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He wants to be with me....just not now?

Printed From: Black Hair Media Forum
Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Relationships
Forum Description: Single, Married, Dating, or Other, Lets Talk About It.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=369804
Printed Date: Dec 13 2017 at 8:13am


Topic: He wants to be with me....just not now?
Posted By: carabunga
Subject: He wants to be with me....just not now?
Date Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 2:50am
So I've been talking to this guy for a while now. About 5 months to be exact. The relationship started out as a friends with benefits type thing until someone eventually caught feelings and not to long after, the other did too. We dated for about a week and then out of the blue, after one petty argument he broke up with me. I was devastated and confused. I really caught serious feelings for this dude and I tried desperately to get him to take me back and make our relationship work, but now he's telling me that he's not ready for a relationship. I'm confused because since day one he was the one that kept telling me that he wanted to be with me. He was the one that caught feelings first. He was the one that said I love you first...so what's stopping him from being with me now? I believe him when he says that he loves me and wants to be with me. I don't think that he's just using me for sex or as a cushion to fall on when everything backfires. I think that he just truly isn't ready to settle down yet and doesn't want to commit to me until he is. I feel like I rushed him into a relationship with me. He said that he wants to be with me and doesn't want to lose me but he thinks we should stay friends for now. Do you think that it's worth it to wait for him or should I just move on? Who has been in this situation before and how did it work out for you?



Replies:
Posted By: TOUSHA11
Date Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 8:36am
Do not waste your time waiting on any man but GOD. If he wanted to be with you he would. All these are excuses he probably decided it was better being the friends with benefit and does not know how to say it . Most time when you enter those type of relationships you have to go in for fun only do not expect things to change. Please stop having sex with him if you can not control your feelings.When a man truly loves a woman nothing will keep him from being with her. Stop trying to convince yourself of something that he is not showing he can tell you anything but actions need to go with it.



Posted By: mangachan
Date Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 9:00am
He is doing what you think he is as far as keeping you around as a cushion.  Things are comfortable for him the way they are and he's telling you just enough to keep you hanging on.  This whole thing is about him.  He says he's not ready for a relationship, believe him, move on, and cut him off.  Freinds don't emotionally manipulate each other.  He isn't ready for a relationship but that isn't an excuse for you to stick around while he "gets himself together" for some unknown amount of time.  Let him figure himself out on his time, not yours.  Girls got to STOP accepting all this horse turd from these dudes.


Posted By: Majesty02
Date Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 11:13am
Sounds like he's currently dealing with other females, but isn't man enough to tell u. I guarantee your not the only one.He wants the benefits of being in a relationship, but doesn't want to put in the hardwork and commitment. 

I'm sure he probably did want to be with you at some point. But keep in mind a man may being feeling a certain way about you now, but feel a completely different way about u the next week.  If he "broke up" with you over 1 little argument that tells you how much value he has placed on your situation. More than likely he'll keep stringing you along for as long as you allow it.  I know its gonna be hard, but your best bet is to cut him off cold turkey. Or tell him you can only be platonic friends (NO SEX INCLUDED) And watch and see his behavior change either for the better or for the worse. Dude is selling you a dream



Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 12:33am
If a guy wants you, he's going to pursue you, point blank.

That dude is not serious. Maybe he likes you.. but definitely not in the way you want to be wanted.

He's stringing you along, hun. If he's not ready for a relationship now despite gassing your head up with all this "oh I want you" parp, I promise you he will never be ready.

So do not wait for him just as he has told you he is not waiting for you. You move on and keep the door open for another man who isn't going to gas you up only to string you along and play indecisive with your heart.

Pull back, hun. That guy promised you nothing. He owes you nothing and I know you feel like you should be in something worthwhile with him because of all the time you've invested, but that's not how things work in the matters of love. The fallibility of dating is exactly why you should never put all your eggs in one basket. The only time you should pay most of your attention to one guy is when that guy has proven he is here for you and only you and is committing to you alone.

No more "but what about what you told me" crap. Just pull away. Don't even tell him, that's pointless. Let your actions speak louder than your words.

You'll know how that dude truly feels when you're out dating and he finds this out. If the prospect of another guy securing your heart bothers him and he finally puts in work in pursuing you, then good. But if he does nothing, it's a confirmation of what your instinct has already told you.


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 12:34am
Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

Sounds like he's currently dealing with other females, but isn't man enough to tell u. I guarantee your not the only one.He wants the benefits of being in a relationship, but doesn't want to put in the hardwork and commitment. 

I'm sure he probably did want to be with you at some point. But keep in mind a man may being feeling a certain way about you now, but feel a completely different way about u the next week.  If he "broke up" with you over 1 little argument that tells you how much value he has placed on your situation. More than likely he'll keep stringing you along for as long as you allow it.  I know its gonna be hard, but your best bet is to cut him off cold turkey. Or tell him you can only be platonic friends (NO SEX INCLUDED) And watch and see his behavior change either for the better or for the worse. Dude is selling you a dream


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Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 1:45am
Is he the same guy with the pics of naked girls?
If yes, then you should not be with him.

If not, you still should not be with him. When a man says he doesn't want to lose you but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, what he is really saying is "I want you around for sex but not around as my girlfriend".


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 1:49am
OH sh*t, IT REALLY IS THE SAME GIRL!

WOMAN... THIS SAME DUDE KEEPS NUDES OF OTHER WOMEN ON HIS PHONE AND REFUSES TO DELETE THEM!


I don't mean any rudeness, but how can you still be asking for advice over a guy who has made it extremely clear he has no solid plans for you? OP, what are you doing? You're literally sticking around for heartbreak and it's terrible to see because you don't deserve all this precious time wasted and all this heartbreak and hell.


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 1:53am
Please don't fuck him anymore.

You're beyond the friends with benefits zone. You two can no longer maintain a simple relationship.

I advise you just to cut him off. Forget being friends, things have grown far too convoluted for a simple and enjoyable friendship.

Please, for you and your heart's sake, cut him off. Be done. You don't have to set him on fire and walk away, but just do a simple and clean cut and keep it stepping. Take time to yourself.

You horny? Masturbate all you need to. But please don't waste any more time than you already have on this guy. 5 months of this crap? All over a single week of dating?

No, you need to leave.


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 11:52am
Leave and do not look back. Move on.


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 11:53am
Leave and do not look back. Move on.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 3:33pm
Well, like the ladies said ... he's just not into you and was just enjoying the free and easy sex with you and .. now he is off to the next 'easy' female. :( Lots of them out there!

I will repeat the rules for you about men:

- a casual sex/friends with benefits situation can NEVER amount to anything other than .. more casual sex until it runs it’s course and it's over. This is because NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS .. men HAVE to pursue you ... and 'win' you if they want to respect you and fall in love.

- again this is the reason to NOT HAVE SEX with a guy for that magic 2
to 3 month period (the longer the better) to give you enough time to see what the heck he's all about and to give him enough time to pursue you and treat you like a lady that he would take seriously. Usually in this time period you find out he’s not relationship material anyway but since you have not invested yourself in him sexually .. it is a million times easier to just stop taking his calls and move on.

A girl’s got to be selective.

- if you JUST WANT SEX from a man that’s fine too but (we all gert horny sometimes) but you have to be mature enough to be honest with yourself and understand that’s all it is – sex. So then place your emotional investment in a guy that you WON’T sleep with because there is maybe a chance for something real with THAT guy. (So you have 1 guy for sex and the 'others' you just date with no sex .. until you figure out if one of these guys is worthly. THAT's when you get involved.)

I don’t care what he said – men lie if they see they can get free and easy sex out of a girl. That's ‘Men 101’. If you can believe everything someone tells you ... I have a bridge in NYC I'd like to sell you. :)

Do not be gulible.

There are exceptions to the above .. but you cannot bank on being the exception. You have to live and learn and DO NOT repeat this mistake with men or you will be in for a world of grief and never understand WHY guys are always saying nice stuff, having sex ... and then dumping you.

They HAVE to chase you .. or in the end .. it will not work out because … he never really wanted you to begin with.

Do not sleep with them. Dating is a 'fact finding' mission so keep your cards close to your chest (don't trust so easily) and keep that dime between your knees.

Sorry .. but this is the truth.


Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 6:21pm
He just wanted to be with you cuz he didn't sleep with you yet.. don't waste your time, move on.


Posted By: Beauty620
Date Posted: Apr 18 2014 at 9:06am
Usually when a Guy says he wants to be with you, but NOT RIGHT NOW. Means drop his a** and move on to the next because he will never want to be with you period.

Tell him Buh Bye! Don't even want to be friends with his a**.....drop him all together


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: May 10 2014 at 11:28am
He was flying high, day dreaming about the 'honeymoon stage' of the relationship....until that argument brought him back to reality.

He'd forgotten why he decided to do the FWB thing in the first place: to avoid the cons of a relationship while receiving all of the benefits like sex, no nagging/complaining/expectations and personal accountability.

He was honest with you. He's not ready for a relationship. Look for someone who is.



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