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Aint Sheit Daddy or No Daddy?

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Printed Date: Nov 19 2018 at 6:09am


Topic: Aint Sheit Daddy or No Daddy?
Posted By: OhMyCurlz
Subject: Aint Sheit Daddy or No Daddy?
Date Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 11:58pm
My best friends baby's father is a bum. I mean horrible. As in, he left her at the bus stop while it was raining in 40 degree whether with her baby, while he drove off in his car. He denied their child, talks to her bad, and hasn't exerted any effort in seeing his child. He was mad that he got "put on child support" when she signed up for foodstamps. She has been in really bad situations. Homeless, hungry, etc but she somehow ALWAYS makes a way and her son is a very happy, polite, well mannered little boy. 
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Anyway, she's conflicted...she knows the dude ain't sheit but she feels like she should try and encourage a relationship since he's biologically the boys father. The boy has never met his dad and while he's asked why he doesn't have a dad. Now he will say "I'm the daddy" (which I guess is his way of saying he's the only male/man/boy in the house Embarrassed). She works in special education and I feel like she REALLY is raising him well. He's 4. 

So my question is, which one is worse? Having a man that you KNOW aint sheit in your child's life or them not having their father in their life at all? Do you think she should encourage a relationship or leave it alone? 



Replies:
Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:08am
I say leave it alone. Undue stress. He's a grown ass man. If he wants a relationship there will b one. If he doesn't then there won't be. She can be as encouraging as she wants but in the end u can't make anyone do anything. The child will know what happened.


Posted By: missunfoolish
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:13am
going to be hurt either way but i rather (like i do) have no dad around
if he's not adding nothing positive to my life, whats the purpose of having a father figure

if he didnt step up before, he aint going to now *shrugs*


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:22am
She can make the boy available but I wouldn't stress over it, can't get blood from a stone

Hopefully there's another father figure in the child's life, grandad, uncles, older cousins, godfather

Many people are happy, successful, balanced with out a father figure, the boy can still thrive


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:10am
i wouldnt try to twist the mans arm to see his child… 

a huge part of me would wanna be like if he doesnt wanna see his son, fck him. 

but for my child.. i would keep trying. 

i think that aint shiet and in his life… is better than not being there at all. 


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:13am
Originally posted by missunfoolish missunfoolish wrote:

if he didnt step up before, he aint going to now *shrugs*

definitely not necessarily true.. 


Posted By: missunfoolish
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:15am
Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

Originally posted by missunfoolish missunfoolish wrote:

if he didnt step up before, he aint going to now *shrugs*

definitely not necessarily true.. 

yeah it can be different but how i see it is, if you couldn't man up before, don't bother.
i don't need half ass people in my life 


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:38am
they both sound the same to me. 
i wouldnt even bother. no need to fuss and fight and try to force a kid on a dude. if he wants to be around he will be. so yeah just leave it alone. 


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 6:41am
I rather not have him in his life at all until he proves that he wants to be a good father


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 6:49am
idk if yall are thinking about the child. 

like unfoolish said.. either way hes gonna be hurt. I think he'd rather have a flakey, aint shiit father in his life than to just not know him… 
and who knows.. he may fall in love with the little boy and change.. 


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 7:02am
Yo best friend needa find a new daddy.


Posted By: Joja1107
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 7:07am
I had a talk a lot of stuff but never did anything father growing up. I would go visit my grandmother (he lived with his mother) & everyone on that side of the fam here and there. So having that little bit of a bond, even though it was crumbs was better than not knowing/seeing that side of the family at all.

Also my mom never talked bad about my father. I ended up finding out on my own that he wasn't about nothing. She never kept me away but she didn't bend over backwards to make him see me. I would never beg a man for anything especially something/someone he doesn't want. He'll see in the end what's up.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 7:09am
He needs a positive male influence.
I agree with Sang


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 7:11am
he can have that too but he'll wish he would have met his dad and somewhat had him in his life. 


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 7:17am
I agree with that but the dad sounds super destructive.


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:25am
Im not begging a guy to take care of his own son. He'll have other male role models in his life that will be much more beneficial than this deadbeat. 


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:31am
And the begging wouldn't be done after the first time he adheres. She will have to stay in his ass to make it consistent. She'd better not have time for that. Seriously. That's painful and stressful. The father is missing out on something amazing that he will never have again with that child. His loss.


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:38am
i wouldnt beg.. but i wouldnt give up. 

id say something to him about his son.. or send a pic.. or tell him somethin new in his life every so often. 

id try to preach to him every blue moon too. and tell him that im not gonna give up cus if i could lay down with your pathetic ass.. and choose to keep this baby.. i can damn sure continue to try to make you see the light for my son. 


Posted By: K_Camille
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:46am
Leave it alone & make sure he has other male figures in his life like a grandfather, uncle, cousin, etc. 


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:52am
my mother wasnt sht for a while… 
i couldnt imagine not knowing her crazy self though or not having any experiences with her.. although there were bad too. 


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:53am
Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

my mother wasnt sht for a while… 
i couldnt imagine not knowing her crazy self though or not having any experiences with her.. although there were bad too. 


I see your point.


Posted By: indiecat
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 10:59am
This is what in dealing with right now. My daughters dad is horrible. But I feel it's my obligation to let her know she has a dad and to say that I tried.


Posted By: niecy
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 11:19am
Let bigones be bigones. She can encourage a relationship all she wants but if the father doesn't want to be apart of the boy's life then she can't make him care.


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 11:42am
Either way the child is screwed so it really doesn't matter.  Women need to be more choosy about who they allow to ejaculate inside of them.


Posted By: sunshine321511
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 11:46am
Dont keep the child away, don't go out your way to accommodate the father.  Either you want to see your child or you don't. 


Posted By: OhMyCurlz
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 11:54am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Either way the child is screwed so it really doesn't matter.  Women need to be more choosy about who they allow to ejaculate inside of them.
Not having a father makes a child screwed? 


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:00pm
Originally posted by sunshine321511 sunshine321511 wrote:

Dont keep the child away, don't go out your way to accommodate the father.  Either you want to see your child or you don't. 
Yep. It is really sad the dad doesn't want anything to do with his own seed. She's a teacher so I'm sure she has access to resources to help ensure her son has the right role models in his life as he grows.


Posted By: OhMyCurlz
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:03pm
She asked my opinion and I told her. 

I don't think she should have him around him at all, and that is thinking of Justins (little boys) well being. 

Not every parent is deserving of a relationship with their child. The standard of parenting needs to be raised. 

My brother didn't have a relationship with my dad and he was fine. He was polite, nice, obedient. A good kid. My dad comes around for a while then completely drops off and my brother turned into an asshole, and started to immulate all of the bad things he saw my dad do. The damage is done. 

You want good influences around your child around their impressionable years, if a parent is a bad influence they shouldn't be in the child's life. I told her to be honest with Justin as he grows up, have him around uncles, his grandad in programs etc, but I see no good in having a little boy around a man who is a bad influence and has no desire to be a parent 100%. 
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Posted By: naturesgift
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:05pm
Fathers are very important, NO one is a perfect parent, if he want to be in the child's life then let him just make sure she is taking care of herself and not letting her emotions get the best of her


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:08pm
Originally posted by OhMyCurlz OhMyCurlz wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Either way the child is screwed so it really doesn't matter.  Women need to be more choosy about who they allow to ejaculate inside of them.
Not having a father makes a child screwed? 

i think she's saying either way the child gets screwed in the situation (ie gets the short end of the stick) .
not the child will be screwed up.


Posted By: StylingArabella
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:16pm
Originally posted by indiecat indiecat wrote:

This is what in dealing with right now. My daughters dad is horrible. But I feel it's my obligation to let her know she has a dad and to say that I tried.



Hug ! Sweetheart, in my opinion it is HIS obligation to let her know that. I just don't understand how someone can walk away from their child...it baffles me!

While I am not a single mom, I am surrounded by them. Their stories break my heart Cry. If I were, I would rather have the dad not show up at all then to be in and out of my child's life. By out I mean he better leave the state or the country.  I know myself and if my daughter waited by the window for a dad that didn't show up or only getting a call on father's day I would go nuts. I don't have enough faith in people to do the "he'll come around" type thing.  I am not a courts type of chick....I got too many big crazy male cousins for that. I'd make that mans life hell.


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:34pm
I hate when women do this sh*t. Never works. They arent doing it for the Kid
They are rationalizing behavior to support s fairytale in their head of how things could be.


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:36pm
Originally posted by naturesgift naturesgift wrote:

Fathers are very important, NO one is a perfect parent, if he want to be in the child's life then let him just make sure she is taking care of herself and not letting her emotions get the best of her
at what expense?


Posted By: OhMyCurlz
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:44pm
Everything nitabug and StylingArabella said. 

I wont have my child around a man that does not appreciate their worth. My child is worth more than waiting for a phone call that never arrives. Waiting to be picked up. Waiting. THAT is what causes kids the most issues. Having father's that are "there" when they want to be and then leave. Why would I put my child through that? 

There are plenty of children who have never known their biological parent(s) and are either adopted, raised by grandparents and they turn out just fine and non-emotionally scarred. Anybody can fill the role of a parent. Being a parent means nothing if you aren't a good one. 


Posted By: zolloh
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:46pm
he literally walked away from the baby 4yrs ago and hasnt seen him since, what exactly will make that man change his mind and want a relationship with his child? Geek


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:14pm
My friend had a child young and the father of the child denied his son. Then she met a great guy and fell in love. He married her and adopted her son and now the son has the adopted father's last name. Wellll that rubbed the biological father the wrong way. 

Now the biological father to the child, who was nowhere to be found, never paid a dime, never helped out and denied his son to everybody, is now wanting to know his son and wants her to change the child's last name back to his own. It was a sad situation. My ex who was best friends with this guy (which should have been a red flag for me Ermm) called him out on it and so did his family. His son looks like a mini him. It was really sad that she made every effort for him to be in the child's life. 
It wasn't until news about her wedding and the guy adopting his son that he finally woke up.


Posted By: LilMissSunshine
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 2:14pm
Either way is bad. The little boy will be disappointed when he meets his dad because dad isn't ish. It may cause more tension and strain in the mom and dad's relationship, because I know she's going to get upset at him for hurting her baby's feelings. I wouldn't make an effort to see the bum, but if he wants to come around I wouldn't feel good saying no, you can't see your kid.


Posted By: LilMissSunshine
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 2:15pm
But if the dad is denying the kid, then no I would not let him around our child that he is denying...


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 2:24pm
No daddy.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 2:28pm
Originally posted by keepgrowing keepgrowing wrote:

My friend had a child young and the father of the child denied his son. Then she met a great guy and fell in love. He married her and adopted her son and now the son has the adopted father's last name. Wellll that rubbed the biological father the wrong way. 

Now the biological father to the child, who was nowhere to be found, never paid a dime, never helped out and denied his son to everybody, is now wanting to know his son and wants her to change the child's last name back to his own. It was a sad situation. My ex who was best friends with this guy (which should have been a red flag for me Ermm) called him out on it and so did his family. His son looks like a mini him. It was really sad that she made every effort for him to be in the child's life. 
It wasn't until news about her wedding and the guy adopting his son that he finally woke up.

Well he can go back to sleep. WTH!




Posted By: StylingArabella
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 2:38pm
This really has my wheels spinning. Isn't there laws to protect single parents? I mean isn't it against the law to not care for your child? When is it considered neglect by the absent parent? Can't someone go to jail for not paying child support? Damn shame...you abandon a f**king animal they will haul you straight to court, but if you leave your child they do nothing????


Posted By: naturesgift
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 2:57pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

Originally posted by naturesgift naturesgift wrote:

Fathers are very important, NO one is a perfect parent, if he want to be in the child's life then let him just make sure she is taking care of herself and not letting her emotions get the best of her
at what expense?
At every expense! with the exception of emotional or physical abuse! Whatever the circumstances of the past relationship if there are efforts to be made on your part then do them. Yes there is anger, resentment, but it was your choice to make a child with this man. There must have been some good in him and hopefully its still there. So if you need to have visitation by a neutral party then do that if you know your (anger) is too much to see him. From what I see most mothers feel like what the father is doing is NOT ENOUGH! for some it will never be ENOUGH! if there is an opportunity to encourage a relationship then I think she should! In this case there must be because OP wrote there is....


Posted By: naturesgift
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 3:04pm
I wonder how many people here know what its like growing up without a father. I also wonder if that affects their views on fatherhood, Love relationships, and parenting. We are quickly becoming a society the seems to value mothers over fathers and children need both...


Posted By: rell85
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 4:28pm
Both is bad cause the child still has no father.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:41pm
*Books 1st class trip to hell for laughing* Unhappy


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:44pm
Originally posted by naturesgift naturesgift wrote:

I wonder how many people here know what its like growing up without a father. I also wonder if that affects their views on fatherhood, Love relationships, and parenting. We are quickly becoming a society the seems to value mothers over fathers and children need both...


Of course it does.  That's why I said the child is screwed either way.  I'm friends with a couple women who look put together on the outside and seem to have their lives together on paper.  In reality, the effect of growing up with a father causes them to make terrible decision in terms of the kind of men they date and their expectations of relationships. 

Everyone needs a mother and a father.  The fact that this is debated in some circles speaks volumes. 


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 8:46pm
Originally posted by OhMyCurlz OhMyCurlz wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Either way the child is screwed so it really doesn't matter.  Women need to be more choosy about who they allow to ejaculate inside of them.
Not having a father makes a child screwed? 


Yes.  You cannot develop into the man or woman you should be without a father.  Both parents instill values in you that you need to become a healthy adult.  If you are lacking either a mother or father, their absence will probably manifest itself in your life in one way or another. 


Posted By: Lite Brite
Date Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 9:08pm
No daddy is a better option

Seems like people with the ain't sh*t daddys come out with more problems


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Jun 22 2014 at 4:49am
HELL NAW

I hope that woman never lets that piece of sh*t in that boy's life. Can you imagine the existential crisis that child might have knowing he came from that asshole's nuts?



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