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I Told Him I Loved Him First ? !

Printed From: Black Hair Media Forum
Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Relationships
Forum Description: Single, Married, Dating, or Other, Lets Talk About It.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=368586
Printed Date: Jan 21 2018 at 7:30am


Topic: I Told Him I Loved Him First ? !
Posted By: Cynthia94
Subject: I Told Him I Loved Him First ? !
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 1:04pm
Hello Everyone, So me and this guy has been together for approximately 1 year and 8 months (Almost 2 years), and I just can't seem to get through him. After 5 months of dating, I Accidentally came out and Told him that I Loved Him.. He responded with a Question that I sorta caught me off guard. But months went by and it's like he's seriously struggling to tell me that he feels the same way for me. Its not like I'm asking to be Married.. Shoot! I'm not ready for all that, I'm still too young. The thing is I know He feels the same way about me, because its written all over his damn face. The way he looks at me and compliments me. He can't even get enough of me, I know he loves me. He's Always wanna be around me, texting me Every freaking day and Night, we're most of the time on the phone for 4 to 5 hrs at night. We're always enjoy each others presence, He holds my hands in public and everything. He even says he misses me.. I mean this guy even talked about having wife and kids of his own one day. The point is, I just don't know if he's just afraid to fall in love or what.. Confused I'm just clueless and not drawing too much attention to it. What do you guys think this means?



Replies:
Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 1:53pm
The actions of your boyfriend show that he is into you. Asking him about it might not lead to anything; I used to ask my ex if he loved me and his answers were always unclear. He actually did not see a future together, that was why he didn't want to be too involved (and we were together for almost 3 years). He only admitted he had been in love with me after breakup.... Your boyfriend could be the same or he just isn't good with his emotions.


Does he show other emotions such as sadness around you? Is he emotional around family and friends such as showing gratitude, love, etc?


Posted By: AriesBabe09
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 1:59pm
He probably feels the same but is afraid to say it. Some people rather show and prove and feel actually saying "I Love You" isn't necessary if they are showing that they do. 


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 2:02pm
Well, you know what happened. That’s why you made this post.

When you said 'I mean this guy even talked about having wife and kids of his own one day. The point is, I just don't know if he's just afraid to fall in love or what..'

Why is he talking to you about a wife and kids one day instead of somehow seeing YOU in this role and saying so?

A guy has got the ONE Job and that is to chase you … but after 5 months you made the big announcement so you took his job away from him. Geesh!

So, now what’s he gonna do?

Hey, I don’t care how much hand holding and talking all night he does with you – if he not saying I LOVE YOU .. LET’S GET MARRIED .. he is not seeing you as marriage material.

Sorry, I could be wrong (no) but you took the fella’s job away from him! Why isn’t he professing his love for you after these 2 years?

(Now he’s gotta find some other girl that’s more of a challenge .. so he can chase HER until he catches her. Then he will declare his undying love for her and marry her). Duh!

Men are like little puppies, if you give them a stick he will just put it on the ground but if you throw a stick .. they’ve gotta go chase it and they are wagging their tail in joy!

The ONLY thing you can do is dump him. Let him freak out and start pursuing you again. Make him wait and struggle for a lonnng time .. then let him catch you… when you feel like it.

By then he should be able to say I LOVE YOU,

However, if you dump him and never hear from him again .. that means he’s already pursuing another girl and it’s over,

But staying with him as it is … is pretty much over too. He may be stringing you along wasting your child bearing years.

Bottom line – he must say I LOVE YOU .. LET’S GET MARRIED . (do not move in with him! Cow – milk – why buy?)

(Don’t get mad at me for giving you an opinion .. that you asked for.)


Posted By: Cynthia94
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 2:17pm
Actually, He Does Shows a bit of emotions towards his family (Mother). He can go into explaining situations about his friends that he's not happy with, that could make him a little sad. But he can sometimes hide it as well. and you're right he does hard time expressing himself towards me.. He like a loner on  the inside and keeps things bottled up and dislike that about him.. I want us to go forward. But he doesn't know I feel this way..


Posted By: Cynthia94
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 2:21pm
That is So True! and It's funny you say that because when i did come out and say it, he did say that It would have to be showed.. But the sense is I was already doing it's just crazy because he's Showing it more than I am at times.... I think he just trying to find excuses.


Posted By: Cynthia94
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 2:36pm
It's Ok, your opinion doesn't Upset me at all... You have a point in sense, I only came out and told him once, he didn't seem upset. The problem with him is I think he's just afraid to fall in love again because of his past experiences with his Ex's... And about the marriage part that was a just a convo we we're having earlier in our relationship before we started going together.. It was nothing serious.. I don't think I should just drop him because of this. We enjoy each others presence as I mentioned before.I'll just give him his time, He's not just my boyfriend, he's like my Bestfriend


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 3:59pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:



Sorry, I could be wrong (no)



LOL


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 4:02pm
Well it has been almost 2 years. Perhaps that's the way he is. I would be afraid of asking him about it. He shows emotions towards his mom, but if she is a single mom, he just respects her for all she has done for him. Getting frustrated when talking about friends is something we all do sometimes, so I wouldn't consider that showing emotion.

Next time he does something that shows a bit of emotion towards you, whatever it may be, just kiss him and whisper on his ear that you love when he does that. When men notice women like something, they usually give us more of that, so just tell him, but only when he does it, as a casual reminder.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 4:14pm
okay, but telling him 'only once' is enough. Now he knows you want him .. more then he wants you. You have shown your cards.

You are the one the tittled the thread 'I told him I loved him first' for a reason. That reason is that you knew it was off to tell him this and now that he's not acting like he wants more ... you are worried enough to make this post.

But now you say you only said that once .. as if that does not even matter. But if it didn't matter - why mention it at all?

If a guy you were dating only told you that once ... would you forget it? No. It would be in your head. And did he tell you he loves you back? No? Red flag.

But dropping him ... is to see how he REACTS. Either he will flip out and want you back .. or he will be okay with it.

Sorry,but you really can't be so easy for a guy and if you don't give him any challenges .. he will get bored and THEN it will be the end.

Don't you want to know if you are wasting your time with this guy?


Posted By: khivey
Date Posted: Feb 18 2014 at 6:41pm
I remember I asked my boyfriend after two years if he loved me and he said "Yes" like "duh!" lol. Then I said I loved him too. The thing is..I don't know if he would have came out and said it if I hadn't asked. His actions showed, but I wanted to hear it. I just came out and asked and he didn't hesitate. So ask him:) 


Posted By: Cynthia94
Date Posted: Feb 19 2014 at 1:27pm
Than you, i really appreciate your advice towards a situation like this..  I may be much of help.. Honesty is what I want everything to fall under, relationship wise Approve


Posted By: Cynthia94
Date Posted: Feb 19 2014 at 1:30pm
I wished mine would do the same, instead of holding onto his feelings.. the route is open, and he doesn't need to be afraid of it..I'm allowing him to step in..


Posted By: AriesBabe09
Date Posted: Feb 19 2014 at 1:46pm
How old are you guys? Just wondering. I'm also wondering if maybe he was hurt in the past.


Posted By: Cynthia94
Date Posted: Feb 19 2014 at 2:00pm
I'm 20 and he's 24... and yes I never asked him about his past with his ex's because it's like he despise them and don't want anything to do with them. When we first met he was just a loner, keeping to himself.


Posted By: khivey
Date Posted: Feb 19 2014 at 8:20pm
He has issues if he despises his exes. That alone shows he doesn't know how to forgive and he is holding onto past hurt. It is not your job to fix him either. However, it will take some time for him to fully give in to you and let you really know how he feels. It's up to you if you wait around or not. 


Posted By: AriesBabe09
Date Posted: Feb 20 2014 at 4:04pm
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

I remember I asked my boyfriend after two years if he loved me and he said "Yes" like "duh!" lol. Then I said I loved him too. The thing is..I don't know if he would have came out and said it if I hadn't asked. His actions showed, but I wanted to hear it. I just came out and asked and he didn't hesitate. So ask him:) 

I agree with this....I like to hear it as well, I don't want it to be implied or wouldn't want to assume someone loves me, so maybe you should just ask. 


Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 9:22pm
Bump

Did you talk to him about it yet?



Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:53am
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

He has issues if he despises his exes. That alone shows he doesn't know how to forgive and he is holding onto past hurt. It is not your job to fix him either. However, it will take some time for him to fully give in to you and let you really know how he feels. It's up to you if you wait around or not. 



Yep!

If he still hates his exes ... he's carrying bagage into THIS relationship. (I don't hold illwill against any of my exesnor do I talk about them. If I run into them I would speak and be polite and then be on my way.)

Again though for the OP ... don't ask that man if he loves you. This is bad advice IMO.

I think asking CAN work when you are 99% sure everything is already great in the relationship .. but when you know things are screwy .. why add fuel to the fire?

Let him figure it out by himself.



Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 1:56pm
Originally posted by Cynthia94 Cynthia94 wrote:

Hello Everyone, So me and this guy has been together for approximately 1 year and 8 months (Almost 2 years), and I just can't seem to get through him. After 5 months of dating, I Accidentally came out and Told him that I Loved Him.. He responded with a Question that I sorta caught me off guard. But months went by and it's like he's seriously struggling to tell me that he feels the same way for me. What do you guys think this means?

Youve assumed he loves you. Probably hasnt told you, because he doesnt? Or maybe he does but just isnt the type to voice it. That's always difficult for a woman. Its hard to settle for not hearing it and knowing it. Personally, I couldn't do it...
IMHO...never tell a man you love him first.

And what question did he ask when you told him you loved him?


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 1:59pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 

Again though for the OP ... don't ask that man if he loves you. This is bad advice IMO.


Yes, worst thing ever to do


Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 4:03pm
I see no problem with asking how the heck you gonna know if he ain't saying sh*t. Relationships are about communication.

That chase factor and all that bs...that's why Some of these women full of advice but stay single. (But gosh no I'm not saying be easy)

So what u suppose to do just break up without talking to him...?

We are just outsiders looking in. Only you can find the real truth..

Every bodies advice is always break up.

Do what u feel

I didn't say I love u first but I don't see a problem with it at all..if his heart is truly in the right place he's not going to take advantage of that.

We are women its in our nature to say how we feel.



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