Print Page | Close Window

Am I wrong to be so mad? *long-ish post*

Printed From: Black Hair Media Forum
Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Talk, Talk, and More Talk
Forum Description: In this Forum, the talk is about everything that can be talked about.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=372403
Printed Date: Dec 09 2018 at 5:42pm


Topic: Am I wrong to be so mad? *long-ish post*
Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Subject: Am I wrong to be so mad? *long-ish post*
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:29pm
**Warning**long post**


I was bored at work on July 5th, so I checked my phone to see what my friend was doing. I open up my messages and I see she had sent me a picture last night.

What was it of?

A Facebook screenshot of my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend announcing their engagement (that whole "I said YES!" with a pic of them and the ring. Ugh). Now, this is the ex that was my first...everything. The one that it took a long time for me to get over. The one SHE KNOWS I still have a bit of a soft spot in my heart for, despite us not being friends anymore. And that's why I purposely deleted him from Facebook because I needed to stop torturing myself and move on, which I can say I have done.

So for her to feel the need to send me that...knowing everything she knows...I just didn't understand. Is that funny?

I texted her back saying "Andrea...seriously?" I literally couldn't think of how to formulate my anger into 160 characters. All she said back was "Whoopsie :p" as if it were an accident.

Needless to say, I've avoided speaking to her since. And tis isn't the first time she's done some foul ish like this. She once posted an article on my FB wall talking about my company getting bought out and said in big letters "I HOPE YOU DONT LOSE YOUR JOB!" I took her to task for that too, so this is nothing new.

I'm writing about this now because she just texted me asking what I was doing tonight. I haven't answered and I don't know if I will/should. I just wanted some feedback on this from outside people. My sister is so angry at her, but only because she knows about all her stupid stunts. And if I had done something like this to her, I'd never live it down.

What should I do?

Tl;dr-My best friend did some foul ish and idk if I still want to associate with her.



Replies:
Posted By: rell85
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:41pm
That is no friend tell her to get lost...seem like she gets joy from tormenting you.


Posted By: BitterSweet85
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:46pm
Yea, you have a good reason to be mad but don't waste any more time/emotions on her... she doesn't respect you


Posted By: rell85
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:47pm
I mean if you want hang with her do so but don't discuss none of your business...just have fun and keep it short cuz you know what's she's capable of.


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:47pm
True friends hold a little bit of your heart in their hands.
Just as you hold a piece of theirs in yours.
It's precious cargo.
You already know the answer to this one.
Turn her loose and don't look back.
Sorry for the pain she caused you and hope you feel better soon.


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:49pm
The fact that she threw the picture in your face knowing your history with your ex is a slap in the face. She couldn't be my friend.


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:52pm
i mean… she might have thought that you should know something as big as an engagement.. but to say it in text..? 
then that 'whoopsie :p"????

dont talk to her anymore. 


id want to talk to her about it first and know why she would do that… then depending on her response (unless its apology ridden) let her know why she doesnt deserve to be in your world. 




Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:53pm
i replied on relationships, but i think she is just not very bright. can you give more examples of foul-ish stuff she has done?


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 6:55pm
she would never hear another word out of my mouth or see another keystroke from me

Unless I was telling her "I'm the mfking sun you can't throw shade on me"

gwey.



Posted By: tatee
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:00pm
i'd probably at this point would just throw the ball in her court and ask her to decide whether she's my friend or my enemy, cuz contrary to popular belief you cant be both.


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:02pm
I didnt think it was malicious unti the whoopsie! yeah i would get Casper on dat ass


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:06pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:


Unless I was telling her "I'm the mfking sun you can't throw shade on me"





I wish we still had signatures


Posted By: thewonderfulwa
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:07pm
I would be pissed she knows exactly whats she doing and will continue drop that ass with no explanation.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:08pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

"I'm the mfking sun "


 
lmaooooo tooken.  and i'm adding a dramatical azz BISH (rick james style) on the end...Embarrassed


Posted By: BitterSweet85
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:10pm
"And if I had done something like this to her, I'd never live it down."

You already kno that SHE wouldn't be puttin up with that sh*t if you did it to her...


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:12pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:


Unless I was telling her "I'm the mfking sun you can't throw shade on me"


I wish we still had signatures

yea… that was a good one. + 'bish' like tc said.  
Clap


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:13pm
or ho or whore… 




Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:14pm
Idk.

How long has it been since y'all brokw up?

You should talk to your friend tbh.

I don't think you should just bolt


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:18pm
yea i hate when ppl just up and disappear without an explanation. 

not saying that she deserves one… but she should know what exactly she did. 

that, 'whoopsie :p ' though..? i cant quite wrap my head around.. but id still talk to her first i think. 

im a talker though… 


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:20pm
i would find a new friend. miss me with that whoopsie bs.Ermm


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:29pm
lol

Yes I like working things out too, I'm very loyal, to a fault

But words alone can't get someone's spirit right.  She is malicious and whether it's jealousy, an inferiority complex gone wild or she's just an evil person, she needs to fix herself.  She can let me know when she's resolved her issues or if she wants help resolving her issues but until then gwey

Kee kee while she sabotages me, no I shall not.




Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:31pm
It's so hard to keep in touch with the people I love to pieces because time just gets away from me.  I can't imagine wasting my time on someone who regularly brings me grief.  


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:31pm
You aren't wrong. She is though


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:41pm
Some other foul ish that she's done since someone asked...

We went to the city to visit a friend for a night out. She meets up with her boyfriend at the bar we're at, proceeds to get sh*tfaced, has her boyfriend take her back to his place (Manayunk) where she sleeps it off (even though the friend and I insisted on taking her because I knew the following would happen). Shes my ride home, so I'm stuck in the city all day at the friends apartment (Near Rittenhouse) while she does whatever at her bf's. No call, no text, not answering anything. I'm scared because she could be dead! And I don't have her bf's number. Our friend, who is really more of her friend, missed out on a modeling job because she didn't know if she would need to go pick her up and she didn't want to leave me by myself. I have to call off work because I don't even know when I'll be home. She finally texts me from her bf's phone saying her head hurts. She finally comes around 4 in the afternoon. No apology. Just going on and on about how drunk she got.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:53pm
always walk with vexation money so no one can strand you

Girl her eyes wouldn't set on rickysrose after that

Might've talked to her on the phone but we aren't going anywhere together


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:58pm
I was dating this really sweet guy who was quite a gentleman. At this time, she didn't have a boyfriend. We were at a club once with the same city friend from above and it was really loud inside. He wanted to talk some place quiet, so I told her we were gonna go outside for a bit. She goes "Im not standing in here by myself." I give her a look, he asks her if she wants to come and she says no its cold. Me being me, I give him a "Sorry" look and we stay inside. She acts like a teenager and she's f*cking 25.

Did I mention she has a baby coming? Is it off limits to curse out a pregnant person? She was a bitch before getting knocked up so she can't blame the baby for her behavior...


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 7:59pm
Everything Ricky said.

I remember my 3rd week of college, me and my group of friends exiled one girl. The rule we all agreed on was we come together, we leave together. SHe and one of the girls went to the bathroom cuz the girl was sick. This chick left the sick girl and went about her merry way.

I wasn't even there that night and from that point on she was persona non grata. I don't have time for that.

When people show you who they are, believe them.


Posted By: kerysdream7
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 8:01pm
She's no friend of yours OP. I would take her @ss to task. 
That last scenario is why I always drive my own car no matter what when I go out with others. 



Posted By: kerysdream7
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 8:06pm
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

Is it off limits to curse out a pregnant person? She was a bitch before getting knocked up so she can't blame the baby for her behavior...

You sure can! Pregnancy is no excuse. What a jealous wench!
She'll be calling you for all types of favors when she drops that load. 
Cut that wench off before she tries to guilt you into stuff with the baby when it comes.



Posted By: alynxx
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 8:11pm
What an extreme cow.


Posted By: hauteshellbi
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 9:22pm
Op is your friend white?


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 9:57pm
She sounds like a horrible friend....please get rid of her


Posted By: MizzAmirah
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 10:13pm
She ain't your friend. Drop her as.s. 


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 11:01pm
Oh, now it makes sense. Just drop her.

eta: why is my post showing above Nigerian's? lol


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 11:02pm
Originally posted by hauteshellbi hauteshellbi wrote:

Op is your friend white?


Yeah she is. And I'm her only black friend   


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 11:08pm
Lawd i duno how yall put up with ppl who annoy you for so long. I jus dun get it. I mean the stuff in the OP was meh to me and kinda depends on the relationship and humor. But if the friendship is one that causes u stress its nit a friendship or a relationship worth having...

Maybe i just have a short fuse..


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 11:13pm
why are you friends with her again?


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 11:15pm
she's wha?!?!?!

If you don't drop that @#$*!

And never ever ever ever be that one black friend 








Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Jul 18 2014 at 11:25pm
Fucc that, drop that jealous h0e.........unless you're content with being her token black friend.


Posted By: Limalady
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 3:09am
Damn, that story is sad! I'm sorry OP. Censored her!


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 4:10am
She doesn't like you

She enjoys your pain


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 4:15am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

Originally posted by hauteshellbi hauteshellbi wrote:

Op is your friend white?


Yeah she is. And I'm her only black friend   




RRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/10/103ae317aacb5e55671933f62411b5fc686ab5f5b7f78ec00b8e77ffb8fd63af.jpg


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 4:57am
Is your ex black?


Posted By: hauteshellbi
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 6:07am
I knew she was yt that's typical behavior for them...drop her ass


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 6:38am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Is your ex black?
 
and was the man she c*ck blocked you from in the club black?


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 6:54am
find out later 'on today'!!



Posted By: smaison
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 7:26am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

find out later 'on today'!!







Posted By: aNgElIc*SoUl
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 7:41am
You need to whoop that ass!


Posted By: aNgElIc*SoUl
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 7:46am
I just read the thread, nevermind about whooping her ass since she's pregnant. But cut that bytch AWF!


Posted By: hauteshellbi
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 7:48am
Cut her off now. I don't want you buying sh*t for her or her baby not one diaper...nothing!!


Posted By: kerysdream7
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 8:39am
Typical white chick behavior. Get rid of her





Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 8:44am
wrong thread...Embarrassed


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 8:45am
I didn't even have to read the whole thing to know that is not your friend. Drop her.


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 9:02am
To answer some questions:

My ex(the one in the engagement pic) is Asian. His new fiance is Asian as well. I'm sure mom and dad were so glad he got out of his "phase"...

The guy I was seeing during the club altercation was Haitian. Things between he and I were actually great, before he told me he has a kid in another state whom he doesn't see. Things kinda ended after that. I actually made a thread about that too. Its floating around the relationship section somewhere.

I noticed with her that when there was a time where she had a bf and I didn't, she was a lot bossier when we all hung out. She wanted to do what he did or go where he went, and because she usually drove I had no say in it. He would show up at our Girls Nights and they'd be off by themselves instead of with the group. But when I started dating Haiti, EVERYTHING was " I don't wanna go here, I don't wanna do this. Don't leave me here alone."

Regarding the picture, I feel like, if she had approached me differently about it then that would have made all the difference. Instead of a picture text sent out of the blue. I mean...seeing that was like a punch in the gut. And it ruined my whole f*cking week. In my heart of hearts I don't think she meant to hurt me, but that doesn't mean I have to take that sh*t.


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 9:04am
And hauteshellbi this happened like the weekend after her baby shower. Convenient huh?


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 9:10am
OP I don't think snow flake was being messy about the picture.she was trying to give you the update on your ex. You either take it or ignore it and tell her you're not interested in any updates about him. As far as the other events she sounds jealous of your situations and wants you for herself when she's not boo'd up. She has a baby now so your requirements with her will indeed multiply. Cut your losses now and pls do not be anyone's token black friend.


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 9:24am
How do I avoid being anyone's only black friend? Ask them for their Annual Black Friend Quota? I know that I am for as lot of people I'm friends with, but I think that because I'm the type of black that white people aren't intimidated by. And by that I mean "I don't act like I just got off the SEPTA from West Philly". <==That was something I was actually told by one of my former nurse managers. I think it was supposed to be a compliment...


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 9:27am
Asian?
How you put up with that baby dick?


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 9:29am
she's miserable in life


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 9:47am
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

Asian?
How you put up with that baby dick?


Haha He must have been the exception because he was actually quite well endowed. Maybe because he was Cambodian? I don't believe those kinds of myths anyway.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:03am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

How do I avoid being anyone's only black friend? Ask them for their Annual Black Friend Quota? I know that I am for as lot of people I'm friends with, but I think that because I'm the type of black that white people aren't intimidated by. And by that I mean "I don't act like I just got off the SEPTA from West Philly". <==That was something I was actually told by one of my former nurse managers. I think it was supposed to be a compliment...
 
Stern Smile


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:15am
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

How do I avoid being anyone's only black friend? Ask them for their Annual Black Friend Quota? I know that I am for as lot of people I'm friends with, but I think that because I'm the type of black that white people aren't intimidated by. And by that I mean "I don't act like I just got off the SEPTA from West Philly". <==That was something I was actually told by one of my former nurse managers. I think it was supposed to be a compliment...








 

Stern Smile


That's basically the same look I gave her. And I've been getting variations of that ever since I was young. I hate the area I live in...


Posted By: Fcgriffin
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:17am
The type of black? Interesting. These people are content around you because you behave in a way that is appropriate to them. It's like saying you are only tolerable in their eyes. In the meanwhile they are comfortable with making you feel uncomfortable.   Which is why that bish behaves the way she does.

Anyways, That friend is not a friend. Time to cut her loose. Wish her luck with that baby and kim.

Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

How do I avoid being anyone's only black friend? Ask them for their Annual Black Friend Quota? I know that I am for as lot of people I'm friends with, but I think that because I'm the type of black that white people aren't intimidated by. And by that I mean "I don't act like I just got off the SEPTA from West Philly". <==That was something I was actually told by one of my former nurse managers. I think it was supposed to be a compliment...


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:41am
OP, I was riding with you until the last comment about "type of black"....

I know white people will say $hit like that, but don't buy into it....

when the law comes knocking we're all the same black...

and the fact that they aren't intimidated by you to me means
1 - these people are clearly stereotyping black people as people to be feared, cos you know, we're all aggressive
2 - because they are not "intimidated", they feel comfortable boldly saying offensive $hit about "just got off the SEPTA" and dressing it up as a compliment...

How old are you by the way?




Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:42am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

How do I avoid being anyone's only black friend? Ask them for their Annual Black Friend Quota? I know that I am for as lot of people I'm friends with, but I think that because I'm the type of black that white people aren't intimidated by. And by that I mean "I don't act like I just got off the SEPTA from West Philly". <==That was something I was actually told by one of my former nurse managers. I think it was supposed to be a compliment...








 

Stern Smile


That's basically the same look I gave her. And I've been getting variations of that ever since I was young. I hate the area I live in...
 
if you know this....have you also examined why you would even entertain being "friends" with these people?


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:47am
Don't do it, op....get out of this thread while you can lol


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:49am
OK I shouldn't have said that I know because I really don't. That's a silly assumption to make.

And I'm 23. I was trying to figure out the right way to word "type of black" but it sounds bad no matter how i tried to word it


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:52am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

OK I shouldn't have said that I know because I really don't. That's a silly assumption to make.

And I'm 23. I was trying to figure out the right way to word "type of black" but it sounds bad no matter how i tried to word it


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 10:54am
Haha I just texted her asking if we could talk so once I update after our talk I'll be done talking about this. I didn't want it to turn into a talk about race relations, but I guess it was inevitable. I really do appreciate all the feedback I've gotten. I've become kind of a loner ever since knuckling down with school and work, so I don't have many friends to talk to about stuff like this...


Posted By: MizzAmirah
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:01am
Cut her off. She goin' make you her baby sitter. Kuht dat bytch awf!!! Cool


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:04am
There are far too many Black people in the Philly area (even Nigerians specifically) that you can spend your time with instead of these idiots.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:05am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

OK I shouldn't have said that I know because I really don't. That's a silly assumption to make.

And I'm 23. I was trying to figure out the right way to word "type of black" but it sounds bad no matter how i tried to word it
 
the point is you highly suspect it.  same difference. 
 
and for future reference...there is no right way to say that bullshyt...


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:07am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

There are far too many Black people in the Philly area (even Nigerians specifically)
 
Lamp


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:07am
Im working hard to get outta here. Trust me.


Posted By: kerysdream7
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:08am
No matter her race, she's a jealous devious wench. 

Don't fall for the "I didn't know"/crying/voice quiver. She will try to make it about her & flip the script.

Stand firm OP. 



Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:13am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

How do I avoid being anyone's only black friend? Ask them for their Annual Black Friend Quota? I know that I am for as lot of people I'm friends with, but I think that because I'm the type of black that white people aren't intimidated by. And by that I mean "I don't act like I just got off the SEPTA from West Philly". <==That was something I was actually told by one of my former nurse managers. I think it was supposed to be a compliment...


To help you out...if you haven't seen or don't know this stuff already...

Watch the video "Sh*t white girls say...to black girls" by Chescaleigh (it's on youtube). It's all about microagressions.

Go to Gradient Lair (www.gradientlair.com) and search and read about microagressions, respectability politics, tokenism. Actually just read everything there.

Find some positive, uplifting people to be around (start with black women, just because).


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:13am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

Im working hard to get outta here. Trust me.
 
just curious...why can't you find negroids in philly to hang out with?
 
and just where are you planning to go where there are a plethora-o-special-negroids  such as yourself for you to hang out with?
 
 


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:21am
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

Im working hard to get outta here. Trust me.
 
just curious...why can't you find negroids in philly to hang out with?
 
and just where are you planning to go where there are a plethora-o-special-negroids  such as yourself for you to hang out with?
 
 
 
iDies! LOL Stop TC


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:26am
there is no exceptional black, nigerian

It's a racist construct used for subjugating and sabotaging blacks don't fall for it




Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:29am
Op seems to take the "not the type of blk" as a compliment...yet is surprised when the aint sh1t nonblks do aint sh1t things. ..so much so she questions if shes being to harsh toward them for their antics


Chile



Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:32am
Guy's she's young...

and I feel she has been around certain types of people to have made that statement

This is an opportunity to educate


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:35am
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

To answer some questions:

My ex(the one in the engagement pic) is Asian. His new fiance is Asian as well. I'm sure mom and dad were so glad he got out of his "phase"...

The guy I was seeing during the club altercation was Haitian. Things between he and I were actually great, before he told me he has a kid in another state whom he doesn't see. Things kinda ended after that. I actually made a thread about that too. Its floating around the relationship section somewhere.

I noticed with her that when there was a time where she had a bf and I didn't, she was a lot bossier when we all hung out. She wanted to do what he did or go where he went, and because she usually drove I had no say in it. He would show up at our Girls Nights and they'd be off by themselves instead of with the group. But when I started dating Haiti, EVERYTHING was " I don't wanna go here, I don't wanna do this. Don't leave me here alone."

Regarding the picture, I feel like, if she had approached me differently about it then that would have made all the difference. Instead of a picture text sent out of the blue. I mean...seeing that was like a punch in the gut. And it ruined my whole f*cking week. In my heart of hearts I don't think she meant to hurt me, but that doesn't mean I have to take that sh*t.




She was putting you in your place. Reinforcing your inferiority complex that you are in fact "different", were not good enough no matter how you tried and he finally found someone suitable to marry, his own kind

Don't be naive and oblivious... get your head right,get pride in being black not being pseudo white (which is a delusion btw) and cut that ww off 

Don't say sh*t to her there's nothing to be said, this is about you not her 




Posted By: MizzAmirah
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:36am
OP no offense but you seem very naive on these racial tactics. You need a more diverse environment esp. with black people. You're 23, it's too not too late to save yourself. With the mentality of the people around you and the way you tolerate it, it will mess you up in the future esp. when dealing with negro head-petting whites. Evaluate yourself very well. I understand these dynamics. An environment like yours and those types of relationships subconsciously turns one into a coon. Don't be a fool. I see you're an easy target for these whites cus you're Nigerian. I won't be surprised if you're parents (based on your environment) also instilled such a mentality in you. 


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:41am
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

Guy's she's young...

and I feel she has been around certain types of people to have made that statement

This is an opportunity to educate


Exactly. That's why I posted about Gradient Lair. Perfect place to start learning about deconstructing the racism that she's internalized.

OP, moving to a new place won't change this. You have first become aware of what's really going on and then you'll likely find it easier to engage with other more positive people, especially black ones.


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:46am
How old is OP? 16?


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:48am
she is 23.


Posted By: hauteshellbi
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:48am
She's 23


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:55am
At that age how is youth used as an excuse... serious question


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 11:55am
Are all your friends white?


Posted By: Fcgriffin
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:00pm
I agree.
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

Guy's she's young...

and I feel she has been around certain types of people to have made that statement

This is an opportunity to educate


Posted By: MizzAmirah
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:07pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

A
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

At that age how is youth used as an excuse... serious question

True, but it seems ingrained but she's still young enough to change her mentality because at this age she hasn't reached the point where these white tactics will affect her the most....her career and raising her own children. t that age how is youth used as an excuse... serious question

You're right, it has been ingrained. But she's still young enough to change her mentality for when these white tactics will mean the most....in her career and raising her children. 


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:10pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

At that age how is youth used as an excuse... serious question


Depends on how you've been raised... if you've been around certain types of people all your life, you will not just magically wake up one day and be enlightened.

Its a gradual process...

If she does not mix with a lot of black people, is not active in the black community, her views will be skewed a certain way....


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:10pm
and am speaking from experience...

i wish someone had taught my 23 year old self some things...


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:24pm
Maysay, I had a friend post that video to my FB wall saying "Do I sound like this?"

And Thought with school and work I really don't have the time like I used to to go to Philly. Plus I still haven't mastered my fear of I-76(hence my friend driving to the city all the time)

Honestly I'm ready to pack up and move back to Nigeria. I was just there this Christmas and I'm ready to go back. My aunt and uncle want me to come live with them once I've graduated.


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:32pm
OP, there have been times in my professional life when I felt I had to dance on hot coals and have been on pins and needles.

Heck, sometimes I’ve been out right beside myself.

But never, eva, eva, eva, in my personal life, have I willingly danced with the devil.  As my daughter would say, “Nah, son!” You, on the other hand, seem to keep accepting dates with the devil and expecting angelic behavior.

So I ask you, in light of the ongoing pattern of disrespect being hurled your way by this person, what’s really going on here?

Do you:

A.     A.  Not mind being disrespected and disregarded?

B.      B. Like being a token?

C.      C.  Or are you getting something out of this “friendship” that keeps you coming back for more?



Posted By: yaya24
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:34pm
Only read the first post.

She is not your friend.
Drop her.


Posted By: Nigerian_princess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:36pm
Wow I really can't keep up with all these comments. I did NOT expect my post to gain this much feedback.

My sister and I have had talks about my parents isolating us from other Nigerians(because of their own issues) and that hindering us from forming connections and learning more about our culture. I moved here when I was 7 and these are the people I grew up around. Mostly white people that don't really like outsiders. I guess I did try to conform to something that would get me accepted. I rreally don't know what else to say to you all...


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:38pm
i had like all black friends and i still had a skewed view. 

id get into arguments with ppl cus they didnt like my comments about blk ppl and them getting on my nerves.. 
i didnt care though. id be like.. thats how i feel, dont like it? oh well... 

sometimes it just takes time and certain things to see things differently. 
ppl can teach all they want.. doesnt always work. 



Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 12:45pm
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:

Wow I really can't keep up with all these comments. I did NOT expect my post to gain this much feedback.

My sister and I have had talks about my parents isolating us from other Nigerians(because of their own issues) and that hindering us from forming connections and learning more about our culture. I moved here when I was 7 and these are the people I grew up around. Mostly white people that don't really like outsiders. I guess I did try to conform to something that would get me accepted. I rreally don't know what else to say to you all...


OP, this issue transcends race. This is about what's inside of you. That voice that says, "Hey, this is not ok."
You hear that voice, and you know that the way you are being treated by this person is out of line. Otherwise, you wouldn't have posted.
I'm glad you had a chance to vent. Heaven knows venting helps.
At 23, you're old enough to respect yourself.
Cut off this person, and anyone else who disrespects you.
Your life will be richer and fuller for it.
Good luck.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jul 19 2014 at 1:11pm
Originally posted by Nigerian_princess Nigerian_princess wrote:



Honestly I'm ready to pack up and move back to Nigeria. I was just there this Christmas and I'm ready to go back. My aunt and uncle want me to come live with them once I've graduated.

Your degree will probably be worth more in Nigeria because it is from the USA... so it is not a bad idea to move backSmile

And I don't think you should bother with telling this girl why you are dropping her. She will cry white tears or worse, she will say that you are overly sensitive and will be glad that she hurt you by sending his pic.

Just block her number and move on with your life.



Print Page | Close Window