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Too old to be introverted?

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Topic: Too old to be introverted?
Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Subject: Too old to be introverted?
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:00pm
I don't know if it's my own faulty perception but I get the sense that shyness is a real barrier in the AA community. Am I wrong?  Anyway, interesting article. 

http://madamenoire.com/441001/being-introverted/" rel="nofollow - Are You Ever Too Old To Be Introverted?


http://cdn.madamenoire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Introverted-Woman-2.jpg" rel="nofollow">being introverted

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Admittedly, I am not the most extroverted person in the world. Most of us writer types aren’t. You won’t catch me volunteering to sing karaoke in front of a cruise ship or playing mistress of ceremonies at a friend’s wedding. Yes, I teach for my day job, and have been told I’m quite good at it. But most days I wouldn’t list public speaking at something I excel at. I wouldn’t label myself as exactly friendly either. It takes me to time to open up to new people and I cherish my “me time”.

The world revolves around a delicate http://madamenoire.com/441001/being-introverted/#" rel="nofollow">balance of the social butterflies of the world and the rest of us who are relieved that someone else can fill in the awkward pauses of conversation. But introversion has its limits and at a certain point in life, refusing to speak up and simply blending in and settling for whatever life leaves leftover for you can really cost. First off let’s be clear: There’s a difference between being reserved and severely socially awkward. There are those of us who over-analyze the small talk we’ll be forced to make when riding the elevator with a familiar face from the building. We’ll mentally slap or foreheads when we accidentally say, “Good morning,” when it’s clearly after 12. We’ll assume the UPS man is judging our jacked polish when we sign for a package. We’ll fumble around in our car for five minutes after parking, just to avoid the annoying neighbor. Social interactions to chronically awkward are the pop up ads of life that always seem to come up when we trying the hardest to avoid them. But honestly some of us would just rather not be bothered with meaningless conversation.

A few weeks ago a friend picked out a restaurant to celebrate her birthday dinner with a few close friends. It was one of those places in an upscale part of town where people prove how much http://madamenoire.com/441001/being-introverted/#" rel="nofollow">money they have by who can order the least amount of food and pay the most money. It was pretentious and worst of all it was clear my friend was intimidated by the staff and avoided interactions with them. When it came to being seated, a snooty waitress told us we would have to wait for our table since one person was missing from our party even though we had reservations. I thought it was a pretty pointless policy and didn’t understand why we couldn’t at least get started with drinks, but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it on my friend’s birthday. But when I asked how we should handle it, she appeared to be afraid to talk to the staff, which only made me feel like no one should have to spend their birthday self-conscious and uncomfortable. What’s even more troubling was this wasn’t just her behavior for the night, for years it’s been a pattern: Letting someone else dictate her choices and waiting for someone else to make a move. Waiting for jobs, waiting for men, waiting on life to happen while it passes by. Needless to say, I ended up talking to the staff for something she clearly wanted, but was too intimidated to ask for.

Does there come a point where a person gets too old to be afraid of talking to strangers? Even at 30, I have friends who get nervous if they have to ask a sales associate for help or borderline panic when taking the train to an unfamiliar part of the city. What kills me most are the parents; the ones I’ve witnessed sending their children to ask a sales associate or clerk what they’re too afraid to ask. I’m sorry but I thought parents were supposed to advocate for their kids, not the other way around. When I first embarked on this whole “being an adult thing” I think like most young people, I was obsessed with appearing like I had it together. No one likes to feel like they’re clueless or lost. So we spend life not asking questions, making assumptions and waiting for someone to offer to help. You ever have a conversation with someone who you can tell has no clue what you’re talking about?  But instead of asking you to explain they just nod and smile throughout the conversation? I think there’s so much pressure in our society to know it all and have it all, that people end up isolated in their insecurities. With social media repeatedly updating us on everyone’s honor roll kids and six figure salaries no one is truly convinced that it’s OK to not have all the answers.

The truth is that most of us are faking confidence on a certain level until someone gets up the courage to admit we don’t know what the hell we’re doing and asks someone who does, meanwhile relieving a bunch of other lost folks who were waiting for the same answer but too shy to ask.

I think that’s the key to being an adult: Keeping the humility to be humiliated and admitting you’re just winging it and when you need help. It frustrates me when I see grown people who rather wander aimlessly throughout a new place because the idea of asking for help intimidates them.

There’s nothing wrong with being introverted or even shy. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with simply not wanting to be bothered. But there does come a time in every adult’s life where being socially awkward and passive will make you miss out certain opportunities and meeting interesting people. You don’t need declare what you want through a megaphone, but you do have to speak up. They say a closed mouth doesn’t get fed, but that’s not necessarily true, but when you’re too afraid to ask for what you want, all you end up getting is whatever’s leftover from everyone else’s meal.

- See more at: http://madamenoire.com/441001/being-introverted/#sthash.chXCi45X.dpuf



Replies:
Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:03pm
they are confusing terminology again and this annoys me


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:03pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:


I'm extroverted but could live happily as a recluse





LOL, how does that work out?
I'm mostly introverted but I can get extroverted when I'm passionate about something.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:04pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

they are confusing terminology again and this annoys me

Explain. You mean introversion versus social phobia?


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:04pm

I'm extroverted but could live happily as a recluse






Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:05pm
What she's describing is anxiety.  If it's debilitating, the person should talk to a doctor and therapist.  


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:06pm
I'm introverted but not slow. I can live in the world and handle business lol


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:06pm
Introverted simply means you gain your energy from being by yourself
Extroverts gain energy from being around other people


Shyness =/= introversion
Anxiety =/= introversion
Immaturity =/= introversion


Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:08pm
Yep!


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:09pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Introverted simply means you gain your energy from being by yourself
Extroverts gain energy from being around other people


Shyness =/= introversion
Anxiety =/= introversion
Immaturity =/= introversion

Gotcha. I still have the perception that shy people have it hard in the AA community, as if you are expected to project confidence at all times. Some cultures seem more tolerant of shyness, at least in women. Again, it's just my perception.
 



Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:11pm
I absolutely agree JP

Black people look at you like you're an alien if you're not extroverted AND outgoing. You're either a weirdo or you have an attitude. God forbid yo lightskint too LOL

I think these personality types are much more accepted or tolerated in Asian cultures


Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:18pm
I consider myself a "functioning introvert", I can work & do things in public when I have to, but will gladly trade that for a secluded cabin in the mountains in a heartbeat. In my off times, being secluded at home actually recharges my "batteries". Being around people all the time with no breaks drains me.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:19pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

I absolutely agree JP

Black people look at you like you're an alien if you're not extroverted AND outgoing. You're either a weirdo or you have an attitude. God forbid yo lightskint too LOL

I think these personality types are much more accepted or tolerated in Asian cultures



I guess you have to be Janet to get a pass


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:20pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Introverted simply means you gain your energy from being by yourself
Extroverts gain energy from being around other people


Shyness =/= introversion
Anxiety =/= introversion
Immaturity =/= introversion

Gotcha. I still have the perception that shy people have it hard in the AA community, as if you are expected to project confidence at all times. Some cultures seem more tolerant of shyness, at least in women. Again, it's just my perception.
 


That could be because opportunities don't just fall into our laps (or as easily/frequently). Generally, we have to aggressively pursue them.   That's my perception.




Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:21pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Introverted simply means you gain your energy from being by yourself
Extroverts gain energy from being around other people


Shyness =/= introversion
Anxiety =/= introversion
Immaturity =/= introversion


Gotcha. I still have the perception that shy people have it hard in the AA community, as if you are expected to project confidence at all times. Some cultures seem more tolerant of shyness, at least in women. Again, it's just my perception.
 



That could be because opportunities don't just fall into our laps (or as easily/frequently). Generally, we have to aggressively pursue them.   That's my perception.




I don't know. I'm comparing it to French Caribbean culture and it seems like we are more accepting of shyness as a personality trait. I guess it's something I noticed with in-laws...


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:21pm
well in that case...

I'm both introverted and extroverted...

I get my energy from being around people sometimes...but at other times I must have my distance...

I need a healthy balance...


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:22pm
omg that sounds amazing

Originally posted by Az~Maverick Az~Maverick wrote:

I consider myself a "functioning introvert", I can work & do things in public when I have to, but will gladly trade that for a secluded cabin in the mountains in a heartbeat. In my off times, being secluded at home actually recharges my "batteries". Being around people all the time with no breaks drains me.


http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&docid=IyxlCpMdLHL4SM&tbnid=MlzlJxzLttV8ZM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mtprinceton.com%2Fcabin&ei=-CynU9SlFc-lyASi5YK4Ag&bvm=bv.69411363,d.aWw&psig=AFQjCNEuQ3q-eZdxGYKSGdWw2-a45bHZ-A&ust=1403551346977203" rel="nofollow">


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:24pm
I always knew I was a "weird" (Black) person because I dream of leaving everyone I know and settling in the backwoods of Colorado just living the simple life...

*sigh* i wish


Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:25pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

omg that sounds amazing

Originally posted by Az~Maverick Az~Maverick wrote:

I consider myself a "functioning introvert", I can work & do things in public when I have to, but will gladly trade that for a secluded cabin in the mountains in a heartbeat. In my off times, being secluded at home actually recharges my "batteries". Being around people all the time with no breaks drains me.


http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&docid=IyxlCpMdLHL4SM&tbnid=MlzlJxzLttV8ZM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mtprinceton.com%2Fcabin&ei=-CynU9SlFc-lyASi5YK4Ag&bvm=bv.69411363,d.aWw&psig=AFQjCNEuQ3q-eZdxGYKSGdWw2-a45bHZ-A&ust=1403551346977203" rel="nofollow">



*drools* Big smileLOL


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:29pm
there are many black people living the simple life... when people say they're "country" that's the life they mean




Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:32pm
I couldn't do the simple life for long stretches of time. I enjoyed 2 ski trips though but it wasn't exactly secluded. I like my comforts.


Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:35pm
Actually that's something I've noticed AA. Black Americans (and others but I guess we're only talking about AAs right now) seem to often be extremely confident from my observation. I don't think I've ever been judged for not being that outgoing though. At least not that I know of.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:38pm
I'd love to live on a deserted island w/ the hub. I'd need it to be modern(wired for tech) and plush, but just us 2.

I'm an extrovert.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:41pm
Originally posted by _ConcreteRose_ _ConcreteRose_ wrote:

Actually that's something I've noticed AA. Black Americans (and others but I guess we're only talking about AAs right now) seem to often be extremely confident from my observation. I don't think I've ever been judged for not being that outgoing though. At least not that I know of.

I tend to make an effort to seem more outwardly outgoing than I really am in the States. Because if I don't, I come off as uppity.


Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 2:44pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

I always knew I was a "weird" (Black) person because I dream of leaving everyone I know and settling in the backwoods of Colorado just living the simple life...

*sigh* i wish


Quit stealing my dreams

As being a black man, black people usually have an aversion to introversion, shyness, anxiety, and etc that deals not being comfortable or even desire to being amongst people. The males get it worst and you they think you are weak and have no drive. Even called weird and not seem as attractive. But as I grew older I noticed me being a observer and understanding situations being far from them have me perspectives that people respect except for family . And I'm usually always right and it even freaks people out. So i say there positives.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 3:33pm
Originally posted by creole booty creole booty wrote:

I'm introverted but not slow. I can live in the world and handle business lol

Right! I'm introverted but I speak up for myself real quick and I definitely don't let people run over me and alot of times I am the life of the party. No one intimidates me. Sometimes I just like being alone with my thoughts and I like my privacy. I think they are describing social anxiety.


Posted By: callmeDEva
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 3:34pm
Yeah, thanked Alias with the confusing post. Those terms aren't synonyms.

I love being introverted. It does only mean that you get your energy from self-time. I always take time out of my day to recharge. And even though too many people at one time can be draining, I enjoy talking to people and learning about them. Just one person at a time though lol


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 4:38pm
im introverted 


Posted By: Benni
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 6:21pm
I find being out of my home and interacting with people to be exhausting, and a waste of my time.

I much prefer my own company. A Television, A Book, A Computer, turn off the phone and I'm good.

I say what's on my mind hoping not to offend anyone, but it happens occasionally.   Nothing personal.

Alone, but never lonely


Posted By: HeyBeautiful18
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 6:34pm
I like being social sometimes but on the other hand I enjoy my own company

I agree about it being draining to be around other people for extended periods of time .... I dont like dealing with their feelings and insecurities and problems.. etc. If you wanna have a good time then cool but dont be a buzz kill and waste my time  LOL

It may come off as stuck up or "ohh she thinks she's too good" but thats not my intention. Its nothing personal... its just me


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 9:28pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


people really do not understand psychology yet write it off like it is common sense


like others said the author doesn't really know what she is describing

teach us... the best type of 100 pg push

The kind of push we actually need



Posted By: NARSAddict
Date Posted: Jun 23 2014 at 7:18pm
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

well in that case...

I'm both introverted and extroverted...

I get my energy from being around people sometimes...but at other times I must have my distance...

I need a healthy balance...



You would be referred to as a centrovert, according to Devora Zack.


Posted By: mzsophisticated
Date Posted: Jun 23 2014 at 7:27pm
I am a introvert but i be damn if i let someone walk over me...i just like chillin by myself and I dont start conversations with people I dont know.


Posted By: rell85
Date Posted: Jun 23 2014 at 9:16pm
Yep one must speak up for themself.


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Jun 23 2014 at 10:14pm
Originally posted by NARSAddict NARSAddict wrote:

Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

well in that case...

I'm both introverted and extroverted...

I get my energy from being around people sometimes...but at other times I must have my distance...

I need a healthy balance...





You would be referred to as a centrovert, according to Devora Zack.


Thanks just looked it up


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Jun 24 2014 at 3:48am
Categories. I hate them.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Jun 24 2014 at 8:19am
Originally posted by NARSAddict NARSAddict wrote:

Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

well in that case...

I'm both introverted and extroverted...

I get my energy from being around people sometimes...but at other times I must have my distance...

I need a healthy balance...



You would be referred to as a centrovert, according to Devora Zack.


What??? Lately, I keep seeing terms on BHM that I've never heard in my life. In the other thread, someone posted a bunch of categories for people who are romantically and sexually inclined a certain way (and I thought that all came from a particular arduous spelling bee.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jun 24 2014 at 9:58am
Hmmmm I might be an extrovert. Never thought I was and I always smirk whenever people describe me as such.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jun 24 2014 at 10:13am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


I laugh when people say I am a people person



It's usually people I'm networking with or professors and stuff.


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Jun 24 2014 at 10:22am
Originally posted by mzsophisticated mzsophisticated wrote:

I am a introvert but i be damn if i let someone walk over me...i just like chillin by myself and I dont start conversations with people I dont know.

me too...

and because of this people always assume that im stuck up, uppity, etc... Its not that im stuck up, its just if doesn't directly effect I don't bother with it. 


it used to bother me, but I know I accept it because people usually don't come to me with foolishness LOL


Posted By: MsBMW
Date Posted: Jun 24 2014 at 10:34am
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

well in that case...

I'm both introverted and extroverted...

I get my energy from being around people sometimes...but at other times I must have my distance...

I need a healthy balance...

Same way for me too...


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: Jun 24 2014 at 11:26am
I don't label myself because I can be both introvert and extrovert depending upon my mood or the time of month.
I think a balance of both is mentally healthy.




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