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Almost a year since my DH passed...(vent)

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Printed Date: Dec 19 2018 at 7:37am

Topic: Almost a year since my DH passed...(vent)
Posted By: BeatriceBean
Subject: Almost a year since my DH passed...(vent)
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:21pm
Hey BHM,
I hate to bog down the forum with such a sad topic. But at times I feel embarrassed to with my family and friends expressing my feelings, especially almost a year later. People ask why I'm still so sad...that it seems like I'm a totally different person these days...why I just break out in tears at a moment's notice. I definitely understand why people turn to the internet with their emotions, now more than ever, because even though most of you don't know me, you've given me lots of support, amazing advice and wisdom throughout the years. I don't want to keep talking about it but I know that I have to, in a way that's productive.
I feel like I need to vent somewhere. I'm a psychologist so whenever I speak to one I'm overly analytical instead of just taking the moment for what it's intended to be. I talk to my children, but I'm a mom. I don't want them to worry about me, because it seems kind of unnatural...if that makes any sense. My other family members and friends are ready for me to hop back into life but I just don't feel ready.
I miss my husband every minute of every single day. There was just no one in the world like him, and there was no one who meant to me what he meant to me. It still seems unreal. This morning, I woke up at 4 am and ran downstairs to the living room wondering why he wasn't in bed. It just keeps happening. I hardly get any rest. I feel disoriented and confused all the time. Why isn't it getting any easier?
It's so much easier comforting others, but there just doesn't seem to be any comfort or respite or refuge anywhere. I don't know what to do. My husband wasn't my life...but now that he's gone it seems like my life is over, smh.
Anyway, thanks. Love you all :)

Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:25pm

Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:25pm

Posted By: yaya24
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:27pm
Sorry about your loss. 
Vent.  Praying for peace for you during this hard time.

Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:30pm
Hug &  Heart  to you bbean. 

i hope that you take the time to talk to or vent with someone (kids, church, professional, support group) who can physically be there in your space and validate you and your feelings. and as a kid? i'd want my mom to talk to me as opposed to suffering alone and feeling as though i'm not helping her. you and your kids can help each other.  

you know the rule, as a psychologist, what would you tell/suggest to a client? 

Posted By: AwesomeAries
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:30pm
Beatrice sorry for your lost
I lost someone close to me a while back. 2 years after they passed away I woke up, picked up the phone and dialed their number. When the message played that the number was disconnected I burst into tears. I know how it feels to try to be strong and put up a front for everyone else. You have to let yourself grieve Hug

Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:31pm
Omg.  I noticed your absence from here and wondered why we didn't see you around as much.

As "unnatural" as it may seem to discuss this with your kids, I think you need to.  Keeping feelings like this to yourself only makes things worse.  I think you need to express your feelings and establish a healthy outlet.  Its not going to make you miss your husband any less, but at least you'll have a way of processing your feelings.


Posted By: CLCNY20
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:31pm
aww! :(  I am so sorry, and you have no need to apologize to us for wanting to vent, that's what those of us who are serious on the board are here for!

Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:32pm
Take as long as you need to feel whatever you want to feel.  There is no rhyme or reason to grieving.  No right or wrong way to mourn a loss.   He was your soulmate & is still with you in spirit.   I wish you the best in all you do.  His life was fulfilled spending his best years with you.   Everyone must go some time, you didn't deserve to have him taken so soon, but believe that he'd want you to feel better.

Take care BB.  You can pm me anytime 

Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:33pm
Awww BB.

You remind me so much of my mama.
She misses my dad so much.

Its been two years and she is better but she still has her moments that she is deeply sad.
They were gonna have the house to themselves since my little sis is off to college now.

I feel so bad for you.
It must feel like you are missing your partner in crime

Talk about your great memories with your children and family.

My mom ended up connecting to other widows and its helped her a lot.
She said it helps to talk to other women who feels what she feels

Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:34pm
I agree with Uppity. My mom is going through something similar and she feels the same way as you. I wish she would cofide in me more because I love her. Im sure your children feel the same. I think they are going to worry about you either way.

ETA: Jones, that is a great idea as well.

Either way, I wish you the best BBHug

Posted By: alynxx
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:36pm
Sorry about your loss BB - I think what you feel is not abnormal and grieving is a process. Don't feel bad for missing him. Time will ultimately heal...

Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:37pm
I understand what you mean about other family and friends wanted you to hop back so quickly.

My mama got so pissed when a woman she knew asked her was she dating yet

Hugs to you B.
I hate to hear you're feeling so sad

Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:40pm
my sis in law passed last week and i've made it a point to bring her up in conversations with the kids as much as possible without it seeming forced. just regular stuff like while we're in the kitchen i might ask what their mom's favorite food was or silly stuff like i've asked if their mom ever trusted their sticky, crummy hands to help her cook lol stuff like that.

their eyes always seem to light up when i bring her into the conversation. like we're not morning our loss/trying to push thoughts of her absence from her minds, instead we're celebrating and holding on to all the great memories. seems to be therapeutic (sp?) for all of us. 

i don't know if you do this or not. just thought i'd offer what little advice i can. Hug

Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:41pm
missed jones' post. i feel exactly the same way.

Posted By: honeyb87
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:43pm
I came on here as well when my grandmother passed in 2012. I know how you feel!


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:45pm

All of the hugs.

I think the only reason I've never lost anyone close to me is because god knows I wouldn't be able to handle it. So I just...I don't even know.

Do whatever feels right and good to you. And if you are ever in la, I will take you to roscoes and we can eat waffles and chicken (which honestly, always makes me feel better, at least in the moment).

Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:46pm
you sound like my BIL. It's been a while for him but time doesn't really heal. He still talks about my sis as if she's still here; and even tho at times it's hard for me  to hear (I'm still mourning too), I let him talk and vent.

*hugs* and feel free to vent anytime.

missed you.

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:48pm
Originally posted by BeatriceBean BeatriceBean wrote:

This morning, I woke up at 4 am and ran downstairs to the living room wondering why he wasn't in bed. It just keeps happening.

It broke my heart to read that. Have you sought counseling?

Posted By: Diane (35)
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:48pm
Bog down the forum? Not in the least bit BB!!!!! Your post has brought me to tears.HugHug

We love you and miss you everyday you are away! Even saw a post of yours about him last night and felt a wave of sadness. 

but a year is only 365 days! pschew take all the time you need to grieve BB.

Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:52pm
i haven't lost a husband but my mom was my road dawg and i still took me well over 2 years to get back to semi-normal.  and believe it or not this is exactly where i came whenever i needed to just get my mind off of things for a while...

Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 4:53pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

i haven't lost a husband but my mom was my road dawg and i still took me well over 2 years to get back to semi-normal.  and believe it or not this is exactly where i came whenever i needed to just get my mind off of things for a while...


Posted By: Claudie
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:03pm
BB, HugHeartHug

Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:05pm
BB I had tears in my eyes just reading the title on the front page.

We just can not imagine how you must feel. I know that I'd be torn apart, you're being do strong, my heart goes out to you

I like Jones' suggestion about a widows support group. 

It sounds extremely trite but have you tried a pet?  I suggest it because the cats helped my grandmother and she hated all animals but the fact that they care unconditionally and console her with no explanation needed, somehow helps her.   Although I have two cats, I think the right dog would be better 

I feel like I have so much to say but just can't find the words.  I'm so sorry about your husband and I pray peace and eventual happiness to be upon you Ms. BB.

Posted By: Brjasuga51
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:07pm
Op u not bogging down the forum K...rather have a post like this a...with someone expressing their feelings than foolery.
feel betterrr

Posted By: StylingArabella
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:07pm
I was wondering where you have been Hug. It is not fair for people set time limits on grief as if EVERYONE is the same. One year is no time at all! I say take all the time you need for the "sting" to go away. I lost someone very close to me 7 years ago and that "sting" that would send me into tears stayed for years no matter how I tried to "get over it". Now, while the wave of immediate pain is gone, the sadness I feel when I hear certain songs is still there sometimes Unhappy.  I am so sorry for your lose BB.

Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:12pm
I was thinking about you the other day. You've always been one of the most inspiring posters to me. It hasn't even been a year. Your feelings are so perfectly natural. Like others have said before, don't be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings with your children. You may think you might burden them when in reality it might do them good to have you open up to them and them to you. I lost my father this year and I can tell you that I would worry about my own mother a lot more if we didn't have an open communication. Most likely, they want to be there for you. Let them. Take care of yourself. Keeping you in my thoughts   

Posted By: Bored w/Out Me?
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:26pm

Posted By: niecy
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:40pm
Hug No matter how much time has passed you have every right to feel how you feel. 

Posted By: OoDles O
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 5:46pm
Hey BB,

Vent all you need to.


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 6:00pm

Hi Aunt Bean,

I wish you were still in this area so I could give you the tighest hug ever! Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers during this time.
All my Love,

Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 6:30pm
Originally posted by OoDles O OoDles O wrote:

Hey BB,

Vent all you need to.



Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 6:37pm
It's tough finding one's way out of a storm.
It's also strange how loss can be the catalyst for profound introspection.
He wasn't your whole life and your life is far from over- it's only changed direction.
Best to you Dear. 
The very best to you.

Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 6:44pm
I will send you a private message .

Posted By: K_Camille
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 6:49pm
Cry Aw man..I'm so glad to see you post again but sad it's on these terms.  People grieve differently and for different lengths in time.  I've never lost anyone close to me so I'm not sure what advice to give.  From what I've observed, you're a sassy, intelligent, admirable, and spirited person.  I have no doubt that it will get better.

Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 6:55pm
You know you'll always have the support of the BHM family.  Hug  We'll cut up occasionally, but it's mostly in love.  I'm known for analyzing things pretty darn aggressively and I find that just blurting out my immediate hangups makes things easier.  "I'm your mom and I feel really strange expressing my feelings to you.  Please be patient with me."  Usually in my case, I'm explaining to people that I'm going to being briefly illogical because of some random emotional happening.  "I'm making this argument from emotion and if you argue back right now, I will yell at you.  Give me time."  It can be a little awkward at first, but people are almost always willing to work around your feelings when you explain them. Thumbs Up  We're always here to support you.  Never hesitate to ask! Heart  

Posted By: Lite Brite
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 6:59pm

I've never experienced this type of situation or feeling, so I don't have any first hand knowledge of how to make it better.

Do what you can to take care of yourself Heart

I agree with neka, what would you tell one of your clients or loved ones to do in a similar situation? Would you refer them to support groups? see a psychiatrist to supplement in the process, meditate, read books in this area?

Since it's  understandable that you'd be too analytical in individual therapy, how about a grief support group? It seems like it could be beneficial in that you wouldn't necessarily be analyzing the CBT techniques, but instead would be surrounded by empathy, good advice, coping skills that others have used, and other anecdotal things that might really help. If it doesn't help, you can always stop

I hope your heart can soon start to heal, Ms Bean Cry

Posted By: Wynter
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 8:43pm
Beatrice, I have never spoken to you before but couldn't get past the 1st three lines w/o my eyes tearing up. This ( ) seems so basic but I genuinely wish I could give you a hug. Please don't feel embarrassed to express your hurt & pain with those closest to you. Hopefully one of them will just listen and let you cry, scream, or reminisce.

I can't imagine how you're feeling as far as a life partner. However, it will be 5 years next month since I lost my Mother and there are still times when it just hits me and I'm balling. Yes, they say with time it gets easier. It hasn't been a year since your loss. You are entitled to be a different person, to feel sad, and even disoriented. If anyone has a right to be "in their feelings" its you.

When I get overwhelmed with grief, I remember the last time my Mom and I shared a good laugh. It calms me a little. Maybe this can help you too. You will be in my prayers.

Posted By: purple.chuckz
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 8:53pm
Heart  Heart

I wish you the best and may your heart heal soon. 

Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 9:05pm
Hug so sorry for your loss!

Posted By: rohan
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 9:07pm
Hang in there sis!

Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 10:09pm

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you and your children. I pray that you find the peace and strength you need to cope.

Posted By: HunnyB
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 10:25pm
Originally posted by BeatriceBean BeatriceBean wrote:

I miss my husband every minute of every single day. There was just no one in the world like him, and there was no one who meant to me what he meant to me. It still seems unreal. This morning, I woke up at 4 am and ran downstairs to the living room wondering why he wasn't in bed. It just keeps happening. I hardly get any rest. I feel disoriented and confused all the time. Why isn't it getting any easier?

Wow. That's a soul in its purest form. You established a true connection with that man. I prayed 4 you.Heart

I hope you heal emotionally and find someone to talk to.

Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 10:44pm
I am so sorry for your loss, BB
I can't imagine how you feel. Just know that there are NO limits for your grief, that was your husband. You do what you gotta do and don't let anyone make you feel any type of way.

May God lift you in his arms and keep your soul steady and strong. My condolences 

Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 10:54pm
I honestly don't think people realize how much a person become part of your life especially a spouse....I know Ive only been with mr00 6 almost seven years and thinking of him when I make decisions is like a reflex....I couldn't imagine losing him...even though I know I will eventually.....people can't understand because then haven't experienced it.....

Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 11:28pm
I don't think the death of a spouse is something you get over in a year....especially when you were together for so long. I've been told it helps to talk about your spouse even if he has passed so come on BHM and come talk it out. You've been so helpful to so many, the least we can do is read your words and type a response. I hope the days get easier but don't be ashamed if they don't or and don't put any pressure on what you "should" do.  Talk to your kids.  It's times like these when your kids can move beyond being your children and can actually become your friends, your solace and your comfort. 

Sorry again AuntB

Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 11:34pm
Smh@anyone who ask "why you still so sad". I would snap.

OP im sorry about what you're going through. I have no words that would even begin to conpare to what this must feel like. However, you speak of your relationship with your husband as one that was overflowing with love and thats something we all desire in life.   To find someone who makes you feel that way is a gift given to few.

I say take your time and move at the speed you're comfortable with.

Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 11:38pm
Praying for you, sending you warm thoughts. I truly hope that it gets easier for you. Vent, get it out.

Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Jul 21 2014 at 11:39pm
I am so very very sorry for your loss

Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 12:04am
I just woke up so I apologize for being so short.

You never stop grieving. It's a long process. I finally started to address mine and I would like to share an article that I was given.

I will send it via pm when I have put access.

Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 12:29am
Originally posted by _ConcreteRose_ _ConcreteRose_ wrote:


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 12:35am

Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 7:18am
My granny stopped going to her old church that her and my grandfather got saved in before I was born. He died when I was 14, she died when I was 24. She wouldbt even fix herself a plate of dinner anymore. Lots of things changed in her. About after I was 17 she got more normal, started dating and everything. But for a while she still considered herself married. It was really hard to watch. I'll send u some positive energy. That seemed to help her.

Posted By: kfoxx1998
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 7:54am
Sister B I am sitting here in tears right now.  I'm sending you love and hugs through the computer screen right now.   I can NOT imagine how this feels but at the same time I can imagine because I feel like after all these years together I might lay down and die if I lost my best friend. 

I don't know if it was mentioned but I think it might help to be part of a support group that isn't associated with your current friends and family.  Feeling like you're greiving is too long or not normal isn't a good thing but I think you already know that.   There are support groups locally for widows (google or yellow pages) but I saw some online forums as well.  I don't think it would be a bad thing to grieve with others in a similar situation.  Maybe just reading other stories would be good but also a place to vent your feelings when you feel like typing it out.  The most important thing is to remove the guilt of not having it all together.   An anonymous place where nobody is watching you too see how strong you are or how long its taking for you to get back to "normal"." rel="nofollow -

Posted By: kfoxx1998
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:06am
The BHM family is always on point!   This is why I love you guys no matter what.  I read some of the posts and the support group was suggested earlierClap

I also love the idea of a pet that was suggested.  It can be very comforting to adopt an animal if you don't have any.  It helps with the "quietness". 

Best wishes lady.  You're going to be okay one day but the timeline is yours.  Retirement and your husband's passing were too close for anyone to deal with.   That is way too much change in a stable life and with that I think its amazing you can function at all.   I can see you completely enjoying yourself again one day.  There is a reason you are here and you will find it because you are an incredible personHug

Posted By: MsBMW
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:19am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by _ConcreteRose_ _ConcreteRose_ wrote:


Posted By: Yardgirl
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:37am

Posted By: BeatriceBean
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:44am

I'm not normally at a loss for words, but I am right now lol

But sometimes it's best to keep it simple. I'm saying thank you, and I really mean thank you. Thank you all.
I wanted to die yesterday. It was the roughest day in a series of long days, but today is a new day. I know that it won't be easy, but the sense of hopelessness and lifelessness isn't as pressing as it was yesterday. I attribute that to your love and support. Reading your responses was EVERYTHING *drag queen twirl*

Posted By: kfoxx1998
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 8:51am
^^  My emotional ass is crying again.  I'm so happy you're feeling good todayHeartCryLOLHug

Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 9:26am
One thing that comes through your font is that you're a tremendously strong woman. I am happy you are in better spirits.

Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 9:32am
And this may sound trite but have you tried yoga? I have found it really calming and meditative. I can suggest some classes in the DMV if you're still here.

Posted By: whosbotheringme
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 9:39am
(((((hugs))))).  I'm sorry for your loss, and sad that this happened to you.  Glad to see you're feeling a bit better today.
A year is no time at all to grieve someone especially someone so close to you.  You will heal on your own timetable.

Posted By: NuAttitude
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 9:52am
Hug Sorry for your loss.  The Grieving process is different for everyone and it has no time limit.  I just wanted to let you know that there is no reason for you to apologize.  It's okay to grieve and you can take as long as you like.  Just as long as it doesn't start affecting your day to day activities.  I'm sure you know when it is time to seek help for yourself as well as your family.  Yes, you are a Psychologist.  Yes, you are a mom, but also remember you are human too and you're not immune to the help and/or advice you give your clients.  Hug

Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 12:57pm
Originally posted by melikey melikey wrote:

One thing that comes through your font is that you're a tremendously strong woman. I am happy you are in better spirits.

Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 1:08pm

Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 3:50pm
Originally posted by melikey melikey wrote:

One thing that comes through your font is that you're a tremendously strong woman. I am happy you are in better spirits.
very true and ditto, b bean.  
Originally posted by BeatriceBean BeatriceBean wrote:

But sometimes it's best to keep it simple. I'm saying thank you, and I really mean thank you. Thank you all.
 take your time and please don't hesitate to keep us updated or to vent. HugHeart
Originally posted by BeatriceBean BeatriceBean wrote:

*drag queen twirl*
this just made me giggle 

Posted By: Josephuss
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 5:43pm
I would drop some Bible quotes regarding the matter that could help you cope, but im not on that level yet. Anyhow even though I never lost anyone really close to me, I understand mental wounds take time to heal just like physical ones, and can fester for a long time if not emotionally set properly, so you shouldnt feel like youre permanently trapped in an inescapable void especially after losing someone who meant so much less then a year ago. Just dont let people with little understanding of your situation determine how you should feel, being as though you cant change your emotions at the flick of a switch. Youre still missing him, and when you think of him, you feel the effects of his absence, and even though its good to think about him, dont hang on to your grief as the only way of keeping him in your memory or it will further inprison you. I guess you gotta get to a point of not feeling guilty for wanting to move on. Im saying I guess because youre the psychologist, and im just some guy. This sounded cliché, and probably been said, but some support from an internet stranger you may, or may not like shouldnt hurt.

Posted By: ThatGurlD
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 6:12pm
I take care of older patients and this is a topic that comes up all the time and the most random moments.  People miss their one true love.  I've seen people go on to be in other relationships and when that person leaves the room they began to tell me about their late spouse and how much they miss them through tears.  

When your life is so intertwined with someone else's for so many years and everything you do someway ties back to them, how unimaginably devastating it must be to have that person ripped away.  I say ripped because even if it is an expected death, the intricate meshing doesn't easily detangle, it tears.  Every thread with a frayed, cut off end.  

I am so sorry for your loss.  You are not alone.  Since you're online, perhaps a site like Daily Strength" rel="nofollow -   might be a comfort.  God bless and keep you.

Posted By: sunshine321511
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 7:22pm
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I heard a saying that we can never accept the loss, we just learn to deal with it. 
I have a spouse and I know that you are going through a lot that no one else can imagine unless they have been through it.  I would consider visiting daily strength, I went over and joined myself just to have another message board for support, reading, encouragement.

Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Jul 22 2014 at 7:48pm
HugMy mom passed recently and its really been tough for me.  However I really worry most about my dad.  They were literally joined at the hip so even though I grieve for my mom, I know my dad is missing his love of his life for 55 years...Relish in your memories and don't be afraid to share with your children your pain.  I think you will be surprised how much they want you to share your pain with them.  And every day is a new day. 

Posted By: Adinkrah
Date Posted: Jul 23 2014 at 11:36am
BB I'm so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need, the board is always here to lend an ear if and when you need it .

Posted By: PeacefulOne
Date Posted: Jul 24 2014 at 4:27pm
BeatriceB, I had no idea you were going through such a difficult time, such a profound transition in life! As others have stated, there is no set time, it is just one step, one DAY at a time. I know that it is hard to imagine yourself ever being happy again, but I promise you will be. There is nothing wrong with feeling your pain, just don't forget to feel the tiny joyful moments too. Allow yourself to cry, but allow yourself to smile, and laugh, and one day, you will smile more than you cry.

I have a coworker who lost her husband; he was a young, well loved man, always kind to everyone. I worked with him also. I saw her hurting so badly, I just could not imagine how she actually could work! But little by little, she started to join in again, to share stories, to talk about her kids, and to laugh at work. It has been almost 2 years now, and she still gets sad! I get sad! But we smile now when we talk about him, and knowing him was a gift to us. He will live on in us.

God will give you strength, and you will give your children strength.

Tbaby hugs to you also! Such losses are not easy, and I admire those who get through such times with dignity and grace.

sorry for the long post . . .

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