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suicide

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Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Talk, Talk, and More Talk
Forum Description: In this Forum, the talk is about everything that can be talked about.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=367841
Printed Date: May 28 2020 at 11:44pm


Topic: suicide
Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Subject: suicide
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 4:45am
Have you ever thought about it? If so what stopped you.

Thanks



Replies:
Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 4:57am
plenty of times. mustve been God to stop me cause i had a knife in my hand one day...and i only dropped it cause i heard my bro walking into the house....so apparently i have some kinda purpose in this life.


Posted By: missunfoolish
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 5:05am
yes.

good tv shows, nobody got time to die lol

but seriously, i think i read something that said if you weren't here, everything in somebodys life could be so different. you affect people. 

also, i cant be so selfish to kill myself just to hurt more people.. not in my blood to do that. 
i just have very depressing thoughts and it would be so nice to not have them
but its not worth it

im happy to be alive


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 5:07am
I think i have to get to q point where i feel I. Make a difference. In other peoples lives. I really feel like i have no one abd no meaning. Like whats the point


Posted By: missunfoolish
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 5:11am

i feel you

if you feel that way, its time to start making some positive changes 


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 6:04am
Everyone feels bad about something sometimes .. but suicide is a permanent solution ... to a temporary problem.


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 7:35am
Hug
i get it
if you ever want to talk you can pm me


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 7:42am
No. And if there's one thing I'd wish, it would be that people wouldn't use the word "selfish" in relation to suicide (ideation/action).

I hate that people can't be allowed to feel and express those feelings of death, dispair, depression, not wanting to be here without society (as a general being) wanting to guilt trip, fix, shame, ignore and/or minimize said feelings due to their embarrassment, morals, religion, ignorance, discomfort etc.


Posted By: Brjasuga51
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:01am
NOPE....LIFE IS TOO SWEET. THE STORM DOESNT LAST FOREVER


Posted By: GoodGirlGoneGr8
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:17am
No, I've never felt like committing suicide....but I have felt like there was no reason for me to live. I basically felt like if I died, oh well.

This too shall pass, HD. Whatever you're going through won't last forever.

If you need an ear to vent, you know what to do.

Take it one day at a time.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:23am
no, and i pray i wont ever find myself in that place.
life is a gift that someone did not receive this morning

HD, the clouds wont be forever, the sun will shine again, if given time
I hope you find the peace you seek in this life
it surely is a journey
one that shouldnt be traveled alone
Dont be afraid to talk to someone about how you feel


Posted By: IslandSuga
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:27am
Yeah. I knew that I was so close to the blessings God had for me that, I thought "this too shall pass". Lo and behold it did.


Posted By: mangachan
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:29am
I have never wanted to commit suicide but there are times when I have gotten very deressed over the past 2 years or so when I wanted to give up really trying in life (be a hermit, not get a job, interact with society in any way).  I have gotten through those points by finding just one or 2 things I'm passionate about and indulging in those...sometimes when I don't even want to get out of bed just getting outside to take a walk helps.  Fresh air and God's creation is enough of a stimulus to get me back on track. 

OP and others' I can't imagine what it's like to just not want to live but please know that each of you all have a purpose in this world. Hug


Posted By: whitrhymes
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:30am
Yes, in my late teens. I think that may be just an awkward and emotional time for lots of kids... I was really depressed and felt like no one cared about me. Then I decided to care more about myself and enjoy my life so much that it wouldn't matter if others were thinking of me as well.  I don't think we were put here to suffer so if you are in constant despair, you should learn to do only things that make you happy. Plan things to look forward to.
 
And I got a dog. He seriously brightens my day, he's always happy to see me.


Posted By: whitrhymes
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:43am
Also, it may seem like a non factor, but what is your diet like?  Are you getting enough of the right vitamins?  Some essential vitamins can only be obtained through food and they can definitely have an adverse effect on they way you think/lead to depression.
Think about it like this, if you feel like you've hit your bottom, there is no where to go but up. I hope things get better for you soon! Hug


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:55am
I love you lqdies. I'm. Not gonna lie, i had a pocket full of pills ready before i made this post.


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:12am
hd-- i didn't want to make that assumption, as you could've just been asking to be informed. as is, i do hope you speak to someone trusted (professional or no) that will listen, but not judge. 

sending love &  positive energy. Hug


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:14am
No HD , please see someone.
Are you embarrassed about talking about this to your family or a professional?

Please don't go through this alone.


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:16am
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:

I love you lqdies. I'm. Not gonna lie, i had a pocket full of pills ready before i made this post.
aw no. what can i do to help?Heart


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:19am
talk to one of us if you need to vent and think it might help in any way


Posted By: GoodGirlGoneGr8
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:22am
You're loved, HD...and your life is a beautiful thing, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Is there anyone, even a member here that you can reach out to for support?


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:33am
No, my family needs me to tell them that buying Gucci bags at purse parties is a cardinal sinCry.

On a serious note, if you need   to talk you can pm me I hardly ever sleep and even though I post a bunch of foolery I have a bunch of sense and I wont save anything you said to have a gotcha moment in a thread.

I promise you it will get betterHug


Posted By: hauteshellbi
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:42am
Hug hugs for you op
 
honestly yes the only person  that would really miss me is my mom and i would never put my mom through that...i love her way too much, thats really the only reason i didn't.
 
And my mom kinda picked up that i was unhappy so we got a dog, we love him sooo much...he gets love like a newborn baby LOL but he seriously he helped me 100%
 
It took a couple years but I'm better now!  


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:01am
You are welcome to contact me day or night if you would like to vent . Your life is worth living . Please call a hotline and go to the Emergency room . Flush all meds . I know simply from your post you are a strong black woman . Prayers and positive thoughts .
 
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is hard with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
 
Don't give up though the pace seems slow  
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem pointless that you must not quit


Posted By: Ming
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:01am
I wrote an entire story but nothing I say about me or why you shouldn't, etc. will change how you feel about you, so

It'll get better


Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:24am
No, never.
I guess it's because I'm no stranger to poverty, financial instability, life threatening disease, losing a loved one, etc.

I've been thru brief periods in which it felt that my world was crumbling down on me; lost my job unexpectedly less than a year after purchasing a house and new vehicle, bf unexpectedly broke up with me during that time, faced foreclosure and vehicle repossession, all at the same time.

Broke, jobless, facing losing my house and truck. I was pretty depressed.

But my mother reminded me, "What's good doesn't always stay good, but what's bad doesn't always stay bad, either."

She has yet to be wrong.


Posted By: purpulicious01
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:59am
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:

I love you lqdies. I'm. Not gonna lie, i had a pocket full of pills ready before i made this post.

Please call 1-800-273-8255 , the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 

There is a stigma against suicide and depression, so many  feel embarrassed to reach out/get help, but its nothing to be ashamed about.

I've never thought about suicide personally, but I've been trained on and do work with Suicide Prevention in my city. Many people consider attempting suicide because they feel that they haven't nothing to live for, and that's never true. Even if you don't realize it, you have something to live for.

Please call the above number. If you want to, you can PM me, or any one on BHM you feel comfortable speaking to.
 



Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:08am
Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

No. And if there's one thing I'd wish, it would be that people wouldn't use the word "selfish" in relation to suicide (ideation/action).

I hate that people can't be allowed to feel and express those feelings of death, dispair, depression, not wanting to be here without society (as a general being) wanting to guilt trip, fix, shame, ignore and/or minimize said feelings due to their embarrassment, morals, religion, ignorance, discomfort etc.


Totally agree. My bestie is going through this with her brother who has been depressed every since he left the military. He has been having suicidal thoughts lately and he checked himself into the hospital. My bestie is pissed at him for being selfish and refuses to visit him. I told her to go see him. He needs love and support and not condemnation. Suicide isn't about being selfish. Feeling so sad to the point where you want to end your life isn't selfish to me. Despair is a terrible feeling for any human being.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:09am
Hug
To you OP

And anyone else feeling this way.



Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:38am
I went through a rough patch about 5 years ago where I would spend most my days thinking about how I could go through with it without feeling pain or permanently crippling myself. I couldn't figure out a guaranteed way of making that happening so I'm still here. 

You mentioned that you feel like you need to make a difference in life to feel worth. May I suggest that you walk through the valley in all your pain while giving a few hours out of the week volunteering to help sick or homeless children/elderly people? 

You might not feel you have anything to offer but by giving a little of your time to someone else in need, you magnify your purpose. A lot of times the people you help will inspire you as well. 

Put the pills down, babygirl. You are a beautiful, intelligent, funny woman who has everything to live for.

Life can be a real nasty ass bytch but I'm all about standing toe to toe with that bytch in defiance and not letting that trick get the best of me LOL Give that bytch the finger and tell her, "I aint going no damn where! Matter fact, I'ma do everything in my power to laugh in the face of your bullsh*t antics and prove you a liar!"Hug





Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:47am


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:50am
HD Hug

Yes, I have thought about suicide and I came very close to committing suicide. I can't say that I'm completely over it because it feels like depression come back to me in waves. One moment I'm fine then the next minute I feel like everything is going so wrong.

I hope you find someone to talk to. I find that strangers are more easier to talk to than friends and family. It's less judgement and you can talk more freely.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:51am
Heart @ noneyons response.


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 12:30pm
Oh my goodness. I'm. Going through everyones reaponses now. Amazing.

I'm. Gonna cry all over. I love that . Can come here for support but its sad. I can't. Go to my family (part of the problem) i want to find a support group i think that will help me a lot.

I just feel like I'm in a rat race and I'm. Not measuring up.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 12:31pm
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:

Oh my goodness. I'm. Going through everyones reaponses now. Amazing.

I'm. Gonna cry all over. I love that . Can come here for support but its sad. I can't. Go to my family (part of the problem) i want to find a support group i think that will help me a lot.

I just feel like I'm in a rat race and I'm. Not measuring up.

Hug
I think this is a very good idea and a step in the right direction.
Like another poster said, take it one day at a time. It isnt up to anyone else to put a time frame on your healing. Heart


Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 12:32pm
HDHug
I know people always say this. But pretty please pm me if you ever want to talk. Also call 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE). Even if you aren't thinking about it, you can call them and talk as much as you would like. 


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 12:54pm
Hug

HD I can tell from your posts that you are a good person and we need more people like you in this world so please remember that. Whatever you are going through right now, I hope that you can find healthy means to get pass it. This life isn't easy and people make it harder. 

I remember being so depressed from feeling like I had no control over my situation and that I tried so hard and still got nowhere and also felt like my presence was a burden and maybe it would be better if I just left. Also had some personal family issues going on that made it worse. However, I thought of my role model, who is my mother, who went through hell and back and still persevered somehow.

The support group is great idea. Talking to people with similar circumstances does make it better to know you are not alone. 


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 2:23pm
Yes. Nothing happened. Im not that brave.
Life provides distractions.
And the problem you think deserves dying over will pass.
Or you move past it.



Posted By: Adrian
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 3:08pm
I've attempted suicide over years and years of contemplation. I over dosed on medicine. Luckily I'm still here and have not had another suicidal thought since.


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:25pm
Anyone spoke to HaitianDiva since her last post ? Thinking about her all day and praying .


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:29pm
i was talking to her earlier. i think shes going to be okay. Smile shes a lot calmer now.


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 8:31pm
Originally posted by Lady ICE Lady ICE wrote:

i was talking to her earlier. i think shes going to be okay. Smile shes a lot calmer now.
Thank you .Hug


Posted By: RachelRegina
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:25pm
yup. I have quite a few times. I won't lie, if there was a way to do it to where it is painless i'd do it.


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:36pm
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:


I just feel like I'm in a rat race and I'm. Not measuring up.


Here's the thing...it's all a rat race. No matter your education, money, home, etc.

But here's another thing...you can decide not to be a rat.
You can decide not to race.

And as for measuring up to the world around you- forget about it!

Why? Because those very same people that you think are so fly have a million problems of their own. It's all relative.

So if you're feeling low, you can find support here.

Keep your head up.


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:38pm
Originally posted by RachelRegina RachelRegina wrote:

yup. I have quite a few times. I won't lie, if there was a way to do it to where it is painless i'd do it.


Don't do it Rachel.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
So hang in there.


Posted By: Bored w/Out Me?
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 9:44pm
Turns out, 30 aspirin won't kill you it'll just make you wish you was dead with the headache that comes with your blood being as thin as water


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:05pm
Edited

It can


Posted By: browneyez4548
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:27pm
HD HugHeart

I'm about to cry reading your post, there is honestly no worst feeling than feeling like death is your only true option. I know with Haitian parents they'll be quick to label your feelings as "the devil" so I can understand not wanting to talk to them. I hope you're able to find a support group and if you need to talk, don't hesitate sending me a PM. I'm not always on BHM, so I'm even willing to exchange numbers if need be or whatever other source you may be comfortable with.

And to answer your OP, I've thought about it..and almost did, twice. It gets better hun Heart

Also, IA with the poster who suggested volunteering and getting a pet...the two can work miracles.


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:33pm
Originally posted by RachelRegina RachelRegina wrote:

yup. I have quite a few times. I won't lie, if there was a way to do it to where it is painless i'd do it.
pm me if you wanna talk. theres always an answer to your problems... always. never think death is the only way out. Heart


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:53pm
Thank you guys, I'm. Sorry to worry anyone. I was/am talking to a few if you ladies and it helped A LOT. I just start work early so have been in bed. I didn't mean to worry anyone.


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:56pm
thank you for checking in and good that you're feeling a lot better.  

take it easy hd Hug


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 10:57pm
Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

No. And if there's one thing I'd wish, it would be that people wouldn't use the word "selfish" in relation to suicide (ideation/action).

I hate that people can't be allowed to feel and express those feelings of death, dispair, depression, not wanting to be here without society (as a general being) wanting to guilt trip, fix, shame, ignore and/or minimize said feelings due to their embarrassment, morals, religion, ignorance, discomfort etc.



this.  that's why I don't participate in these discussion like I used to.  speaking as someone who's been there...it's very...dismissive(?)  and it's usually the folks who have no idea.


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:00pm
awww..HD. Hugmy PM box is open if u need me.


Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:02pm
I am always here even if its just to tell you a funny story to distract you .... Hug


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:02pm
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:

Oh my goodness. I'm. Going through everyones reaponses now. Amazing.

I'm. Gonna cry all over. I love that . Can come here for support but its sad. I can't. Go to my family (part of the problem) i want to find a support group i think that will help me a lot.

I just feel like I'm in a rat race and I'm. Not measuring up.




I feel u.  U have no idea how much.


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Jan 23 2014 at 11:36pm

Thank your for the update . Hug



Posted By: GoodGirlGoneGr8
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 7:44am
I thought about you this morning, HD...hope you're feeling better.

Whenever I hear this song, it puts me in a great mood instantly regardless of what's going on around me, just thought I'd share it with you...



Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 9:05am
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:

Thank you guys, I'm. Sorry to worry anyone. I was/am talking to a few if you ladies and it helped A LOT. I just start work early so have been in bed. I didn't mean to worry anyone.


So happy to hear this HD.
I want you to wear that PM button out...WEAR IT OUT if you are feeling low!!!!!
And remember that everyone has low points.
It's part of the human condition- especially for us women.
We are so affected by hormones that sometimes our feelings get away from us.
Keep you head up :)



Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 9:08am
Originally posted by GoodGirlGoneGr8 GoodGirlGoneGr8 wrote:

I thought about you this morning, HD...hope you're feeling better.

Whenever I hear this song, it puts me in a great mood instantly regardless of what's going on around me, just thought I'd share it with you...



So true. Really love this song. Pharrell is just amazing!
This song almost puts me in the mind of Kirk Franklin's "Whatcha Lookin For?" and his "Melodies from Heaven." So uplifting.


Posted By: Missvw
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 9:19am
Yes, when I was 16 and then during my Uni. I got majorly depressed but I won't go to much into it but it was pretty bad.


Posted By: exoticmami06
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 9:56am
I think about it from time to time. What stops me is my son.


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 10:16am

HD how are you this morning?

The problem with depression is....it never quite ...goes away...
I still battle with it, but its bearable...it doesnt consume me every living waking moment like in the past
having ...an anchor (campfire), has given me something to live for.
I cant even fathom not being here for her.



hearing people tell someone with depression to "cheer up" makes me sooo angry
And especially in our society...to be depressed is to be "weak" and to "LET things get you down".




Posted By: noneyons
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 12:33pm
glad to hear you're doing better, girlie! stay strong
Heart


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 2:00pm
Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:

[COLOR="#996600"]
hearing people tell someone with depression to "cheer up" makes me sooo angry


Wildfire, don't get lost in semantics. The well wishes here are genuine. I'd venture to bet that not a single person who has commented here intended a glib "cheer up and get over it." We all know that depression can be multifaceted and not easily conquered.

Give your fellow BHM'ers the benefit of the doubt. We all know that BHM'ers can throw an azz under a bus, reverse, roll over that azz again, then ease on down the road if they feel like it. But such is not the case here.

Did you not see all the calls for PM's should anyone feel the need? That's real.

I personally love Tupac's Keep Ya Head Up. Have for years.
I used to play it after all the white people left for the evening, or at least had their office doors closed :)

One year, around Christmas time, I was so down in the mouth that it was pitiful. Security came by my office making their rounds.
One was a brother that I always spoke to and vice versa. He said "Hey Ms. Ragin. I think you dropped this earlier." I knew that was a lie since I'd been in that damned office 15 hours. But you know us black folk, we ain't gonna say a word in front of whitey until we know what's up.
He just slipped a brown bag outta his pocket and onto my desk and kept going. White boy didn't even look around.

When they left I opened it and saw a ham sandwich, and note and a mix tape. The note said "We're all so proud of you. Keep ya head up."

I burst out crying cause I was tired as hayle and on the verge of quitting. That helped me immeasurably. I still exchange Christmas cards with that brother to this day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfXwmDGJAB8" rel="nofollow - Tupac- Keep Ya Head Up


Posted By: GoodGirlGoneGr8
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 2:32pm
Originally posted by newdiva1 newdiva1 wrote:

Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

No. And if there's one thing I'd wish, it would be that people wouldn't use the word "selfish" in relation to suicide (ideation/action).

I hate that people can't be allowed to feel and express those feelings of death, dispair, depression, not wanting to be here without society (as a general being) wanting to guilt trip, fix, shame, ignore and/or minimize said feelings due to their embarrassment, morals, religion, ignorance, discomfort etc.



this.  that's why I don't participate in these discussion like I used to.  speaking as someone who's been there...it's very...dismissive(?)  and it's usually the folks who have no idea.



You kinda have to look at it from all aspects though. I have a coworker who's mom committed suicide and she thinks it was the most selfish thing someone could ever do. She said she couldn't imagine leaving her kids behind because life was too hard...

While I don't side with her and her belief that suicide is selfish, I kinda see why she would say that...


Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 2:38pm
Cry that was sweet ragin!


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 2:55pm
Hi ladies, doing better. It is ruff getting over this mountain. But I'm glad so many answered. (Side note: we should be discussin things like this that affect the black community...maybe give a rest to skin color and hair)

I volunteered to walk and talk with old ppl. I figured i could get distraction and wisdom at the same time lol


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 2:57pm
^^^ take it a day at a time, hd. and aww-- that's sweet. not only does exercise lift mood, but both sides can benefit from the companionship.

and cool. old people stories are awesome.


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 3:00pm
Aawww ragin, i LOVE things like that. In high school it was the black/haitiwn teachers that. Kicked my ass to get by.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 3:05pm
Yesss HD! Fight to see that sunshine! Clap
And IA with neka, I love to hear stories from the elderly!
Such a beautiful thing for you to decide to give back to the community, Im sure they will really appreciate your company/help  Smile


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 3:30pm
Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:


HD how are you this morning?

The problem with depression is....it never quite ...goes away...
I still battle with it, but its bearable...it doesnt consume me every living waking moment like in the past
having ...an anchor (campfire), has given me something to live for.
I cant even fathom not being here for her.



hearing people tell someone with depression to "cheer up" makes me sooo angry
And especially in our society...to be depressed is to be "weak" and to "LET things get you down".



and this is why i just shook my head and exited when i saw "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem." for some of us, no, it really isn't temporary. But yes, it is something you can live with


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 7:51pm
Originally posted by Jewelsnyc Jewelsnyc wrote:


Cry that was sweet ragin!


Gurl that's real life.
Now you see why my edges are going awol on me!
Matter of fact, let me commence to ordering some Jamaican Black Castor Oil right now!!!!


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 7:54pm
Originally posted by exoticmami06 exoticmami06 wrote:

I think about it from time to time. What stops me is my son.


If keeping your mind on him is what it takes...do it.
And realize your worth.
Believe me, your little boy is nuts about you.
Don't leave him to the wolves of this world.
And not to preach at you, or anybody else, but God has helped me turn many a corner. I give Him all the credit for bringing me to the place I am today.

I love my black peepholes!!
Keep your head up.


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 7:55pm
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:

Aawww ragin, i LOVE things like that. In high school it was the black/haitiwn teachers that. Kicked my ass to get by.


Lotta love behind a good azz kickin
So glad you feel better.
Next time the storm comes, 'cause they always come, remember that all you have to do is reach out. Virtually or locally- reach for someone HD.
Reach.


Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Jan 24 2014 at 9:25pm
Originally posted by ragincajin ragincajin wrote:

Originally posted by Jewelsnyc Jewelsnyc wrote:


Cry that was sweet ragin!


Gurl that's real life.
Now you see why my edges are going awol on me!
Matter of fact, let me commence to ordering some Jamaican Black Castor Oil right now!!!!
LOL Girl I just finished rubbing my sulfur&BCO in my head rite nah...LOL


Posted By: ragincajin
Date Posted: Jan 25 2014 at 8:12am
Jewels you are knocking me out with that Martin avi!



Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Jan 25 2014 at 10:42am
Originally posted by SoutherNtellect SoutherNtellect wrote:

Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:


<font ="Apple-style-span" color="#996600">HD how are you this morning?

The problem with depression is....it never quite ...goes away...
<font ="Apple-style-span" color="#996600">I still battle with it, but its bearable...it doesnt consume me every living waking moment like in the past
<font ="Apple-style-span" color="#996600">having ...an anchor (campfire), has given me something to live for.
<font ="Apple-style-span" color="#996600">I cant even fathom not being here for her.



hearing people tell someone with depression to "cheer up" makes me sooo angry
And especially in our society...to be depressed is to be "weak" and to "LET things get you down".






and this is why i just shook my head and exited when i saw "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem." for some of us, no, it really isn't temporary. But yes, it is something you can live with



This!

I rarely participate in these types of convos but I came in here to see how HD was doing and I'm glad to see her doing better but I am sad bc I wasn't expecting to relate to as many people that have posted in this thread. I have suffered from depression since I was in my teens. Depression never really goes away. I just have bouts of depression that are less severe than others. Right now I am having a few good days and really trying to keep my head above water.

In my severe bouts of depression I have contemplated killing myself but never could go through with it. My mother suffered from depression and my sister sufferd as well. I feel like I was genetically predisposed to it because I have a family history of mental illness. I have also had a lot happen to me in the past few years. That is why I hate sometimes when people who have no idea how it feels to tell someone to cheer up and life isn't half bad. I know it doesn't come from a place of malice but sometimes I just want to scream! I don't want to be like this but sometimes I get tired of fighting to stay above water.

Fighting against depression is always an uphill battle for me. My battles are easier some days than others. I have decided to see a therapist or a psychologist to see if there is a better way to deal with this. I have amazing mental health benefits which I need to use. I don't like feeling this way but it's like I have no control over it either.

HD, I am glad that you are feeling better. I have felt like I serve no purpose here on earth. I know what you felt like. Just know that you have purpose and you are loved. My mom used to say that trouble don't last always..


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Jan 25 2014 at 11:04am
Originally posted by SoutherNtellect SoutherNtellect wrote:

Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:

The problem with depression is....it never quite ...goes away...
and this is why i just shook my head and exited when i saw "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem." for some of us, no, it really isn't temporary. But yes, it is something you can live with
funny the two of you should mention. i was having this exact convo with a friend of mine. for as long as he could remember, he hasn't wanted to be here. he's even followed through and almost succeeded, but was found.  he feels that this world is fleeting and that he's ready for the next level/plane of existence. 

the way he explains it, he's not so much as depressed as he is tired-- a facet (if you will) of depression. it's an underling feeling playing in the background that just never goes away. he can't stop it, he can only hope to contain it. some days are (much) better than others.


Posted By: Lite Brite
Date Posted: Jan 25 2014 at 11:35am
HD, I'm glad you found a place to volunteer, that's a great first step!

Do you have your next step lined up? I know you said you're interested in support groups, that's a great idea. You might check some local universities in both the counseling dept and the psychology dept and see if they have groups or free therapy. I think individual therapy is a great option too. If you don't have insurance, it might take a little digging, but a lot of private psychologists have interns working for them who will offer free services, or if you're low income there are community agencies Thumbs Up

I always come into these threads talking about medication, and I don't want to make it seem like the end-all-be all.. but if this is something you've been struggling with for awhile, and it's not a situational-type of depression, you might need really want to consider seeing a psychiatrist  to discuss medication. They can help your mind adjust well enough to benefit even more from the therapy, volunteering etc.

And save that hotline # in your phone!

Keep yourself busy. Not in an overwhelming way, but I've seen people who stay in their homes, shades closed, nothing to do during the day, end up in a much worse place than the ones who look for healthy outlets in their journey to get well.

Heart

eta: yall have a lot of amazing stories. Rajin, I loved yours


Posted By: Faithfully2002
Date Posted: Jan 25 2014 at 5:52pm
Yes.


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Jan 31 2014 at 12:04pm
Yes I have seriously considered it.

Depression is difficult to bear and to get rid of.
But mental illness is more common than we realize, partially due to the very nature of the mind.
If a person goes to the doctor and says, I hear voices in my head, they would be referred to a psychiatrist, though the doctor too hears voices in his/her head. The voice of doubt, the voice of condemnation, the voice of bitterness. And so, we are all mentally ill in some degree.

The mind is a powerful tool, and it's purpose is to find and fix problems. We seek problems out through our minds, and we analyze them, label them, and file them away. Then we take them out, reanalyze them, and box them away. Wash rinse repeat. Essentially, we are not using our minds, our minds are using us! We have become slaves to our minds...slaves to seeking out a circumstance that has already happened to us, replaying it, analyzing, labeling it, and stamping that label to ourselves.

That time my father left our family and never looked back made me feel abandonned and unimportant. I must not be worth much. Worthless woman I am.
My man cheated on me and left me, why must everyone think I am so worthless? What about me makes me worthless? Is it my complexion? My poverty? My education level? My boring personality? I remeber that time in class when I made a joke and no one laughed, and Tasha rolled her eyes and made an L with her fingers and everyone laughed at that. She had a fun personality and I didn't. I've been lame since I was a kid. Was I born with a wack personality?

This is how the mind works. These are the kind of things the voice inside says. We get lost in them (because the mind is in control, and not we ourselves) and because of this mental dysfunction, we have become mentally ill. Depressed, suicidal...etc.
We essentially think too much. our minds want an identity...albeit a negative one, because at least a negative thought can be identified as such.
But what are we outside of our thoughts? Do we cease to be when we cease to think? 'I think, therefore I am'. Descartes thought himself profound when he said this, but is it actually accurate?


Lol...


Posted By: AmyAmyAmy
Date Posted: Jan 31 2014 at 1:02pm
^^Deep


Posted By: RachelRegina
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 2:28pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

Yes I have seriously considered it.

Depression is difficult to bear and to get rid of.
But mental illness is more common than we realize, partially due to the very nature of the mind.
If a person goes to the doctor and says, I hear voices in my head, they would be referred to a psychiatrist, though the doctor too hears voices in his/her head. The voice of doubt, the voice of condemnation, the voice of bitterness. And so, we are all mentally ill in some degree.

The mind is a powerful tool, and it's purpose is to find and fix problems. We seek problems out through our minds, and we analyze them, label them, and file them away. Then we take them out, reanalyze them, and box them away. Wash rinse repeat. Essentially, we are not using our minds, our minds are using us! We have become slaves to our minds...slaves to seeking out a circumstance that has already happened to us, replaying it, analyzing, labeling it, and stamping that label to ourselves.

That time my father left our family and never looked back made me feel abandonned and unimportant. I must not be worth much. Worthless woman I am.
My man cheated on me and left me, why must everyone think I am so worthless? What about me makes me worthless? Is it my complexion? My poverty? My education level? My boring personality? I remeber that time in class when I made a joke and no one laughed, and Tasha rolled her eyes and made an L with her fingers and everyone laughed at that. She had a fun personality and I didn't. I've been lame since I was a kid. Was I born with a wack personality?

This is how the mind works. These are the kind of things the voice inside says. We get lost in them (because the mind is in control, and not we ourselves) and because of this mental dysfunction, we have become mentally ill. Depressed, suicidal...etc.
We essentially think too much. our minds want an identity...albeit a negative one, because at least a negative thought can be identified as such.
But what are we outside of our thoughts? Do we cease to be when we cease to think? 'I think, therefore I am'. Descartes thought himself profound when he said this, but is it actually accurate?


Lol...


This was deep and in most ways i can relate to what you wrote. i've always been an unhappy person esp. an unhappy child.


Posted By: BHMModerator5
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 3:07pm
Hi HD,

We have all been somewhere at sometime in our life. You have an online family here and some I am sure you can contact over the phone. Just keep in mind if it is that serious seek professional help.

If you need another person to vent or chat with I am always here, again not a professional but I am told I am a great listener. Sometimes that is all you need.

You are not in this alone all you need is prayer and support. I am going through a few things myself, we all have our ups and downs and how we get through it prepares us for the great things that are to come.

My prayers to you.

Hugs sweetheart.


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 3:16pm
hugs and prayers to everyone who has been there. it's a dark place, but you can make it out


Posted By: K_Camille
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 3:31pm
I wouldn't have guessed you had been there, HD.  You're all-around wonderful person.  I hope you get through it!

And yes, I have been there.  I agree with the others who say it can be a lifelong battle.  I felt it since I was a child; without a purpose and unwanted; unloved.  I seriously thought I was God's mistake (when I was a believer) and that the world would be a better place without me because I wasn't good enough.  What stopped me was wanting to live despite the pain and never wanting to say I gave up.  I thought, I want to be worth something someday; I want things to change and I wanted my life to be worth more than that.  Some days it's hard, I'll cry and fall into despair but no matter what, I know I must keep living.  Learning new things help me and accomplishing goals I set.


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 3:36pm
my 10 year old nephew is going through it. of course my sis is coming to me cuz i know it all too well. but what do you tell a parent or a child?


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 3:50pm
The scenarios of how the mind works in my post aren't situations from my real life, I just made up examples of how carried away we get by our thoughts. How we analyze and go back in the past to find examples that might confirm the self image we are trying to create for ourselves.

My depression came from home sickness. North America was a big adjustment for me becauae of the age that I moved here.

To be honest, the whole thing is flawed. It really can be a life long battle because the mind is completely equipped to keep running 'the story of me' forever. The way out is finding out who this 'me' is.

But we're getting our idea of who 'me' is from others. If 'me' is inside, why do I look for me on the outside?

ETA: Depression can go away. I am absolutely no longer depressed, after having been depressed for several long and hard years. Being depressed was the best thing that happened to me...in hindsight, of course.


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 4:03pm
this may seem corny but OP have you ever tried affirmations??
this helped me when i was going through it (and I do agree it is a life long thing that you need to work on)

this is what I would do: I recorded 15-20 minutes of me repeating over and over positive things I needed to hear and positive things I wanted to happen. I would listen to it about 3 times a day. First thing in the morning as I woke up, last thing before bed and a random time during the day. 

The mind is a very powerful tool and if you can reach down to the thoughts you carry deep within your subconscious, you might be able to change those negative roots that affect how you think.

Just a suggestion, I wish u the best Hug


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 4:04pm
derri beautiful.
 
and lady ice I got your text i'm just hold up at work and can't really check my phone.... thanks love.
 
 
hi, mod *waves*


Posted By: smaison
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 4:34pm
last year i had a bottle full of pills; sitting in my apartment all alone, crying, and as i was about to take them, my phone rang. it was actually a call from a bhm member who no longer frequents here. we ended up talking for about an hour and that person ended up telling me how much i meant to them and how much they appreciate me being there for them without even knowing what i was about to do. and that shocked me because like you i didn't really think people thought of me that way. i know i'm not the worst daughter/sister/friend/cousin, etc in the world but i didn't think that i touched ppl like that and hearing that really made me feel so much better, like yes i matter. after we got off the phone i didn't take the pills but i knew my "high" at the moment was temporary. i needed to find a way to keep feeling this way. 

there was a lot going on in my life at the time. yes i was successful in so many ways but i was also very lonely and have been dealing with depression for a very long time. no one ever stops to ask me if im ok; everyone comes to me for something but no one ever offers because to them i look like i had everything under control. i guess i came to the conclusion that i have a hand in my happiness and instead of trying to be perfect all the time and have a perfect life i should stop and smell the roses, and laugh, and dance, and joke, and eat good food, not be afraid to look like a fool, tell people no, etc. i do the weirdest shyt now; like go to a restaurant and get up and dance if they play a song i like and i'm sure people are looking at me funny but idgaf because i'm battling my own demons that they know nothing about and i'm trying to survive. i can't say this works all the time but its almost been a year and i do feel much brighter. 

the thing about depression is that it never truly goes away so i'm preparing myself for the next hit, this time though i feel like i have learned more coping skills to help me deal with it when the time comes. 

hugs to you my dear. 


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 4:36pm
Smaison & every one else


Posted By: alynxx
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 4:39pm
Originally posted by smaison smaison wrote:

last year i had a bottle full of pills; sitting in my apartment all alone, crying, and as i was about to take them, my phone rang. it was actually a call from a bhm member who no longer frequents here. we ended up talking for about an hour and that person ended up telling me how much i meant to them and how much they appreciate me being there for them without even knowing what i was about to do. and that shocked me because like you i didn't really think people thought of me that way. i know i'm not the worst daughter/sister/friend/cousin, etc in the world but i didn't think that i touched ppl like that and hearing that really made me feel so much better, like yes i matter. after we got off the phone i didn't take the pills but i knew my "high" at the moment was temporary. i needed to find a way to keep feeling this way. 

there was a lot going on in my life at the time. yes i was successful in so many ways but i was also very lonely and have been dealing with depression for a very long time. no one ever stops to ask me if im ok; everyone comes to me for something but no one ever offers because to them i look like i had everything under control. i guess i came to the conclusion that i have a hand in my happiness and instead of trying to be perfect all the time and have a perfect life i should stop and smell the roses, and laugh, and dance, and joke, and eat good food, not be afraid to look like a fool, tell people no, etc. i do the weirdest shyt now; like go to a restaurant and get up and dance if they play a song i like and i'm sure people are looking at me funny but idgaf because i'm battling my own demons that they know nothing about and i'm trying to survive. i can't say this works all the time but its almost been a year and i do feel much brighter. 

the thing about depression is that it never truly goes away so i'm preparing myself for the next hit, this time though i feel like i have learned more coping skills to help me deal with it when the time comes. 

hugs to you my dear. 


Hug

You are not alone dear...glad you came thru.



Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 4:40pm
oh wow


Posted By: K_Camille
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 4:41pm
Wow, that was touching Smaison.  I agree.


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 5:02pm
Originally posted by HaitianDiva64 HaitianDiva64 wrote:

derri beautiful.
 
and lady ice I got your text i'm just hold up at work and can't really check my phone.... thanks love.
 
 
hi, mod *waves*
glad youre okay. 

this thread was nice..folks getting things off their chest. theres alot of smack being talked on this site..but it was nice everyone came through and looked out for each other here. you have to remember everyday you wake up you have a purpose. sometimes your head is so clogged up from troubles of everyday life that you forget youre alive for a reason. dont wanna sound all sappy. but its the truth.Embarrassed




i might have said that before...i think so...lol i just did my own repost. but i mean it though.


Posted By: alynxx
Date Posted: Feb 01 2014 at 5:29pm


I am really touched at the way everyone on this forum comes together when there is a crisis with someone on the board. If anyone is in London that needs someone to talk to cos they are feeling down my pm box is open. Hug


Posted By: Nitty0102
Date Posted: Feb 16 2014 at 6:42am
Alynxx I might just hold you to that xxx

Xxx    



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