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How long is too long to be engaged?

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Printed Date: Nov 22 2017 at 11:32am


Topic: How long is too long to be engaged?
Posted By: uppitynegroid
Subject: How long is too long to be engaged?
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:24am
I was listening to a discussion about this on the radio the other day.  A woman called in and said she dated a man for 3 yrs, he proposed and they have been living together and engaged for over 2 years.  Every time she brings up wedding planning he becomes elusive and difficult.  Her question was, "How long is too long to be engaged?"

I think she was asking that question a 2 years too late.  I seriously weep for my generation!  The entire point of becoming engaged is to formally announce and plan a wedding.  For the life of me, I don't understand how a woman winds up being someone's fiance for years. 

Thoughts?



Replies:
Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:25am
About 5 years up to maybe 10.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:27am
Well I want to be proposed to and married on the same day.

But for others, if they have to ask the question then it's been too long. I know some people have put off the actual wedding until the location they want becomes available.

Getting married only requires filling out some paperwork. If you want to be married, it doesn't take years.


Posted By: Butta Cookie
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:29am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Well I want to be proposed to and married on the same day.

But for others, if they have to ask the question then it's been too long. I know some people have put off the actual wedding until the location they want becomes available.

Getting married only requires filling out some paperwork. If you want to be married, it doesn't take years.


This!   


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:32am
Originally posted by CherryBlossom CherryBlossom wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I was listening to a discussion about this on the radio the other day.  A woman called in and said she dated a man for 3 yrs, he proposed and they have been living together and engaged for over 2 years.  Every time she brings up wedding planning he becomes elusive and difficult.  Her question was, "How long is too long to be engaged?"

I think she was asking that question a 2 years too late.  I seriously weep for my generation!  The entire point of becoming engaged is to formally announce and plan a wedding.  For the life of me, I don't understand how a woman winds up being someone's fiance for years. 

Thoughts?


clearly he doesn't want to marry her...

anything more than a year is too long imo..don't waste my time jare!




lol, you're so naija. 

That's what the radio host politely said.  Basically something to the effect of, "I think he proposed to shut you up."


Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:32am
Yeah that's a thing some guys do and when they do marry it usually falls apart in a few years.


Posted By: kerysdream7
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:36am
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

Yeah that's a thing some guys do and when they do marry it usually falls apart in a few years.

Or they end up dumping the long engagement woman then run off & marry the next chick they date right away. 


Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:39am
Yeah he is not that into her bit she is a convenience


Posted By: Journey94
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:42am
I'm sure he proposed to keep her locked down when he truly doesn't want her but doesn't want to be alone. Once the next chick he really wants comes along he'll drop her with the quickness and marry the new chick the next day. Women have to stop falling and accepting that crap.

But any who, I don't want a long engagement. I would more than likely get married before the wedding, no reason to wait if that's what we want.


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 9:59am
Originally posted by CherryBlossom CherryBlossom wrote:



clearly he doesn't want to marry her...

anything more than a year is too long imo..don't waste my time jare!
alladis. shït or get off the pot folks. 


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:03am
6 months max from the time he proposed. What the hayell you doing for longer than 6 months. You guys were already dating up until that point so you know each other already.  He should've gotten his shyyt together before proposing. Don't waste my time. My skin is still fresh jo.


Posted By: bunzaveli
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:22am
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

About 5 years up to maybe 10.
8-10 years, but everyone is different. no such thing as to long


Posted By: bunzaveli
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:23am
my cousin been calling his girlfriend his fiance since 04, im not sure if they are still considered engaged


Posted By: kerysdream7
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:29am


Posted By: rell85
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:29am
He doesn't want to get married she should understand that by now.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:33am
anything past 2 years is too long...you're demoted back to boyfriend/girlfriend until we see invitations


Posted By: sunshine321511
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:35am
Originally posted by Journey94 Journey94 wrote:

I'm sure he proposed to keep her locked down when he truly doesn't want her but doesn't want to be alone. Once the next chick he really wants comes along he'll drop her with the quickness and marry the new chick the next day. Women have to stop falling and accepting that crap.

But any who, I don't want a long engagement. I would more than likely get married before the wedding, no reason to wait if that's what we want.
 
 
PREACH!!!!


Posted By: tatee
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:40am
he probably proposed just to get her to move in but still be free enough just in case something better comes along.  its not like she's going anywhere.


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:43am
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

About 5 years up to maybe 10.


Posted By: NJHairLuv
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:47am
up to 1 year.

i'll be back when the 'we've been engaged for 15 yrs and we are saving up for our dream wedding' people gets to posting.


Posted By: NJHairLuv
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:47am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

If you call yourself engaged and there are no concrete wedding plans, then you are dating.  I swear this generation does not understand what an engagement is.

Clap


Posted By: NJHairLuv
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:48am
Originally posted by tatee tatee wrote:

he probably proposed just to get her to move in but still be free enough just in case something better comes along.  its not like she's going anywhere.

Clap


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:48am
If you call yourself engaged and there are no concrete wedding plans, then you are dating.  I swear this generation does not understand what an engagement is.


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:51am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

If you call yourself engaged and there are no concrete wedding plans, then you are dating.  I swear this generation does not understand what an engagement is.
ah ah... dating with a ring... possibly LOL 


Posted By: Majesty02
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:54am

 I swear people will forever blame the woman for a man’s shortcomings, and inadequacies. It’s not always the MAN that doesn't want to get married, sometimes it’s the Woman. I know because I was in that situation. I was engaged for a few yrs. but I never was really excited about setting a date. Looking back God was trying to warn me. Thank God I was able to dodge the bullet.

Just because 2 people are engage, or in a relationship doesn’t mean everything is cupcakes, and Starburst. Ultimately people should do what is best for them according to their situation, not society’s standards of how things should be done.  

 



Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:54am
Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

 I swear people will forever blame the woman for a man’s shortcomings, and inadequacies. It’s not always the MAN that doesn't want to get married, sometimes it’s the Woman. I know because I was in that situation. I was engaged for a few yrs. but I never was really excited about setting a date. Looking back God was trying to warn me. Thank God I was able to dodge the bullet.

Just because 2 people are engage, or in a relationship doesn’t mean everything is cupcakes, and Starburst. Ultimately people should do what is best for them according to their situation, not society’s standards of how things should be done.  

 


then they shouldn't be parading around pretending to have cupcakes and starbursts. 




Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:56am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

 I swear people will forever blame the woman for a man’s shortcomings, and inadequacies. It’s not always the MAN that doesn't want to get married, sometimes it’s the Woman. I know because I was in that situation. I was engaged for a few yrs. but I never was really excited about setting a date. Looking back God was trying to warn me. Thank God I was able to dodge the bullet.

Just because 2 people are engage, or in a relationship doesn’t mean everything is cupcakes, and Starburst. Ultimately people should do what is best for them according to their situation, not society’s standards of how things should be done.  

 


then they shouldn't be parading around pretending to have cupcakes and starbursts.

LOL




Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 10:57am
5 years keeps her mind that she is just one step from marriage and for me it's the barrier that allows me to keep evaluating if marriage is really for me while I get a home cooked meal and sex in the regular.


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:02am
Why be engaged if both people are not prepared to be married in the near future? 


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:03am
Idk


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:07am
An engagement is a promise of marriage and the preparation time.
It's saying you're the one so let's prepare for our lifetime together.


I don't think an engagement should last forever but I don't think there is a precise time limit either

Whatever the ppl involved feel..


Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:08am
When there's too much familiarity, people tend to take each other for granted. He keeps stringing her along with "hope". He don't wanna marry her. And she should move on.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:08am
it's too long when you feel it's too long 


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:10am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

An engagement is a promise of marriage and the preparation time.
It's saying you're the one so let's prepare for our lifetime together.


I don't think an engagement should last forever but I don't think there is a precise time limit either

Whatever the ppl involved feel..


Traditionally there has always been a precise time limit.  Engagement is a formal declaration of an intent to marry, and the manner of legitimizing that intent is to actually do something about it.  In most cultures across the board people are married within 1 yr of being engaged.



Posted By: Samoneisthebest
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:10am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

An engagement is a promise of marriage and the preparation time.
It's saying you're the one so let's prepare for our lifetime together.


I don't think an engagement should last forever but I don't think there is a precise time limit either

Whatever the ppl involved feel..

This here.


Posted By: Marcelo22
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:12am
Originally posted by Az~Maverick Az~Maverick wrote:

When there's too much familiarity, people tend to take each other for granted. He keeps stringing her along with "hope". He don't wanna marry her. And she should move on.

If thats so, then wouldnt marriage breed the ultimate contempt Shocked


Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:13am
At the end of the day, everyone is different. If both people are happy then that's all that matters.
For me? It depends, but probably no longer than a year. 


Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:14am
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

5 years keeps her mind that she is just one step from marriage and for me it's the barrier that allows me to keep evaluating if marriage is really for me while I get a home cooked meal and sex in the regular.


Yup. Basically, this is what it is.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:15am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

An engagement is a promise of marriage and the preparation time.
It's saying you're the one so let's prepare for our lifetime together.


I don't think an engagement should last forever but I don't think there is a precise time limit either

Whatever the ppl involved feel..


Traditionally there has always been a precise time limit.  Engagement is a formal declaration of an intent to marry, and the manner of legitimizing that intent is to actually do something about it.  In most cultures across the board people are married within 1 yr of being engaged.



I'm speaking of money modern American culture...
That intention of marriage doesn't necessarily have an expiration date.

Especially today when couples are paying more for their own weddings or have a large share in it.
Not only that but women are having children later in age which was also one reason marriages were rushed.
Things change


Posted By: niecy
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:17am
Sounds like he must've proposed to her to get her out of his hair if he acts up everytime she brings up planning. If you've been engaged for two years and haven't made any attempts to even start trying to plan your wedding you don't need to be engaged.


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:22am
Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:23am
For me it's about a year.
I'll get married in the spring so it may be a little over or under a year


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:23am
I thought the commitment ceremony was bad

This is worse

That ring better not be diamond dust




Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:26am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:



I'm speaking of money modern American culture...
That intention of marriage doesn't necessarily have an expiration date.

Especially today when couples are paying more for their own weddings or have a large share in it.
Not only that but women are having children later in age
which was also one reason marriages were rushed.
Things change


None of the reasons you post necessitate being engaged for a long period of time.  If you can't afford the marriage you want, then why are you proposing anything?  Having children later in life has no bearing on how long you are engaged to your husband.  The only thing that has changed is women having less respect for themselves and men ignoring the responsibilities attached to formally proposing marriage to someone.


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:35am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I was listening to a discussion about this on the radio the other day.  A woman called in and said she dated a man for 3 yrs, he proposed and they have been living together and engaged for over 2 years.  Every time she brings up wedding planning he becomes elusive and difficult.  Her question was, "How long is too long to be engaged?"

I think she was asking that question a 2 years too late.  I seriously weep for my generation!  The entire point of becoming engaged is to formally announce and plan a wedding.  For the life of me, I don't understand how a woman winds up being someone's fiance for years. 

Thoughts?

I know women who are 30+ and NEVERRRRR been on a real date with a guy. 

that is sad. 


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:42am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 


EXACTLY. 

i seems a lot of women only want to be called wifey rather than having a marriage license. 




Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:42am
Ive been engaged for 2 years.....tbh......wedding planning is stressful and i wanna elope.....I feel like Im not really in a rush.....I have more important things going on.....tbh...a wedding isn't the tope of my list at the moment......but I haven't stop planning.....because the date is set in stone.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:45am
Engagement is an intent to marry.
You're seriously making up the immediate future part bc engagements used to be very lengthy.



Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:46am
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 


EXACTLY. 

i seems a lot of women only want to be called wifey rather than having a marriage license. 




When people actually get the proposal they really understand it.......until then its a case of if it was me but it aint you and daydreaming is easy


No shade......


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:47am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


so people shouldn't get engaged until they have saved up enough for their wedding (whatever it cost)?



Don't make an announcement about doing something you are not prepared to do.  If you can't afford the ring, or your contribution to the event within a year then you shouldn't be proposing to anyone.  Like I said, proposal is not a gesture, its an announcement that you are mentally, emotionally, and financially ready to make a marriage happen within a short period of time. 


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:48am
Especially for arranged marriages
Those things could span years


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:49am
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I was listening to a discussion about this on the radio the other day.  A woman called in and said she dated a man for 3 yrs, he proposed and they have been living together and engaged for over 2 years.  Every time she brings up wedding planning he becomes elusive and difficult.  Her question was, "How long is too long to be engaged?"

I think she was asking that question a 2 years too late.  I seriously weep for my generation!  The entire point of becoming engaged is to formally announce and plan a wedding.  For the life of me, I don't understand how a woman winds up being someone's fiance for years. 

Thoughts?

I know women who are 30+ and NEVERRRRR been on a real date with a guy. 

that is sad. 


This is a couple of my friends.  Then when I tell them about a guy I'm dating they say, "you always get the good ones."  Confused  Its called having standards, smh.  I meet losers all the time, I just don't give them a chance.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:50am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

An engagement is a promise of marriage and the preparation time.
It's saying you're the one so let's prepare for our lifetime together.


I don't think an engagement should last forever but I don't think there is a precise time limit either

Whatever the ppl involved feel..
I'm going to go with this.


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:52am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Engagement is an intent to marry.
You're seriously making up the immediate future part bc engagements used to be very lengthy.



I'm not making up anything.  At the end of the day, people are speaking on their perspective.  In my culture engagement of over a year is impossible.  Your family, his, and everyone who knows you would just assume the wedding isn't going to happen.  I've never had a family member or friend engaged for longer than 1 yr aside from one person who had to postpone their plans due to a death in the family.  Its unheard of.

My culture aside, for most of U.S. history, the etiquette has been to marry within a year.  Even now, many people marry within that time frame, so I don't see what's "made up" about that.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:52am
That whole year and a day thing started with the Wiccans .
The Chinese typically were 2 years and Catholics about 6 months.

For those in arranged marriages like in India.
You could be engaged for years until you were a certain age then you would meet and marry and go through the ceremony.


Preparation of the dowry wasn't always quick and fast.



Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:53am
If they are planning in those two years ok fine. But if he is getting agitated every time she brings up wedding plans and there is no date then ummmmmm........


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:55am
Yeah the issue here is even the time frame.
It's the man!!!


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:55am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

That whole year and a day thing started with the Wiccans.
The Chinese typically were 2 years and Catholics about 6 months.

For those in arranged marriages like in India.
You can be engaged for years until you were a certain age then you would meet and marry and go through the ceremony.


They are not engaged.  They are betrothed to each other, sometimes since childhood.  That's totally different from a man making a public declaration of his intent to marry you and not having any plans to actually do it 5 years down the line.


Posted By: bunzaveli
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:56am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Yeah the issue here is even the time frame.
It's the man!!!


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:56am
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 


EXACTLY. 

i seems a lot of women only want to be called wifey rather than having a marriage license. 




When people actually get the proposal they really understand it.......until then its a case of if it was me but it aint you and daydreaming is easy


No shade......

I understand but I think a lot of women never set expectations for their relationships. there are women out there who seriously believe they will not ever get married so when a guy moves in...they think that's as good as it gets. 

Couples that really want to get married, do it. Whether its a court house wedding with a fancy ceremony/destination wedding later...either way, they make it official. 


Posted By: Majesty02
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:57am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

 I swear people will forever blame the woman for a man’s shortcomings, and inadequacies. It’s not always the MAN that doesn't want to get married, sometimes it’s the Woman. I know because I was in that situation. I was engaged for a few yrs. but I never was really excited about setting a date. Looking back God was trying to warn me. Thank God I was able to dodge the bullet.

Just because 2 people are engage, or in a relationship doesn’t mean everything is cupcakes, and Starburst. Ultimately people should do what is best for them according to their situation, not society’s standards of how things should be done.  

 


then they shouldn't be parading around pretending to have cupcakes and starbursts. 


 
DP


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:58am
Originally posted by bunzaveli bunzaveli wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Yeah the issue here is even the time frame.
It's the man!!!




Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:58am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Yeah the issue here is even the time frame.
It's the man!!!


But the woman is allowing it to linger on.


Posted By: Majesty02
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:59am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

 I swear people will forever blame the woman for a man’s shortcomings, and inadequacies. It’s not always the MAN that doesn't want to get married, sometimes it’s the Woman. I know because I was in that situation. I was engaged for a few yrs. but I never was really excited about setting a date. Looking back God was trying to warn me. Thank God I was able to dodge the bullet.

Just because 2 people are engage, or in a relationship doesn’t mean everything is cupcakes, and Starburst. Ultimately people should do what is best for them according to their situation, not society’s standards of how things should be done.  

 


then they shouldn't be parading around pretending to have cupcakes and starbursts. 


 
Gyal who are you talking about? Not everyone does that. I can only speak for myself, and I NEVER pretend like everything was perfect in my relationship. Truth is people change over time, and their true colors start to show over time. Which is when I left him, and haven't looked back since. Smile I dodged a bullet fah real
 


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:00pm
She just can't sit and pout. Either have the honest conversation with him or move on


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:01pm
Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:


Gyal who are you talking about? Not everyone does that. I can only speak for myself, and I NEVER pretend like everything was perfect in my relationship.
 

maybe this should be another topic....

but why should anyone else know there is trouble in your relationship?


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:03pm
Originally posted by keepgrowing keepgrowing wrote:

If they are planning in those two years ok fine. But if he is getting agitated every time she brings up wedding plans and there is no date then ummmmmm........


Because this is the real issue.....Mr00 is like we can go to city hall now and have a big ceremony later...Im like relax we got time....my best eggs still in there...im tryna spend my reception money on ThailandEmbarrassed


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:06pm
Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

 I swear people will forever blame the woman for a man’s shortcomings, and inadequacies. It’s not always the MAN that doesn't want to get married, sometimes it’s the Woman. I know because I was in that situation. I was engaged for a few yrs. but I never was really excited about setting a date. Looking back God was trying to warn me. Thank God I was able to dodge the bullet.

Just because 2 people are engage, or in a relationship doesn’t mean everything is cupcakes, and Starburst. Ultimately people should do what is best for them according to their situation, not society’s standards of how things should be done.  

 




Why did you accept a proposal from a man you were not ready to marry?


Posted By: Majesty02
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:07pm

^ At the time I WAS ready to marry him. But like I said, over time people change and truth starts to reveal it self. For God sake I was only 21. So the things I know now, I didn't know then.



Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:08pm
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 


EXACTLY. 

i seems a lot of women only want to be called wifey rather than having a marriage license. 




When people actually get the proposal they really understand it.......until then its a case of if it was me but it aint you and daydreaming is easy


No shade......

I understand but I think a lot of women never set expectations for their relationships. there are women out there who seriously believe they will not ever get married so when a guy moves in...they think that's as good as it gets. 

Couples that really want to get married, do it. Whether its a court house wedding with a fancy ceremony/destination wedding later...either way, they make it official. 


People aint living together as a relationship step.....mugs just need to split the billsLOL

I would rather be engaged for 100 years before I have a courthouse wedding.....idgaf....judge away.....


Posted By: Majesty02
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:13pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:


Gyal who are you talking about? Not everyone does that. I can only speak for myself, and I NEVER pretend like everything was perfect in my relationship.
 

maybe this should be another topic....

but why should anyone else know there is trouble in your relationship?


some people like to discuss their relationship problems with family and friends

I'm guessing it is pretty common

I don't do it, but it seems like a lot of people do
 

I never said I discussed our personal problems with family, and friends. So yall need to stop jumping to conclusions. I simply said I didn't "pretend like everything was perfect". Which means I was realistic about the situation, and didn't create imaginary things in my head. When he became verbally, and psychically abusive I packed up my ish and left him. Unfortunately a lot of women stay in fatal relationships just to say “I’m married, engaged, or have a man” …Not me. I love my life too much.



Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:20pm
I'm think about either a big wedding or get married at the courthouse during the week and have a big lavish black tie event at a nice space on the weekend.
 
My SO wants a big wedding mainly for his family but I really dont know.
I would be thrilled with just the party .
 
But engagment is down the road.
I want to finish all of my schooling first


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:24pm
Team do what makes you and your boo happy.Thumbs Up



...the couple in the OP need to have a heart to heart so they can move forward together or separately.




Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:25pm
He doesnt want to marry her. 

women need to stop bringing up marriage and coercing men into putting a ring on it. 
This is real life, not a music video.
If the man wants to marry you, you wont have to say a damn thing.
If you make him put a ring on it, expect a long engagement and if you do make it to the alter, a sh*tty crash and burn marriage after.


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:45pm
When you have to ask how long is too long, its already been too long.

At some point you just a girl with a ring and delusions......


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 12:48pm
I don't think there's a too long or too short. Depends on the couple and what they want.

I don't mind long engagements.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 3:37pm
Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:


<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" ='msonormal=""'><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><!--?: prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /--><O:P><FONT face=Calibri> </O:P></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-: EN" lang=EN>I swear people will forever blame the woman for a man’s shortcomings, and inadequacies. It’s not always the MAN that doesn't want to get married, sometimes it’s the<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> Woman. I know because I was in that situation. I was engaged for a few yrs. but I never was really excited about setting a date. Looking back God was trying to warn me. Thank God I was able to dodge the bullet. <O:P></O:P></SPAN>


<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" ='msonormal=""'><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><O:P><FONT face=Calibri></O:P></SPAN>


<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0in 2.25pt 0.75pt" ='msonormal=""'><SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-: EN" lang=EN>Just because 2 people are engage, or in a relationship doesn’t mean everything is cupcakes, and Starburst. </SPAN><SPAN style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-: EN" lang=EN>Ultimately people should do what is best for them according to their situation, not society’s standards of how things should be done. <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></SPAN><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-SIZE: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>


 




then they shouldn't be parading around pretending to have cupcakes and starbursts. 





 




Gyal who are you talking about? Not everyone does that. I can only speak for myself, and I NEVER pretend like everything was perfect in my relationship. Truth is people change over time, and their true colors start to show over time. Which is when I left him, and haven't looked back since. Smile I dodged a bullet fah real

 


I'm talking about anyone it applies to...wearing the ring in itself is implying things are great...engagements and baby births are supposed to be a joyous time but ppl just like to take the joy out of the good things in life by having both in ratchet situations. People need to just wait until they're ready.


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 3:40pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 


EXACTLY. 

i seems a lot of women only want to be called wifey rather than having a marriage license. 




When people actually get the proposal they really understand it.......until then its a case of if it was me but it aint you and daydreaming is easy


No shade......

I understand but I think a lot of women never set expectations for their relationships. there are women out there who seriously believe they will not ever get married so when a guy moves in...they think that's as good as it gets. 

Couples that really want to get married, do it. Whether its a court house wedding with a fancy ceremony/destination wedding later...either way, they make it official. 


People aint living together as a relationship step.....mugs just need to split the billsLOL

I would rather be engaged for 100 years before I have a courthouse wedding.....idgaf....judge away.....

girl.....LOL my side eye is heavy on you right now... LOL


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:00pm
hmmm i dont mind a courthouse wedding tbh. a marriage and a wedding are two different things.

my mom and i were just talking about this bc a friend of mine is about to buy a house with his fiance and they have a one year old child. my mom told me that his mom told her that one reason that they haven't gotten married is bc she has a large family and wants to have a huge wedding.

if you have kids while you're engaged give up on your big wedding dreams unless yall both make a good salary bc honestly other things start to take precedent. like why spend 20k on a wedding when u can buy a house?

i was engaged for months but 2-3 years is about my personal max.


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:03pm
Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

I don't think there's a too long or too short. Depends on the couple and what they want.

I don't mind long engagements.


You know you're my fave poster.Embarrassed


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:07pm
in that case epitome, I agree get married at the courthouse and have a re dedication when everything else simmers down and you've caught your breath financially



Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:11pm
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Engagement is an intent to marry.
You're seriously making up the immediate future part bc engagements used to be very lengthy.



I'm not making up anything.  At the end of the day, people are speaking on their perspective.  In my culture engagement of over a year is impossible.  Your family, his, and everyone who knows you would just assume the wedding isn't going to happen.  I've never had a family member or friend engaged for longer than 1 yr aside from one person who had to postpone their plans due to a death in the family.  Its unheard of.

My culture aside, for most of U.S. history, the etiquette has been to marry within a year.  Even now, many people marry within that time frame, so I don't see what's "made up" about that.

That's why I said 6 months. I've never seen a nigerian couple call an engagement and it lasted longer than 6 months. As soon as its announced then preparation starts and everyone chips in. For those with long engagements what the hayell are you guys doing?


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:11pm
I feel like if I do the courthouse thing I will never have the wedding......like when people hold off on their honeymoon and they never have one.....


Posted By: thewonderfulwa
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:14pm
I think a year is the max for a engagement some need to save up and plan for the wedding but one situation doesn't fit everyone whatever makes the couple happy as long as they both agree.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:14pm
She should find out if he's actively looking for his "real soulmate"

Is he worried about the money for wedding?

Find the real reason, makes things a lot easier 




Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:17pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

in that case epitome, I agree get married at the courthouse and have a re dedication when everything else simmers down and you've caught your breath financially


that's what I'd do. and I like small intimate weddings.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:17pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

in that case epitome, I agree get married at the courthouse and have a re dedication when everything else simmers down and you've caught your breath financially



 My GF did this on her 1 yr anniv because she got married quick fast & in a hurry (planned in 3 days) the first time. She basically did a re-creation of the wedding day. We all wore same bridesmaid dresses, and everybody was in the same roles as for first wedding, same church, etc. It was nice.


eta: the wedding was a quickie because he had to leave country in  a week for business and wanted her to go w/ him and she said /put a ring on it then/ (before bey lol); he did.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:18pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

I don't think there's a too long or too short. Depends on the couple and what they want.

I don't mind long engagements.


You know you're my fave poster.Embarrassed


Heart


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:23pm
I agree Ricky. My only issue w/ op is that he becomes difficult when it's discussed. Two people getting engaged and married at their own mutual pace is fine. But if one person wants something else that's the issue IMO.

 


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:23pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I feel like if I do the courthouse thing I will never have the wedding......like when people hold off on their honeymoon and they never have one.....

Girl I did the court house thing then fed everyone a year later. The wedding was really for everyone else. Hubby just wanted to go to Bahamas and call it a day but noooooooooooooo all the family members from both sides were pressed to have a wedding ceremony. Everyone was pressed to wear their outfits and eye lashes.Confused


Posted By: f8dagrate
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:29pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I feel like if I do the courthouse thing I will never have the wedding......like when people hold off on their honeymoon and they never have one.....


This may seem irrational to others. But this is all me


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:39pm
Originally posted by sugabanana sugabanana wrote:

Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I feel like if I do the courthouse thing I will never have the wedding......like when people hold off on their honeymoon and they never have one.....

Girl I did the court house thing then fed everyone a year later. The wedding was really for everyone else. Hubby just wanted to go to Bahamas and call it a day but noooooooooooooo all the family members from both sides were pressed to have a wedding ceremony. Everyone was pressed to wear their outfits and eye lashes.Confused

Im with your hubby....I want to go to St. Lucia.....he want the big wedding....


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:40pm
someone told us that a couple already living together 'don't need a honeymoon.'  We laughed.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:41pm
I know a few people who had the courthouse wedding...basically just signed the papers and whatnot...and then got married again in a few months.

For all those couples it was because they're religious, already had a wedding planned, but their new apartment/house came through before the wedding. So they got legally married so as to avoid impropriety.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:57pm
I've wanted to renew our vows for too long now

I don't have a vision in my head yet, there's no pressing need other than that's I want and of course other things going on

So yeah I can see time getting away from you

If he doesn't want to talk about it, I still need to analyze the true why because it makes a huge difference... if you two can't talk it'll be a looooooooong 50+ years




Posted By: aNgElIc*SoUl
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 4:59pm
My bro proposed to his babymama this time last year, he said the wedding would be this summer.....he's now changed it to next summer, so we'll see.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 5:06pm
I feel like once you have a kid with the person getting married isn't all that important. I mean, your brother is going to be involved with the woman for the next 18 years which is longer than most marriages anyway.

Depending on their finances, it might make more sense not to get married.


Posted By: aNgElIc*SoUl
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 5:24pm
^^They have 2 kids


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 5:29pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

I've wanted to renew our vows for too long now

I don't have a vision in my head yet, there's no pressing need other than that's I want and of course other things going on

So yeah I can see time getting away from you

If he doesn't want to talk about it, I still need to analyze the true why because it makes a huge difference... if you two can't talk it'll be a looooooooong 50+ years




my sister did hers at 10 years . That's the soonest I've seen it done and people were side eyeing them lol.
We do something private and personal every year.

re: bold, I agree with that. If a person/friend asked me  how long is too long to be engaged, I'd say  --longer than you want to be.



Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 5:30pm
Originally posted by kerysdream7 kerysdream7 wrote:

Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

Yeah that's a thing some guys do and when they do marry it usually falls apart in a few years.

Or they end up dumping the long engagement woman then run off & marry the next chick they date right away. 
yep, i've seent his happen. shame.



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