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So I Guess I'm Screwed Now...

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Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Relationships
Forum Description: Single, Married, Dating, or Other, Lets Talk About It.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=384493
Printed Date: Jul 21 2018 at 7:10am


Topic: So I Guess I'm Screwed Now...
Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Subject: So I Guess I'm Screwed Now...
Date Posted: Dec 07 2016 at 12:12pm
Okay so here's the scoop, I made a thread called "What Would You Do?" where I explained that I was living with my bf and his family and I may be wearing out my welcome. Fast forward to TODAY and now he is saying I am moving out next month to be closer to his job. He says that if he moves out I can no longer stay at the house. He said "I don't know what you are going to do since you refuse to live with your mom." He tells me to also keep job hunting. He also said "You're a big girl you will figure it out." He said he misses having his own space and and hates living at the house. It seems as though he really does not give a damn about where I end up. He knows that I could end up in the shelter but that does not seem to bother him either. I have been with him since 2006 and I actually feel rather insulted that he does not want to get a place together after so many years. What am I doing wrong?

I called my brother and I started telling him what he was saying and he cut me off and said, "I don't don't know why you're still with him, but say no more we will find you a place call me later around 6." My brother is the type that has good intentions but takes forever to do what he says he's going to do.

I currently have $3,000 saved up but in all reality that's not enough for me to move out and live comfortably. On top of that I have graduated college a year ago and still haven't landed a job. I currently work at Five Guys which obviously isn't a job where you can be on your own. At this point I really don't have much options. I may end up in the nearest shelter.

What would you do?



Replies:
Posted By: NJHairLuv
Date Posted: Dec 07 2016 at 1:14pm
Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

 
I currently have $3,000 saved up but in all reality that's not enough for me to move out and live comfortably. On top of that I have graduated college a year ago and still haven't landed a job. I currently work at Five Guys which obviously isn't a job where you can be on your own. At this point I really don't have much options. I may end up in the nearest shelter.

What would you do?
*Put motions, pride and your heart to the side. 
*Log off of BHM and go to the NY or CT Department of Housing website today before 4pm and find the number for Section 8, Subsidized Housing, Housing Assistance, etc. Then look on the same website for the list of "Low and Moderate Income Apartments" and print it out and start calling the places to find out what has immediate vacancy vs a waiting list.
***Apply for food stamps and medicaid. 
***Start packing and sell excess things of value on eBay for extra $$$ for the relocation.
***Call 211 (The United Way) and let the know that you just found out that you will soon be homeless and also that you need help to find a second job or a career in your degree field: http://www.211.org/" rel="nofollow - http://www.211.org/

Nothing else really matters. You will figure out the other personal things on your own as any adult is expected to.

Good luck with finding a placeHeart



Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Dec 07 2016 at 1:20pm
Originally posted by NJHairLuv NJHairLuv wrote:

Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

 
I currently have $3,000 saved up but in all reality that's not enough for me to move out and live comfortably. On top of that I have graduated college a year ago and still haven't landed a job. I currently work at Five Guys which obviously isn't a job where you can be on your own. At this point I really don't have much options. I may end up in the nearest shelter.

What would you do?
*Put motions, pride and your heart to the side. 
*Log off of BHM and go to the NY or CT Department of Housing website today before 4pm and find the number for Section 8, Subsidized Housing, Housing Assistance, etc. Then look on the same website for the list of "Low and Moderate Income Apartments" and print it out and start calling the places to find out what has immediate vacancy vs a waiting list.
***Apply for food stamps and medicaid. 
***Start packing and sell excess things of value on eBay for extra $$$ for the relocation.
***Call 211 (The United Way) and let the know that you just found out that you will soon be homeless and also that you need help to find a second job or a career in your degree field: http://www.211.org/ - http://www.211.org/

Nothing else really matters. You will figure out the other personal things on your own as any adult is expected to.

Good luck with finding a placeHeart



Thank you very much!! I'm going to that website right now.


Posted By: Beauty620
Date Posted: Dec 08 2016 at 11:43am
Sounds to me like he's trying to break things off with you. So therefor let the break off begin, start by doing whatever you have to do to get on your own two feet. If shelter it is...well so be it. If you can't stay with a family member then consider it....besides they actually help you find a spot of your own in the long run, if you have no kids it won't hurt. I would definitely give him what he wants and continue my life w/o him tbh. Try finding a second job if you can. Things will get greater later...and in the future he may look back and regret his decision. 

Good Luck!


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Dec 11 2016 at 10:42pm
Now it is time to act rather than wonder what you should have done to keep this relationship. I don't know why you are "insulted" about him not even considering moving to a new place with you when there's no love left.

NjHairLuv's suggestions are good, keep searching for another job, and read the advice given on the previous thread. You cannot expect them to allow you to stay there next month. Your "boyfriend" said that it was not their problem that you didn't have money to pay rent and now he wants you out. You don't want to one day arrive at that house and find the locks changed and your things outside.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Dec 14 2016 at 9:40am
Originally posted by Beauty620 Beauty620 wrote:

Sounds to me like he's trying to break things off with you. So therefor let the break off begin, start by doing whatever you have to do to get on your own two feet. If shelter it is...well so be it. If you can't stay with a family member then consider it....besides they actually help you find a spot of your own in the long run, if you have no kids it won't hurt. I would definitely give him what he wants and continue my life w/o him tbh. Try finding a second job if you can. Things will get greater later...and in the future he may look back and regret his decision. 

Good Luck!


This is how I have been feeling for a while. A good friend of mine said, I feel like if you didn't live there y'all wouldn't be together. I really don't think he sees a future with me due to the fact that all he does is talk about leaving and not bringing me with him. I do feel like a lot of the love is gone, he doesn't even let me kiss him anymore Cry. Sometimes he randomly says "I don't like you" (not sure if he really means that or if he's just messing around) and then I ask him why am I here then? then he says, "where would you go?" I feel like he is just waiting for me to get a higher paying job to end things for good. 


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Dec 14 2016 at 4:22pm
Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

I feel like he is just waiting for me to get a higher paying job to end things for good. 


no hun, he ain't waiting any longer; he already gave you an ultimatum and you are supposed to be gone by next month. it is time to find another job, dig into your savings and rent a room in someone's house or rent a tiny apartment with a kitchen. he wants to move on with his life and it is time you get out of his way.


right now this may seem like a lot - cutting ties in a dead relationship, getting a new job, finding a new place, moving - but a few years from now you'll look back and realize how much time you wasted with someone who didn't love you, staying in your comfort zone paying little rent and not having any incentive to try harder.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Dec 15 2016 at 8:45am
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

I feel like he is just waiting for me to get a higher paying job to end things for good. 


no hun, he ain't waiting any longer; he already gave you an ultimatum and you are supposed to be gone by next month. it is time to find another job, dig into your savings and rent a room in someone's house or rent a tiny apartment with a kitchen. he wants to move on with his life and it is time you get out of his way.


right now this may seem like a lot - cutting ties in a dead relationship, getting a new job, finding a new place, moving - but a few years from now you'll look back and realize how much time you wasted with someone who didn't love you, staying in your comfort zone paying little rent and not having any incentive to try harder.


I could see why you would say this but I do honestly feel like he is/was trying to wait until things get better for me. Last year he came to one of my therapy sessions and said to my therapist "She's a cool person I have no reason to break up with her." Then my therapist asked "Do you see a future with her?" and he said, "I'm waiting for her to finish college to...." then he didn't finish the sentence. I feel like there is a slight chance things could work out but I think he's just tired of me living there. But the crazy part about it is no one else at the house says anything. He's the main one that wants me to move out. Truthfully, if I had a higher paying job I would have left a long time ago. But if it's anything that I have learned, in order for love to work the other person has to love you back, you can't force someone to be with you. If I were to leave and then things didn't work out at that point then I would know it wasn't meant to be.


Posted By: SassyVictim
Date Posted: Dec 15 2016 at 11:22am
He would have married you by now if he wanted you.. 
Please leave the relationship. 


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Dec 15 2016 at 3:13pm
Originally posted by SassyVictim SassyVictim wrote:

He would have married you by now if he wanted you.. 
Please leave the relationship. 


Yes we have been together for a decade but yet no talk of marriage or anything like that has been going on. In fact he said to me "I'm not marrying you." But even if I did want to leave I can't because he's providing me with shelter.


Posted By: NJHairLuv
Date Posted: Jan 09 2017 at 1:52pm
Night or weekend job?

Bring your resume, and come to a Job Fair, organized by the Council for Airport Opportunity.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
10:00 am - 12:00 noon
Newark Public Library Lobby
5 Washington Street, Newark, NJ 07102


Customer Service Requirements: 
 Must be flexible and able to work all shifts.
 Must meet all Port Authority requirements to obtain Port Authority Badge.

Positons Available
 Ramp/Cargo
 Passenger Service Agent
 Aircraft Cleaner
 Cashier/Food Service/Cook
 Security
 Driver/CDL P endorsement
 Maintenance


Posted By: qheenkitty
Date Posted: Jan 09 2017 at 9:37pm
I know it hurts but I know we are strangers but why did you stay after the advice given to you before from the members here. I was with a guy like this for 9 years. I had my own place but he refused to fully move in with me. He used my car but refused to make a life with me. I was young and stupid just like you (no offense). Dude was cheating and I found out about it on the ass end of things and when things broke off it hurt like hell... not because I was losing him but because I let him strip me of my dignity.  Please don't be like me. In 9 years my ex never asked me to marry him. This guy hasn't done the same with you either and wants you to move out like you are nothing to him. He doesn't care about you, get this through your head now and I promise the road ahead won't be so bad.

You are allowing this man to strip you of your dignity in telling you to move out after being with him for 10 years. Keep your dignity at the very least. move out in silence. don't tell him just leave when hes not around and NEVER speak to him again! Change your number and never loo back. You have a college degree and if you are not finding work in your area, please consider leaving the area and relocating where jobs are more lucrative. Apply for jobs out of state. You have to go where the money is... not where you are comfortable if you want to live a good life. In the meantime, rent a room from someone. You probably won't qualify for housing on your current salary. There is also subsidzed housing for people in your situation.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Jan 26 2017 at 3:23pm
Originally posted by qheenkitty qheenkitty wrote:

I know it hurts but I know we are strangers but why did you stay after the advice given to you before from the members here. I was with a guy like this for 9 years. I had my own place but he refused to fully move in with me. He used my car but refused to make a life with me. I was young and stupid just like you (no offense). Dude was cheating and I found out about it on the ass end of things and when things broke off it hurt like hell... not because I was losing him but because I let him strip me of my dignity.  Please don't be like me. In 9 years my ex never asked me to marry him. This guy hasn't done the same with you either and wants you to move out like you are nothing to him. He doesn't care about you, get this through your head now and I promise the road ahead won't be so bad.

You are allowing this man to strip you of your dignity in telling you to move out after being with him for 10 years. Keep your dignity at the very least. move out in silence. don't tell him just leave when hes not around and NEVER speak to him again! Change your number and never loo back. You have a college degree and if you are not finding work in your area, please consider leaving the area and relocating where jobs are more lucrative. Apply for jobs out of state. You have to go where the money is... not where you are comfortable if you want to live a good life. In the meantime, rent a room from someone. You probably won't qualify for housing on your current salary. There is also subsidzed housing for people in your situation.


I was trying to see if things would get any better. Also I was trying to save some more money before I finally make my exit. He sent me a text message a few days ago saying that he will be looking for a new job and does not mind relocating. He also texted me saying that the sex is "ehh" and that he is losing interest and some time away from me would be good. I feel like once I do move out  things probably wouldn't last. This all just really hurts because when I first met him when I was 16 I thought he would be the one and we would ride off into the sunset. But now I definitely know otherwise. He also says that he does not want to move in with me because "what if we get jobs in different areas?" My own mom told me, "if you move out, break up with him, don't let him use you to fucc."

On another note, he isn't the most horrible person in the world but he has his flaws just like anyone else. I feel like he in more into his career than me. It's just going to be hard to move on. I just very used to him and while living with him and his family I have gotten so much done. Going from living with him to living on my own will be one of the biggest changes I have ever made in my life and will take a lot of getting used to.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jan 29 2017 at 6:23pm
did you move out already? i don't know what you are waiting for to do so. he's a saint; anyone else would have already thrown your stuff on the street while you were at work. i think you will only wake up when he shows up with another girl at the house saying that he is tired of you.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Jan 30 2017 at 8:04pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

did you move out already? i don't know what you are waiting for to do so. he's a saint; anyone else would have already thrown your stuff on the street while you were at work. i think you will only wake up when he shows up with another girl at the house saying that he is tired of you.


No I have not moved yet. I now plan on doing so as soon as I can. The main thing that keeps me at the house is the fact I have not found full time work. I don't want to move out and then not be able to afford it. On another note he just said that if I got a higher paying job then we could get a place together. It's like one minute he wants me to move out another minute he wants me to find a job so we can get a place together it's like make up your mind. At this point I feel like we are still together just because.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jan 31 2017 at 12:21am
yeah, don't buy it, because he has been wanting you to get out of his life for a while, even told you that sex with you sucks, so don't continue to build dreams in your head with him. it is over already, you guys just haven't been over physically because you are finding reasons to stay there longer.


Posted By: Faithfully2002
Date Posted: Jan 31 2017 at 12:25pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

yeah, don't buy it, because he has been wanting you to get out of his life for a while, even told you that sex with you sucks, so don't continue to build dreams in your head with him. it is over already, you guys just haven't been over physically because you are finding reasons to stay there longer.

I agree Clap


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 01 2017 at 2:56pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

yeah, don't buy it, because he has been wanting you to get out of his life for a while, even told you that sex with you sucks, so don't continue to build dreams in your head with him. it is over already, you guys just haven't been over physically because you are finding reasons to stay there longer.


I was trying to find ways to salvage the relationship, but I can't force someone to be with me. At this point whatever happens, happens. But I must admit that living on my own scares me.


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Feb 04 2017 at 2:07am
Wasting all my young snatched years with my sh*tty baby daddy scared me into leaving. It's not that bad when u finally smell the air of ur own place. That first night in ur own bed, u might cry, but it might not just be from sadness. Initially, you'll feel pain and anxiety, and all the inevitable emotions and epiphanies you've been putting off will come find u and make u deal, but eventually (and quickly) happiness from ur accomplishment will set in.

It is scary, but necessary. Be strong.


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Feb 04 2017 at 2:08am
Nj came through with a job posting, now that's real help.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 04 2017 at 4:23pm
Originally posted by creole booty creole booty wrote:

Wasting all my young snatched years with my sh*tty baby daddy scared me into leaving. It's not that bad when u finally smell the air of ur own place. That first night in ur own bed, u might cry, but it might not just be from sadness. Initially, you'll feel pain and anxiety, and all the inevitable emotions and epiphanies you've been putting off will come find u and make u deal, but eventually (and quickly) happiness from ur accomplishment will set in.

It is scary, but necessary. Be strong.


Yes it is necessary, the other day he called me "convenient pus*y". I'm really starting to feel like all he sees me as is a hole for him to get his d**k wet. He does not talk about moving on with me, he says he's not marrying me and at this point I don't even see us lasting much longer. I feel like the fact that I live there is the only reason why we haven't gone totally to splitsville.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 04 2017 at 5:06pm
Why are you still talking as if because you live there you guys are not over?

Girl you are wasting your time if you think that SOMETHING will happen to change the situation. He is becoming more nasty with his words towards you because you cannot get the hint that it is over and it is time to move the out.

It is February. He wanted you out a month ago. It is time to put on your big girl pants and leave the house. 


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 04 2017 at 7:53pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Why are you still talking as if because you live there you guys are not over?

Girl you are wasting your time if you think that SOMETHING will happen to change the situation. He is becoming more nasty with his words towards you because you cannot get the hint that it is over and it is time to move the out.

It is February. He wanted you out a month ago. It is time to put on your big girl pants and leave the house. 


I was feeling like due to the fact that he didn't say I'm done with you, I could try to salvage the relationship. Today he said "if we are going to live together you need to find full time work and be able to keep your job." I had this idea that if I could just find a job then maybe things would work out. It just sucks that after this long things could end up not working out. Also I'm just so used to being with him, I couldn't imagine starting over with someone else.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 04 2017 at 8:04pm
"if we are going to live together" means "i just want you around to split the rent"

your whole life is revolving around him: "if i get a full time job, i can salvage the relationship", "if we move to a place together, i can save the relationship", "etc etc

why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who not only said that sex is wack but that you are just convenient pvssy? he is going to show up with a new girl at the house to tell you to get out and then you'll definitely have to head to a shelter or a motel for the night.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 04 2017 at 8:27pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

"if we are going to live together" means "i just want you around to split the rent"

your whole life is revolving around him: "if i get a full time job, i can salvage the relationship", "if we move to a place together, i can save the relationship", "etc etc

why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who not only said that sex is wack but that you are just convenient pvssy? he is going to show up with a new girl at the house to tell you to get out and then you'll definitely have to head to a shelter or a motel for the night.


"I just want you around to split the rent" that's exactly how I feel too. Especially knowing his frugal ways. As far as showing up with a new girl goes...I don't think he has the balls to do that. If he is going to move on I would hope that he would have enough respect for me to wait until I move out to start boning someone else.


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Feb 06 2017 at 7:12pm
How do U feel? R u ok feeling this way?

If u say anything other than happy, it's not worth salvaging. Move out. Don't waste another day with someone who doesn't contribute to making u feel good. Eventually, you'll learn his dick ain't good anyway so all that "convenient coochie" talk.

I gotta say, this brotha is keeping it 100 with u. That's some mean sh*t to say to someone you're "in a relationship" with. When u leave, block him. U Need time and he can't witness ur come up then try to get back on the 4bfabulousity bus.


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Feb 06 2017 at 7:13pm
His dick ain't THAT good anyway is what I meant.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 07 2017 at 10:42am
Originally posted by creole booty creole booty wrote:

How do U feel? R u ok feeling this way?

If u say anything other than happy, it's not worth salvaging. Move out. Don't waste another day with someone who doesn't contribute to making u feel good. Eventually, you'll learn his dick ain't good anyway so all that "convenient coochie" talk.

I gotta say, this brotha is keeping it 100 with u. That's some mean sh*t to say to someone you're "in a relationship" with. When u leave, block him. U Need time and he can't witness ur come up then try to get back on the 4bfabulousity bus.


At this point I just feel like I need to move out. If I move out and he does not want to be with me it is what it is and I will just need to move on. I don't like the fact that he called me convenient pus*y and I honestly feel like we are only together because it's convenient and I still live here. Some days I feel happy but that happiness mainly comes from the fact that I just simply still have a place to live. Some day I do want to get married but he says on a regular basis that he's not marrying me. I feel like him and I won't last much longer. I have made up my mind that I am going to try to move out sometime this year. If things don't work out between him and I then eff it. It wasn't worth trying to salvage.


Posted By: khivey
Date Posted: Feb 11 2017 at 12:48am
Girl you are still there because they legally can't kick you out. He is trying to figure out ways to get you to bounce. 

I wouldn't be mad at you if you just stayed another 6 months to a year longer stacking that paper! Even if he moves out you could stay there. I'd tell him "Bye!" the next time he comes at you...let him know that you will stay there with his family until you find a spot. No need to wait on you to get a job or tell him to go shack up with whomever. I'm hoping you are just staying there as punishment for him trying to come at you with that lame deadline hahahaha...If it were me, I would tell him that he could have me out if he puts the deposit, first and last month's rent down on a spot for me. See how bad he wants you out. 

Safe to say you two were super young when you hooked up. At 16 you are still figuring out life and yourself. 

ON another note..men are attracted to women with a life and ambition. Get you some!


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 13 2017 at 12:42pm
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

Girl you are still there because they legally can't kick you out. He is trying to figure out ways to get you to bounce. 

I wouldn't be mad at you if you just stayed another 6 months to a year longer stacking that paper! Even if he moves out you could stay there. I'd tell him "Bye!" the next time he comes at you...let him know that you will stay there with his family until you find a spot. No need to wait on you to get a job or tell him to go shack up with whomever. I'm hoping you are just staying there as punishment for him trying to come at you with that lame deadline hahahaha...If it were me, I would tell him that he could have me out if he puts the deposit, first and last month's rent down on a spot for me. See how bad he wants you out. 

Safe to say you two were super young when you hooked up. At 16 you are still figuring out life and yourself. 

ON another note..men are attracted to women with a life and ambition. Get you some!


I'm still there because I don't make enough money to move out and live on my own. As cheap as he is there is no way that he would pay for a place for me. As far as having a life and ambition go I definitely have those, trust me that's why I work so hard and have been saving like crazy to get a place of my own. I'm trying to move out before they throw me out. But the thing is, even if I wanted to end things I can't due to the fact that him and his family are my meal ticket right now. So as long at I am at the house I am using it as a save haven to get my life together which I have been doing.


Posted By: qheenkitty
Date Posted: Feb 16 2017 at 10:52am
Its tough.... you have all of us who are basically banging our heads against our computer screens right now but guys I think that she just doesn't get it. Shes one of those people that will have to be put through hell before she finally gets the hint. Too bad for her its already been 10 years and it will probably be another 10 yeas with no marriage (although hes already said that he is not marrying her) and a cheating scandal before she FINALLY gets the hint that its over. Next he will actually bring another girl there and as stupid as the OP has been, I think she would still try to "salvage" the relationship still thereafter. There is nothing to salvage and yet shes still trying to salvage a relationship where she knows that shes "convenient coochie", hes not going to marry her and is asking her to move out. This is beyond being young and dumb and theres nothing we can say to sway her otherwise. Theres been plenty of wisdom given about this situation and theres only a slew of excuses behind every word of advice here.

The family isn't a meal ticket. Theres been AMPLE time to find a room to rent. Ppl do it all the time in high priced cities/areas because rent is beyond expensive in said locations. STUDENTS DO THIS ALL THE TIME as well. Most students don't have full time jobs but work part time just like yourself to barely cover their expenses and they rent rooms/apt together to split those costs. YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO LEAVE because you know that in moving out, you'll be walking away from the relationship in a sense. You know he won't call you anymore, he won't see you anymore and that things will basically be over with if you move out.. you'll just be grasping at straws at any chance of being with him. You know that while you are still there, he has no choice but to be with you in this awkward song and dance that you all are doing. You don't want to lose small piece of a man because you have no self esteem. He knows that hence the reason why he continues to be so callous in hopes that you will actually leave so that he can move on with his life.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 17 2017 at 8:59am
Originally posted by qheenkitty qheenkitty wrote:

Its tough.... you have all of us who are basically banging our heads against our computer screens right now but guys I think that she just doesn't get it. Shes one of those people that will have to be put through hell before she finally gets the hint. Too bad for her its already been 10 years and it will probably be another 10 yeas with no marriage (although hes already said that he is not marrying her) and a cheating scandal before she FINALLY gets the hint that its over. Next he will actually bring another girl there and as stupid as the OP has been, I think she would still try to "salvage" the relationship still thereafter. There is nothing to salvage and yet shes still trying to salvage a relationship where she knows that shes "convenient coochie", hes not going to marry her and is asking her to move out. This is beyond being young and dumb and theres nothing we can say to sway her otherwise. Theres been plenty of wisdom given about this situation and theres only a slew of excuses behind every word of advice here.

The family isn't a meal ticket. Theres been AMPLE time to find a room to rent. Ppl do it all the time in high priced cities/areas because rent is beyond expensive in said locations. STUDENTS DO THIS ALL THE TIME as well. Most students don't have full time jobs but work part time just like yourself to barely cover their expenses and they rent rooms/apt together to split those costs. YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO LEAVE because you know that in moving out, you'll be walking away from the relationship in a sense. You know he won't call you anymore, he won't see you anymore and that things will basically be over with if you move out.. you'll just be grasping at straws at any chance of being with him. You know that while you are still there, he has no choice but to be with you in this awkward song and dance that you all are doing. You don't want to lose small piece of a man because you have no self esteem. He knows that hence the reason why he continues to be so callous in hopes that you will actually leave so that he can move on with his life.


I know how renting a room out works, I have done it before. And that's what I think I may have to do. I try really hard to find work so I can move out because I realize he does not really want to be with me and we are only still together because I live there. I thought that I could make it work with this man because we have so much history together. But like I said before, I'm now only still at the house do to money issues. If I made more money I would have left a long time ago. And I definitely do have self esteem but being that I have a place to live because of him I have to watch what I say. Like the old saying goes, don't bite out of the hand that feeds you. Everyone that has posted in this thread has made valid points. I'm pretty sure once I move out it will be completely over. He says the what he is trying to do is save for a house and he mentions nothing about me living there with him. The only thing that bothers me at this point is that I wish he would just tell me straight up that he just wants to move on. Don't drop hints, just say the s*it. I really don't see things lasting too much longer.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 17 2017 at 3:20pm
Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

The only thing that bothers me at this point is that I wish he would just tell me straight up that he just wants to move on. Don't drop hints, just say the s*it. I really don't see things lasting too much longer.





He knows you wouldn't get it even if he straight up said it to you.

You are still on the "i don't see us lasting any longer" bvllsh*t. You are going to be heartbroken after you finally get out of there and 2 days later you hear about his "new" girl.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Feb 17 2017 at 6:00pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by 4BFabulousity 4BFabulousity wrote:

The only thing that bothers me at this point is that I wish he would just tell me straight up that he just wants to move on. Don't drop hints, just say the s*it. I really don't see things lasting too much longer.





He knows you wouldn't get it even if he straight up said it to you.

You are still on the "i don't see us lasting any longer" bvllsh*t. You are going to be heartbroken after you finally get out of there and 2 days later you hear about his "new" girl.


All I have to say about this is, if he is messing with someone else he's doing a good job at hiding it.


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Feb 27 2017 at 11:03pm
Yeah they can be pretty good at hiding it. Til u look in their phone one day and u see a "hey bae" text, then u quickly say we have to leave my moms house and then U curse him out on the 45 min car ride home. Then he tells u he's been chicks on his lunch break in the bathroom at Marshall fields. But for 3 years u swore he wasn't cheating because he didn't show any signs.

I really dont know why I stayed with him and then had a child with him and stayed with him even longer. I mean I was clearly stupid, but for real I don't know why.


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Feb 27 2017 at 11:06pm
And I have more and worse stories about his sneaky ass. By the end he saw my dumb ass wasn't going anywhere so he wasn't even bothering to b good at hiding it anymore.

Ask some older females about how they've caught men cheating. It's been this way since bc times with men like ur basement buddy.

(No shade to u, u seem nice. I just hate men that live in their family basement.)


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Mar 01 2017 at 7:32am
Originally posted by creole booty creole booty wrote:

And I have more and worse stories about his sneaky ass. By the end he saw my dumb ass wasn't going anywhere so he wasn't even bothering to b good at hiding it anymore.

Ask some older females about how they've caught men cheating. It's been this way since bc times with men like ur basement buddy.

(No shade to u, u seem nice. I just hate men that live in their family basement.)


Our room is upstairs not in the basement. Just saying, and I find it really sad when people cheat when they have a partner that is faithful and treats them well. If you are unhappy with someone just leave.


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Mar 15 2017 at 12:44pm
Yeah that's what u should do lol. I'm engaged to a new guy already, much much much better life. Like exponentially better, but if he *&%^$#@Es up I'll leave him too in a heartbeat. That ratchet relationship one foot in one foot out sh*t is old and wack.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Mar 24 2017 at 4:36pm
Originally posted by creole booty creole booty wrote:

Yeah that's what u should do lol. I'm engaged to a new guy already, much much much better life. Like exponentially better, but if he *&%^$#@Es up I'll leave him too in a heartbeat. That ratchet relationship one foot in one foot out sh*t is old and wack.


I hear you, but as of late things have been going much, much better. There hasn't been any recent talk about be having to leave. But on another note I am still trying to save up and find work so I can finally have my independence.


Posted By: Super22Star
Date Posted: Nov 01 2017 at 8:12pm
no ma'am don't ever let a man play with you like a yo yo. You guys have been together to long for him to not have popped the question. He is not the one. Please don't waste anymore time on him. God can't send you a good man if you're already living with a man. Good luck and God Bless


Posted By: NJHairLuv
Date Posted: Nov 02 2017 at 10:28am
I guess that she has saved up enough for a down payment on a sizable house by nowGeek


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Nov 03 2017 at 3:19pm
*in Atlanta

lol y'all know ny'ers pay a million dollars for closet space lol


Posted By: Super22Star
Date Posted: Nov 03 2017 at 6:27pm
my pride wouldn't let me stay somewhere I'm not wanted...I would have gone to a shelter. They will most definitely help you get your own place.

You have to have dignity and love yourself


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Nov 19 2017 at 4:58pm
Originally posted by Super22Star Super22Star wrote:

no ma'am don't ever let a man play with you like a yo yo. You guys have been together to long for him to not have popped the question. He is not the one. Please don't waste anymore time on him. God can't send you a good man if you're already living with a man. Good luck and God Bless


This is exactly how I'm starting to feel now. Today he said to me, "Once I move out your screwed because you're not coming with me because I don't want to live with anybody." I said, "Fine that's why I have been saving up to go on my own." Also he revealed to me that his brother's girl (who also lives here) hasn't paid in a while. I then said well, that's messed up considering she makes more than me. My bf then told his mom that I was upset that she hasn't paid in a while and he texted me that his mom said that if it's such a problem I could take my $100 and go live somewhere else. I really need to gtfoh.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Nov 19 2017 at 5:00pm
Originally posted by NJHairLuv NJHairLuv wrote:

I guess that she has saved up enough for a down payment on a sizable house by nowGeek


I took the money I had saved for a car and added to the money I had saved for a place. I now have a little over 10K saved. I also now see an employment specialist and she is helping me to find full time work. 


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Nov 19 2017 at 5:02pm
Originally posted by creole booty creole booty wrote:

*in Atlanta

lol y'all know ny'ers pay a million dollars for closet space lol


Girl you ain't never lied. Stuff like this is why I have been looking for jobs in other areas.


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Nov 19 2017 at 5:14pm
Originally posted by Super22Star Super22Star wrote:

my pride wouldn't let me stay somewhere I'm not wanted...I would have gone to a shelter. They will most definitely help you get your own place.

You have to have dignity and love yourself


I hear you. One time me and him got into an argument and he said, "no one that lives here wants you here." I'm just here working hard and saving so I can have enough for an apartment or condo or room to rent. April 12th, 2018 will make it six years that I have been living here and enough is enough. I'm glad that living here has allowed me to somewhat get my Censored together. I got both my associate's and bachelors degree living here and I have saved a lot of money but these people want me out...especially the dad. One time I was sitting in the kitchen talking to my bf's bro's girl and then the dad walks in the room, looks at me and says, "I should have kicked you out a long time ago but...." and then he just shrugged and didn't finish the sentence. Ever since then that comment has replayed over and over in my head. I use it as fuel to motivate me.

Living on my own still scares me but now I feel a little more prepared. Hopefully I find a new higher paying job in the next few months.


Posted By: Faithfully2002
Date Posted: Nov 19 2017 at 5:59pm
Congrats on getting your degrees! Clap

I think you should leave ASAP before they kick you out but you won't... I honestly don't see how you stay there and act like you are welcomed. Have some respect for yourself and leave and stop making excuses. 


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Nov 19 2017 at 6:55pm
Originally posted by Faithfully2002 Faithfully2002 wrote:

Congrats on getting your degrees! Clap

I think you should leave ASAP before they kick you out but you won't... I honestly don't see how you stay there and act like you are welcomed. Have some respect for yourself and leave and stop making excuses. 


Thank you! It's a great feeling to have them. I am trying to leave before they attempt to give me the boot. I am trying to make sure I have enough money for a few months rent and furniture for my place. I am using the fact that I am still here to stack and much money as I can. I will be making my exit sometime next year. Especially since my bf keeps saying that he is going to leave and that if he leaves then I have to leave too. But at this point if he left and left me in his mom's house I wouldn't even give a damn. I would just stay a lil while longer and keep stacking chips.


Posted By: clarkan9
Date Posted: Nov 20 2017 at 11:17am
well you have saved a lot of money. that's more than you need to leave. especially once you get a job you shouldn't have anything to worry about. maybe you could try finding a roommate to share expenses. It seems like its really uncomfortable living there. you should move asap and not continue a relationship with your bf


Posted By: 4BFabulousity
Date Posted: Nov 20 2017 at 3:52pm
Originally posted by clarkan9 clarkan9 wrote:

well you have saved a lot of money. that's more than you need to leave. especially once you get a job you shouldn't have anything to worry about. maybe you could try finding a roommate to share expenses. It seems like its really uncomfortable living there. you should move asap and not continue a relationship with your bf


Yes, this is what I was thinking too. I definitely need to get away for this whole situation. This is why I have been trying much harder to get a job so I can just move on. I really need to just get it together. A good friend of mine said to me, I feel like y'all are just together because it's convenient and now I am starting to see that. So if he leaves and I end up having to live in a shelter then it is what it is. It just shows that he didn't really care for me anyway. 



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