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My father told me he has 8 kids I don’t know abo

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Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Talk, Talk, and More Talk
Forum Description: In this Forum, the talk is about everything that can be talked about.
Printed Date: Nov 11 2019 at 11:35pm

Topic: My father told me he has 8 kids I don’t know abo
Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Subject: My father told me he has 8 kids I don’t know abo
Date Posted: Jun 12 2018 at 3:50pm
So I’ve never been close to my biological father. He’s a liar and a deadbeat who seems to be really proud of fathering a bunch of kids he never took care of.

I know I have bio four siblings from my mom and my late aunts kids who my mom took in after she died. They’re my siblings even though they aren’t...

Anyway, my father once told me he has five other kids. Years later, he told me he has four other kids.

So my dad is visiting NY from Jamaica. He said he wants to see me and apologize for being a bad father. I figured his ol nasty ass must be dying and wants to make amends, so I came with QUESTIONS. So this dude actually became a us citizen, but he ran back to Jamaica to escape his problems.

I have not seen this man in 14 years, even though I actually wasted time and money trying to visit his trash ass in Jamaica. I touched down at 19, spent the little money I had going to see him, and he stopped communicating with me. I planned this trip for months, and called him a week ahead to let him know I was excited to see him (my mom and I had problems so I wanted to connect with him). I got there and he was mum. No contact. Had to get a hotel in a shady area. Knew nobody on the whole island. Spent a week in Jamaica alone with virtually no money, because he said he’d take care of me. I was silly for believing a man who never lifted a finger or spent a dime to take care of me before, but I guess we all have dreams...right? When I finally got in touch with him, he said he forgot and took a quick trip to Miami that week. But no hard feelings and he’d reimburse me for everything. You already know he didn’t.

Anyway, I got to the place where he told me to meet him, some Jamaican restaurant in Crown Heights. How original. He tried to give me a big embrace while I gave him the stiff arm. I told him to hold up because I got sh*t to say. He acted all offended but said okay, and walked me to a table with four other people. Hold the up brah, why am I here? Luckily, everybody else seemed to be on the same wave.

He introduced me as “your sister” and told everyone to say hello. One of my newfound sisters wasn’t having it and asked what the hell this was all about. He shared that he has cancer and may be dying, but wanted to be upfront before he goes. No apologies, nothing. Shared that there are five of us at the table, but four more who live in NY (or so he thinks) but weren’t interested in the stupid meetup. Then has three down in Florida, one is a medical doctor, the other two are engineers. Credits his ex-wife for their success. He tried to show us a family picture, but who cares? Finally, he told us he has five more kids in Jamaica.

So we all start cussin his ass out, telling him he ain’t bout sh*t and he should be ashamed. And like a true deadbeat, he said this wasn’t what he came for. So he left.

But we stayed at the restaurant for hours, talking about how him never being there affected us and how he was straight trash. Then we started to get to know each other and decided to keep in touch. We all have different moms...but our terrible father finally gave us something to thank him for. My new brother invited us to a birthday cookout on Saturday. I’m actually really excited to go.

Posted By: NJHairLuv
Date Posted: Jun 13 2018 at 6:04pm
Very disturbing how the men that live like that never feel remorse for selling lies to women and children and destroy their childrens' lives and cause them lifetime trust, abandonment and attachment issues.

My older cousin recently became a widower and just found out about a daughter that is the same age as he and his wife's son. He is all on facebook posting about how he is so excited to have a 'new family' and 'new grandkids', and shared a 'beautiful' FB post that his daughter made about how her life was destroyed by depression and anxiety and that she had self identity issues from looking white, but having a deadbeat dad that was black. He found out about her last week and they will meet up this Friday and like your Dad, he has this expectation of joy and bear hugs and love, but like you and your siblings, I am sure that she is looking forward to the meeting to have some VERY SERIOUS questions answered.

You totally called it when you knew that the man was surfacing only bc he was dying. I bet that if the meeting went smoothly, he would have been hitting you all up for $ for medical treatments and somewhere comfortable to stay and food and $ in his pocket while he gets medical treatment in the best hospitals in NYCStern Smile

Posted By: Love555
Date Posted: Jun 15 2018 at 9:59am
I suggest for you to go talk to a psychologist or therapist about your issues. If you are African American or African descent I suggest you select black therapist, because they can understand & relate to your oppression and what you go through. No other race understands. This is if your insurance covers it and you can afford to go. I suggest all black people seek therapy, because we have too many issues in our community (also we have African Americans that are undignosed with mental illnesses that is visible to see too).   

It’s really good you were able to get to know your new family. I hope you guys stay in touch & things work out.

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jun 15 2018 at 7:41pm
the man has 17 kids and never took care of any of them, and now expects people to drop everything to see him, a complete stranger?

have fun this Saturday at the cookout, and I hope the other 3 siblings seated at the table make it to the party

Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Jun 16 2018 at 8:52pm
Oooo, girl. I read somewhere on these innanets about how them Jamaican men sling dack and babies all over the place.

I'd try to develop some sort of relationships with my half-siblings, but would want nothing more to do with him. You might want to get a medical history from him to see if there are any inherited illnesses or predispositions you might want to be on the lookout for.

Good luck with all that though. Hug

Posted By: Diane (35)
Date Posted: Jul 06 2018 at 2:14pm
All I did was read the thread title, didnt see who posted this and I thought "her dad must be Jamaican." Lo and behold its AC and I know she's Jamaican. Smdh not a bloodclaat surprise there.

Eta I just read the OP, AC I can't believe he sprung a surprise meeting on all of you and then had the nerve to leave when all five of you were cussing her out. What did he expect? These men pride themselves on "getting a yute" and then not playing any role or doing the bare minimum for the children then want to brag on the success es of their children later in life like they helped. I agree maybe you should look into therapy.

NJHair, has the right of it, as usual.

My gfs baby father did not attend their childs kinder graduation (nothing big it was an hour). she called him on the way home. He said he was just leaving, she told him about it for weeks he promised he would come. He then kept asking for pics and videos, she told him no. He just wants to post it on Instagram WhatsApp etc. And pretend he attended. My gfs bf was there though, the bf see the child more than the father.

It not surprising at all. I have two bredrins with fathers in England for decades now, who have had children in the last three years. These are old ass men!

As a Jamaican I can say near all my friends (male and female) have issues with their fathers this is whether the parents were married or in a common law union, visiting relationship,etc and whether the child was legitimate or illegitimate. My gf was at work and someone told her about a sibling she never knew she had. I think I spoke about it.

Posted By: Yardgirl
Date Posted: Jan 05 2019 at 12:16am
I read the first few sentences and knew immediately that he's Jamaican. Hope it works out for you, OP.

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