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Youre a SAHM? What do you DO all day?

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Topic: Youre a SAHM? What do you DO all day?
Posted By: purpulicious01
Subject: Youre a SAHM? What do you DO all day?
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 12:46pm
"You're a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?"
- Mark Walsh

It’s happened twice in a week, and they were both women. Anyone ought to have more class than this, but women — especially women — should damn well know better.

Last week, I was at the pharmacy and a friendly lady approached me.


“Matt! How are those little ones doing?”


“Great! They’re doing very well, thanks for asking.”


“Good to hear. How ’bout your wife? Is she back at work yet?”


“Well she’s working hard at home, taking care of the kids. But she’s not going back into the workforce, if that’s what you mean.”


“Oh fun! That must be nice!”


“Fun? It’s a lot of hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fun? Not always.”


This one wasn’t in-your-face. It was only quietly presumptuous and subversively condescending.


The next incident occurred today at the coffee shop. It started in similar fashion; a friendly exchange about how things are coming along with the babies. The conversation quickly derailed when the woman hit me with this:


“So is your wife staying at home permanently?”


“Permanently? Well, for the foreseeable future she will be raising the kids full time, yes.”


“Yeah, mine is 14 now. But I’ve had a career the whole time as well. I can’t imagine being a stay at home mom. I would get so antsy. [Giggles] What does she DO all day?”


“Oh, just absolutely everything. What do you do all day?”


“…Me? Ha! I WORK!”


“My wife never stops working. Meanwhile, it’s the middle of the afternoon and we’re both at a coffee shop. I’m sure my wife would love to have time to sit down and drink a coffee. It’s nice to get a break, isn’t it?”


The conversation ended less amicably than it began.


Look, I don’t cast aspersions on women who work outside of the home. I understand that many of them are forced into it because they are single mothers, or because one income simply isn’t enough to meet the financial needs of their family. Or they just choose to work because that’s what they want to do. Fine. I also understand that most “professional”

 women aren’t rude, pompous and smug, like the two I met recently.


But I don’t want to sing Kumbaya right now. I want to kick our backwards, materialistic society in the shins and say, “GET YOUR FREAKING HEAD ON STRAIGHT, SOCIETY.”


This conversation shouldn’t be necessary. I shouldn’t need to explain why it’s insane for anyone — particularly other women — to have such contempt and hostility for “stay at home” mothers. Are we really so shallow? Are we really so confused? Are we really the first culture in the history of mankind to fail to grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood? The pagans deified Maternity and turned it into a goddess. We’ve gone the other direction; we treat it like a disease or an obstacle.


The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?


It’s true — being a mom isn’t a “job.” A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I’ve had many jobs; it’s nothing spectacular or mystical. I don’t quite understand why we’ve elevated “the workforce” to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn’t liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually. Am I being harsh? No, I’m being someone who has a job. I’m being real.


If your mother quit her role as mother, entire lives would be turned upside down; society would suffer greatly. The ripples of that tragedy would be felt for generations. If she quit her job as a computer analyst, she’d be replaced in four days and nobody would care. Same goes for you and me. We have freedom and power in the home, not the office. But we are zombies, so we can not see that.


Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.


Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, “hey, it’s just the sun.”


Of course not all women can be at home full time. It’s one thing to acknowledge that; it’s quite another to paint it as the ideal. To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period.


Finally, it’s probably true that stay at home moms have some down time. People who work outside the home have down time, too. In fact, there are many, many jobs that consist primarily of down time, with little spurts of menial activity strewn throughout. In any case, I’m not looking to get into a fight about who is “busier.” We seem to value our time so little, that we find our worth based on how little of it we have. In other words, we’ve idolized “being busy,” and confused it with being “important.” You can be busy but unimportant, just as you can be important but not busy. I don’t know who is busiest, and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. I think it’s safe to say that none of us are as busy as we think we are; and however busy we actually are, it’s more than we need to be.


We get a lot of things wrong in our culture. But, when all is said and done, and our civilization crumbles into ashes, we are going to most regret the way we treated mothers and children.

------------------------


Read more at http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/#XCBmsl6B3kxE81mJ.99



Replies:
Posted By: blaquefoxx
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 12:50pm
I plan to be a SAHM. I want to home school too...


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:03pm
I don't have the patience. I'll be bored to death. I couldn't even stay home during my maternity leave.



Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:06pm
A bit over zealous, like a white person who just realized that racism does still exist.

It's hard too. We get it. But it is nice to actually b at home raising ur kids. And I didn't consider it work staying at home. Hard, yes. Work? No.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:08pm
all women get side eyed it seems, no matter what we do

That's why we should just do exactly what we want, how we want to do it




Posted By: leftywefty
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:12pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

all women get side eyed it seems, no matter what we do

That's why we should just do exactly what we want, how we want to do it





ClapClapClapClapClapClap
we stay at home=judged
we work outside the home=judged
we wear weave=judged
we go natural=judged
we wear makeup=judged
we don't wear makeup=judged
we wear modest clothing=judged
we wear booty shorts=judged
This list is never-ending. 


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:14pm
I've been at home, the day does go by fast, it's often a thankless job and you're on duty all day not just 8 hours like at work 

But imagine the pressures of a working mom, having to fit everything in AFTER work, so don't be too hard on working moms feeling a way about sahm






Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:16pm
I think in general people need to brush up on their manners. Be a little less rude, a little more empathetic, and think before you speak. But that's too much to ask.

Anyway, raising children is difficult and considering just how badly some of these gremlins turn out, maybe we should be encouraging mothers to spend more time mothering.

I guess I'm glad he's at least aware enough to be annoyed on his wife's behalf.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:17pm
yeah often it's men asking that same question and they don't get condemnation for it

I agree with creole about his "enlightenment"




Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:20pm
hmmmmmm i'm just wondering how he would feel if his wife decided she wanted to work outside of the home...


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:21pm

i side eye anyone asking ridiculous questions like that about sahm's....



Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:28pm
great point TC

He may want to be seen as progressive and doesn't want to be accused of keeping a wife home barefoot and pregnant.  I have coworkers who feel that way

The sahm equivalent to "but I have a black friend, he's used my bathroom"

I agree with his pov on the rat race though




Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:30pm
yes he seems a bit aggressive imo...lol
 
anyway, i also agree with his assessment of the rat race...


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:30pm
Stay at home wife ftw. Kids being there would make go out and find a job.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:31pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

Stay at home wife ftw. Kids being there would make go out and find a job.
 
DeadLOL  you seem like you would make a great mom!!!!  stop it.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:33pm
i too would be perfectly fine as a sahw.  and i would dare any mofo to ask me ridiculous azz questions about it...


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:38pm
Lol. Ty ....i do love kids..its the 18 yrs that get me..lol..

I would show out as a sahw...oh yes ma'am sign me up.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:45pm
im with the sahm bandwagon 

I was a stay at home wife... but you can do that only for so long before you side eye yourself

With kids it would be worth it until they're in school full time and settled. 




Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:47pm
I definitely want to be a stay at home partner.

From everyone I know who does it (and I know several) they absolutely love it.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:56pm
i know i would love it...lol


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 1:56pm
Ricky I know someone who's been a stay at home wife her whole marriage...30+ years...intentionally childfree...and she loves it still.

She says just like anything it changes over time. Sometimes she's super busy and involved with lots of different things and sometimes she just chills. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. But overall she loves it.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 2:01pm
I've done it a few times over the years and at first I always absolutely love it

Work isn't all it's cracked up to be, even business isn't either, neither is staying at home

I go back and forth... when what I'm doing gets on my nerves, I try something else

Work is headed in that direction now 


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 2:04pm
Originally posted by purpulicious01 purpulicious01 wrote:


“Well she’s working hard at home, taking care of the kids. But she’s not going back into the workforce, if that’s what you mean.”


“Oh fun! That must be nice!”


“Fun? It’s a lot of hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fun? Not always.”


This one wasn’t in-your-face. It was only quietly presumptuous and subversively condescending.




This man is a very angry person. There was nothing condescending about what the woman said in here. He needs to stop seeing things where there is none.



Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 2:04pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

im with the sahm bandwagon 

I was a stay at home wife... but you can do that only for so long before you side eye yourself

With kids it would be worth it until they're in school full time and settled. 









Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 2:41pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

all women get side eyed it seems, no matter what we do

That's why we should just do exactly what we want, how we want to do it



IA


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 2:49pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

im with the sahm bandwagon 

I was a stay at home wife... but you can do that only for so long before you side eye yourself

With kids it would be worth it until they're in school full time and settled. 









I know that's right.
My side eye hasn't activated yet.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 2:58pm
I don't have a problem with people staying home if their husband can provide that opportunity but don't pretend you're doing it for the kids.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 2:59pm
IA Creole. Homeboy needs to dial it back some.LOL





Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:03pm
That's nice that he appreciates his wife and the work that she does, but he is slightly reaching.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:21pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

I don't have a problem with people staying home if their husband can provide that opportunity but don't pretend you're doing it for the kids.
 
you think most sahm's are pretending to do it for the kids?


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:26pm
Sallie Mae and all of my school/training says I better hold off on SAH anything until I run her her money.DisapproveLOL


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:35pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

I don't have a problem with people staying home if their husband can provide that opportunity but don't pretend you're doing it for the kids.
 
you think most sahm's are pretending to do it for the kids?

I can't say because I don't know most stay at home moms but I don't think lying about it is necessary especially if you're not homeschooling. You don't need to stay at home to take care of your kids. Most working moms do all that and more.


Posted By: Bored w/Out Me?
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:36pm
More stay at home dads now anyways...


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:42pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

I don't have a problem with people staying home if their husband can provide that opportunity but don't pretend you're doing it for the kids.
 
you think most sahm's are pretending to do it for the kids?

I can't say because I don't know most stay at home moms but I don't think lying about it is necessary especially if you're not homeschooling. You don't need to stay at home to take care of your kids. Most working moms do all that and more.
 
interesting.  i don't really see what there is to lie about.  someone being home with their  kids before they go to grade school and then right after they get out of grade school is work.
 
work that most seem to think is meh...which is very odd imo...especially considering people actually have a "job" to do just that...look after children.  what other working moms do (by choice or by necessity) is irrelevant, imo.


Posted By: lanae
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:48pm
Originally posted by Bored w/Out Me? Bored w/Out Me? wrote:

More stay at home dads now anyways...

Yeah I just read an article abt that. With the loss of male dominated jobs men are either transitioning to wonrn o riented fields like nursing or just staying home.


Posted By: JaceDummy
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:56pm
I know one SAHM that has a nanny and does nothing really, and I know one SAHM who has a five year old girl spelling and writing and doing math at second grade level. 

I'm a SAHM and full time student who wants to go to work but I'm accustomed to getting paid a lot more than what's out there right now- so I need to step my education/skill set up. I don't need to work right now, and I don't want to work just to pay for childcare. I feel like my child deserves more than some basic daycare facility - if I am able to provide more. 

I've been a single, working mom too and it was hard as hell but it was necessary for that period of time in my life. I was in Dallas where the money was good, childcare was affordable and rent was cheap. In California, money is exactly the same (for my skill set), childcare is higher and rent is three times as much as Dallas. 


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 3:59pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

I don't have a problem with people staying home if their husband can provide that opportunity but don't pretend you're doing it for the kids.
 
you think most sahm's are pretending to do it for the kids?

I can't say because I don't know most stay at home moms but I don't think lying about it is necessary especially if you're not homeschooling. You don't need to stay at home to take care of your kids. Most working moms do all that and more.
 
interesting.  i don't really see what there is to lie about.  someone being home with their  kids before they go to grade school and then right after they get out of grade school is work.
 
work that most seem to think is meh...which is very odd imo...especially considering people actually have a "job" to do just that...look after children.  what other working moms do (by choice or by necessity) is irrelevant, imo.

Staying at home is just that, staying at home. It's not hard to stay at home and do anything. If you're gonna stay at home with the kids and not have a job that's fine but don't expect people to think it's hard work when others are making money and still taking care of their kids. Staying at home is a luxury. Caring for your own kids and home does not count as work.


Posted By: JaceDummy
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:01pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

I don't have a problem with people staying home if their husband can provide that opportunity but don't pretend you're doing it for the kids.
 
you think most sahm's are pretending to do it for the kids?

I can't say because I don't know most stay at home moms but I don't think lying about it is necessary especially if you're not homeschooling. You don't need to stay at home to take care of your kids. Most working moms do all that and more.

Some working moms do that and a lot more. Some don't do sht. 

Also, homeschooling is necessary always. A child can never learn too much. A SAHM should most definitely be homeschooling even when kids are in school away from home because our education system sucks.  But you're right, working moms do all that and more, sometimes. 

I don't think it's ever okay to criticize someone's parenting because everyone has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. 


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:02pm
If stay at home moms are better parents than working moms then you might as well say working men are not good fathers because they're supposed to be at home every minute of the day to look into their kids face and prepare home cooked meals. It's a two way street.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:04pm
Originally posted by JaceDummy JaceDummy wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

I don't have a problem with people staying home if their husband can provide that opportunity but don't pretend you're doing it for the kids.
 
you think most sahm's are pretending to do it for the kids?

I can't say because I don't know most stay at home moms but I don't think lying about it is necessary especially if you're not homeschooling. You don't need to stay at home to take care of your kids. Most working moms do all that and more.

Some working moms do that and a lot more. Some don't do sht. 

Also, homeschooling is necessary always. A child can never learn too much. A SAHM should most definitely be homeschooling even when kids are in school away from home because our education system sucks.  But you're right, working moms do all that and more, sometimes. 

I don't think it's ever okay to criticize someone's parenting because everyone has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. 

I agree and like I said, nothing's wrong with not working if that's what you want and what your hubby can afford it but it isn't about the kids. It's either about the woman not wanting to work or about the power play between husband and wife imo (aka the husband not wanting the wife to work).


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:12pm
well we can agree to disagree because there are several women who make the sacrifice and choice to stay at home with their children until they are all in grade school and then go back to work.  and taking care of 2-3 kids damn near 24 hours a day IS work whether they are your own or not.  that's considered a small daycare...
 
there are daycare "workers" who have NO children of their own...are they not working hard? 
 
sahw i would say is a luxury.
 


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:23pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

well we can agree to disagree because there are several women who make the sacrifice and choice to stay at home with their children until they are all in grade school and then go back to work.  and taking care of 2-3 kids damn near 24 hours a day IS work whether they are your own or not.  that's considered a small daycare...
 
there are daycare "workers" who have NO children of their own...are they not working hard? 
 
sahw i would say is a luxury.
 

Yeah but those aren't their kids. It's nobody's responsibility to watch what you give birth to and that' why you have to either do it yourself or pay for it. The two can't really be compared.

I agree to disagree.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:26pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

well we can agree to disagree because there are several women who make the sacrifice and choice to stay at home with their children until they are all in grade school and then go back to work.  and taking care of 2-3 kids damn near 24 hours a day IS work whether they are your own or not.  that's considered a small daycare...
 
there are daycare "workers" who have NO children of their own...are they not working hard? 
 
sahw i would say is a luxury.
 

Yeah but those aren't their kids. It's nobody's responsibility to watch what you give birth to and that' why you have to either do it yourself or pay for it. The two can't really be compared.

I agree to disagree.
 
exactly.  however, its the same effort correct?  so, would you think a sahm(or dad) of 1 who watched  2 children who are not their own for free was "working"...you see where this is going.... 


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:33pm
interesting.  so in your mind...work is only work if you get paid for it.  i see...Thumbs Up
 
because i assume in that same scenario, if the sahm was receiving payment for the other 2 she would be actually "working" in your mind then... 


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:34pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

well we can agree to disagree because there are several women who make the sacrifice and choice to stay at home with their children until they are all in grade school and then go back to work.  and taking care of 2-3 kids damn near 24 hours a day IS work whether they are your own or not.  that's considered a small daycare...
 
there are daycare "workers" who have NO children of their own...are they not working hard? 
 
sahw i would say is a luxury.
 

Yeah but those aren't their kids. It's nobody's responsibility to watch what you give birth to and that' why you have to either do it yourself or pay for it. The two can't really be compared.

I agree to disagree.
 
exactly.  however, its the same effort correct?  so, would you think a sahm(or dad) of 1 who watched  2 children who are not their own for free was "working"...you see where this is going.... 

I don't see where this is going but no, they are doing a favor that they are really only able to do because they aren't working...


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:38pm
who said it would have to be a niece or nephew...could be the neighbors kid or friends kid...wth


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:38pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

interesting.  so in your mind...work is only work if you get paid for it.  i see...Thumbs Up

Volunteering is work but watching your niece or nephew isn't. It's the lack of self interest that makes it work imo.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:41pm

volunteering is typically void of self interest...



Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:43pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

who said it would have to be a niece or nephew...could be the neighbors kid or friends kid...wth

If you do it for a friend or a neighbor then you're doing it because you know them and want to help or because you want to be able to ask for a favor when you need it. If you or someone you know directly are the ones benefittng then how is it work? In that case I could detangle my hair and say I was working all day. 
 
lol...ok...this is funny as hell now...


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:44pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

who said it would have to be a niece or nephew...could be the neighbors kid or friends kid...wth

If you do it for a friend or a neighbor then you're doing it because you know them and want to help or because you want to be able to ask for a favor when you need it. If you or someone you know directly are the ones benefittng then how is it work? In that case I could detangle my hair and say I was working all day. 


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:44pm
it isn't easy to care for babies/young children, it's time consuming, can be all consuming, and it's often thankless

There's value to being 100% responsible for the beliefs, expectations, emotions, lessons etc your children develop before they go to school

If you've ever kept babies/young children by yourself for a month, you'll understand it's work


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:45pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

volunteering is typically void of self interest...


True but what I meant is their not the ones benefiting from it. A volunteer is actually helping someone with no relation to them. You can't volunteer to tutor your own kids because that's your responsibility. But if you tutor a stranger's kids for free or charge, that's work because you're not getting the benefit.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:46pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


you don't help friends and neighbors for the same reason you help your family?

You do and that's what I'm saying. But this question is worded weird so I'm not sure if I'm answering it.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:46pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


you don't help friends and neighbors for the same reason you help your family?
 
sometimes.  i have neighbors i would watch their kids for free but i wouldn't go to dinner with them...lol


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:48pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

it isn't easy to care for babies/young children, it's time consuming, can be all consuming, and it's often thankless


The only person who should be offering thanks is the child's other parent.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:49pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

volunteering is typically void of self interest...


True but what I meant is their not the ones benefiting from it. A volunteer is actually helping someone with no relation to them. You can't volunteer to tutor your own kids because that's your responsibility. But if you tutor a stranger's kids for free or charge, that's work because you're not getting the benefit.
 
this not true.  i have volunteered my skills for church and for other organizations in which i know the people.  you do not have to volunteer for a stranger in order for it to be considered work...gtfohLOL


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:51pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

who said it would have to be a niece or nephew...could be the neighbors kid or friends kid...wth

If you do it for a friend or a neighbor then you're doing it because you know them and want to help or because you want to be able to ask for a favor when you need it. If you or someone you know directly are the ones benefittng then how is it work? In that case I could detangle my hair and say I was working all day. 
 
lol...ok...this is funny as hell now...

K then...it seems like you're saying anything that requires effort is work. If I make myself a sandwich I am working. When I wash my own ass I am working. When I'm sewing in my weave I am working. When I am exercising I am working...?


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:51pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

it isn't easy to care for babies/young children, it's time consuming, can be all consuming, and it's often thankless


The only person who should be offering thanks is the child's other parent.
 
i don't agree...society is a better when children have healthy home lives.
 
isn't this something we talk about all the time?  the fact that part of the solution to our problems (i'm talking black people here) starts at home?


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:52pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:



both are "work"
 
of course they are...LOL


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:53pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

volunteering is typically void of self interest...


True but what I meant is their not the ones benefiting from it. A volunteer is actually helping someone with no relation to them. You can't volunteer to tutor your own kids because that's your responsibility. But if you tutor a stranger's kids for free or charge, that's work because you're not getting the benefit.
 
this not true.  i have volunteered my skills for church and for other organizations in which i know the people.  you do not have to volunteer for a stranger in order for it to be considered work...gtfohLOL

Depends on what you were doing but your church is not your friends or family.

Like I said, the difference is self interest. Doing something for friend or family member for free isn't legit work for the same reason a corporation doesn't allow nepotism. Self interest.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:55pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

it isn't easy to care for babies/young children, it's time consuming, can be all consuming, and it's often thankless


The only person who should be offering thanks is the child's other parent.
 
i don't agree...society is a better when children have healthy home lives.
 
isn't this something we talk about all the time?  the fact that part of the solution to our problems (i'm talking black people here) starts at home?


I agree that society is better off when children are raised well, obviously.

But I don't believe that society should be thanking a parent for taking care of their parenting responsibilities. That's just part of the package of being a parent. The only person who might owe you thanks is the other parent.

I mean in the sense of "thanks for keeping your kid clean, fed, and sending them to school"...if that makes sense.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:55pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

volunteering is typically void of self interest...


True but what I meant is their not the ones benefiting from it. A volunteer is actually helping someone with no relation to them. You can't volunteer to tutor your own kids because that's your responsibility. But if you tutor a stranger's kids for free or charge, that's work because you're not getting the benefit.
 
this not true.  i have volunteered my skills for church and for other organizations in which i know the people.  you do not have to volunteer for a stranger in order for it to be considered work...gtfohLOL

Depends on what you were doing but your church is not your friends or family.
 
listen lady...i have watched the neighbors kids for free and i don't even kick it at all with the mom or dad.  not even a lil...that was work and i don't give a rats azz what you say...LOL


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:56pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


lol

trying to better understand your perspective

you made the distinction between helping non relatives versus relatives and what motivates you to do things for them

I assumed we help people for the same reasons so watching a younger relative is the same thing as watching a neighbor's kids for free or for a fee

both are "work"

It is because you care about them both.

But you wouldn't regularly babysit someone's kid that you don't know for free.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:57pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

volunteering is typically void of self interest...


True but what I meant is their not the ones benefiting from it. A volunteer is actually helping someone with no relation to them. You can't volunteer to tutor your own kids because that's your responsibility. But if you tutor a stranger's kids for free or charge, that's work because you're not getting the benefit.
 
this not true.  i have volunteered my skills for church and for other organizations in which i know the people.  you do not have to volunteer for a stranger in order for it to be considered work...gtfohLOL

Depends on what you were doing but your church is not your friends or family.
 
listen lady...i have watched the neighbors kids for free and i don't even kick it at all with the mom or dad.  not even a lil...that was work and i don't give a rats azz what you say...LOL

Yeah we established that a couple pages back...fine by me...


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 4:57pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

it isn't easy to care for babies/young children, it's time consuming, can be all consuming, and it's often thankless


The only person who should be offering thanks is the child's other parent.
 
i don't agree...society is a better when children have healthy home lives.
 
isn't this something we talk about all the time?  the fact that part of the solution to our problems (i'm talking black people here) starts at home?


I agree that society is better off when children are raised well, obviously.

But I don't believe that society should be thanking a parent for taking care of their parenting responsibilities. That's just part of the package of being a parent. The only person who might owe you thanks is the other parent.

I mean in the sense of "thanks for keeping your kid clean, fed, and sending them to school"...if that makes sense.
 
well...i thank moms/dads who i feel are doing a great job in real life all the time.  and i'd like to get more involved helping those who appear to be struggling...but that's another thread for another day...i suppose... 


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:01pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


lol

trying to better understand your perspective

you made the distinction between helping non relatives versus relatives and what motivates you to do things for them

I assumed we help people for the same reasons so watching a younger relative is the same thing as watching a neighbor's kids for free or for a fee

both are "work"

It is because you care about them both.

But you wouldn't regularly babysit someone's kid that you don't know for free.
 
well again we are back to if the sahm of 1 who is watching 2 children and being paid...she putting forth the same amount of effort as a sahm of 3.  one is working in your mind and the other isn't...ok.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:04pm
TC I get you. I think it's important to show appreciation to other people in our lives. Definitely.

I just think the idea of "thanks so much for taking care of your basic responsibilities" isn't necessary. Same as when dudes tell you they've never been to jail, have a job, and no kids and expect a cookie for it.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:06pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

TC I get you. I think it's important to show appreciation to other people in our lives. Definitely.

I just think the idea of "thanks so much for taking care of your basic responsibilities" isn't necessary. Same as when dudes tell you they've never been to jail, have a job, and no kids and expect a cookie for it.
 
DeadLOL  when you put it that way....LOL
 
 


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:10pm

not saying sahm/d is cookie worthy....i just think it is ridic for anyone to be questioning what a sahm/d does all day...i mean unless you know that particular sahm/d is unfit....it's rude as f*ck...



Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:11pm
speaking of i started watching this Australian  show called "house husbands"....it's pretty good!


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:18pm
by thankless I mean valued


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:19pm
that's what i thought ricky...


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:39pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

speaking of i started watching this Australian  show called "house husbands"....it's pretty good!


I'm going to look for that show.

I know a few long time house husbands.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:44pm
purp its in the 3rd season.  http://www.sockshare.com/file/1A02B42BE2200A0A" rel="nofollow - here is 1st epi of 1st season ...
 
i'm half way into the 2nd season..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:46pm
I was looking for it on tubeplus


Posted By: leftywefty
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:47pm
I plan on homeschooling and being a sahw, despite having a professional degree. I had to reflect on that a lot though. I decided that I wanted to dedicate my knowledge and expertise to raising competent and respectful children and nurturing my household. I know it's a luxury and I'm so grateful that I will be the one molding the minds of my precious black children in a society that deems them of little value. I find sahw's similar to other vital, yet disrespected professions such as social work and teaching. I think that any family that can afford to have a parent at home…should. 


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:51pm
Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

I was looking for it on tubeplus
oh ok... that is my site of choice...
 
http://www.tubeplus.me/info/2119399/House_Husbands/season_1/episode_1/Episode_1/" rel="nofollow - here you go...
 
Big smile


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:56pm
i think i understand what lies is saying. being a stay at home mom is not work because having children is a choice. its not like women go pick a kid from the cabbage patch and decide to raise them. the children are yours so raising them is your responsibility (not work) whether you stay home or not.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 5:57pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

I was looking for it on tubeplus
oh ok... that is my site of choice...
 
http://www.tubeplus.me/info/2119399/House_Husbands/season_1/episode_1/Episode_1/" rel="nofollow - here you go...
 
Big smile

love tubeplus and tubeplusoffline even more
Thanks!


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:00pm
this reminds me of the 'marriage is work' thing.
 
eta: defining what is meant by work.  


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:04pm
I rather stay home without the kids part. Stay at home moms have it rough. You gotta listen to their whining and crying all damn day....I couldn't do it lol


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:06pm
i just find it so fascinating how people define having children. it seems like people actually think they're picking kids out of the cabbage patch or plucking them out of heaven or whatever and saving their lives (before they're even here.) 

so strange. if you chose to have them, they are your responsibilty


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:09pm
Originally posted by noneyons noneyons wrote:

i just find it so fascinating how people define having children. it seems like people actually think they're picking kids out of the cabbage patch or plucking them out of heaven or whatever and saving their lives (before they're even here.) 

so strange. if you chose to have them, they are your responsibilty


Yeah babies don't just show up out of the blue...they come from a choice.

This reminds of a recent thread on another forum asking is their any unselfish reason for becoming a parent.

The only two I can think of is adoption/fostering and having your rapist's child.




Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:12pm
i totally agree. 

except i consider fostering service WORK, while i view adoption as a choice much like having one's own child. 




Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:18pm
perhaps work and it's association with money
is confusing the issue

Clearer when work = effort 





Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:20pm

of course having children is a choice...

but lets not kid ourselves.  doing so results in sacrifices and work that needs to happen.   
 
as with anything else even things done for ones self (as star put it...doing ones own hair or whatever still requires effort to get it done)
 
in my mind, any service i'd pay for either because i can't or don't want to do it, is work for someone else.  and i'd consider it work if i had to do it myself ESPECIALLY if i can and yet prefer to pay someone else to do it.
 
the bottom line for me is it's just sad to me that this important task is looked at as like...whatever...you ain't really doing shyt...or worse...you using your children as an excuse to not do shyt.  excuse me.  that's some bs.
 


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:20pm
Yeah adoption can certainly be selfish.

I think the unselfish part is taking in a child who is already here...but I suppose that's only unselfish if you could have your own children. Because if it's the only way to get what you want, then it is selfish.




Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:22pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

perhaps work and it's association with money
is confusing the issue

Clearer when work = effort 
Thread closed?




Nah, course not.LOL


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:22pm
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

perhaps work and it's association with money
is confusing the issue

Clearer when work = effort 



 
it is.  it's clear that unpaid effort/work doesn't seem to be considered work...


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:23pm
i so agree with you maysay. 

as far as i know, i don't have any fertility issues and i don't have a problem getting a man lol so my choice to adopt (eventually) rather than have children of my own is partly philanthropic, partly to make myself feel like a good upstanding citizen giving back to the world (if i'm being honest) which could be considered selfish. 

eta: the ego part could be considered selfish


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:26pm
i guess when we say stuff like "i'm working on my resume" that's considered effort so it's considered work? LOL


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:31pm
oh, and i absolutely adore GOOD sahms. i would never consider what they do irrelevant. i just don't consider it work. 


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:37pm
so what do you think about the moms who say they would rather go outside to work than be at home with children.  is it safe to say they probably consider staying at home with the children work?


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:39pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

so what do you think about the moms who say they would rather go outside to work than be at home with children.  is it safe to say they probably consider staying at home with the children work?


I used to work with a woman who would kiss her desk on Monday mornings and say I'm so happy to be at the office to get a break lol. I think she thought it was work  .

it/staying at home w/ children


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:40pm
right. i just hope i know myself well enough to know that i won't go telling everybody who asks about my child[ren] that i adopted LOL of course i wouldn't but its important to know thyself. 

by the same token, giving birth is just as selfish if not more cause like i said, it's not like mothers are saving unborn children from the evil stork in some invisible world or something. having children is not a necessity. its a choice. 


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:42pm
yup, i think its possible that women who say that consider staying at home with the kids is work. its a shame cause unless somebody put a gun to their heads to have children, didn't nobody put a gun to their heads to have children lol


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:43pm
 sounds like life/just living is work. I agree lol


Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:45pm
well then we should just eradicate the word effort from the dictionary lol

i'm not being an ass. just having conversation. 


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:45pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

perhaps work and it's association with money
is confusing the issue

Clearer when work = effort 



 
it is.  it's clear that unpaid effort/work doesn't seem to be considered work...
OT: Reminds me of past SAHM neighbors who would come over to talk with my mom when they were completely overwhelmed (sometimes crying) from the hard work when I was a kid.Ouch


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jun 14 2014 at 6:50pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


yeah

and some of us love our jobs and some of us don't

I used to love my job



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