1. You Keep Running Into Guys She Knows
It is completely normal to occasionally run into one of your
girlfriend’s ex-boyfriends. Once you reach a certain age, it is
completely impossible not to have the awkward situation come up. Your
girlfriend sees some idiot and puts her head down. That clueless nimrod
sees her and ambles over to say “hi.” Of course, he did not notice that
you were standing right next to her, because he was so excited to see
her. So, when he realizes that you are with her, the two of them fumble
through introductions just long enough for you to realize that they have
at some point had sex. She tells you that he is just a friend, but you
know the truth. Well, if you have one of these moments with a new guy
every two weeks, then your girlfriend might be the neighborhood slut.
2. She Smokes
Smoking is physical proof of an oral fixation. And, anyone who always
wants things in her mouth is probably not too particular about who she
bangs. I am sure that this is high praise for you. Conventional wisdom
says that a woman who is willing to participate in an activity that will
definitely kill her is probably okay with dating and screwing a guy
that probably is not the best choice for her. In fact, a person that
will kill herself slowly with poison is probably just not a good
decision maker altogether. According to researchers, smokers are having
10% more sex than non-smokers. Smokers are risk-takers. How else could
you explain your girlfriend sleeping with you?
3. She Is Always Drunk
People who are always drunk are usually attempting to escape their
everyday lives through self-soothing. When men drink excessively, they
usually go home alone. When women drink excessively, they almost never
go home alone. Alcohol allows people to be more promiscuous and supplies
an excuse for the sleaziness. Think about the times that you have sex
with your girlfriend. Is it always after she leaves the club at 2 a.m
and is obliterated? Is it when the two of you leave the bar after a
countless number of drinks? Does the bartender at 4 separate clubs know
her personally? Is it difficult to remember the last time that you ever
had fully conscious, sober sex? If the answer to any of these questions
is yes, then your girlfriend might be the bar room skank.
4. She Has An Associate’s Degree in Art
People with Associate’s Degrees in Art have 32% more sex than people
with college degrees and high school dropouts according to a study at
the University of Chicago. Artists and poets have twice the number of
sex partners as the general population. So, if she writes and recites
poetry, she may “shook a few spears” in her day (yes, that is a
Shakespeare sex joke).
5. She Hates God
Agnostics and atheists engage in 31% more sex than the religious
population. For those people who consider themselves highly religious,
there are usually a lot of stigmas and restraints that go along with
their religion, specifically in Christian homes (and especially in
Catholics ones*). There is a common patriarchal focus on abstaining from
sex until marriage for religious men and women. However, people who do
not believe in God put less stock in the moral consequence of casual
sex. If your woman is atheist, she has probably praised the man pole for
a long time.
6. She Is Always At Work
Is your girlfriend always at work? When you show up at her job, does
someone always tell you that she just left? When you call her, does she
always call you back after initially not answering the phone. Now, think
hard. When is the last time that you had sex. Believe me, if she is not
doing the no-pants dance with you, then she is doing somebody.
7. She Will Not Say How Many People She Has Slept With
First of all, women normally ask these types of questions first, so
the fact that you had to ask her is your first indicator that she might
be slutty. But anyway, whenever you ask her about her past, she changes
the subject. When she is cornered on the subject, she blows you instead
of answering you (in case you missed that, she just solved her problem
with sex). Even though you asked her how many people that she slept with
first, she asks you what your number is and then gives you a number
that is lower than that. This means that either your girlfriend has been
in the backseat of so many cars that she has lost count or she knows
that 167 sex partners is a lot for anybody.
8. There Are Signs of Sex With Other People
You have a burning sensation firing out of your manhood, and you have
only slept with your girlfriend for the last 8 months. You find used
condoms around her house, but the size is different and it is a brand
that you do not recognize. Your girlfriend leaves the house with panties
and comes back without them. These are all signs that you are dating a
trollop. Leave her.
9. She Is Always At the Gym, But Never Loses Weight
Guys, the gym is ripe with opportunity for women to sex. It is an
atmosphere where everyone has tight, revealing clothing and everyone is
there to work up a sweat. You add the testosterone that people are bound
to produce through exercise and the taut, muscular bodies that inhabit
the gym and you have the perfect recipe for an affair. And, the trainers
have an intense, personal relationship with the people that they train.
Their job is to push your woman to do more than she thought she could.
They are motivators; muscle bound, charismatic motivators who touch your
woman regularly in all places that you dream about touching her. Plus,
trainers know how to talk to women because their job dictates that they
build solid relationships with them. So, if your girl is always at the
gym but not losing weight, then her trainer is pushing her hard, but
from behind with no clothes on their bodies.
10. Daddy Issues
Daddy issues, or as I like to call them, single man’s gold, is a sure
sign that your girlfriend has been blowing the neighborhood. A woman’s
relationship with her father, or her lack of a relationship with him,
has a direct effect on her sexuality. Go to a strip club and see how
many of the working mothers there have had good relationships with their
dads. Women with daddy issues are bound to go one of four ways,
asexual, bi-curious, slutty, or a combination of bi-curious and slutty.
Asexuality happens when a woman is not attracted to women and does not
know how to connect with the opposite sex because of the lack of
positive male role models. It is also the least common effect of being
fatherless. Bi-curiousity is just a natural outcome of being close with
only women. If women are the only trust-worthy people that you know, but
you are attracted to men then some there is bound to be some dallying
on both sides of the fence. Sluthood is the most common outcome of women
missing their father figure, and there are both straight and bisexual
sluts. These women look for their dads in the bedrooms of strange men
and women. And if your girlfriend is missing her dad, she may have
searched a few bedsheets in her day.
*The prevalence of anal sex in Hispanic Catholic homes has increased significantly, presumably to allow teenagers to technically keep their virginity while having unmarried sex and to allow them to have sex without the threat of having children.