anything i do its going to hurt her regardless

and i dont like talking to her when shes like that. Ouch


Edited by missunfoolish - Jul 05 2014 at 9:28am
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 9:43am
Unfoolish, imma keep it short and sweet:

Addiction is selfish
She won't be happy for you because there will be fewer people around to enable her
Her feelings are not YOUR responsibility/problem
She's not going to change until sh¡t gets real for her in SOME capacity
Until she decides to change, you will ALWAYS be second or third or whatever number in line

If you've not already, please find some info about AA meetings for relatives/friends of alcoholics. Meetings could help to get things off your chest, build a support system IRL and see how you're not alone in how you feel.

Pardon me…
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 9:47am
Good morning people!!

Ugh-- last day in NYC & the weather is just gorgeous!!

It's almost Christmas in July!!
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HeyBeautiful18 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HeyBeautiful18 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 10:01am
Yes, the weather is beautiful today

Perfect day for BBQ and sangria  *licks lips*
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missunfoolish View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote missunfoolish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 10:11am
yeah i know her feelings aren't my problem personally but i feel guilty for treating her like sh*t when shes like that. it doesn't help. but what if when i don't watch for her feelings, she takes her life? 

shes not going to get professional help, thats the last thing she'll do
she'll hide everything on the surface til it comes out in the worst way possible

shes had problems way before my gma passed but at least when she was here she knew what to do with her. 
my mom has friends thats helped her with sh*t but she has too much pride... guess it runs in the family




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Lady ICE View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lady ICE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 10:35am
think i'll make some chicken alfredo today
and try that bacon/cheese stuffed pepper thing.
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 10:44am
Originally posted by HeyBeautiful18 HeyBeautiful18 wrote:

Yes, the weather is beautiful today

Perfect day for BBQ and sangria  *licks lips*
Yeeeeesss!!
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 11:45am
Actually, no. Lemme take a step back and invest less.

--- This Space For Rent ---

Edited by nekamarie83 - Jul 05 2014 at 11:53am
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Lady ICE View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lady ICE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 1:08pm
Originally posted by Lady ICE Lady ICE wrote:

and try that bacon/cheese stuffed pepper thing.
and its soooooooo good. i gotta post a pic later. glad i tried something new.
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_ConcreteRose_ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _ConcreteRose_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2014 at 1:19pm
Why is life such a fuccing struggle. I do everyhting right, I don't deserve thisCry
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