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Having Bed Room Issues

Printed From: Black Hair Media Forum
Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Relationships
Forum Description: Single, Married, Dating, or Other, Lets Talk About It.
Printed Date: Dec 18 2018 at 11:16pm

Topic: Having Bed Room Issues
Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Subject: Having Bed Room Issues
Date Posted: Sep 21 2016 at 2:28pm
I'll be 30 years old soon.I'm a wife. A mother of two and I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant with our third child. My husband is absolutely amazing. He's a great father, faithful, loyal. We've been married for a year but we've been together for a total of four years.

My issue is I have major problems reaching the big-O. I've never even caught one through masturbation. ( I know what feels good and everything. But I get to a point where it feels too good and I can't continue.)

I enjoy the bonding and closeness of sex. And I don't want to seem like I'm selfish but it makes me not want to have sex at all. I love pleasing my man. But I lost my virginity when I was 20 and for the past 10 years. And I get tired of seeing the man catch his, turn over and go to sleep land. While I'm left feeling unsatisfied, still horny and empty.

When I told my husband how I really felt. He was practically in tears. He's even offered me to have sex with other men. But I always turn that down. I don't want other men. I'm the type of woman I need some kind of connection and If i can't orgasm with my husband... I definitely can't do it with a stranger. And I really don't want that at all....I'm in love with my husband.

But the good news is my husband is the only person I've caught the Big-O with. The last time I caught one with him was maybe 1 year in a half/ two years ago.

It's getting to the point where sex is becoming stressful. My husband will do whatever it takes in the bedroom though. But it's too much pressure for me to orgasm. He will try so hard to give me an orgasm. We've tried different positions, etc. But it's just way too hard. I feel so much pressure now, I know it's not going to happen. It doesn't work that way.

I tried to explain to him how it isn't his fault, but he just can't seem to shake the fact that he thinks he's doing something wrong. I feel like a horrible person seeing him this way. And he's been really depressed about this for a long time. Me as well.

I feel like crap. I don't know what to do. He thinks something is wrong with him. And I told him it's me. I'm considering buying a toy since I've never purchased one. But even now I'm still worried because it still doesn't help some women out there.

What should I do? 

Posted By: mjsdirtydiana88
Date Posted: Oct 04 2016 at 12:55am
hey girl, i cant believe no one responded to this! I had this same exact problem with my ex. I would get so so irritated and sex was starting to make me mad after a while. So what did i do? i baught a toy! Im not sure if you know this or not but most women do not and cant have an O when it comes to penetration. Now when it comes to oral and you still cant O dont worry! i have been there before as well!! my ex never reallly gone down there long enough. But my husband does. At first he was down there for 2 hours girl! and i promise you it was not him it was me! i do not know why it took so long but it did. And that was when he first did oral on me. After that it did get alot easier. So maybe these tips will work Im not sure if they will or not as each woman is different. 

1. you want to be as aroused as possible. Not only should he do oral but maybe try watching some intimate movies together. (you know what im talking about)

2. There are some exercises that may work when it comes to your pelvic floor. After having kids it can be very hard to have an O. (i know because i have a son) look up exercises to help with an O

3. When he is going down there maybe have him try to put a little more pressure on your cl*t when hes using his tongue. 

4. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a toy. Get one and even when hes not around use it!

5.  Also you may be holding in your O. (maybe, maybe not) but make sure to go to the restroom before yall do any sexual activity. And if you feel yourself about to O but cant because you are afraid to "pee" just know you wont because remember you already went. Just let it go because that is you "O" ing sorry im trying to keep it as clean as possible lol. I really hope ive helped some kind of way. 

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Oct 04 2016 at 1:22pm
Thanks for replying! I know these threads are slowly dying out. I didn't even expect to get an answer here. People just lurk now, lol.

I finally purchased a toy last week from adam and eve website and it should be here very soon.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who's had this issue. My husband is the same way, but with kids, work and school our issue is time.
I know its me! I try to explain that to him but he still blames his self. But it's me. I've actually had Big O's back to back in the past without my husband even touching me. He was just messing with my mind, lol.

I get really frustrated with my body. Sometimes it's really difficult for me to become sexually aroused. But it feels great talking to a woman about my issue because it's hard to get a man to truly understand how difficult it is for a woman to achieve this. 

No matter what I say he just thinks he's doing something wrong, but I won't give up just yet

I will take your advice Thanks!!

Posted By: tola
Date Posted: Nov 15 2016 at 7:32am
I don't have orgasms from penetration and I usually stimulate myself with my fingers after he has finished. By that point I am already aroused and the penetration serves like foreplay for me. We have been together for a while and let go of hangups about whose hands is doing what, after most sessions we are both satisfied.
T-A I hope you have had some progress since your last post

Posted By: Hershez
Date Posted: Nov 19 2016 at 6:32pm
I am having this problem as well. However, mines is more so getting myself to relax enough to once I feel that pee urge. I was told once I get that feeling to push down so it'll release but I can't. The feeling/pressure gets soo intense to the point I can't handle it, my legs start shaking and locking then instead of pushing out it starts to feel like she's tensing up and holding it in hen after while the feeling and everything disappears and I'm back at square one. It's hard to stay out of my head during sex at times even when aroused

Posted By: virgilto
Date Posted: Nov 23 2017 at 6:01am
Actually, it's quite an issue. Lots of women have such problem nowadays and it really gets frustrating at some point. Intimate life is one of the important parts of our life and not be able to fully enjoy it can destroy a lot of relationships. If toys won't work, try some sexual enhancers

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