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Not liking relatives...

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Printed Date: Dec 17 2018 at 9:16am


Topic: Not liking relatives...
Posted By: whitrhymes
Subject: Not liking relatives...
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:11pm
I don't really care for my grandmother (or my aunt for that matter). But my dad is always bugging me to go visit my grandmother, and I do occasionally because I feel obligated. My sister and I are her only grandchildren, but I can't make myself want to spend time with someone I don't care for.

As a child, she and my aunt always showed favor towards my older sister. As I've matured I've come to lose a lot of respect for her, just as a person. She never really did anything notable in her life. She's not particularly kind or caring. She's a selfish individual, always looking for what people can do for her, then gossiping and talking about people behind their backs.  She's lazy and has this sense of entitlement or feels like she is better than other people. She's financially irresponsible, and lied about her finances to my father so he would help her get a brand new car, now she doesn't work and can't afford it. I think one of my biggest issues with her is that she put unnecessary stress on my father. I know kids are supposed to help their parents but she just does the most. I've always thought those things about her, but when I got older I learned about the way she treated my father and aunt when they were kids(she and my grandfather are divorced and she kept them sometimes) and I just... Ehhh Unhappy
Anyway, she raised my aunt to be just like her, lazy, stuck-up without reason, etc... But like I said, my dad is always pushing me to go visit her, call her sometimes, and I do, I just really really don't want to. I feel like I should like them because they're my only blood related grandmother and aunt, but I don't.

Do you all have close family members you don't like but deal with out of obligation?




Replies:
Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:25pm
Are we related?
Yes i have selfish family members.
The way I live life is this, they had certain experiences that conditioned them to be the way they are. They are not introspective enough to trace things back to their origin and make some changes for a better life experience. I understand that and while I don't like it, I can only play a part in the change, but I can't be the only cause for the change.

For me to treat those family members a way because of their current state would mean that I am internalizing something that actually doesn't have much to do with me in reality.

If someone smiles at you, you smile back. Your smiling didn't occur on it's own--it wasn't until someone smiled at you that you smiled and your inner self is uplifted. Now if someone frowns at you, now your inner self feels bad.

I don't need to feel a different way for every person I know. The internal fluctuations feel too uneasy and strange for me. What would happen if all of the people I knew got together in a room? One corner of the room makes me feel uplifted while another corner of the room makes me depressed while I'm afraid of the centre of the room and i'm ashamed when I look at the the far left...

No, I don't attach myself to thoughts and emotions. They exist, they are real, i just don't attach my self to those feelings. That way, i can be in the presence of anyone without being in distress.


Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:49pm

WhiteRhymes is that you in the avi?

 
And family can be the most evil folks you know and some of the most loving individuals you know. No one picks and choose their family members, but all you can do is be cordial with the old hag and realize lazy chicks get old and use their family like they use their men.


Posted By: whitrhymes
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:59pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

Are we related?
Yes i have selfish family members.
The way I live life is this, they had certain experiences that conditioned them to be the way they are. They are not introspective enough to trace things back to their origin and make some changes for a better life experience. I understand that and while I don't like it, I can only play a part in the change, but I can't be the only cause for the change.

For me to treat those family members a way because of their current state would mean that I am internalizing something that actually doesn't have much to do with me in reality.

If someone smiles at you, you smile back. Your smiling didn't occur on it's own--it wasn't until someone smiled at you that you smiled and your inner self is uplifted. Now if someone frowns at you, now your inner self feels bad.

I don't need to feel a different way for every person I know. The internal fluctuations feel too uneasy and strange for me. What would happen if all of the people I knew got together in a room? One corner of the room makes me feel uplifted while another corner of the room makes me depressed while I'm afraid of the centre of the room and i'm ashamed when I look at the the far left...

No, I don't attach myself to thoughts and emotions. They exist, they are real, i just don't attach my self to those feelings. That way, i can be in the presence of anyone without being in distress.


LOL. Maybe.

I get this. I guess I'm just saying being around them is not a way that I would voluntarily choose to spend my time.  They don't particularly upset me, but I kind of feel like if I never saw them again I would be indifferent. Ouch And I feel bad about feeling like that. lol


Posted By: whitrhymes
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:02pm
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

WhiteRhymes is that you in the avi?

 
And family can be the most evil folks you know and some of the most loving individuals you know. No one picks and choose their family members, but all you can do is be cordial with the old hag and realize lazy chicks get old and use their family like they use their men.


Yes that's me.

I can be cordial, as long as I don't feel like I need to feel guilty about my actual feelings. LOL


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:03pm
Your indifference to them comes from what you internalized from what they directly and indirectly reflected onto you, and their selfishness came from what they internalized from what others directly and indirectly reflected onto them.






Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:03pm
yes.
dont care for my maternal great aunt or my cousins from my maternal great uncle
thats about it i think


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:05pm
i have recently decided that i wont put on for these people anymore
i am no longer under the shadow of my parents and i will treat these individuals how i see fit



Posted By: sunshine321511
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:07pm

Family is not chosen.  I do not have a close family and I have learned many watch TV and think that family ntertainment shows are how YOUR FAMILY will be in real life.  If one has a "close", "nice" family then you are truly blessed.  But I have seen in my family and my husbands that family is not a guarantee of

  • being liked by them
  • them liking you
  • them honestly caring for you
  • them not stealing from you or hurting you
  • that they are happy for your success and not jealous of you

I have also noted that when some of the older family members die who "held" the family together you will  notice family members don't even keep in contact anymore except with the ones "they" chose to.



Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:07pm
im starting to dislike dead relatives just bc im realizing how much they fcked up raising some of the older people in my family.


Posted By: whitrhymes
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:10pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

im starting to dislike dead relatives just bc im realizing how much they fcked up raising some of the older people in my family.


LOLLOL


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:20pm
i dont care for/associate with many of them 

theyre so jealous of me 
and no, im not being crazy.. its been said by numerous fam members and kind of admitted 


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:24pm
I have two. Two hoodrat cousins who have either lied on me or tried to steal from me. Aside from that, they are just sh!tty people in general.

I just don't deal with them outside of FB. They don't even know I'm back in their city.


Posted By: Bonjour baby ooowee
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:27pm
had you asked me this a yr ago id be writing a long alex haley / roots movie about this here subjectLOL however now im sooo happy/joyous & thankful to the Lord that ive made it from out of the ignorance / bafoonin of my so called family that all i can do is REJOICELOL babygirl i came from a mother that tried to emotionally kill her own child because of DEEP jealousy / mental illess & inmature issuesDead she taught her daughters/ aunts/ cousins how to do the same towards meShocked the irony of it all is " it DIDN'T work!"LOL  im my fathers only child he adopted her 3 children put them in his name then they had me 7yrs later sooo YES i came in with the platinum spoon in my mouth & the mother and sisters still to this day HATE me because all they dumb ignant azzes could think about is how they wanted any/everything i had/have and they want to be meDead ( now who the fukkk thinks like that!?!?!) my own mother & her daughtersDead ... yes they some triflin heffas that reflect it however ive made it through all that sooo called ignance & i joyfully stay proceeding into all of my prosperities and successesWink

sidenote: my song to them FDB fukkk dat bishLOL


Posted By: KottonKandy
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:32pm
Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

i dont care for/associate with many of them 

theyre so jealous of me 
and no, im not being crazy.. its been said by numerous fam members and kind of admitted 


I have a cousin I dont want anything to do with. She treated me bad as a kid and early 20s until I put my foot all the way down. My friends use to say she was jealous, but in my mind I couldnt imagine her being jealous because we were blood cousins, I hated to say that and hated for people to say it as well. But hell .....it is what it is.


Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:37pm
Originally posted by whitrhymes whitrhymes wrote:

Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

WhiteRhymes is that you in the avi?

 
And family can be the most evil folks you know and some of the most loving individuals you know. No one picks and choose their family members, but all you can do is be cordial with the old hag and realize lazy chicks get old and use their family like they use their men.


Yes that's me.

I can be cordial, as long as I don't feel like I need to feel guilty about my actual feelings. LOL
 
What's your favorite restaurant and dish? Embarrassed


Posted By: Bonjour baby ooowee
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:39pm
kottonkandy & coconess jealousy is REAL especially within family structureBroken Heart
sheitt it took my mothers friends catchin me @ the grocery stores takin me to the side sayin, "imma pray over & for you baby" while im kindly smiling / have NO idea wtf they talkin bout yet sayin, "yes mam"LOL (sheitt my mothers own friends peeped me on her evil / wicked/ triflin azz)ShockedLOL


Posted By: TeeCee
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:44pm
@KottonKandy.  I can so relate.  I also have a cousin who treated me badly when we were kids and well into out 20's.  To this day, I don't know why she zeroed in on me.  I don't like talking to her because I feel like I'm walking into a trap.  I stay out of her line of sight just so as not to be her target. 


Posted By: Brjasuga51
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:48pm
In every family there is always that individual or individuals that's not likeable. Better yet no one wants nothing to do with them


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:50pm
i have aunts and cousins (all significantly older) who treated me bad for yearrrrs 

my aunt and my mother are jealous. 
so is my brother.. never even lived with that mofo though. 
i mean i guess i get it but get over it its not my fault.. take that up with someone else. 

my fav cousin has thankfully gotten over it. i think my mother has too somewhat.. like she still feels it but doesnt treat me a way. 
not one of my aunts though.. smh. it goes deep with that one.. 



Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:57pm

there is some deep stuff as well though that made them also feel a way about me (not my fault..) for a long time.. lots lies.. lots of phony.. that i wont get into to. 

i missed for the, 'deal with out of obligation' part. 

theres only like 1 that i deal with out of obligation. everyone else has been banished and doesnt even get a hi from me.. and she (as well as 1 other) forced their way back into my life.. i feel bad ignoring a person.. we talked and i grew to kinda understand some things.. 


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:04pm
Originally posted by whitrhymes whitrhymes wrote:

Do you all have close family members you don't like but deal with out of obligation?
nope. i will cut you off with a quickness for my own sanity/wellness/health/happiness. 

matter of fact, a cousin is inching on to the chopping block right nah. she will be joining the list with her worthless ass mother soon. Smile


Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:08pm
What she do to you Neka?


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:12pm
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

What she do to you Neka?
absolutely nothing. she knows i'll come for her neck. however, she'd been rather disrespectful to our (much more patient) grandmother. 

i don't want anything to do with her at this point and i hope my grandmother will do the same. 


Posted By: iliveforbhm
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:15pm
Oh, I see. you can't be disrespectful to your ancestors.


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:25pm
especially since she's had a hand in raising all of us; my cousin most of all. i feel legit rage when i think about it. 

however it's fine. lessons were learned and mistakes shan't be repeated. for her, i hope it was worth it. *shrug* 


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:29pm
I figured out long ago that I will not be dealing with anyone that I don't care for just because we share dna Confused. I invite who I like to Thanksgiving and do not answer questions about why who didn't get an invite. If you don't like the seating line up or feel a certain type of way cause I didn't invite cousin Mary, then carry your self over to her crib.




Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:30pm
Are any of yall the relative that nobody likes?
Coco sounds like she might be.


Posted By: sexibeach
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:32pm
if you hate your own kin folks then the rest of the world doesn't mean jack to you. To have them kinds of feelings toward your own blood wow quite sad to me.. your poor father hatin on his mother. 


Posted By: Bonjour baby ooowee
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:34pm
natalie coles' mother was VERY jealous of her too in the same way my mother is of me, it's because i look just like my daddy / like natalie cole looks just like her dad too ( may the Lord rest both of their souls) sooo in these cases the mother is in her mind taking out her anger or whatever on the father through the childDead which is mentally sickAngry but it happens ( she never physically abused me but she was VERY cunning & wicked & mean ) for some odd reason i intuitively blocked her sheitt on all levels / so i was basically fukkin all her bullsheitt upLOL

sidenote: sheitt let me stop lyin by 9yrs old i was str8 fukkin mothers' schemes & foolery UP!LOL


Posted By: KottonKandy
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:47pm
Originally posted by TeeCee TeeCee wrote:


@KottonKandy.  I can so relate.  I also have a cousin who treated me badly when we were kids and well into out 20's.  To this day, I don't know why she zeroed in on me.  I don't like talking to her because I feel like I'm walking into a trap.  I stay out of her line of sight just so as not to be her target. 

I figured the more she got off track the more I stayed on track and that made her a little jealous. I had to tell her off and mean it, so she could understand I wasn't having it anymore. The time she really understood I was no longer timid around her, she changed or pretended to be, but I was done with her. She messed with me for so long, no way she is going to be apart of my success, family or not. I excused her behavior as a child, but to mess with me as an adult too for no other reason but the fact that she could.....bye


Posted By: f8dagrate
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:48pm
Originally posted by sexibeach sexibeach wrote:

if you hate your own kin folks then the rest of the world doesn't mean jack to you. To have them kinds of feelings toward your own blood wow quite sad to me.. your poor father hatin on his mother. 

That is your own sentiment. Don't place your beliefs on other people. You have no idea what goes on in certain families. IJS


Posted By: KottonKandy
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 2:53pm
Originally posted by Bonjour baby ooowee Bonjour baby ooowee wrote:

natalie coles' mother was VERY jealous of her too in the same way my mother is of me, it's because i look just like my daddy / like natalie cole looks just like her dad too ( may the Lord rest both of their souls) sooo in these cases the mother is in her mind taking out her anger or whatever on the father through the childDead which is mentally sickAngry but it happens ( she never physically abused me but she was VERY cunning & wicked & mean ) for some odd reason i intuitively blocked her sheitt on all levels / so i was basically fukkin all her bullsheitt upLOL

sidenote: sheitt let me stop lyin by 9yrs old i was str8 fukkin mothers' schemes & foolery UP!LOL



My mom was married to my sister's father, when they divorce, he wanted my sister with him. Ever since that happened, my mom acted so bitter towards my sis, still does. Its like she is jealous my sister gets to be around her ex husband and she doesn't.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 3:08pm
As far as blood family I am cool with everyone now. It wasn't like that before though. My mom's sister and her daughter used to be so nasty to me for no reason. I used to look up to both of them when I was little too. But as I got older and becoming a woman they would say the most hateful things to me and accuse me of the most ridiculous things. I remember one time my aunt asked me to spend the night to babysit her daughter. I agreed not knowing that her husband was gonna be there the whole time.Confused Im like why am I here if he is here? I noticed that whenever my aunt husband came out of the room or said anything to me she would act funny. Well a few months later my cousin told me that my aunt told her that I was flaunting around her house in some scanty little pajamas. Mind you I wore an oversized tee and some shorts and I was only 16 and looked 12. She also said that I was lazy because I didn't clean up behind her lazy trifling husband. Heffa you ain't even paying me to be here. I was doing you a favor. What I look like cleaning up behind a grown man. Then you have the nerve to think that I want your loser husband.  There was a lot of jealousy. But we are ok now. I still don't trust her though. She is phony. 

There are a few people in my husbands family that I don't like. But I just don't really interact with them. I'm cordial to them except for my sister in law (bil wife). She is a manipulative witch and I don't even allow her around my kids. 




Posted By: f8dagrate
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 3:30pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

. Mind you I wore an oversized tee and some shorts and I was only 16 and looked 12. She also said that I was lazy because I didn't clean up behind her lazy trifling husband. Heffa you ain't even paying me to be here. I was doing you a favor. What I look like cleaning up behind a grown man. Then you have the nerve to think that I want your loser husband.  There was a lot of jealousy. But we are ok now. I still don't trust her though. She is phony. 

There are a few people in my husbands family that I don't like. But I just don't really interact with them. I'm cordial to them except for my sister in law (bil wife). She is a manipulative witch and I don't even allow her around my kids. 


Ugh I can't stand people like that. Suck that you had to go through that at that age. I'm close to my 95% of immediate relatives. But my non-immediate I don't really care for that. One of em tried to contact my sibling saying "we don't reach out to them and yadda yadda". I'm like fugg them he trife anyway, the only problem is that he/them have children. Which truly feel sorry for. 


Posted By: NARSAddict
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 4:00pm
I don't fcuk with my father's side of the family and I don't bother to visit them.


Posted By: whitrhymes
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 4:24pm
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

Originally posted by whitrhymes whitrhymes wrote:

Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:


WhiteRhymes is that you in the avi?


 

And family can be the most evil folks you know and some of the most loving individuals you know. No one picks and choose their family members, but all you can do is be cordial with the old hag and realize lazy chicks get old and use their family like they use their men.


Yes that's me.

I can be cordial, as long as I don't feel like I need to feel guilty about my actual feelings. LOL


 

What's your favorite restaurant and dish? Embarrassed


Lol. I like steak.


Posted By: whitrhymes
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 4:38pm
Originally posted by sexibeach sexibeach wrote:

if you hate your own kin folks then the rest of the world doesn't mean jack to you. To have them kinds of feelings toward your own blood wow quite sad to me.. your poor father hatin on his mother. 


I dnt see how me not liking two family members equates to me saying eff the entire world... But ok


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 4:40pm
Originally posted by sexibeach sexibeach wrote:

if you hate your own kin folks then the rest of the world doesn't mean jack to you. To have them kinds of feelings toward your own blood wow quite sad to me.. your poor father hatin on his mother. 
Nah, but-- *shrug*.

Some people think it be like that.


Posted By: miana79
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 6:02pm
Let's talk about in laws.....lol


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 7:49pm
I'm waiting on a few relatives to die off. 


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 7:55pm
I have an uncle that I think is bi polar or something. He is really nice one minute and then he just gets really agitated out of nowhere. I love him but I don't like being around him sometimes. Feels like I'm walking on eggshells.


Posted By: Brownsugar1
Date Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 8:12pm
nita


Posted By: mangachan
Date Posted: Feb 09 2014 at 9:52pm
Not saying you should kiss tail or suck up but do whatever you think you can live with should that person not be there. Once that person is gone that's it. From being in a similar situation I will day that you do not have as much time as you think.


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Feb 10 2014 at 12:09am
Originally posted by mangachan mangachan wrote:

Not saying you should kiss tail or suck up but do whatever you think you can live with should that person not be there. Once that person is gone that's it. From being in a similar situation I will day that you do not have as much time as you think.

this.


Posted By: rell85
Date Posted: Feb 10 2014 at 12:15am
Sort of I know I can't stand certain ppl but when they need help I would feel guilty if I didn't help then i go back to keeping my distance.


Posted By: indiecat
Date Posted: Feb 10 2014 at 12:22am
My moms side of the family is a trip, they don't reach out to me and nobody trusts anybody. Her side used others for money, talks trash, fights. Even my immediate family has the same problem. Like my mom and oldest sister. I really don't talk to any relatives other than my dad and sometimes my niece.



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