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Sex Question

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Printed Date: Sep 19 2018 at 9:39pm


Topic: Sex Question
Posted By: Sang Froid
Subject: Sex Question
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:08am
Have you ever had sex with someone because you thought he was going to rape you if you didn't?
And is that considered to still be rape?



Replies:
Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:18am
You hos gone answer my questions. 


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:20am
Why I gotta be a ho?OuchLOL



To answer your question no, but plenty of women have.

You okay over there Sang?


Posted By: thewonderfulwa
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:27am
No IM always a willing participant although I had some drunk sex that I don't remember but I was acting very lucid I even posted a update on FB

was a threat made???




Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:36am
I'm fine.

No threats...you just had a bad feeling.


Posted By: Ming
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:48am
Run.... i had that feeling and i was so mad/upset that i almost walked the whole way home, bout a 20 min drive. He offered to take me home


Posted By: Nisha
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:54am
No. Sang, be safe.




Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:55am
I'm glad you're fine.Heart


I'd stick with that gut feeling and stay away. I've had it and wasn't willing to test how right or wrong I might be.


Posted By: Lite Brite
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:00am


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:25am
No I haven't

Yes, it would be considered coercion


Posted By: Bored w/Out Me?
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 2:48am
Precarious situation...


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 3:53am
that sounds like rape to me.  i hope this didn't just happen to you.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 4:29am
I think this happens a lot.


Posted By: Marcelo22
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 4:32am
naw thats not rape but if u thinking like that u don't need to be alone around that person


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 4:34am
shoot dat nigguh!


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 7:23am
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

No I haven't

Yes, it would be considered coercion

This doesn't make sense.


If someone feels like this they should leave the scene immediately but no I don't think its rape.
Has the person said something..done something?
Just bc you feel scared doesn't mean that person has rape on the brain.

I can't explain it like how I want.

But here's and example of what's going on in my head:
A guy is walking and im digging in my purse .
I see him jogging in my direction and I get scared thinking he wants to steal my purse just bc I see him joggin towards me.
I throw my purse in his direction screaming
JUST TAKE IT.
Turns out the guys running past me to catch the bus.

Just bc I'm scared doesn't mean I was coerced.

This reminds of those SYG trials.


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 7:54am
Yes

If YOU make me afraid to say no. It's rape


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 7:56am
The op doesn't have enough info to say its rape.

She's scared that doesn't mean there has been action taken or he has done or said something.
Was there an implied threat ..anything ?

There has to be something


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 8:19am
i'm talking about if he actively said or did something to make her think he was going to rape her




Posted By: zolloh
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 8:25am
Isnt this what some dumbazzes argue that women do when they are about to be raped: "if you just gave in,it will be much easier"


Posted By: alynxx
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 8:48am
It is too hard to prove but I understand that feeling. You have to be brave though and say no audibly because I don't think a "feeling" would stand up in court.


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 9:03am
saying no barely stands up in court 

he say she say


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 9:09am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

The op doesn't have enough info to say its rape.

She's scared that doesn't mean there has been action taken or he has done or said something.
Was there an implied threat ..anything ?

There has to be something


I don't think you're considering all possibilities honestly. What if it gets hot and heavy in the bedroom and if he makes it known that's what he wants and he leverages enough force (hand wrapped around her arm or otherwise preventing her movement) and tells her things like "shh" or "come on baby" and she sees his heart's set on it she may give in so it won't turn ugly. It's still not right though.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:31am
see those are acts..thats something.
 
but none of that was said in the op.
just s feeling.
 


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:35am
I have had pity sex but never had sex because I was scared.
In both situations there was an outside influence but somehow they are different in my head. I guess the perception of the person's potential for violence being present or absent makes it different I dunno.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:48am
Originally posted by alynxx alynxx wrote:

It is too hard to prove but I understand that feeling. You have to be brave though and say no audibly because I don't think a "feeling" would stand up in court.


This. I understand that feeling too and your gut is usually right. But to prove coercion in a situation like this in a court of law is next to impossible. I haven't felt scared of rape per say but I have felt scared that a man I was seeing had the potential of becoming violent even though he hadn't done anything physical yet and I was head over heels in every other aspect.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:55am
i always say people should pay more attention to their gut instinct even if you can never quantify it


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 11:11am
It's weird because I was just thinking about this the other day. A scene in a movie that made me wonder about this. If you know you can't fight or get away and believe it's inevitable you may give in even though he hasn't physically forced you or said he will. 

Actually there were two scenes like that in the movie. It was Original Sin. I'd call it an implied threat or implied force.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 11:20am
ugh BHM is annoying...


Posted By: juniper angel
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 11:20am
Thats not rape


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 11:21am


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 11:42am
Fvck what everybody else say
Did u (hypothetically or not) feel like it was rape

Cuz of the consequences on a normal persons psyche (u sang are a strange exception) are all that really matters


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 11:52am
Pity sex and rapey vibe sex are different to me. I look at piy sex as someone you used to mess with and they keep begging or asking until you like okay come on. If at any point during the pity sex you say no then it has turned into something else.

What the other person described sounds like a svu episode. 

Someone doesn't have to raise their voice, rip your blouse or hold a knife to your throat to make you feel uncomfortable. Kinda like no matter what you say, the sex was happening. Sorry that sounds pretty rapey to me but probably hard to prove.


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:18pm
Everything grace said.

I know a few girls that had sex with this one guy in the hood cause he was just a scary dude and to say no to him, they felt like he might go crazy on them


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:23pm
I also feel thats how a lot of young girls end up getting trains ran on them.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:23pm
idk its a fine line.
You being afraid doesn't mean something criminal has taken place.
 
for some reason I think of those murder cases and those white ppl wailing that they werescared.
nothing was actually done but they just felt scared


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:28pm
I also feel thats how a lot of young girls end up getting trains ran on them.


Posted By: zolloh
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:41pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

idk its a fine line.
You being afraid doesn't mean something criminal has taken place.
 
for some reason I think of those murder cases and those white ppl wailing that they werescared.
nothing was actually done but they just felt scared
that's exactly what makes it criminal...it was unwanted and there was coercion (implied or outright)...at the very minimum it was sexual assault


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:43pm
Your feelings are valid. 


I know I can say some phuckery but I really wonder about some posters on here. 


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:46pm
Originally posted by zolloh zolloh wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:


idk its a fine line.
You being afraid doesn't mean something criminal has taken place.
 
for some reason I think of those murder cases and those white ppl wailing that they werescared.
nothing was actually done but they just felt scared
that's exactly what makes it criminal...it was unwanted and there was coercion (implied or outright)...at the very minimum it was sexual assault


No
I guess we have to use the reasonable person test.

Bc if you are afraid and the person hasn't really done anything then no.

Like my example on page one.
Your own perception of the situation doesn't change the reality of what's going on.

Was there something said, implied...something.

I mean look at that man who shot the girl bc she came to his door in the middle of the night.

Didn't he claim he was startled and afraid .
But wasn't she just looking to use the phone or something .

Him being afraid didn't mean someone was actually doing something illegal.


It's just not enough


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:49pm
At the end of the day, instinct is everything. This man I was involved with who I felt had the potential to be violent was also someone that I might have married if it wasn't for that feeling. Broke up with him and felt some regret over the years but yet something inside me knew it was the right thing to do. Came back some 15 years later trying to get me back and I still felt danger and turned him down again, even though it was really hard because I had nothing tangible to go by. But I believe to this day I did the right thing.

If your instinct is telling you that it's rape, it probably is. Again, the problem is you cannot prove it in the court of law. So all I can say is listen to your instincts early on. They usually don't fail you.


Posted By: browneyez4548
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:52pm
Co-sign with everyone in this thread.

1. I also believe that this is how some young girls have trains ran on them and how they lost their virginity as well...I know of more than a few of them
2. Yes it's rape but.....
3. I also agree w/Jones. Was there any action beforehand? Simply "thinking" it, doesn't necessarily make it fact..




Posted By: zolloh
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 12:58pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Originally posted by zolloh zolloh wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:


idk its a fine line.
You being afraid doesn't mean something criminal has taken place.
 
for some reason I think of those murder cases and those white ppl wailing that they werescared.
nothing was actually done but they just felt scared
that's exactly what makes it criminal...it was unwanted and there was coercion (implied or outright)...at the very minimum it was sexual assault


No
I guess we have to use the reasonable person test.

Bc if you are afraid and the person hasn't really done anything then no.

Like my example on page one.
Your own perception of the situation doesn't change the reality of what's going on.

Was there something said, implied...something.

I mean look at that man who shot the girl bc she came to his door in the middle of the night.

Didn't he claim he was startled and afraid .
But wasn't she just looking to use the phone or something .

Him being afraid didn't mean someone was actually doing something illegal.


It's just not enough
The reality and perception would be considered from the victim's point of view: she felt afraid that he would forcibly rape her if she said no, that's implied coercion....if sexual assault cases were viewed from the defendant's POV then no one/very few would be convicted just based on the "she wanted it" defense which is used majority of the time.


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:01pm
Wouldn't something have to happen to make you THINK it though??? Fear is not the normal reaction before sex. Plenty of things happen that can't be proven in court, doesn't make them imaginary or less valid to the person.

Creepy guys like that know what they are doing.


Posted By: browneyez4548
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:05pm
To answer the OP other question. Has it ever happened? Kinda. We didn't have sex. But nicca was aggressive AF. I was actually sore the next morning, from fighting against him. He left angry and in his feelings...but he left.

Actually scratch that. I was never scared in this situation. I was more angry and annoyed than anything. Not the same...


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:12pm
Originally posted by Princess Grace Princess Grace wrote:


Creepy guys like that know what they are doing.


They really do. This type of dudes have experience in the art of manipulation. They,ve either done it before in some form or another or they're just developing their modus operandi. They pick their victims and the time and place as well.


Posted By: zolloh
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:15pm
i think that Jones' argument is that unless the guy said or did something beforehand then its not rape, not just what the lady felt....what came first, the lady's fear or whatever he said/did?....i'm saying that in sexual assault situations, the fear can come before the guy says/does what is considered outright coercion....(correct me if im understanding you wrong, Jonesy)


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:20pm
I think so Zo
 
I'm looking for the trigger
 
like were things going ok then a bad feeling came over you .
 
Has he tried to manipulate you and is a plan in motion in his mind or is it just a feeling you have apart from what's actually taking place.


Posted By: juniper angel
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 1:37pm
I agree with jones I dont get it . So if I guy your seeing is like if you dont sex me ill leave you thats coersion but is it rape.


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 5:46pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

I think this happens a lot.
it does


Posted By: Petty LaBelle
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 5:53pm
Nah, why give up sex on an ASSUMPTION of being raped? That's probably not even on the person mind and if it IS they would have to take it instead of it being easily given.
How could you press charges?
"I have sex with him bc I THOUGHT he was going to rape me." ..what?



Posted By: Marcelo22
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 5:57pm
Originally posted by Petty LaBelle Petty LaBelle wrote:

Nah, why give up sex on an ASSUMPTION of being raped? That's probably not even on the person mind and if it IS they would have to take it instead of it being easily given.
How could you press charges?
"I have sex with him bc I THOUGHT he was going to rape me." ..what?


U are becoming my favorite poster Clap Beautiful and intelligent, deadly combination  


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 6:00pm
not rape 


Posted By: Petty LaBelle
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 6:03pm
Originally posted by Marcelo22 Marcelo22 wrote:

Originally posted by Petty LaBelle Petty LaBelle wrote:

Nah, why give up sex on an ASSUMPTION of being raped? That's probably not even on the person mind and if it IS they would have to take it instead of it being easily given.
How could you press charges?
"I have sex with him bc I THOUGHT he was going to rape me." ..what?


U are becoming my favorite poster Clap Beautiful and intelligent, deadly combination  


Lol, Thanks.
hahahaha @


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 6:03pm
Originally posted by Petty LaBelle Petty LaBelle wrote:

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">Nah, why give up sex on an ASSUMPTION of being raped? That's probably not even on the person mind and if it IS they would have to take it instead of it being easily given.
How could you press charges?
"I have sex with him bc I THOUGHT he was going to rape me." ..what?

most rape victims dont press charges no way.


Posted By: Petty LaBelle
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 6:09pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

Originally posted by Petty LaBelle Petty LaBelle wrote:

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">Nah, why give up sex on an ASSUMPTION of being raped? That's probably not even on the person mind and if it IS they would have to take it instead of it being easily given.
How could you press charges?
"I have sex with him bc I THOUGHT he was going to rape me." ..what?

most rape victims dont press charges no way.


Truuuuuu.
I still wouldn't give it up on an assumption though.
you gon' have to fight for mine.



Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 6:12pm
some people would rather comply in hopes of staying alive or less hurt. depends on the person and situation.


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 6:42pm
Manipulation comes in many forms. 


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 7:44pm
I don't think some people understand what it feels like when you are in that situation. Sometimes you literally go into shock from fear and you just freeze up. The human mind is not prepared to deal with that type of trauma so everyone reacts in different ways. You might just think about surviving and comply because you don't know what type of physical harm this person can cause you and you aren't willing to find out. Most rapes aren't like the movies and SVU where the dude is waving a knife or throwing you all around the room. If you are trying to push a man off of you and he is holding your wrists or using his body weight against you then that is coercion. If a woman is really willing to have sex than there shouldn't be any resistance. Alot of women convince themselves that they willingly had sex with these guys because the reality that they were raped is harder to swallow and accept. So much comes with having to recover from such trauma. Denial helps some women to function until the PTSD hits, whether it be 1 month later or 10 years later and they have no choice but to deal with it. Saying  "NO" isn't the only sign to a man that you don't want to have sex either. They know. They just like to act like they don't.


Posted By: smaison
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 7:55pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

I don't think some people understand what it feels like when you are in that situation. Sometimes you literally go into shock from fear and you just freeze up. The human mind is not prepared to deal with that type of trauma so everyone reacts in different ways. You might just think about surviving and comply because you don't know what type of physical harm this person can cause you and you aren't willing to find out. Most rapes aren't like the movies and SVU where the dude is waving a knife or throwing you all around the room. If you are trying to push a man off of you and he is holding your wrists or using his body weight against you then that is coercion. If a woman is really willing to have sex than there shouldn't be any resistance. Alot of women convince themselves that they willingly had sex with these guys because the reality that they were raped is harder to swallow and accept. So much comes with having to recover from such trauma. Denial helps some women to function until the PTSD hits, whether it be 1 month later or 10 years later and they have no choice but to deal with it. Saying  "NO" isn't the only sign to a man that you don't want to have sex either. They know. They just like to act like they don't.


yes, yes, yes...especially to the bolded. 


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 7:59pm
People always say what the would do in certain situations.....til they land in those situations.

Petit already said it thoClap


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 8:02pm
Exactly. Stress and fear is powerful.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 8:06pm
ok were there non verbal cues that it wasn't wanted.
 
there is no info on the op to say its rape.
 
I'm sensitive to rape and sexual assualt sit. But this needsmore info to conclude rape man


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 8:08pm
There is enough info that it could go either way.


Posted By: naturesgift
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 8:10pm
OMG!!! This is Date RAPE! I didnt read the whole thing but NO means NO!


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 9:30pm
It depends on what said/implied/done to make you feel that fear but if "enough" (and I'm not using that term bc I don't understand your fear or bc I'm downplaying it) was said/done to make you feel that way, it most certainly would be considered a form of rape.  If you feel like your autonomy/choices are removed that can meet the threshold.  Very different from the SYG or cases where the girl was shot asking for help as sexual relations are an inherently intimate act where a woman would typically be unable to remove herself if confronted by an aggressor. 

I hope you're ok girl.


Posted By: atexaschick
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 9:50pm
Originally posted by smaison smaison wrote:

Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

I don't think some people understand what it feels like when you are in that situation. Sometimes you literally go into shock from fear and you just freeze up. The human mind is not prepared to deal with that type of trauma so everyone reacts in different ways. You might just think about surviving and comply because you don't know what type of physical harm this person can cause you and you aren't willing to find out. Most rapes aren't like the movies and SVU where the dude is waving a knife or throwing you all around the room. If you are trying to push a man off of you and he is holding your wrists or using his body weight against you then that is coercion. If a woman is really willing to have sex than there shouldn't be any resistance. Alot of women convince themselves that they willingly had sex with these guys because the reality that they were raped is harder to swallow and accept. So much comes with having to recover from such trauma. Denial helps some women to function until the PTSD hits, whether it be 1 month later or 10 years later and they have no choice but to deal with it. Saying  "NO" isn't the only sign to a man that you don't want to have sex either. They know. They just like to act like they don't.



yes, yes, yes...especially to the bolded. 


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:14pm
What if the dude puts the condom on when you already told him no so you decide to do just it? That kinda fits the situation.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:22pm
I knew someone was gonna say they are different.
I know that .

The whole point is fear doesn't really mean something is going on.
I thought he may have raped me leaves a lot of wiggle room.
Like was something done or implied to prompt that fear or...


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:31pm
Jones i think you are looking at it from the eyes of the law, but just because law hasnt covered it does not mean it didn't happen.


Posted By: ThatGurlD
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:33pm
To answer the OP, no.  Done it because saying yes was easier than saying no?  Yes.  Either way is effed up.  Be careful.  Be safe.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:41pm
I don't think so HD.

Like after an incident happened I was really fearful of men.
Maybe I'm looking at it too much from my own perspective.
I had a fear that was at that moment unsubstantiated .

My fear was real but that didn't mean those men were doing something untoward.

I even hated going to male professors office hours.


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 10:43pm
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

It's weird because I was just thinking about this the other day. A scene in a movie that made me wonder about this. If you know you can't fight or get away and believe it's inevitable you may give in even though he hasn't physically forced you or said he will. 

Actually there were two scenes like that in the movie. It was Original Sin. I'd call it an implied threat or implied force.



I remember watching a scene where they found out the Couple was cheating at cards and I think dude got his ass beat and Angelina had to...not fight.  I remember a group of men surrounding her then fade to black. That scene still messes with me.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Feb 23 2014 at 11:21pm
Originally posted by newdiva1 newdiva1 wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

It's weird because I was just thinking about this the other day. A scene in a movie that made me wonder about this. If you know you can't fight or get away and believe it's inevitable you may give in even though he hasn't physically forced you or said he will. 

Actually there were two scenes like that in the movie. It was Original Sin. I'd call it an implied threat or implied force.



I remember watching a scene where they found out the Couple was cheating at cards and I think dude got his ass beat and Angelina had to...not fight.  I remember a group of men surrounding her then fade to black. That scene still messes with me.

Yeah that one of the scenes I'm talking about. The first guy said "Let's see what other tricks you know" and she just stood back against the table and let him take it.They didn't have to hit her or threaten her or overpower her to get her to comply. It was understood.

And what about that scene in 12 Years a Slave. I know that's much different because he'd obviously beaten and raped Patsey before but that night when he came to her she just looked down and got on the ground with him.

But those are obviously extreme examples. His behavior doesn't have to rise to that level to induce fear.



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