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Forgiveness?

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Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Talk, Talk, and More Talk
Forum Description: In this Forum, the talk is about everything that can be talked about.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=370609
Printed Date: Jan 24 2018 at 12:38am


Topic: Forgiveness?
Posted By: sbrownie84
Subject: Forgiveness?
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 3:54pm
Forgiveness? Can you still forgive a person but not want anything to do with them? No small talk nothing?



Replies:
Posted By: naturesgift
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 3:59pm
I was going to make this thread the other day... ps I wonder if the internet increase psychic abilities? Anyway Yes not easy at times but Yes! because What I learned is you forgive for yourself not for the other person who HURT you!... there is a therapeutic technique that involves writing a letter to the person who hurt you. being detailed and writing also how you would want them to apologize, in detail. The letter is not for mailing its for you to let out a clear picture of your feelings because a lot of times we are just regurgitating Our thoughts over and over and never releasing Never letting go so HEALING can take place.


Posted By: thewonderfulwa
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:02pm
Yes I can forgive a person & let them know me forgiving you doesn't mean I want you in my life.


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:08pm
yes, I have done so without even having a conversation with that person.

forgiveness is for you...to release the anger,bitterness, etc..from yourself so that you can be a better person. It has nothing to do with them. 


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:10pm
I haven't been able to do that with my ex and it's been a few years. Not very good at forgiveness. Unless it's something minor.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:10pm
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

yes, I have done so without even having a conversation with that person.

forgiveness is for you...to release the anger,bitterness, etc..from yourself so that you can be a better person. It has nothing to do with them. 


That's what my therapist kept saying. Can't quite put that into action though. But then again I'm ocd so it's my nature to relive stuff over and over again.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:15pm
I don't think forgiveness has anything to do with the other person.

but I know the definition varies


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:17pm
I also think trust is more about the individual themselves and not the person/people they trust in, but that's another discussion and maybe someone will read my mind and make the thread tomorrow. lol


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:17pm
Yes. I don't have the energy to maintain negitivity however if I know a person is not in my best interest, I can cut them off and not look back.


Posted By: naturesgift
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:23pm
caring around resentments breeds disease like Fibroid's like Cancer- you have to learn to let GO! not easy takes effort and practice

http://thoughtbrick.com/lifestyle/7-forgiveness-exercises-heal/


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:30pm
From a biblical standpoint, check titus 3:10 NIV.

Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that have nothing to do with them.



Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:43pm
Originally posted by sbrownie84 sbrownie84 wrote:

Forgiveness? Can you still forgive a person but not want anything to do with them? No small talk nothing?
yes.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:51pm
Originally posted by naturesgift naturesgift wrote:

caring around resentments breeds disease like Fibroid's like Cancer- you have to learn to let GO! not easy takes effort and practice

http://thoughtbrick.com/lifestyle/7-forgiveness-exercises-heal/


That may explain a few things Confused


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 4:52pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

I also think trust is more about the individual themselves and not the person/people they trust in, but that's another discussion and maybe someone will read my mind and make the thread tomorrow. lol


lol

I don't get what you mean


Me neither. Watchu sayin'? that one is dumb for trusting the untrustworthy?


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 5:36pm
I forgive everybody....
90% of the time I also move on.


Posted By: Benni
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 5:39pm
Yes !!


Posted By: nebhnebh
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 7:25pm
I'll say I can but I dunno...


Posted By: AwesomeAries
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 7:31pm
Originally posted by sbrownie84 sbrownie84 wrote:

Forgiveness? Can you still forgive a person but not want anything to do with them? No small talk nothing?

yes it's call forgive and forget
forgive them and forget they ass Sleepy


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 8:37pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

I also think trust is more about the individual themselves and not the person/people they trust in, but that's another discussion and maybe someone will read my mind and make the thread tomorrow. lol


lol

I don't get what you mean


  trust isn't all about whether you trust the person to always do right , but more do you trust yourself to be able to deal with it if they don't. 

are you going to make my thread? LOL


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 8:38pm
forgiveness is difficult for me as well.
i find myself making the offender pay for it over and over, but im never really satisfied. then i cut them off cold turkey.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 8:38pm
eta: sorta like we are saying forgiveness isn't about  them but abo ut you. It frees you I think (forgvness)

(do I need to say you in general?) lol


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 8:48pm
i suppose...but when i cut them off i dont necessarily forgive them but its still a burden lifted lol...
for me its like, out of sight out of mind



Posted By: Ming
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 8:55pm
i do that too, eanaj... and dare them to be mad LOL i will ask "can you get me some water with your ____ ass?" then dip


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 8:59pm
i mean, why do some fcked up sh*t then expect to live comfortably in my life? no Brotha, thats grounds for forever shade...


Posted By: Ming
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 9:43pm
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

i mean, why do some fcked up sh*t then expect to live comfortably in my life? no Brotha, thats grounds for forever shade...


nah ho and if you dont like it, leave ho Embarrassed


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 10:03pm
What is the saying? "God forgives, I don't"?


Yeah, usually I just forget about you but sometimes...Stern Smile


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 10:08pm
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

forgiveness is difficult for me as well.
i find myself making the offender pay for it over and over, but im never really satisfied. then i cut them off cold turkey.
i used to be like that. with a certain person i guess i still am. cutting them off doesnt help. i have to learn to forgive him...it helps ease my mind and i wont stay bitter forever. not saying you are...im just ramblingSmile


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 10:10pm
Originally posted by carolina cutie carolina cutie wrote:

What is the saying? "God forgives, I don't"?


Yeah, usually I just forget about you but sometimes...Stern Smile


rick ross? LOL


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 10:20pm
Rick Ross uses it? Lawd lol. I heard it from another BHM member and it stuck.LOL


Posted By: missdeeluxe
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 10:37pm
Just because I decide forgive doesn't mean I need you in my life.


I think it's more just the peace of mind of letting it go and moving on.
/shrug


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 10:40pm
Yes, forgiving and being someones fool are two different things. 


Posted By: Mixer
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 10:51pm
Originally posted by missdeeluxe missdeeluxe wrote:

Just because I decide forgive doesn't mean I need you in my life.


I think it's more just the peace of mind of letting it go and moving on.
/shrug
This.


Posted By: ThatGurlD
Date Posted: May 08 2014 at 11:25pm
Yes.  I had a really hard conversation with a friend and hung up on this point.  In summary, I received an award that she thought she should have gotten.  She talked about me behind my back, turned other people against me and avoided me until I confronted her.  She tearfully apologized, said it was just this place she was in and she felt she couldn't catch a break and no one was seeing her potential on and on but that she never meant to hurt me but that she was hurt by my selection.  I told her that I accepted her apology but that even if I felt ALL those things, I would NEVER do that to her and I didn't want anyone in my life who could justify treating me that way.  She CRIED.  I listened and expressed that I'm simply beyond a point in my life where I need to "keep my enemies close and watch my homies."  We hung up and aside from her "liking" a couple facebook posts haven't talked since.

You know what is good for you and what isn't.  A good friend will respect that and whether they respect it or not they have to accept it because it is what it is.  


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 5:21am
I don't forgive. I'm not gonna lie and say I forgive cuz I still hold bitterness over sh*t that may have been years ago. But I'm alright with that. I still sleep peacefully at night lol


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 5:40am
Originally posted by ThatGurlD ThatGurlD wrote:

Yes.  I had a really hard conversation with a friend and hung up on this point.  In summary, I received an award that she thought she should have gotten.  She talked about me behind my back, turned other people against me and avoided me until I confronted her.  She tearfully apologized, said it was just this place she was in and she felt she couldn't catch a break and no one was seeing her potential on and on but that she never meant to hurt me but that she was hurt by my selection.  I told her that I accepted her apology but that even if I felt ALL those things, I would NEVER do that to her and I didn't want anyone in my life who could justify treating me that way.  She CRIED.  I listened and expressed that I'm simply beyond a point in my life where I need to "keep my enemies close and watch my homies."  We hung up and aside from her "liking" a couple facebook posts haven't talked since.

You know what is good for you and what isn't.  A good friend will respect that and whether they respect it or not they have to accept it because it is what it is.  


99/100 this is what happens when people cry, all my friends are in a happy relationship why not me why am I not getting married.

One of my girlfriends said this to me the other day, that it's often people who check themselves against their friends and have moments where they feel better than their friends and thus are more deserving of accolade sang nice things etc etc

Off topic I know.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 5:43am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by PurplePhase PurplePhase wrote:

I also think trust is more about the individual themselves and not the person/people they trust in, but that's another discussion and maybe someone will read my mind and make the thread tomorrow. lol


lol

I don't get what you mean


  trust isn't all about whether you trust the person to always do right , but more do you trust yourself to be able to deal with it if they don't. 

are you going to make my thread? LOL


oh well I trust people will be assholes lol

what thread are you talking about? lol
yes this is true,

Trust is not always about good deeds, I trust people to be who they are ..

I trust a thief to be a thief, a ho to be a ho etc etc



Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 7:16am
One of my fav quotes: there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.

I grew up in a home where my mother forgave easily, and my father held grudges for a lifetime. Guess which one is more at peace and at one with life?

I forgive before people even hurt me. All is forgiven, because I consciously choose who stays in my exeriences. I keep those who serve love (a lot of the time) We're human, sometimes we ignorantly offend. If we're ignorant, can we truly blame each other? It's those who consciously offend that I have a problem with, but then I feel pity for them instead of hate or anything else, because to know something will hurt someone, and you still do it indicates that something is seriously troubling you.


I used to hold grudges a lot, until I realized that most people live in their egos, where they serve only themselves. They can't even see me, let alone realize that they are me, and be good to me. But I do realize that, but have once lived in my ego too. And so I can't hate someone for not yet growing, i can only keep them in my positive thoughts..and help them to grow if/when they are ready.





Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 7:35am
The other day I told my mother and husband that we can't hate white people for what they've done and continue to do.
They spun around and clutched their pearls, gave me stank face, cut eye, the works.
We have to pity them. They've never been the same after realizing that they have no identity. They think it is a secret that they must conceal at all costs, or else....wait for it....they will shatter and break into a million pieces. The truth will literally and metaphorically kill them. To admit the truth is to completely shatter the illusion. What they do to us and the rest of the world is not because of us, but because of them.

Budda said that when a person hurts others it is because they are deeply hurt, and the hurt is spilling out. It is a cry.

I said to them, we don't have to hate them, the truth is stronger than anything else. When you know the truth, you spread the truth. An idea is contageous.

X said it. You can kill a man, but not an idea. He was soo right.

I know we weren't talking about race, but we're talking about hate and forgivenness..so

(Don't get me wrong, i still supprt separation, not segregation. I just don't feel the need to hate anyone for the things they do, since their hate has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them)


Posted By: missunfoolish
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 10:51am
have to let that hurt go, and the person
so yeah..



Posted By: indiecat
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 1:24pm
I actually forgive people for their own sake at times. I remember forgiving my ex roommate because she was pregnant and didn't need the stress. I tend to be too forgiving, but I've been trying to change that. When I forgive, people see me as a doormat and continue the same kind of behavior. So, no, I will not forgive and that actually gives me a lot more peace, expressing my anger instead of being forced to forgive because it's the right thing to do. I need to express my anger for my own sanity.

If the situation involves cheating, no, not forgiving.


Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: May 09 2014 at 6:13pm
I don't know about all this forgiving stuff. Some people and situations are just plain unforgivable.

I feel like constantly expecting people to instantly forgive the most horrible fucckery is taking away from who we are: Human beings with human emotions. My take is this, as long as I'm in this human body for however long on this plain of existence, it is my right to get angry, hate, even to not forgive someone for what they do and not have them in my life.

Now am I supposed to let my feelings about the said person or situation affect and control my life 24/7/365? No. I gotta live after all and do ME, but everyone should have the right, as human and not robots, to be able to feel resentment in one way or another without wanting to take a life.
 



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